Tag: Tom Brady

Tom Brady Now Hawking TB12 Under Armour Pajamas and I Need Them Like I Need Air

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SI – “Tom Brady says he can only work has hard—or perform as well—as his ability to recover. And he considers sleep the best way to recover, exactly why he strives for eight to 10 hours of uninterrupted zzz’s every night….With such an importance placed on sleep and recovery, it follows that the NFL star’s next signature product from Under Armour comes in the form of tech-infused sleepwear.”

Do I want the TB12 PJ’s? No that would be silly. I don’t want them. I *need* them. Like I need oxygen. If Tom Brady says I’ll sleep like a lamb wearing these things, then I’ll take two pairs. It the guy started a new religion a la Scientology, I would at least attend a couple masses just to get the feel.

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First he made UGGs cool for guys. Then he blew everyones mind with the most monk-like diet I’ve ever heard of. Now? PJ’s. If thats what it takes to play at an MVP level nearing 40 years old, like no one has ever done before, then I’ll hear him out.

“The TB12 Sleepwear line includes full-length shirts and pants—and a short-sleeve and shorts version—with bioceramics printed on the inside. The print, sourced from natural minerals, activates the body’s natural heat and reflects it back as far infrared energy, a common tool used to reduce inflammation and help the body recover faster.”

It reminds me of the Phiten necklaces legit every baseball player in the MLB and every guy in college wore. They were alleged to “improve your balance.” Thing was literally a little nylon rope with rubber at the end. If it was a really good one thought it had some shiny stickers on it too. Complete scam. But guess what? I bought the shit outta those things.

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The NFL Combine is Now Open to the Public and I Need to Go

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Yahoo – The NFL reportedly is opening the doors to the NFL combine to fans to get a look behind the curtain at how the biggest pre-draft event works. But the question we have: Once they see it, will they ever want to again? The league is allowing 6,000 fans to witness events such as the 40-yard dash and the bench press, along with prospect interviews, for the combine, which runs March 2-5 at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis.

YES. Yes I want to go see this. Are you kidding me? Get a chance to see the Westminster Dog Show in person, count me in. All kidding aside this could make for a long day, but what better way to legitimately understand what freaks of nature these athletes are than seeing them workout in person.

It also seems like the perfect opportunity to take your shithead friend who played D2 football and still things he has a shot at the League. Witness a dude bench 222 lbs 30 times or run a 4.3 40-yard dash as a 6’2″ freak of nature. Now that is some shit that would be entertaining.

Or who knows, maybe you hit the jackpot and get to witness greatness:

But seriously count me in. Any bullshit sporting event I am always in. Arena Football, UFL (Daunte Culpepper shredded it up in Hartford), NLL Lacrosse inside a CASINO, the list goes on and on.

Still my biggest regret in life though was being too young to fly out for an NFL Europa game and see Rohan Davey rip 70 yard throws in Berlin.

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Book the flights!

DeflateGate 2 Doesn’t Look Like Anything to Me: Is Roger Goodell a Westworld Host?

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“Doesn’t look like anything to me. – Bernard” – Roger Goodell

Is Roger Goodell actually a Host straight out of Westworld? Show him something that should make his brain freak out, like another team deflating footballs, and he DOESN’T EVEN REACT.

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Deflategate 2 is the exact same situation as the original Deflategate. One team playing another in cold weather complains to the league that the other team’s footballs may be a little under-inflated. In the original situation, the NFL lets speculation run rampant as the alleged offending team is immediately swallowed up by accusations, false reports and misinformation. The NFL eventually decides to fund a multi-million dollar investigation that doesn’t ultimately prove anything, yet the commissioner of the league says its all about the integrity of the league. Nothing is more important than the integrity of the shield. Said offending team is tried under the assumption of guilt (“more likely than not” was the term) and one of the greatest players in league history is suspended a quarter of the season and the team is fined multiple draft picks.

Flash forward to 2016 and nearly the same situation occurs. The integrity of the league is in peril! The NFL must, at the very least, conduct an investigation to *appear* to be concerned and looking into the issue.

Nope.

Same situation and the league immediately sweeps it under the rug in under an hour. No investigation. No silence while the critics pile on the accused team with incorrect information. The NFL immediately squashes it this time around. And its the same situation, which leads me to believe Goodell is actually a Host.

