Tag: Roger Goodell

Patriots Get Beat Down by Chiefs 42-27 in Season Opener. Highlights, Lowlights, and All the Rest

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In a game that had the fans frothing at the mouth, ready to pounce on the Chiefs, their fans and most of all Roger Goodell, the Patriots couldn’t get the job done and dropped their season opener 42-27. Second year Chiefs receiver Tyreek Hill was an absolute monster as was rookie RB Kareem Hunt who had his way with the Pats defense. The Patriots looked excelling out of the gate, scoring less than 3 minutes into the game. But an failed 4th down conversion on their next drive swung momentum, followed by an overturned Gronk touchdown, some key injuries to the Patriots, and then huge plays down the stretch by the KC skill players and all of that was enough to wipe out the 19-0 dream before I even had my first Shipyard pumpkin beer of the season. On to the highlights, the lowlights, and all the rest.

Highlights

Obviously dropping the 5th Super Bowl champs banner at Gillette was a glorious thing to see, albeit awkwardly brief and to the soundtrack of House of Pain, but despite a shitty loss ya can’t take that banner away.

Brandin Cooks looks to come as advertised, fast as all hell and he is going to be a problem for defenses all year. This guy is going to get legitimately 100 hundred PI calls this season.

Robert Kraft unveiling and rocking his own damn shoe, the RKK Air Force 1.

#OperationClownface and Portnoy dropping F-bombs right in Felger’s face on live TV.

James White absolutely manhandling a Chiefs defender with one hand.

What may be the GOAT picture of Bill Belichick. Fire up the t-shirt machine!

Lowlights

Giving up 300+ yards and 4 touchdowns to THIS fucking guy.

Alex Smith is only the second QB to EVER throw for 300+ yards and 4 TDs on a Belichick defense with the only other being Drew Brees in 2009. That game was also an absolute beatdown in New Orleans that I remember clear as day watching from my college newspaper editors meeting.

The Danny Amendola head injury was devastating because Malcolm Mitchell was put on IR just hours before the game so the Pats were down to just 3 wide receivers in their first game; Brandon Cooks, Chris Hogan, and Philip Dorsett. Amendola is nails, but he needs to be managed because he does get hurt a lot. So naturally the Patriots ran him into the ground, return punts, and take absolute buddy passes over the middle from Brady. Huge loss as he put up a sneaky line of 6 catches for 100 yards before exiting the game. Hopefully he’s not out long because this team needs him right now.

The Dont’a Hightower injury could legitimately wreck the season for a team already dangerously thing in the front seven. Hightower got rolled up on by a lineman in the 3rd quarter and missed the rest of the game. He went into the medical tent and could later be seen riding the stationary bike with a hot pack on his knee, which I don’t know what to make of, but certainly looked like an MCL injury. If he is out for an extended period of time then the defense is really in trouble. Update: PFT is reporting its just a “minor” MCL sprain.

The Pats newest addition to the defense Cassius Marsh got a crash course in how to not cover a runningback out of the backfield as he got smoked for a 74-yard TD reception by Kareem Hunt. To be fair, Marsh was more of a defensive end than a coverage linebacker during his time in Seattle, but still not a great look. Especially not when you have your whole face painted like a goddamn juggalo.

“You want to act like a clown then I’ll treat you like a clown!”

The one thing that does concern me is with Julian Edelman out for the season and a brand new shiny toy in burner Brandon Cooks is that I hope Brady doesn’t try and force too many deep balls each game. Thats exactly what the Patriots were doing in the 4th quarter last night. Obviously they needed two scores to win the game at that point, but just forcing seam routes is never a great option. Gave me cold sweats as it was reminiscent of the end of Super Bowl XLII when Brady was just hucking 40 yard bombs in vain to Randy Moss.

Marcus Cannon getting smoked by Justin Houston was like seeing an old high school friend after years. Not exactly a great thing to see, but its exactly how you remember it.

Rob Gronkowski was getting flanked by one of the best safeties in the league last night in Eric Berry (who may have unfortunately torn his achilles), but as the best TE in the league you gotta make something happen. I thought he did just that on his would be TD catch, but the refs disagreed and overturned the call saying it touched the turf. Huge break for the Chiefs that helped turn the momentum of the game.

