Month: November 2016

Patriots Rumored to Be Playing Mexico City Game in 2017

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ESPN -“Just one week after the NFL returned to Mexico City for the first time in over a decade, there are already reports suggesting a new contest for the 2017 season. The New England Patriots would face the Oakland Raiders at the Estadio Azteca at some point during the next year, according to ESPN’s John Sutcliffe…Pats owner Robert Kraft is very interested in the possibility of playing in Mexico City.”

So now the hot rumor in the streets is that the NFL is thinking of having the Raiders play the Patriots in Mexico City next year. And as much as I love forfeiting home games, as Robert Kraft is rumored to have pitched, I can’t say I’m too excited for this. Traveling across the country, playing in a stadium with BARBED WIRE FENCES IN THE STANDS all while being 5,000 miles HIGHER than Mile High Field. Mexico City does not seem like a great place. I fully expect and fear a Man on Fire situation where Giselle gets kidnapped by the banditos and Kraft has to hire Denzel Washington or some shit.

Either way, I don’t care if its Mexico, London, Russia or the Moon. Do. Your. Job. And the Patriots will do just that and win….Unless its a late season game in Miami. That I fear.

A Phenomenon was Born Last Night: #AscotWatch

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So in watching Monday Night Football this season something keeps jumping out at me every single week and that is Charles Woodson and his consistently glorious ascot. The man does not rest. New week? New ascot. Last night a golden yellow, or as all the Packers (Michigan?) fans on Twitter chirped at me last night; “Maize.” The man does not disappoint and even he himself got on board with #AscotWatch last night as a phenomenon was born. I already can’t wait for next Monday night. Some of the best responses below.

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I Know It’s Not a Popular Opinion Right Now But I Still Love Kevin James

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I know its not a popular opinion these days with his new garbage Netflix assassin spoof movie and shows like Toucher and Rich skewering his predictably terrible new sitcom Kevin Can Wait…but I still love Kevin James.

It’s just too bad he went to the Adam Sandler School of Mailing It In. Just like Sandler, not to the same extent obviously, James was a funny ass guy with a stand up special that you can still quote in “Sweat the Small Stuff.” Add a hit sitcom that killed for years and is still highly watchable to this day in King of Queens. That show was hilarious with solid writing, George Costanza’s dad and of course the sneaky foxy Leah Remini. That my friends are the ingredients for an enjoyable 22 minutes.

Chuck and Larry – pretty solid. Hitch? Classic. Unfortunately, the money is always too good to turn down and these famous comics, particularly guys who rely on physical comedy, fall back on their shtick (for James it’s the shlubby suburban guy) and collect paychecks for making stuff they 100% know is garbage. I actually watched the new Netflix movie he put out, True Memoirs of an International Assassin, over Thanksgiving, and while it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen, I did not laugh.

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Paul Blart? Pretty bad. Paul Blart TWO? Slap in the face. Pixels? Woof. And now the new sitcom is the definition of mailing it in.

But don’t forget the good times people. Some of the top Kevin James moment below that I still quote to this day.

Alarm Clock “Can you wake me up in 7 minutes?”

Water Skiing “He’s down again”

“You got a Butterfinger first you fat ass?”

The Hitch Dance Scene

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Grit and Balls Win from the Patriots

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To quote my man Kevin Garnett, that was a pure Grit and Balls win from the Patriots tonight.

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It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t pretty. But it got the job done. Sure did the defense look like dog shit? Did Tom Brady look a little gimpy? Did the Pats struggle to really get anything going until the second half yet again? Sure. But a win is a win and that last minute strip sack from Chris Long got the juices going. Good night Jets.

 

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Now its time to prep for the Rams and the somehow still has a head coaching job in the NFL; backwards hat Jeff Fisher. ON TO LOS ANGELES!

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Red Sox Brass Must Enjoy Watching All the Former Red Sox Dominate MLB Awards

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With Terry Francona wining AL Manager of the Year yesterday it got me thinking. Francona was manager of the year and was in the World Series, now Jon Lester could very easily win the NL Cy Young tonight to go along with his World Series title, not to mention Theo Epstein potentially winning MLB Executive of the Year. So out of Boston’s not so long ago core of the franchise, we could see a Manager of the Year, Cy Young winner, MLB Executive of the Year and a World Series title all in the same season and the Red Sox will receive ZERO BENEFIT.

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Thats crazy. I know some of these guys have been gone for a couple of years now, but let that sink in. The one time core of the Red Sox may have a clean sweep of the biggest awards in the sport. I honestly don’t know if Larry Lucchino feels bad about ousting pretty much all of these guys or if he just laughs it off and thinks, “Fuck it, I invented Camden Yards.”

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Either way, hopefully its a wakeup call for John Henry to STOP MEDDLING IN BASEBALL AFFAIRS. You ran the best baseball executive of our generation out of town over a pissing contest just so we could hold onto the 70 year old guy who likes to monetize everything down to the goddamn bricks at Fenway. Solid management plan.

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Shopping for Fantasy Football Sleepers in Week 11 is a Disaster Scenario

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Shopping for fantasy football sleepers in Week 11 is like going to the grocery store before a big storm is about to hit. The only thing left is garbage that even poor people don’t want. (Shout out to my RB1 Mike Davis for the 0.5 pts in Week 9) For a myriad of reasons I won’t get into (goddamnit Thomas Rawls) my team currently sits in last place, so that grants me the freedom to add/cut players ad nauseum because what do I have to lose? Playoff teams need to think long term to add/stash players, whereas I’m fighting and scrapping just to live to see tomorrow.

This is how you end up finding 1 week gems like Zach Zenner, the white RB from Detroit, who got me 9 pts in his only start of the season and helped me get my first W. After that? Back to the trash heap. Now? Welp guess I’ll take a roll of the dice with CJ Prosise as my RB2 in Week 10. Winner!

I’m now up to 2 wins so I’m screwed either way so I’m just out to sink other people’s teams now with ridiculously lucky moves and untimely huge games for my opponents. Case in point, Ezekiel Elliots 40 pt game the other night against someone fighting for a playoff spot. And hey, even Thomas Rawls my keeper from last year is making his season debut in WEEK ELVEN. Allegedly.

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So who knows, best case scenario I roll off a few wins and finish just outside of the playoffs, but as long as I get to crush a few dreams along the way I’m fine with that.

Fantasy football is about shit talking and spiting your friends. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

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Richard Sherman Already Complaining Refs Protect Tom Brady Too Much

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CSNNE – “They’ve got several rules to protect him in various situations so you’ve got to be careful with how you sack him.”

Here we go again, Richard Sherman firing up the hype machine and making pre-emptive excuses. Look the only reason you say stuff like this is so you have something to point to when you lose. Two years ago when he was really balling out, Sherman would have just said TB12 sucks or is too old to get it done. Not now, he sees the way Brady is playing and wants to hedge his bets before Sunday Night.

Now I actually like Richard Sherman, but he’s definitely overrated. That pick he had last week against Buffalo was practically a fair catch so don’t give me that.

Is he trying to get the refs attention ahead of the game to not coddle Brady? Probably. But hey this is the NFL, it’s absolutely a QB’s league. With that being said Brady has been taking some massive shots in recent weeks, too many for my liking, so Sherman can pipe down with that.

Tom Brady loves going after defensive players talking shit during the week to try and burn them and I think that’s what Rich is setting himself up for here. People don’t forget.

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Patriots 28-21