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He’s been programmed to not even see the issue this time around. Brain wiped. Until there are some reveries, where Goodell may have an absolute meltdown a la Dolores’s father.

 

These violent delights have violent ends.

 

 

 

Patriots Pull Out 30-23 Win Over the Ravens: The Good and the Bad

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A quick breakdown of the Patriots 30-23 win over the Ravens last night, which featured a lot of good (Tom Brady) and a lot of bad. All in all, an impressive win over the best defense in the NFL.

The Good

  • Tom Brady: Brady was at his finest last night. Hyped up, pissed off and shredding the defense. 3 Touchdowns and 400+ passing yards against the No. 1 defense in the NFL. Pretty, pretty, pretty good. That touchdown to Malcolm Mitchell in the Red Zone was an absolute missile in a window the size of a coast and is a throw most QB’s probably don’t even try. Also, getting on Edelman and Chris hogan to get their shit together after a less than ideal start seemed to really give those guys a much needed kick in the ass.
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  • Chris Hogan: Hogan earned his excellent nickname 7-11 last night as he really was open all day. Seemed like Brady had to give him a little shit to get back on the field after hurting his hand early in the game, but its hard to argue with 5 catches for 129 yards and a TD. That 79 yard TD was money as Hogan seems to have another gear in the open field I didn’t even know about.
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  • Martellus Bennett’s Health: This was huge last night after there were reports circulating that Marty was less than 100%, which is a scary thing to hear with Gronk done for the year. If Bennett goes down or can’t get the job done then the Pats are probably screwed with zero tight end presence. But Bennett looked great last night especially one his nearly 1 handed TD catch when the defender was draped all over him and Bennett ripped the ball off the guy and held on for the score. Plus the 3 TE set on play action where Bennett lined up in the middle of the other two “tight ends” and slipped into an opening for an easy first down. Great sign.
  • Special Teams: That blocked field goal by Shane McClellin was an absolute thing of beauty. Perfectly timed, incredibly athletic play by a prototypical Bill Belichick guy; a former top pick he peeled off the scrap heap of another team for peanuts. Great play against the best kicker in the league who was the only kicker in the NFL to not miss a kick yet. Jamie Collins who? And the punt coverage unit was on fire as well. Downing a punt at the 1 yard line leading to the safety, which put the Pats on the board and set the tone for the whole game.

The Bad

  • Special Teams: Holy shit talk about a Jekyll and Hyde performance from the special teams last night. They were absolutely carrying the Pats in the beginning of the game. All of Twitter was gleefully ripping off tweets about how special teams is 1/3 of the game and just as important. Then a couple fumbled punts later and suddenly the Pats are only up a field goal. I’ve never seen a BB special teams unit that hot and cold in the *same game* Thankfully TB12 saved the day, but relying too much on Brady is what has usually killed the Pats in the past. Brady has a slightly off day and the rest of the team can’t pick up the slack. Something to keep an eye on.
  • Cyrus Jones: Jesus christ, this kid is shook. Last night he could not get out of his own way and now has FOUR fumbled punts on the year. It’s clearly a mental thing, but its at the point now he just cannot be trusted back there. I also don’t get why the insist on putting him as a PR, apparently he only has 12 career punt returns in college. Maybe it was just me being dumb, but I was lead to believe he was some kind of PR specialist? Either way, hopefully he can make an impact as a depth safety because right now he is looking like a real bungle of a 2nd round pick.
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  • Linebackers Covering RBs Out of the Backfield: Said it last night and I’ll say it again; the Patriots are the only team that can give up a 40 yard screen play to a freakin full back and it doesn’t shock me. They just cannot cover running backs out of the backfield and that is a huge issue heading into the playoffs. This is where a guy like Collins would have been valuable, they just don’t really have the speed to cover guys coming out of the backfield on screens. Giving up 40 to a fullback is an embarrassment though and is probably a bigger reflection of poor tackling than anything else. This could be their potential undoing in the playoffs. Woof.
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Does the Firing of Jeff Fisher Pave the Way for Josh McDaniels as the Next HC of the Los Angeles Rams?

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So after getting smoked by the Falcons on Sunday the Rams would have to win out to even be lucky enough to have “7-9 bullshit.” With Fisher suddenly out as the Rams coach there is now an opening in Southern California, with a new stadium coming, a huge market, the 2016 No. 1 overall pick at QB and an opportunity to really build a franchise.