Kicking a FG on 4th and inches. Especially after going for it on 4th and 1 earlier (and failing). It was very un-Patriots like, but maybe Bill just knew he wasn’t going to get through that D-line last night as they later got stuffed on another 4th down conversion attempt.

Kareem Hunt setting the goddamn record for most yards from scrimmage for a rookie in his first game. After fumbling on his first career carry, the Spencer Ware backup exploded for 148 yards rushing and 1 TD on the ground with 5 catches for 98 yards and another 2 TDs. Savvy fantasy owners everywhere rejoice.

How about Marky Mark being unable to not promote something for 5 fucking minutes? Wahlberg was wearing some branded t-shirt that just seemed so cheesy. My man, just throw on a TB12 jersey for me one time.

Little bit of both

Mike Gillislee looked great, rushing for 3 touchdowns, but it was definitely disappointing to see him get stuffed on 4th and short on two separate occasions. For our goal line guy, you gotta have those.

It looked like the Patriots weren’t exactly dying to have Tom Brady smash his head into a wall in Week 1 as they decided against the QB sneak on 4th and inches. Instead electing to go with Gillislee again, who got stuffed. Very odd to see because Brady is essentially automatic from that spot.

The Pats special teams unit frustratingly (and hilariously) refusing to not absolutely smoke the Chiefs punter. Thankfully it was a long 4th down conversion as the Pats ran into the kicker on two consecutive plays to earn a 5 yard penalty each time. Almost seemed intentional, maybe they just don’t like the guy.

Now I gotta listen to shit like this all over again.

No, no he’s not. Lets give him more than one game with a new offensive scheme and see how things go. Brady was far from great last night going 16/36 for 267 yards with 0 TD’s, but if anything I’m putting this L on the defense.

So whats the silver lining?

Its one bad game. This same exact thing happened two years ago against the same exact team and everyone was more than happy to dance on the Patriots graves.

Then what happened? The Pats came back and anihilated the Bengals and then went on to win the Super Bowl. So lets all pump the breaks. Bad games aren’t concerning. Trends are concerning. So if they get trounced next week by the Saints, then we can talk.

 

The Patriots are Back Tonight to Light the Biggest Fire the North Has Ever Seen

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LETS GOOO. LETS GOOO. Your Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots are back tonight after 7 months without football. Tonight they’re gonna light the biggest fire the north has ever seen.

The last time we saw this team they were lifting the Lombardi Trophy after completing the greatest comeback in NFL history and giving Roger Goodell and the league a gigantic middle finger. As Robert Kraft once said, this one is unequivocally the sweetest.

The Pats had to literally redesign the goddamn stadium to make room for Super Bowl Champs banner No. 5. That is preposterous and tonight we get to see Tom Brady and the boys drop another banner on the rest of the NFL.

It sucks that we lost Julian Edelman for the year with a knee injury, but this team is still stacked. We’ve got Gronk back, added Brandon Cooks, and brought in Rex Burkhead and Mike Gillislee. Another year in the system for Chris Hogan and Malcolm Mitchell. Dion Lewis, Danny Amendola, Dont’a Hightower, Malcolm Butler, Devin McCourty, Stephon Gilmore, GET OFF THE TRACKS BECAUSE THE TRAIN IS LEAVING THE STATION.

We’re on to Minneaposix. See ya in February.

Ezekiel Elliott Suspended 6 Games by the NFL. There Goes My Fantasy Season

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I feel like I shouldn’t have to state this disclaimer, but I do. Don’t get it twisted, if Ezekiel Elliott was beating his girlfriend he’s a scumbag and should face something a lot tougher than a couple months off from work. With that being said, lets now move on.

Ezekiel Elliott, you stupid sonofabitch. I’ve said this to you once before and I’ll say it again.

After taking an absolute bath the last couple of years with keepers made out of glass in Thomas Rawls and his predecessor Marshawn Lynch, I was primed for a huge year with stud keeper Zeke. Now he’s out nearly half the season as he faces a six game suspension with the Cowboys’ bye week coming in Week 6. So that first round price tag for a guy who won’t take the field until Week 8 is out the door.

And in some sort of sick joke Marshawn Lynch is back in the league just taunting me. Not a ton of great options for potential keepers for a fantasy football team that finished in 11th place. What a vicious cycle. I guess I could always go with Matt Bryant? At least he won’t be getting suspended for being a complete dickhead.

