Tag: Jay Cutler

Patriots Drop an Ugly Game to the Dolphins with Steelers Looming

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Last night the Patriots lost 27-20 to the Dolphins in a shitshow of a game. They didn’t have Gronkowski who was out due to suspension from the people’s elbow he dropped on a guy last week, but Miami hit em hard, shut down their receivers and even pretended to deflate the football (I guess?) after a TD.

It was ugly. For all the people saying this loss doesn’t matter, it’ll sure as shit matter if the Pats lose a tight one to the Steelers next week. Then the Patriots are facing the prospect of opening the playoffs on the road in fucking Jacksonville. Not like the Jacksonville is this powerhouse that you should fear, but the Patriots could very easily slip from the No. 1 seed with home field advantage to having to hike down to Florida for a playoff game in front of those diehard fans watching from goddamn swimming pools.

If we learned anything from this game its that the Patriots can lose one of Edelman or Gronk and still manage, but they absolutely cannot lose both. They won the Super Bowl last year without Gronk, but Edelman balled out all year and made all-time catches in the SB.

This year the Pats have been surprisingly fine on offense without Edelman because Gronkowski, Amendola, Cooks, Hogan, and the stable of runningbacks have shared the load. But without both Edelman and Gronkowski? Well without both the Patriots went 0-11 on third down last night. An absolutely absurd stat for a team that routinely moves the chains on offense. Without that horse of a man to draw double coverage and make big plays when you need em most, the Pats offense looked strikingly like their defense last night; a bunch of JAGs.

This was a game I worried about going into for the sole reason that dirtbag Ndamukong Suh gets off on hitting Brady late, low, and hard. And the delusional Dolphins fans that defend him.

The Dolphins have a legit defensive line with him and Cameron Wake, and Jordan Phillips, which we all know is the one thing that seems to disrupt the Pats. Throw in the fact that they ALWAYS seem to struggle when playing down in Miami late in the year and this had all the makings of a trap game with Pittsburgh looming next week.

So the Pats get down early for the first time in about a month of football and now facing a 17 point deficit, Suh and the boys are able to just pin their ears back and tee off on Brady. Not ideal.

Granted they almost came back and they probably would have if not for a ton of uncharacteristically sloppy plays. Not converting late in the 4th on 1st and goal from the 1-inch line is unexcusable. The Patriots did not look themselves at all with James White drawing an illegal motion penalty, Solder taking a holding penalty, and a couple of busted plays later the Pats are kicking a 35 yard FG. Granted they still would have had to recover an onside kick either way to have a chance, this series was a microcosm of the entire game. Bad execution, some poor throws by Brady, not enough time to throw, and just overall sloppy football.

Its for those exact reasons that I fully expect the Patriots to blow doors in Pittsburgh next week. Those guys are marshmallow soft and are feeling themselves just a bit too much for a team that has had to squeak out wins over dog shit teams. Over the past month the Steelers have beat the Colts by 3 points, smoked the Titans by 23, barely beat a Brett Hundley led Packers team by 3 points, beat the Bengals by 3 points, and the Ravens by 1 point. Not exactly the class of the AFC there. Sure, the Pats haven’t played the hardest schedule either, but before last night they weren’t just squeaking by like Pittsburgh. They were fucking demolishing teams, or tomato cans as Shanks likes to put it. Over the same period of time New England has blown out the Broncos by 25 points, the Raiders by 25 points, the Dolphins by 18 points, and the Bills by 20 points.

Don’t be surprised when they take the Steelers to the woodshed on Sunday.

Miami Dolphins Considered Tim Tebow Before Signing Jay Cutler

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CBS Sports – Cutler wasn’t the only candidate for the gig, according to a report from Armando Salguero of the Miami Herald. Salguero reported on Sunday afternoon that Colin Kaepernick was also one of the quarterbacks the Dolphins considered…A name that will come as a surprise however: TIMOTHY RICHARD TEBOW..Tebow has worked with Gase before as well, however. Gase was Tebow’s quarterbacks coach in Denver back when Tebow and the Broncos miraculously stormed their way to a postseason win over the Steelers.

