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Tesla’s New Truck Reveal Went About as Well as Homer Simpson’s Car Design

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TechCrunch – In what was one of the more surreal product launches I’ve seen, Tesla debuted its $39,900 Cybertruck pickup tonight. After running through some specs and hitting the truck’s door with a sledge hammer, Elon asked an on-stage companion (Tesla’s lead designer, Franz von Holzhausen) to demonstrate the strength of the Tesla “Armor Glass” by throwing a solid metal, baseball-sized ball at the driver side window…So they tried it again on the rear passenger window… and it cracked too. “Room for improvement,” Musk says with a shrug….”We’ll fix it in post,” he followed up with a laugh then moved on to talking about the car’s suspension. The video went private on Tesla’s YouTube channel about 30 seconds after the live stream was over.

“Oh my fucking god.” – Elon Musk

I literally laughed out loud at my desk watching this GIF. Sure this “truck” might be indestructible, it might have windows made of adamantium, but why even take that chance when you’re up on stage and streaming live to millions? The first version of everything is usually garbage. My first iPhone was an iPhone 4. I’m on the 6s now and the thing still got smashed.

Musk might be spending too much time with Joe Rogan if he thought his spaceship car could take a paper weight off the driver’s window.

The only time a new car presentation has gone worse was when Homer Simpson designed the piece of shit that put his brother out of business.

Paul Pierce Smoked Kyrie Irving While Discussing Celtics Leadership

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Boston.com – Jackie MacMullan and Paul Pierce discussed the Celtics’ new leadership: After losing on opening night, the Celtics have embarked on an eight-game winning streak. The team appears to have a different “vibe” this season in comparison to the underachievement of last season.

During an episode of ESPN’s “The Jump” on Tuesday, former Celtic Paul Pierce and longtime NBA reporter Jackie MacMullan touched on the difference in the team’s leadership. Specifically, the departure of Kyrie Irving and the arrival of Kemba Walker.

“They got better leadership in there,” Pierce said. “Let’s just call it how it is.”

After ESPN reporter Rachel Nichols — the show’s host — offered a clarification that the leadership was simply “different,” Pierce jumped back in.

“It’s better,” reiterated Pierce. “Kemba, he’s known throughout the league as being a great leader. I mean, he played on losing teams, he stayed positive. He went out and played hard every night, and that can be infectious. That can be the difference between losing and winning and chemistry. That’s what he’s brought to the Celtics.”

If anyone knows the behind the scenes story of the Celtics, its Paul Pierce. The guy is a C’s legend, he’s tight with ownership, he’s someone the young players look up to, and is a media personality so he knows all the broadcasters. The man has an “in” in just about every area stories and rumors would pop up about his former team.

That exchange between Pierce and Rachel Nichols legit made me laugh out loud because Nichols is trying to smooth things over and say no no its not better its just different. To which Pierce channels his inner Stanley in response.

I don’t think its a personal thing because there has never been any story I can recall about Pierce and Kyrie not getting along. Its not like Shaq taking shots at a young Dwight Howard back in the day. This seems to be Pierce the Celtic or Pierce the fan genuinely psyched about how much better this team looks this year. Its quite literally the definition of addition by subtraction. Of course Hayward was playing great before his injury, but Jaylen Brown and Jayson Tatum were playing more freely, the ball was moving all over the court, and the team just seemed more relaxed. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a mercurial boss who was your best friend one day and a powder keg waiting to explode the next day, but that grinds on you. No wonder the team chemistry was shit last year, no one knew what version of their team leader they were getting, not to mention when they might get chewed out on national TV for missing a shot.

I liked Kyrie when he first got here, and while I don’t necessarily hate him now, I don’t really want him on my team. Over time it became clear that he was basically the best player on your high school team or better yet your college intramural teams. Just a guy that is a complete dickhead to teammates because they aren’t doing exactly what he wants.

Needless to say the Kemba Walker experience is off to a flawless start though.

Who Was the Red Sox Prospect You Thought Couldn’t Miss But Flamed Out?

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The Globe raised this question and I immediately shouted CRAIG HANSEN at my computer. I’ll never forget seeing a guy walking around in a legit stitched Hansen jersey one summer weeks before the kid even got called up. People, including myself, were that confident in the St. John’s closer. Welp, he never really panned out. Him and Manny Delcarmen were supposed to lock down the 8th and the 9th at Fenway for a decade but it just didn’t happen. Craig Hansen only played four seasons and finished with an 6.34 ERA and now is literally an insurance salesman. One of my old buddies always theorized Hansen didn’t work out because of the stitches on the baseball. Supposedly he was so dominant in college because college baseballs have stitches that are more raised so it was easier to throw wicked breaking balls. Whether thats true or not I have no idea, but it was interesting to ponder. Well what about you? Who were you CONVINCED was going to be a stud but never made it? Cla Meredith? Anderson Espinoza?