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I know there have been reports this season saying that Josh McDaniels is indeed interested in head coach openings. So does this pave the way for McDaniels to leave the Pats and head for LA? With another deep playoff run and an already strong body of work running offenses obviously through Brady, but also Jimmy Garoppolo and Jacoby Brissett this season McDaniels seems to be lining himself up nicely for a new gig.

McDaniels was definitely humbled by his flameout in Denver (great story by Bleacher Report on those lessons he learned here) and already has some familiarity with the Rams, albeit in St. Louis, having been their offensive coordinator in 2011. All before coming back to the Patriots as an offensive assistant and then once again as the OC after Bill O’Brien took the Texans HC job. So its not a stretch to make the connection. And while I’d love to have McD stick around, it doesn’t look like Bill Belichick is going anywhere any time soon. So can you really fault the guy?

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This may be the best job opening in the NFL. Usually when a job opens up its in a shit market like Cleveland, which I think McDaniels has made obvious he does not want to do. He’s also gotta be real careful what situation he ultimately decides to go with because this will probably be his last shot to show he can be a successful head coach in this league. So it really comes down to Jared Goff, who has looked absolutely abysmal in his brief experience as a starting QB. Does McDaniels believe he can work with Goff and make him a star? Because if he does, take the job. If not, he may want to rethink it. But this is the same guy who helped get the Pats to 11 wins with Matt Cassel and had a record of 3-1 with 2nd and 3rd string QB’s this season.

Who the hell wouldn’t want this job?

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DeflateGate 2 Was Over Before It Started as Hypocrisy in the NFL Wins Again

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What a bunch of goddamn hypocrites the NFL is. To quote Brand New, “The Devil and God are raging inside me.” I was listening to WEEI this morning and Kirk Minihane was asking why aren’t Patriots fans more fired up about this bullshit from the league and let me tell you, I’m getting there. But I think people are just beat down. You can’t fight city hall.

All the shit the Patriots went through over the past 2 years, citing process, citing pretense, citing SCIENCE, as for why DeflateGate was much ado about nothing. And it didn’t matter, the NFL crushed us. ESPN crushed us. Mark Brunell was crying on SportsCenter for christ’s sake.

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When in reality the appropriate response to what allegedly happened is exactly what we witnessed yesterday. A complaint from a team reported by Jay Glazer, a little rumbling on Twitter and then the NFL promptly stamping it out saying nothing to see here. No misinformation. No leaving the team to twist in the wind while false reports pile up. No ESPN roundtables. So I think people are absolutely pissed, we just could not be less surprised. And I think thats what takes a lot of venom out of people.

But its shit like this that drives me absolutely bananas.

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I’m sure this was said tongue in cheek, but thats the exact issue. He’s joking about it and nobody cares. Remember how Brady denied any wrongdoing and he got DESTROYED by everyone. Now Mike Tomlin refuses to comment on it, saying theres nothing to it. And no one bats an eye. And don’t give me the “he’s got no prior incidents” response. Does anybody remember this?

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I doubt it. And thats why people aren’t calling up yelling and screaming on the radio. Because the Patriots were screwed and the PSI of balls was never the issue.

Rooney. Mara. Jones. Just wait guys, sooner or later one of these shit storms will blow up on you…and there will be no one left to speak for you. In the meantime, the Patriots will keep rolling on the way to Super Bowl title number 5; one for the thumb.

Success is the best revenge.

Gronkowski Out 8 Weeks Due to Back Surgery

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Well thats a pretty shitty way to kick off Thirsty Thursday. Seriously, what a goddamn disaster. All the reports coming out now are saying Gronk will be out for 8 weeks due to a herniated disc in his back that he needs to get surgery on. That puts us right through to the Super Bowl. So in theory, Gronk could be back for the Super Bowl if the Patriots get a top 2 seed, earn a first round bye and win the AFC, all without their best weapon.

All of this if Gronk’s recovery goes as scheduled. Which it never fucking does. Name one Gronk injury that wasn’t filled with drama and setbacks. The torn up knee, the broken arm, doesn’t matter. We’ll get some joint press release from the Patriots and Gronk in like 7 weeks saying how he’s actually out another 6 months. Jesus Christ, it’s like they have the old Red Sox team doctors on staff that completely sandbagged Jacoby Ellsbury with horribly inaccurate target dates to get back on the field. No one ever knows with Gronk and thats what worries me the most.