Guys we were THIS close to Tebowmania coming back to the NFL. If Tebow has proved one thing, okay maybe two, its 1.) he’s actually way better at baseball than people thought he would be and 2.) you keep you name in the spotlight long enough then teams will come calling.

I think thats the playbook of every reality TV celebrity ever. Basically just keep going on other reality TV shows until you either get called up to the big times and become a real, functioning actor like Jamie Chung or just cash in on your pseudo-fame by banking checks on shows like The Challenge. Thats what Tim Tebow has done here, except instead of collecting checks from MTV, he’s collecting checks from Minor League Baseball.

But seriously how great would it have been to have Tebow back on the field? Would have completely torpedoed his whole “I just really want to play baseball” argument, but we’d get the football jesus back. Tebow kneeled on the field before it was cool and caused a national hysteria.

The guy puts asses in the seats and Tebow will forever have a place in my heart because he helped me win my fantasy football league back in 2011.

Smokin Jay Cutler is Back!

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You thought this guy was going to go quietly into the night? I don’t think so. Not if there’s a $10 million offer on the table from the Miami Dolphins. I think Jay Cutler is a better QB than he’s ever gotten credit for, but I also think his biggest problem has always been perception. He looks like a guy that does not give a shit and doesn’t really want to play. Whether thats actually true or not nobody except maybe Kristin Cavallari knows, but hey perception is reality.

Which is why Cutler signing with the Dolphins is very interesting. Its the best team he’s been on, at least offensively, in years plus its in the warm and comfortable city of Miami. Maybe he puts the Menthols down for a few months and has a mini career resurgence a la Kurt Warner in Arizona. Or maybe he collects $10 Million to half-ass a season before going into the FOX booth.

Cutler started his career off as a promising young QB, then became salty as fuck when new Denver coach Josh McDaniels tried to trade him for Matt Cassel, forced a trade, landed with the Bears, played pretty well there for a couple of years with Brandon Marshall, then the team started to get worse before bottoming out last year and becoming a complete dumpster fire. Add all that to the fact that Chicago is a miserably cold city during the football season and I can see how Smokin Jay Cutler was born.

BUT, Cutler’s also only thrown for 4,000+ yards once in a season, and thrown 25+ TDs 3 times in 10 years. For a quick AFC East comparison, Tom Brady has thrown for 4,000+ yards 8 different times and has thrown 25+ TDs 12 times in his career. So Tom Brady he is not.

But the Dolphins don’t really need him to be. They just need him to be similar, if not better, than the level of production they were getting out of Ryan Tannehill. I think its a pretty safe bet to assume most Dolphins fans are pretty lukewarm on Tannehill. He’s been good, not great. He hasn’t made the jump to a top tier QB like most hoped he would. Again for comparisons sake, Tannehill has thrown for 4,000+ yards twice in five years and thrown 25+ TDs just once in his career. His career completion percentage of 62.7 is just a tick higher than Cutler’s 61.9. Tannehill is more mobile, but the difference is not as much as you would think. The last four years Tannehill has rushed for 164, 141, 311, 238 and 211 yards (4.9 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 6 TDs. In that same timespan Cutler has rushed for 24 (limited to 5 games by injury), 201, 191, 118, and 233 (4.5 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 3 TDs. So not a huge difference.

My point is the Dolphins aren’t completely and totally fucked. Cutler is not Tom Brady, but he’s better than most people think.

