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Lonzo Ball’s First Big Baller Brand Shoe Sells Less Than 300 Pairs on Day 1

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The fact that less than 300 of the Big Baller Brand shoes were sold on day one is laugh out loud funny. After Nike, Adidas and Under Armour told Lavar Ball to go fuck himself he says fine I’ll do it myself. If you are comparing your son to Michael Jordan, Steph Curry and LeBron James you NEED to sell more than 300 pairs.

Now don’t get it twisted. Selling 300 of anything in a day by yourself is no small feat, I would be thrilled to sell 300 baseball cards in a day, but an NBA Draft Lottery Pick I am not. I mean if you do the math thats like $150K which is a pretty nice day at the office, but again Lonzo Ball is going to be throwing around $150K like they’re fun coupons in a couple of months.


But selling fucking sneakers for $500 takes some big balls, not to mention the $250 SANDALS.

Hell I still bide my time until some nice Nike’s come through Marshall’s so I can cop those things for like 60% off. So good luck selling any sneaker not called Yeezys for that kind of money Lavar, Lonzo or whoever the fuck is running that operation.

Even Former MLB Players Are Still Shitting on Joe West

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Joe West is the ultimate dickhead umpire in all of baseball. The definition of inserting yourself into the game. People legitimately call him Cowboy Joe West for christ’s sake. Welp, even former players are still shitting on Joe West for being a terrible umpire.

Umpires and refs are a job where if you know the guy’s name he’s probably not doing a great job. Joe West, Angel Hernandez, Tim Donaghy, Walt Anderson etc. Except for Ed Hochuli. Everyone knows Ed Hochuli because he’s a boss.

NBA 2K esports League to Launch With 17 Teams and I Will Watch the Shit Out of It

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And we’re off. It was officially announced that there will be 17 teams participating in the inaugural season of the NBA 2K esports League in 2018. Good looks by 2K on the official sponsorship, my sources are telling me they narrowly edged out the NBA Jam franchise.

To be honest, I’m surprised the NBA got this many teams to participate, but I for one am all about this. God forbid MLB tried this, it would take a decade of old guys debating how this would sully the history of the game. As a guy who plays far too many video games, breaking only to watch sports, this is a win-win.

I would watch the shit out a YouTube show documenting how the Celtics go about building their team, scouting, recruiting, training and competing.

Might have to call up Wyc and pitch that idea myself. Franchise that shit out as a vlog for every team…

We’ve all heard how big esports are becoming (hell even colleges are offering esports scholarships now), but it was mainly for games like League of Legends, which I’ve never even contemplated playing. But when you catch something a little more accessible like a Call of Duty tournament on G4, its just nuts how good the guys are. In the same way its nuts watching professional sports. The NBA knows a cash cow when they see it coming down the road, like ya know god damn La Liga patches on jerseys.

So a lot of people will say this is for nerds and nerds alone, but in the same sense its hard to appreciate just how good LeBron James is if you’ve never played competitive basketball. I am 5’8″ and didn’t make it past youth basketball so watching what that manchild can do resonates with me. I have a frame of reference as an average white guy with just how absurd LeBron is at basketball.

Here are the 17 teams that will be a part of the inaugural NBA eSports league.

  • Boston Celtics
  • Cleveland Cavaliers
  • Dallas Mavericks
  • Detroit Pistons
  • Golden State Warriors
  • Indiana Pacers
  • Memphis Grizzlies
  • Miami Heat
  • Milwaukee Bucks
  • New York Knicks
  • Orlando Magic
  • Philadelphia 76ers
  • Portland Trail Blazers
  • Sacramento Kings
  • Toronto Raptors
  • Utah Jazz
  • Washington Wizards

What I’m curious about is how the hell you can get 5 guys playing together on one NBA 2K team. Have you ever tried playing with a buddy on one team? Fucking impossible. You basically just end up playing iso ball and looking for running screens chucking up 3’s falling out of bounds because its impossible to try and run any semblance of a real play.