Half t-shirt wearing, suspension earning, fantasy tanking season Ezekiel Elliott. I think I’ve just made a new enemy. You can join the list of scrub players I send angry letters to asking for my fantasy football money back as penance. Thomas Rawls, Justin Blackmon, Felix Jones, LenDale White, Travis Henry, Carson Palmer. You’re on the list now Ezekiel.

PS – Jerry Jones can eat a bag of dicks on this one.

I Am Offended at the Lack of Patriots Fans That Want to Go for 19-0

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It seems like the topic du jour around the local sports media is whether the Patriots can realistically (or should even attempt it) go a perfect 19-0. Except there seems to be less people talking about if they can do it and more people just straight up refusing to talk about it and saying its stupid to do so. USA Today thinks its doable. But basically every other media personality wants no part of it.

As a Patriots fan, the lack of people that want to go for 19-0 personally offends me.

Guys, I know it brings up bad memories. We almost had it in 2007. It was in the palms of our hands, less than 2 minutes to go and the 07 Patriots would be crowned the greatest team of all time.

If Asante Samuel makes that interception. If David Tyree plays like the insurance salesman he really is, if Rodney Harrison somehow jars that ball lose from his fucking helmet, if the refs actually called holding on the Giants offensive line on that play. The list goes on and on.

That shit used to kill me. Used to. But I noticed something recently. The 07 Super Bowl highlights come on….and I watch them. It doesn’t make me physically ill anymore. I can watch those clips and say ah man that sucked, without smashing a pint glass off my wall like I would have done a few years ago. Winning two Super Bowls since then goes a looong way in healing that pain. Brady’s 5-2 in the SB for christ’s sake. That will always be the most painful loss of my life. I was a freshman in college and my direct roommate was a Giants fan, not to mention half my hallway. So losing in that fashion, surrounded by that many Giants fans in neutral territory as a young, inebriated boyish man, that was a tough pill to swallow.

But like I said, one of the greatest Super Bowls EVER against Seattle with the Malcolm Butler pick to seal the W was cathartic; the greatest comeback of all time against the Falcons in 2016 gave us all our swagger back. You can’t say shit to us. You can’t hurt us.

The Patriots have 5 Super Bowl rings, Tom Brady is a 2x MVP, a 4x Super Bowl MVP, he had one of his greatest seasons ever during the Deflategate saga, and then was suspended the following year only to come back, tear it up and win another fucking Super Bowl. Belichick and Brady are the. Greatest. Of. All. Time. So…what do you get the men who have everything? The only thing left. Perfection

Its the ultimate. Its the only thing left that the Patriots don’t have. And there will always be the Felgers of the world saying we as Patriots fans all have a persecution complex (is it paranoid if its true though?) and theres nothing left to prove. But, tell someone they can’t do something or don’t need something and what do they want? Exactly. We’ve conquered the AFC East, we’ve conquered fan bases in St. Louis, Carolina, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Atlanta, we’ve taken on the league and the commissioner himself and come out with one for the thumb. TB12 is 40 years old and playing better than anyone has ever played the position. Minneaposix™ is the goal, but 19-0 will always be the ultimate.

PS – Plus if the Pats do go 19-0 I can get my fucking t-shirts back stateside.

NFL Owners Approve Raiders Relocation to Las Vegas 31-1

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ESPN – The Oakland Raiders will move to Las Vegas after garnering enough votes from NFL owners on Monday to relocate to Southern Nevada. The Raiders received 31 of 32 votes to approve the move, a source told ESPN’s Adam Schefter. Twenty-four votes were needed. The Miami Dolphins were the only team to vote against the move, a source told Schefter.

Talk about a lot of drama for nothing; the NFL just approved this controversial move 31-1! With the Dolphins being the only team to say idk about this guys. So now after what feels like years of speculation, the Raiders are officially moving to Sin City. Get me a Las Vegas Raiders hat STAT!

Now the brand new stadium on the strip won’t be ready for another 2 seasons so ironically the Raiders will still be playing in Oakland for the next 2 seasons on the baseball diamond field. So that should be a fun fan experience as the Raiders prep to get the hell out of dodge. But, if you haven’t seen the artists renderings that Sports Illustrated posted today, this place is gonna be sick.

Eat your heart out Stank Kroenke, you can have LA, the Raiders are gonna continue to be the bad boys of the league in the most diabolical city in the country; Las Vegas.