Okay, okay, you want to see how he stacks up against the most famous free agent QB ever in Colin Kaepernick too? Despite his gazelle like speed, Kaepernick “only” averages 6.1 Yards per Rushing Attempt. People remember those who huge runs in the playoffs a few years back and it skews perception. In the 2012 playoffs he rushed for 264 yards and in the 2013 playoffs he rushed for 243 yards and 4 total TDs, which is 9.9 Yards per Attempt). Overall though? Not that much better. Not so much better you want to deal with bitchy questions from everyone holding a microphone for the next 6 months. His passing stats? Career completion percentage of 59.8 (lower than both Cutler and Tannehill). He’s never thrown for 4,000+ yards. He’s never thrown for 3,500+ yards. Never threw 25+ TDs, he’s only topped 20 once. Kaepernick obviously has a much smaller sample size of games started than Cutler, but those are the numbers guys.

So if anything the Dolphins will be interesting to watch, assuming Jay Cutler wants to do more than just collect a paycheck. But if he truly just wanted to snake another check, Cutler could have signed with the Jets months ago. Maybe he sees a legit opportunity here with Miami. The Patriots have had the AFC East on lock for a while now so its not like they will suddenly contend for the division. But similar to the Vikings getting Sam Bradford last year, except much better because Miami didn’t have to give up a FIRST round draft pick to get Cutler, brining in a solid, veteran QB probably keeps them in contention for a Wild Card spot. Smokin Jay Cutler is back indeed.

A Festivus Airing of Fantasy Football Grievances

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With Festivus coming up and after narrowly avoiding my first Sacko last night, I just wanted to take the time out for a proper Airing of Grievances for my once promising fantasy football team that went straight to hell. Below is the original team that took the field on Week 1; til death do us part.

QB1: Jameis Winston: The 13th scoring QB in fantasy this year. Look I’ve won titles with Donovan McNabb and Tim Tebow. QB was not the problem here.

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QB2: Philip Rivers: Traded him for a 2017 3rd round pick once my season was cooked. Draft board flexibility like you read about.

WR1: Alshon Jeffery: Decent stats, but was ultimately at the mercy of shithead Smokin Jay Cutler. Oh and ya know got popped for PEDs and missed 4 weeks down the stretch.

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WR2: Michael Floyd: – Shout out to my number 2 WR who can hold his booze just about as well as he can hold a football. On the verge of a breakout season in a top offense and he ends up with just as many drops as touchdowns (4) before being cut for getting a DUI. This was after cops found him piss drunk passed out at the wheel of his car in an intersection. Not to mention just 33 catches on 70(!) targets. Now, that is what I call Return. On. Investment.

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RB1 and KEEPER: Thomas Rawls: Coming off a beast finish to 2015 with 830 yards on just 147 carries for 5.6 YPC, Rawls was a sneaky steal with a 16th round pick as a keeper. Dude did break his leg though, which made it risky, but sometimes ya gotta race.


All the reports and draft experts pointed towards Rawls being ready for Week 1 and naturally he ran for a combined 25 yards in the first two games before ultimately missing EIGHT MOTHERFUCKING WEEKS. The guy didn’t put in a good game until Week 13. SAD.

RB2: Ezekiel Elliot: We good.

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TE: Zach Ertz: Solid first game. Dislocated a rib. Didn’t have a good game until Week 9. God damnit.

Flex: Allen Hurns: 22b933b11f8c0890c6e8a1efed1046fe3f99a3aa188dd315d89cbaeb74b5ae7b

Flex: Willie Snead: Some weeks I score 30 points. Other weeks I put up a goose egg. Enjoy the ride.

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6 Bench Spots:

(IR) Danny Woodhead: BEAST. But got hurt again and submarined any solid PPR flex options for me.

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Jeremy Langford: Oh just a *total* asshole. A starting RB with potential solely because of workload volume alone. So what’s he do? Suck, get hurt and lose his job. Another draft pick nailed.

(IR) Shane Vereen: Hurt and missed most of the season.

(IR) Josh Doctson: I *also* drafted Breshad Perriman last year who *also* missed his entire rookie season.

(IR) Braxton Miller: A dart throw who had exactly one game with more than 4 pts and ultimately wound up on IR. Brock Osweiler is radioactive to offense.

Kickers and defenses do not matter so I will not address them.

Final Record: 4-9 for an 11th place finish

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