So yes, I will watch the shit out of this. Will I pay to watch this? Probably not, but I’ve bought dumber things. So, probably, yes.

Addison Russell is Using Pokemon Cards to Flip the Autograph Game On Its Head

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ESPN – When Chicago Cubs shortstop Addison Russell asked those two All-Stars — and many others around the league — to autograph the back of his Pokémon cards, he knew he would get some puzzled reactions. And he most certainly did. Yes, Russell is sending clubhouse attendants to opposing locker rooms armed with Pokémon cards for some of Russell’s favorite players to sign.

Did Addison Russell just become my new best friend? Yup. You see it all the time; professional athletes asking other pros to sign balls or even exchanging jerseys, but this, this is something. Busting out Pokemon cards and asking people to sign those instead is so awesome. Thats how you know Russell is a stud. He doesn’t need to front like he’s the baddest guy on the block and pretend Pokemon is only for kids. He loves Pokemon and he owns it.

If you’re in your 20’s and deny liking Pokemon then you are a walking, clinical definition of insecurity. We all loved the Pocket Monsters. Sure, maybe not all of us were illegally playing Pokemon Red emulators on our laptops in class back in college, but theres a reason Pokemon Go is one of the highest earning mobile apps of all time.

Did I spend hours upon hours playing Pokemon Go in traffic so I could snag the special edition Christmas Pikachu with a Santa hat? I mean, I didn’t not do that.

There is a method to his madness. He doesn’t just pick the cards randomly. He’s looking for a card that fits the player’s game or personality. “If there are flame balls on them, I’ll get a closer like Kenley Jansen to sign,” Russell said.

This isn’t just some gag from the 23-year-old, Russell is doing his research. You can’t just have anyone signing holographic or legendary cards. Thats bullshit. That would be stupid and childish. The autograph needs to fit the Pokemon.

So keep doing your thing Addison, hopefully you get Pablo Sandoval to sign that shiny Snorlax card. Get it? Because all he does is sleep and eat! Woof.

PS – Shoutout to my dude Kenley Jansen for dropping the Dragon Ball Z reference.

“I watched Pokémon a little bit. I was more of a Dragon Ball Z type of guy. I was watching more Dragon Ball Z growing up. So I get it,” Jansen said of Russell’s hobby. “Pokémon is his stuff, and everybody has their own unique way.

Now that is a goddamn show and if you’re not a fan, thats fine, but you’re wrong.

Bruins Make the Right Move and Name Bruce Cassidy Head Coach

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In yet another season that could have easily gone down the tubes real quick, the Bruins finally ripped off the band-aid and axed Claude Julien in February. Enter The Boss, Bruce Cassidy. Say what you will about Claude, good coach, awful coach, whatever. One thing was clear, he had lost the ability to jolt the team. Or he just refused to make the necessary changes in style. But if the Bruins stand pat and don’t fire Julien, the Bruins 100% miss the playoffs for the third year in a row. That shit is unacceptable in a city like Boston, especially with the core they have now with Bergeron, Marchand, Pastrnak, Tuuka, Chara and Krug. Too many good players to not at least find your way into a Wild Card berth.

Under Cassidy the Bruins went 18-8-1 and they looked like an entirely different team. Cassidy had the team playing a much more up tempo game, had the defense jumping into plays and helping create offense rather than cycling it around and slowly lugging the puck up the ice as they had under Claude. Obviously guys like Krug thrived under the renewed style that offered them a lot more freedom, which is when you started to see 4 and 5 goal outbursts.

Cassidy was the Providence Bruins head coach for 5 years and acted as Don Sweeney’s go-to guy when Don was Director of Player Development. So Cassidy has worked closely with the young players in the Bruins system and has an intimate knowledge of whats coming through the pipeline and how to best take advantage of these players skill sets. I’m excited to see what he can do with a full offseason of working with Charlie McAvoy because that kid looks like a bonafide stud who will fit Cassidy’s style perfectly.

So the Bruins made the right move in removing the interim tag from Bruce Cassidy’s head coach name tag.