Rumors Say the Chargers May Move to London and the Chargers Responded

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Yahoo – After years of success with its games in London, the NFL might be considering taking its overseas relationship with the city one step further. Interest is picking up with the league, the Los Angeles Chargers and the rest of the NFL’s team owners in a possible move by the team to London, according to a report from The Athletic’s Vincent Bonsignore:

The Athletic has learned through NFL sources that the possibility of the Chargers moving to London has been broached among league personnel. The Athletic also has learned that, while the team is fully committed to Los Angeles where it will move into the new $4.5 billion stadium with the Rams next year, the Chargers would at least listen if the NFL approached them about about London as a possible option.

Finally, The Athletic has learned that NFL owners are concerned enough about the Chargers’ situation in L.A., where a crowded sports market and the presence of the more established Rams has resulted in a tepid embracement [sic] of the Chargers, that they would provide the necessary support for a relocation to London if the Chargers pursue it.

I guess a lot of this stems from the league just now starting to realize that LA can’t support two NFL teams. We all realize LA is one of the biggest media markets in the world, but that doesn’t change the fact that the NFL has put their head in the sand and ignored the fact that LA has never been a big sports town. Its a transient city so the majority of people in LA hail from somewhere else and already have a team. Not to mention its Hollywood so just about everyone out there is doing just about everything besides sitting at home watching sports. Thats what makes Boston a perfect sports town. Its cold and miserable like 8 months out of the year so you become a sports fan almost by default. In LA you can basically do whatever you want whenever you want. So trying to shoehorn not one, but two teams into LA after this same exact experiment failed in the 80s never made any sense. The Rams simply made it to market first and were better right off the bat so the Chargers were always going to be treated like a stepchild.

Now Philip Rivers would most likely be long retired before this move to London ever realistically happens, but its a pretty good example to take a look at. They moved from San Diego to LA, a gargantuan 2 hour and 43 minute drive north, and he refused to move his family. So the guy literally takes helicopters and buses to practice so he doesn’t have to uproot the Brady Bunch. Now imagine moving an entire franchise to London, which is a 10 and a half hour flight? Bananas. Granted I’ve seen stories in the past theorizing that for this to ever work logistically the team would likely have to be based on the East Coast as a sort of jumping off point. Otherwise you’re looking at 20+ international flights when you factor in pre-season as well as all the flights back to London. That doesn’t even take into account playoff games. Good luck signing big time free agents on that. My commute is an hour in traffic and I want to drive into the Charles every day because of it.

Welp, it seems like the Chargers agree because they have come out of the gates HOT to shoot these rumors down.

Sorry, London.

The Gamblers Guide to Betting on the Celtics and the Atlantic Division This Year

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So we’re two weeks into the 2019-20 NBA season and the Celtics are a solid 4-1 with wins over the Knicks (twice), the Raptors, and an incredible comeback win over the Bucks. Their only loss came on opening night to the Sixers, made worse by the sight of Al Horford in a Philly jersey. The Celtics look like they’ll be a pretty good team made better possibly with addition by subtraction. Kemba Walker looks like a match made in heaven as a guy who can drop 30 a night, yet is more than happy to pass up a last shot to blossoming superstars like Jayson Tatum.

What made that Tatum game winner even better was that it was the exact same play that the Celtics ran in Orlando last year leading to Kyrie throwing a fit on the court for not getting the ball. Oh and Kyrie continues to be an absolute PILL in New Jersey, memorialized by Jackie MacMullan’s great piece last week. Enjoy the ride, Nets fans.

Now for the most important part: the gambling.  Its a little early to overreact one way or the other and the Celtics’ unlikely come from behind double digit win over the Bucks probably skews things a little bit. But pick your spots with this C’s team and you could make some decent cash as they continue to surprise people.

