Ad Age – Facebook is fighting revenge porn in Australia … by asking for access to people’s nude photos. And the Australian government is involved in the effort. This all requires a bit more explanation: Australia is one of a few pilot countries testing a way to stop revenge porn before it happens, as the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, or ABC, reports. People worried their photos might leak online can contact the governmental e-Safety Commissioner, which might ask them to send themselves their own nude images on Messenger. Then Facebook will flag them. If anybody else tries to upload the photo on Facebook or Instagram, they won’t be able to, ABC says. And in case you’re worried, Facebook won’t keep your sexy shots on their servers, ABC says: “They’re not storing the image, they’re storing the link and using artificial intelligence and other photo-matching technologies,” e-Safety Commissioner Julie Inman Grant told ABC.

So Facebook is going to prevent my nudes from leaking by having me cut out the middle man and just send you my nudes directly?

You wanna know how to avoid having naked pictures of yourself end up where they shouldn’t? Don’t send them to dickheads, and turn off the cloud. Thats all ya need to do. That 28-year-old man-child who lives in his parents’ basement and still gets hammered at Applebee’s every weekend? Yea, he’s probably not worthy of your nudes. Its like Glengarry Glen Ross.

“These are the Glengarry leads. And to you they’re gold. And you don’t get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They’re for closers”

And turn off the goddamn cloud. You know how many times my iPhone has told me its once again failed to sync with the cloud? No shit, phone. Its like Steve Jobs is just ITCHING to see all the pics of my dog on my iPhone. I remember The Fappening. The cloud got hacked and people couldn’t believe it. No thanks, I’ll just store backups of all my shit on an external hard drive like a senior citizen.

So remember this about your nudes, ladies. They’re for closers.