Tag: Pistons

Kyle Lowry Thought About Starting Malice at the Palace II Last Night (He Did Not)

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Last night the Raptors went up 2-1 on the Golden State Warriors in a wildly entertaining NBA Finals game, but late in the game Kyle Lowry dove into the front row for a rebound and some fan took it upon himself to try and give Lowry the business.

Lowry actually said on SportsCenter this morning: “He reached over & put his hands on me for no reason then he said a couple vulgar words to me & repeated them.”

Now I know Jeff Van Gundy is kind of the cooky grandpa at this point, but he had absolutely zero sympathy for Lowry.

To which I would agree with in a normal circumstance. Some 6’1″ dude diving into your lap would be problematic if you were just riding the T. But, this ain’t a normal circumstance. No you’re sitting courtside at the NBA Finals. You paid an EXORBITANT amount of money just to sit courtside for fucks sake. So for this guy to act shocked and disgusted when he wasn’t even the one who actually took the hit is preposterous. Lets look at the tape.

Its actually the lady in the yellow that takes the entire collision on the chin. Look at that. Look at where she starts and where she ends up.

Kyle Lowry comes flying in and we see the woman’s head go back..and to the left.

Back and to the left.

That lady got absolutely SMOKED and its this dickhead next to them in the blue polo who’s become rattled by the entire series of events. He’s basically Ari Gold without the witty one liners.

This old rich white guy is lucky Lowry didn’t just snuff him right then and there. I mean have people already forgotten about the Malice at the Palace??

That was a monumental event and will forever be the precise moment in time that historians point to as to why you never fuck with a professional athlete. Its one thing to call a guy a bum from the sidelines, its an entirely different thing to put your hands on him. Once you do that you’re on your own man. If you don’t remember Ron Artest, thats a you problem.

Celtics Sign the Viking Known as Aron Baynes

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Tormund Motherfucking Giantsbane! I am all in on this move. A big man with an undercut and a massive red beard? Sign me up.

In case anyone was unclear, I just want to repeat that the Celtics now have a goddamn viking on the team.

Okay now that we’re clear on that, lets get down to the details. Baynes is a 6’10” center and the Celtics are a team in desperate need of someone who can bang the boards. ESPN compiled these stats in their story on the signing. Baynes isn’t much of a scorer, as he only averaged 4.9 points last year, but he did grab 4.4 rebounds in only 15.5 minutes per game last year. Not to mention the guy “grabbed 21.6 percent of all defensive caroms when he was on the floor last season.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty damn good to me.

Detroit averaged a defensive rating of 105.3 last season, which dropped to 98.5 with Baynes on the court, which is huuge. And according to ESPN his overall rebound rate last year was 15.8. The best the Celtics had last year was 13.1 from Kelly Olynyk. And for anyone who watched even a handful of Celtics games last year you know that Olynyk SUCKS on the boards. If Kelly Olynyk can get Pat Riley to pay him $50 fucking million dollars then I can be president. So any upgrade there is money in the bank.

While it may be a bit of a ragtag crew, the Celtics now have Aron the viking, second year big man Ante Zizic and the Daniel Wall himself, Daniel Theis signed out of Germany. Not to mention the Dancing Bear, second year Guerschon Yabusele if the C’s can fit him under the cap and squeeze him on the roster.

Not a ton of star power there, but when you consider who they are replacing (Olynyk and Amir Johnson) there’s nowhere to go but up.