  • Philadelphia 76ers
    • ESPN Projected Finish: 57-27, 2nd in the East
    • Key Storylines: Addition of Al Horford, Finally Getting Over the Hump, Overcoming Lack of Depth
    • 5-0 Against the Spread

The Sixers took their biggest weakness last year, a lack of bench depth, and doubled down on it. They lost Jimmy Butler and JJ Reddick, but picked up big man Al Horford to pair with Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid. The Sixers have arguably the best starting 5 in the league, but the end of the bench is pretty barren yet again. With that being said they are 5-0 and the current No. 1 seed in the East so while they don’t have much margin for error, they are one of the most talented squads in the league.

  • Boston Celtics
    • ESPN Projected Finish: 48-34, 3rd in the East
    • Key Storylines: Loss of Kyrie Irving and Al Horford, Addition of Kemba Walker, Addition by Subtraction, Jayson Tatum the All-Star
    • 3-2 ATS

If the Celtics are going to go anywhere this year its going to largely be due to Jayson Tatum. Sure Kemba Walker is the latest max free agent in town and Jaylen Brown just got PAID, but this team needs Tatum to become an elite wing player this season if they want to do some damage. I’ve been predicting big things for Tatum despite a less than stellar second season. So far this season he looks excellent averaging 22 PPG while shooting 40% from the field, an impressive 48% from three and an abysmal 75% from the line. Along with Pascal Siakam, Tatum was voted by ESPN as the most likely player to make their first All-Star team in the East, both earning 68.2% of the votes. With Tatum and likely Kemba making the All-Star team, an improved Brown, a finally looking like a basketball player again Gordon Hayward, and All-World defense from Marcus Smart, this team could be in business. As we seem to say every year since KG and Perk left town, the Celtics will need someone to step up as a rim protector/rebounder/big man presence. Whether thats Enes Kanter, Daniel Theis or Robert Williams evolving into the role, the C’s will need someone to step up if they want to compete with the Sixers.

  • Brooklyn Nets
    • ESPN Projected Finish: 45-37, 5th in the East
    • Key Storylines: Addition of Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant, Kyrie Still a Pill
    • 2-4 ATS

This will be a much safer bet next season when Kevin Durant returns to the court, assuming he’s healthy, but in the meantime they will be a fun team to watch. Despite all his bizarre antics and issues with the media, Kyrie Irving remains one of the most electric one on one players in the league. While thats not necessarily the best path to winning a title, it definitely will steal the Nets some games they have no business winning.

  • Toronto Raptors
    • ESPN Projected Finish: 45-37, 6th in the East
    • Key Storylines: Defending Champs, Loss of Kawhi Leonard and Danny Green, Growth of Pascal Siakam
    • 4-2 ATS

Man what a roller coaster ride 2019 has been for Drizzy Drake’s favorite squad. Sorry let me clarify, I meant Drake’s hometown team the Raptors not his other favorite squad the Golden State Warriors. Winning their first title behind a Herculean effort from Kawhi Leonard solidifying his spot as the best player in the NBA…to Kawhi walking away and now defending their title with Pascal Siakam and not much else. Siakam was voted by ESPN as the co-favorite to earn their first time All-Star bid in the East. Its hard to be mad as the defending champs, but they went from the favorites (especially with a rapidly imploding Warriors team) to a team that will be scrapping for a bottom half seed in the East this year.

  • New York Knicks
    • ESPN Projected Finish: 26-56, 13th in the East
    • Key Storylines: ….lottery picks and 2020 Free Agency?
    • 1-6 ATS

If you bet real, actual, American dollars on the New York Knicks then you are on your own. Sure Marcus Morris is great to watch when he’s on, but you are banking on the latest iteration of James Dolan’s madness here. Maybe if you get them in a parlay, but other than that I cannot advise gambling on this dumpster fire.

So to wrap it up, who has the best shot at winning the division? Lets not get ahead of ourselves and ask who’s going to take down LeBron and the Lakers or Kawhi and the Clippers in the Finals quite yet. As of late October, the Sixers had become -200 favorites to win the Atlantic, improving from -160 on opening night. The Celtics remained the second-favorite, but were well back at +420, only a shade ahead of the new-look Raptors at +490 with all odds via Sports Betting Dime. Expect those odds to be a little closer together when they’re updated next. Boston’s impressive 116-105 win over the 60-win Bucks made a statement that Brad Stevens’ team is going to be a tough out this year.

I LOVE the Celtics at +420 to win the division. Sure that means catching the Sixers and winning 50+ games, who ESPN has them finishing 9 games behind, but those are odds to bet on. The Sixers at -160 is almost even money and forget it if Embiid misses time with the annual injury or load management concerns. The Raptors feel pretty unlikely to leapfrog both Boston and Philly so I’m not sold on them, and I think this season is a holding pattern for Brooklyn and yet another rebuilding year for the Knicks. So slap down some cash on the Celtics and enjoy the ride.