Terry Rozier is a Bad Man

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This is the first time in a long time where I legitimately said to myself, shit maybe this dude can play in the NBA!

I haven’t seen much to get me amped about him until that A+ defense, transition ball and finishing with the HELLACIOUS dunk. So hopefully the 2017 playoffs are a bit of a coming out party for Terry Rozier.

Does Rajon Rondo’s Dominance in the Playoffs Help Redeem His Image Around the NBA?

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Win or lose, if nothing else I hope this Bulls series has helped redeem Rajon Rondo’s name in the eyes of Celtics fans (and around the NBA) and of course the cantankerous Boston media. This is a guy who was a key component of the Celtics first championship in 20+ years and these days the media talks about him like a total bust who sunk the franchise. I swear these people revel in ripping the guy. I mean we all know the stories of how Rondo is a dickhead, smokes little kids in Connect Four, but thats part of what endeared him to Celtics fans and thats part of what makes him a ruthless competitor.

Its also been wild to see the Celtics point guard of yesterday whom they had once planned to build around going head to head with his direct replacement in Isaiah Thomas.

So even if it was short lived, with Rondo busting his thumb, it was fun seeing the old Rondo out there dropping dimes, driving defenses nuts and generally quarterbacking a team as he dismantled the Celtics. I don’t know where that Rondo has been the last couple of years, maybe getting traded to Dallas then getting picked up off the scrap heap from Sacramento had his “Fuck This” attitude firing on all cylinders, but it was fun watching that guy again. (Reports say Rondo may play in Game 5 now)

So is Rondo a mature adult who takes setbacks and more specifically authority and discipline all that well? Nope, the guy is a big kid. Ya know, like half the league. But put him on a decent team, give him the keys to the offense and let him do his thing? Thats the guy I remember dropping triple doubles in the playoffs, the guy slapping the floor begging to guard LeBron, the guy who played with one hand after Dwyane Wade broke his fucking arm. (Still an outrageously dirty play, so yea not exactly shocking that Rondo ripped his new teammate Wade this season.)

It was good to see THIS guy back.

So Felger and Mazz can cut the shit ranting and raving about how Celtics fans pumped up Rondo as some false prophet when in reality he was a bum. Put him on the right team and this guy is a one man show. So hopefully he pops a couple Senzu Beans and we see him again in this series because the Rondo resurgence has been too short lived and I need more of it.

PS – Say what you will, that short sleeve suit was balling. Its called fashion guys, have a little class.

The 300s Reviews: Dunkin Donuts Energy Punch Powered by Monster

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First off, before we get into this review, props to Dunkies for actually trying something new for a change. I don’t know how many more shitty breakfast sandwich variations I can take on different types of old bread. But, back to the Monster Energy Punch. It would seem Dunkies is looking to crack into the market of under 30 that may prefer Red Bulls to black coffees. Or the Friday night Allston pre-game crowd. Same thing, I guess.

I think the best way to describe this is probably…….pure poison. I am not a health nut by any means, when I’m at the dentist getting my 8th cavity filled I know why and I have no regrets. But, when I first ordered the thing I was a little unsettled when they slapped a Double Gulp down on the table. No sizes to choose from; this is the one you get. This is 64 ounces of pure sugar so theres no dipping your toes in the water here. Hold you nose and dive in.

Lets go through a timeline of events just to give a little perspective.

8:15 am: Went with the Blue Raspberry. First sip? Actually not terrible. Its pretty sweet, but I mean thats to be expected when you mix a can of Monster (using the green flavor over the sugar free blue can is where this starts to go wrong) with a goddamn fruit Coolatta.

8:30 am: Took a few sips of this behemoth on my drive to work, but immediately its apparent that this is not a drink you’re going to chug, no matter how badly you need a caffeine fix.

8:50 am: I am feeling the buzz. I highly doubt its the caffeine. As a habitual abuser of energy drinks, I know this shit is not energy. This is a sugar high felt only by the likes of a toddler on Halloween. Alright, lets ride this out.

