BREAKING: Supreme Court Lifts Federal Ban on Sports Gambling

So earlier today the Supreme Court lifted its longstanding federal ban prohibiting sports gambling, which now paves the way for any state in the country to legalize betting your hard earned cash on sports.

Just in time for that monstrosity of a casino they’re building in Everett too. Now I know not many of you are frequenting Everett, but I was driving through the other day to grab a tasty roast beef sandwich and they might as well be building the goddamn Death Star over there. A town that is one road in and one road out has 1,000 construction workers roaming the streets, the Dunkies, the restaurants, they are everywhere in that town. I can’t wait for that casino to open because 1.) its going to be awesome with sports betting now potentially a go, but 2.) it will also be hilarious how much of a disaster that traffic will be. Like when something pisses you off so bad you just start cackling like a psycho so you don’t actually snap on someone in public? Yea, like that.

But I digress, after today there is no longer a federal mandate in place outlawing sports betting so places like New Jersey that have been fighting to legalize this for years will probably roll out legalized sports gambling by dinner time.

Massachusetts? Who the hell knows. You would think having a casino currently under construction would make this a pretty quick and easy decision, but we also don’t have happy hour in Massachusetts because one asshole got drunk and killed someone 20+ years ago. Puritan states are the best aren’t they? ESPN did categorize Massachusetts as one of the states “Moving toward legalization” though.

To give you a very quick high level breakdown of what this means, and what the holdup has been, here is an excerpt from ESPN:

“The court ruled to strike down the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act (PAPSA), a 1992 law that barred state-authorized sports gambling with some exceptions. It made Nevada the only state where a person could wager on the results of a single game.

States that want to offer legal sports betting may now do so, and New Jersey plans to be first. Delaware, Mississippi, New York, Pennsylvania and West Virginia are among the states expected to quickly get into the legal bookmaking game…One research firm estimated before the ruling that if the Supreme Court were to strike down PAPSA, 32 states would likely offer sports betting within five years.”

ESPN also stated in an FAQ that they expect New Jersey to have its operation up and running within weeks, “potentially in time for the NBA Finals.” So thats exciting for all of us degenerates, but it may put your bookie out of work and force him to go back to working night shifts at the power plant or as a misunderstood janitor for an Ivy League college.

I have absolutely zero desire to ever go to New Jersey and this ain’t gonna change shit, but if you live in the area this may be what brings Atlantic City back from the dead. Legalized gambling could put so much coin in Jersey’s pocket that Atlantic City will look like Nucky Thompson is running that town again.

I think this will benefit the states more than anything because if I want to bet on something I’ll just go online and bet on it somewhere. Allegedly. But if theres a place down the street from me that is reputable, regulated, and of course financially backed then why not just go there? Thats tons and tons of money going into the state’s pocket thats coming almost entirely out of thin air. There’s next to no product they need to market and sell, they just need to take every dummy’s money and then pay out the lucky ones. Thats how the mob ran this country for so long. Which also raises the question; if this is so easy to do and theres so much extra money going into gambling, whats to say this doesn’t make corruption in sports, point shaving, etc. all the more likely? To be completely honest, we won’t know until the first schmuck with a plan gets busted. But as any industry that steps into the light knows, the more publicly traded, scrutinized and regulated an industry is, the more difficult it is for said industry to be filled with corruption.

The *real* fun will start though once the brick and mortar gambling shops have ironed out all the kinks and they start offering mobile betting. Assuming they don’t geofence the arenas/ballparks and block the apps functionality, you could in theory be sitting in the bleachers at Fenway and placing over/under bets in the 6th inning from your seat. Then go stroll down Comm Ave and pick up your winnings after the game. That my friends will be a goddamn blast. Money won is sweeter than money earned.

If you can’t handle that and you lose all your money, thats on you pal. Don’t ruin the fun for the rest of us because you can’t manage your vice. If you can’t spot the sucker when you walk into a room, chances are its you.

Viva la gambling.

 

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