The First Game of Thrones Prequel Got Axed, But “House of the Dragon” Was Greenlit

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IGN – Game of Thrones’ planned prequel series is no longer going forward at HBO.
After a pilot for the Naomi Watts-starring series was filmed earlier this year, the network has opted not to move forward with the untitled Game of Thrones spinoff..Set 5,000 years before the events of Game of Thrones, the prequel would have explored the Age of Heroes and likely key historical figures like Bran the Builder — but, notably, wouldn’t feature the Targargyens. Martin had said that while the Starks and direwolves will be featured in the show, it would be a different Westeros than what fans are used to.

The Game Of Thrones universe really has taken a lot of blows over the last 6 months. Yesterday we got news of David Benioff and DB Weiss getting 86’d from Star Wars and now HBO isn’t picking up The Long Night prequel series despite already shooting a pilot.

To be honest a prequel starring Naomi Watts and focusing on characters like Bran the Builder, pre-Targaryens, pre-White Walkers, pre-7 kingdoms didn’t really sound all that interesting. Well, it looks like HBO agreed.

However I am a schill for anything Thrones related so I will watch anything and everything they put out. It would be interesting to see the buildup to the first appearance of the White Walkers and hopefully get some actual meat on the bones around their origin. If you recall this scene from Season 1, Old Nan tells Bran a story about The Long Night, which took place thousands of years before the Game of Thrones we know and love.

A lot of Thrones news has broken this week, including Benioff and Weiss deciding to leave (i.e. got fired) the next Star Wars trilogy they were hired to develop. Benioff and Weiss basically admitted in a recent Q&A not even understanding the GoT characters until they were *forced* to write more scenes due to contractual obligations.

Who admits that?? Seriously, just look at some of the exchanges these two gave.

I understand its supposed to be self deprecating and tweets don’t convey tone and context, which can mean a lot, but these guys are basically confirming what every one of their critics has been hammering them on since Season 8 ended.

It would seem like the next best bet of seeing Thrones on your TV any time in the near future would be HBO picking up the script for George RR Martin’s Targaryen prequel “Fire and Blood,” which takes place hundreds of years before Thrones and focuses on how the Targaryen dynasty came to be.

[Update: HBO officially teased it last night]

Thankfully, Miguel Sapochnik is attached as executive producer and director which is great news since he directed some of the best Thrones episodes ever. Sapochnik directed Battle of the Bastards (which won an Emmy), Hardhome (wildlings battle with White Walkers), Winds of Winter (Cersei blowing up the Sept), as well as Season 8 eps The Long Night (battle with the White Walkers at Winterfell) and The Bells (Khaleesi destroying Kings Landing).

Yes House of the Dragon is based on the prequel Martin wrote while he was too busy to finish writing the main books that would have saved the TV show. Benioff and Weiss got exposed badly in the last 2 seasons once the play by play directions (and dialogue) from Martin were no longer there. The internet mob has already played judge, jury, and executioner with Benioff and Weiss earning all the blame for the meh Season 8. But Martin should get just as much blame, especially after working with those two guys for a decade. He knew what they were and what they weren’t actually creating and he probably knew the show would take a hit once his playbook wasn’t there for them to lean on. So he decided to write a 736 page history of the Targaryens instead of finishing the only important Game of Thrones story.

What the fuck man?

Thats negligent malpractice on Martin’s part so that final Game of Thrones novel better be the best goddamn book since the Bible.

PS – I know its too closely tied to the show that literally just ended, but give me a mini-series of Robert’s Rebellion and I would watch the shit out of that. Everyone already knows the key characters so you don’t need to spend years building it up. Get in, get out, make a billion dollars.

Nationals Fan Sacrificed the Body to Save His Beers

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Shoutout to this guy for sacrificing the body to make sure his beers stayed upright, cool, and crispy. He took it off the chest like it was a lob pass in soccer. Except it wasn’t, it was a goddamn rock hit 330+ feet. Do you know how fast that baseball was moving? I took a sabermetrics class in college under the guise of a Math and Economics class so please excuse the baseball nerd jargon. According to Fangraphs, the mean exit velocity of a home run in the MLB this season was 103 mph. 103! So this guy took a triple digit baseball off the chest all so he could maintain the dignity of his Bud Lights. God bless him because that shit is gonna leave a mark, but hey at $13 bucks a beer he really had no other choice.