Oh that and of course he’s getting ANOTHER back surgery, after he already had one in college, which is why he missed his last season at Arizone and which is why he dropped into the second round for the Pats to snatch up. Two back surgeries, a knee surgery, arm surgeries and countless other injuries before you even hit 30? I don’t want to be all doom and gloom, but that is a recipe for disaster and its a goddamn shame because if healthy Gronk has the potential to be the greatest Tight End of *all-time*

Hopefully some additional reports come out in the coming weeks with better news, but right now it looks like we’re back to the days of trying to win Super Bowls without your best player not named Tom Brady. Hey, at least Belichick was smart enough this year to have a mythical creature on the roster as a contingency plan in Martellus Bennett AKA “The Black Unicorn.”

Richard Sherman Already Complaining Refs Protect Tom Brady Too Much

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CSNNE – “They’ve got several rules to protect him in various situations so you’ve got to be careful with how you sack him.”

Here we go again, Richard Sherman firing up the hype machine and making pre-emptive excuses. Look the only reason you say stuff like this is so you have something to point to when you lose. Two years ago when he was really balling out, Sherman would have just said TB12 sucks or is too old to get it done. Not now, he sees the way Brady is playing and wants to hedge his bets before Sunday Night.

Now I actually like Richard Sherman, but he’s definitely overrated. That pick he had last week against Buffalo was practically a fair catch so don’t give me that.

Is he trying to get the refs attention ahead of the game to not coddle Brady? Probably. But hey this is the NFL, it’s absolutely a QB’s league. With that being said Brady has been taking some massive shots in recent weeks, too many for my liking, so Sherman can pipe down with that.

Tom Brady loves going after defensive players talking shit during the week to try and burn them and I think that’s what Rich is setting himself up for here. People don’t forget.

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Patriots 28-21

Dion Lewis Almost Ready to Complete Patriots Voltron

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NFL.com – NFL Network Insider Ian Rapoport reported Wednesday that running back Dion Lewis is expected to return to practice this week, per a source. The elusive back started the season on the physically unable to perform list after tearing his ACL last season in early November. His return to practice opens a 21-day window in which he must be activated to the 53-man roster or placed on season-ending injured reserve.

Dion Lewis is almost back. In a word:

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But seriously, is there nothing the rest of the NFL can do to stop the Pats pain train? Got off to a solid start at 3-1, Tom Brady came back in Week 5 and has played OK (i.e. “Leads the NFL in Every Meaningful Category“), Martellus Bennett is flashing his potential with 3 TD games, Gronk is healthy and now we got Dion about to come back? If he can play anywhere close to how he played last year, which is a big if, the Patriots will literally be unstoppable. Dion essentially completes the Patriots version of Voltron (or the Megazord if you’re more of a live action anime kind of guy) and that scares every other team in the NFL.

They’ll have arguably the best player at almost every offensive position on the field. The best QB, the best TE, the best inside receiver, the best No. 2 TE and one of if not the best receiving backs in the league.

Who do you cover? Double Gronk and hope for the best? Good luck. The Bills tried that last year and Lewis went off for 6 catches for 98 yards, 40 yards rushing and a TD. Opposing head coaches and D coordinators are going to start doing a Hue Jackson and just take off their headsets conceding defeat. God it’s good to be a Patriots fan. Now everyone keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times and eat your goddamn vitamins.

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ESPN Now Groveling at the Feet of Bill Belichick

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Now hold the goddamn phone ESPN. Just because Tom Brady is finally back and Belichick held down the fort at 3-1 with 2nd and 3rd string QB’s you think you can just float this puff piece past my desk and I’ll forget about the last 18 months? I don’t think so. I will read every word of this article and I will love it. But I will not forget what you did to my friends in Foxborough. You started a witch hunt, you refused to acknowledge false reports by Chris Mortensen, which turned this little equipment violation into the shit storm we refer to today as Deflategate.

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So no ESPN, I do not accept your apology. Hell, Brady might be the first player to win MVP only playing 12 games. The most competitive guy in the NFL, you think deep down, he may be a little ticked that people are saying “Look the Pats don’t even need Brady, they’re 3-1!” Like Brady is some scrub and the Pats could go to 6 Super Bowls with Rex Grossman under center? Oh, this is gonna be fun.

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