Joe Thomas Nails It On Why Colin Kaepernick is Still a Free Agent

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Joe Thomas is the beacon of truth in the NFL. He is beyond refreshing as a currently active and actually elite player speaking out on all kinds of issues. Obviously him roasting Roger Goodell on the absurdity of Deflategate created a whole new region of fans championing him. All that aside, I encourage every player to speak out, there’s nothing I hate more in sports than the bullshit canned responses from players that answer absolutely nothing. Regardess of how you feel about Colin Kaepernick kneeling for the national anthem doesn’t matter here. Joe Thomas hits the nail on the head as to why the former 49ers QB is unemployed.

Oh right, because he was on TV every single day. Not for highlight reel plays. Not for winning games. For personal reasons. And again whether you’re with Kaep or not isn’t the point here. NFL teams do not want to deal with media scrutiny, questions, protests, backlash etc. ESPECIALLY if you suck. If Tom Brady were drumming up all kinds of shit for, oh I don’t know, say an alleged cheating scandal, the team backs their guy or at the very least deals with it because he’s the GOAT.

Colin Kaepernick wasn’t even the best QB on his team while surrounded by bums like Blaine Gabbert.

So yea, NFL teams don’t want to hear any shit from a borderline starter in the league. But then Joe Thomas brings it home with the one thing that is true of all good teams, none better at it than the New England Patriots.

I think the whole “Patriot Way” thing gets blown out of proportion because of the Patriots level of success and their perceived arrogance. So when they go out and sign a questionable guy, everyone rails against them because apparently the Patriot Way means you only sign choir boys, when in reality it means you Do. Your. Job. The Patriots are a goddamn machine. We had assholes like Corey Dillon. We had bad dudes like Albert Haynesworth. We had media storms like TIM TEBOW. We had an (alleged) MASS MURDERER in Aaron Hernandez. Bill deals with it and moves on. No distractions. Just Do. Your. Job.

Being all over TV for a cause you believe in is admirable, but when you don’t have the leverage (being a good quarterback), then you aren’t going to have the same platform. Thats why Colin Kaepernick doesn’t have a job.

Patriots Super Bowl Parade Recap

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What a time to be alive. Another Super Bowl victory lap for the New England Patriots with millions of fans coming out in a bitterly cold and miserable day. And seeing 5 Lombardi trophies all together at once is rarer than getting all of the Dragon Balls together.

dragonballs

Jacoby Brissett rocking the Tom Brady jersey, Gronk sacrificing and partying for the fans, every single RB shouting out James White, Ninkovich getting AFTER IT, Brady and Belichick cementing themselves as GOATs and the fans capping it all off with the chant of “We Want Six.”

Drive for 5 is Complete. ROGER THAT

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tombradyxli

What a game. What a comeback. What a night. First OT game in Super Bowl history. Biggest comeback in Super Bowl history. Most Super Bowl wins by a QB ever. Most Super Bowl MVPs ever. The Drive for Five. Fire Goodell. One for the thumb. And to cap it all off the absolutely nuclear commercial from Tom Brady. #ROGERTHAT.

Roger Goodell Going to the Falcons Game AGAIN Rather than Take His Medicine in Foxborough

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goodell

Look if Roger Goodell doesn’t wanna come into Foxborough I get it. Why go somewhere where you know the entire stadium is going to at best clown you and at worst treat you like Santa Clause in Philly. But come on man, its time to take the medicine. It’ll be theraputic for all the parties involved. Roger can make his appearance as the ambassador of the league should at one of the biggest games of the year. As Tyrion Lannister once told Joffrey: “You’re absence has already been noted.”

I seriously think Goodell needs someone like Paul Tagliabue to play the role of Tyrion in his life, give him a couple slaps and get his head on straight. You’re the goddamn commissioner of the NFL.

And Patriots fans can scream some F bombs from their seats and their couches. But come on dude, you’ll be in a luxury booth. Then you take the private elevator back to your transport and you’re done. And that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.

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To instead go back to Atlanta for the SECOND WEEK IN A ROW is bananas. That shit sticks out real bad. All it does is show that the commissioner is spooked about coming to Gillette. Can’t have that. Go grab a few glasses of merlot with David Stern and Gary Bettman and just listen to the war stories these guys have. They’ve eaten shit at every draft and championship trophy presentation, for years. And they actually seem to enjoy it. Take the medicine, Roger. You need it just as bad as us.