9:10 am: I am starting to question my life choices. I’ve drank maybe 10% of the Monster Energy Punch and the buzz is already starting to fade.

9:20 am: I am full on hungover from sugar and hesitant to put any more of this concoction in my body.

9:45 am: We have thrown in the white flag. Do not want. Get this shit out of my face as fast as possible.

While I tip my hat to Dunkies for jumping into something new with both feet, holy hell how did this make it past the fucking test kitchen?

This is unsurprisingly a diabetes BOMB and you would have to be a degenerate to put down the entire Gatorade cooler worth of punch they give you. Can’t recommend it, but if you choose to tackle this drink you do so at your own risk. I still love Dunkin, guy.

RIP Charlie Murphy

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Complex – Comedian and legendary storyteller Charlie Murphy has reportedly passed away at age 57 following a battle with leukemia. According to TMZ, Murphy’s manager has confirmed he passed away in a New York City hospital due to complications from the deadly cancer. He had previously been undergoing chemo treatment to fight the illness.

Unreal. Always sucks to see one of your favorite celebrities go, especially ones that make you laugh as hard as Charlie Murphy did. Guy flew under the radar for years as his brother tore up Hollywood before exploding onto the scene in Chappelle’s Show.

Charlie Murphy stole the show every single time he was featured in a skit. Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories of Prince and Rick James are all-time classics. Nothing will ever top these two skits. They were a look into how wild the 80s were in Hollywood and just how crazy some of our most beloved celebrities were. With a little comedic flair of course, but Charlie had the benefit of not being a huge star so these stories, as hilarious as they were, seemed pretty genuine.

Player Haters Ball. “CLAP FOR ME BITCH!” Classic.

The Mad Real World. “CORRECTION” Classic.

Charlie Murphy coined some all time phrases too like “Habitual Line Stepper.”

And I still laugh every time I see him Bruce Lee kick Rick James in the chest.

Pour one out for my guy Charlie Murphy or as Rick James called him, “Darkness.”

LeBron James Is Crying Because People Like Steph Curry More

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Business Insider – Though Stephen Curry has undergone a somewhat sudden rise to one of the NBA’s most popular players and the league’s first unanimous MVP, he apparently has work to do within the league. According to Marcus Thompson of Bay Area News Group, author of the newly released “Golden: The Miraculous Rise of Steph Curry,” Curry is not all that popular with some of the league’s biggest stars, including LeBron James.

This is some straight up Mean Girls shit. People rag on for LeBron for a lot of things. Some fair, some not so much. But, if this is true and LeBron and other guys around the league are pissy because Steph Curry is getting too much shine? Cry me a river dude. Steph basically reinvented the 3 pointer by draining shots from everywhere on the court. Consistently. Its not like the guy hasn’t ever won a title either. So its no wonder the guy gets a lot of hype.

Steph, you want LeBron and his flunkies to accept you? Well on Fridays they wear pink so shape up.

If you wanna clown on Steph Curry for something, make it the ugly ass shoes he puts out. Twitter engulfs in flames every time Steph drops a shoe now because people can’t wait to meme the latest Dad Bod 7’s.

The NBA is a meritocracy. Simple as that. If you suck then you won’t get the shine. If you are a transcendent player then you will “leapfrog” other guys. Especially aging stars. Pipe down Chris Paul. You’ve had about 85 State Farm commercials over the past few years. You’re not exactly getting put out to pasture.

Plus people like Steph because he’s relatable. He’s not an athletic freak, he’s not a 6’8″ man-child that can play all 5 positions on the court. He’s a pretty unassuming dude who dominates with incredible outside shooting and a great handle. People can relate to that. Everyone loves to watch LeBron, he’s one of the greatest players of all time. But he’s an absolute once in a generation athletic specimen who’s been that way since he was 15. People can’t relate to that.

Fucking Mugatu over here is bullshit because people like Steph more than him. I’VE BEEN TO SIX STRAIGHT FINALS. I INVENTED THE PIANO KEY NECKTIE!