This dude even got free tix to Game 6 out of it courtesy of Bud Light. What a time to be alive.

Did Enes Kanter Just Leak the New Celtics Jerseys?

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It sure looks like he did. Kanter just put this up on his IG Story, which The Athletic’s Emily McCarthy is speculating could be the Celtics’ new City Edition jersey.

The City Edition jerseys are basically a shameless cash grab by Nike and the NBA, which I’m okay with because I’m a self proclaimed jersey guy. But only when they’re good. These jerseys would seem to hit the right note with the Gaelic lettering, but I can’t say I understand the teal coloring? Unless thats a deep cut Irish reference (Saint Patrick’s blue?) that I’m missing, it actually looks more like a Charlotte Hornets jersey, at least from the back. Welp, either way looks like Kanter should just put Whistleblower on the back of his jersey for this leak. Appreciate the early look!

PS – I’m still holding out hope Nike brings back the NBA Christmas Edition jerseys that the league used to do. Nike did away with it when they took over the jersey contract, most likely so they could roll out the City Edition jerseys. But give me a new Christmas Kemba jersey and you can charge my credit card today.

All Sorts of DC and Marvel Rumors Are Swirling and I’m Having a Nerdgasm

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I am a nerd when it comes to this stuff so take these casting and movie rumors and inject them into my damn veins.

“[Sources] have informed us that inspired by the success of Joker, WB is now looking to do more standalone, dark and mature DC movies. And one project they’d like to make happen is a live-action Batman Beyond with [Michael] Keaton in the lead role.“

There is a rumor floating around that Michael Keaton could be in line to star as Bruce Wayne in a live action Batman Beyond movie. Batman Beyond was one of the best takes on Batman without rehashing the same old origin story that everyone goes back to. It focused on an old Bruce Wayne who used to be Batman with the mantle of the Dark Knight going to a young Terry McGinnis in the not so distant future. If that doesn’t give you a pants tent, well the internet has already started designing fake posters for this non-existent movie.

Then there are people who are doing the mental gymnastics around how this project could already be in the works. Theres been a TON of mystery and secrecy around Robert Pattinson’s upcoming Batman movie and mostly because nobody knows what its about. Especially after Ben Affleck’s script got thrown in the trash. So some people are theorizing that Pattinson could actually be playing Terry McGinnis with Keaton sliding in to play the older Bruce Wayne.

Sign. Me. Up.

And if you really wanted to fuck with people you could bring back Mark Hammil, who voiced the Joker in Batman the Animated Series and in some of the video games, for the fourth iteration of the Joker in the pasts decade.

Also, unrelated yet hilarious, a picture of Henry Cavill’s mustachioed Superman has finally leaked and it is glorious. Honestly, for all the dark tones these DC movies tried to force down our throats, maybe a man of steel with a flavor savor wouldn’t have been the worst thing.

Now that we’ve gone through DC’s latest rumors, lets head on over to the big kid on the block in the MCU.

In his new role as Creative Czar of Marvel, Kevin Feige is reportedly rebooting all of the Marvel TV shows that had mixed results. This comes as no surprise after each of the Marvel Netflix shows was slowly and methodically cancelled. Some like Daredevil and the Punisher were legitimately great shows and others like Iron Fist I could not make it through the pilot. Now its a real shame that Marvel plans to reboot these shows because it just makes the whole Netflix Marvel era feel like a waste of time. (Ironically enough thats been DC’s fundamental flaw forever) HOWEVER, there are now rumors circulating that while Feige will indeed reboot these shows he wants to keep some of the key actors in these roles.

“Our sources – the same ones who recently brought us accurate scoops such as Wiccan will debut in WandaVision, General Ross will appear in She-Hulk and the Inhumans will show up in Ms. Marvel – say that the Man Without Fear is likely to be played by Charlie Cox again. From what we understand, Feige still wants Cox as Daredevil, Jon Bernthal as the Punisher and a few more actors to reprise their roles, but for the most part, the TV characters will all be recast and whether they’re brought to life by a new performer or not, they’ll all be rebooted, with the super producer basically wanting to wipe Marvel TV’s efforts from continuity/existence.”

That is nothing more than a whisper in the wind, but that would be incredible and not to mention entirely unprecedented. I can’t think of one instance of a show or movie getting rebooted with the same actor returning to the role. That would be like Jared Leto and his weird, hoodrich version of the Joker reprising his role in the Todd Philips’ dark, grounded, gritty standalone film.

Don’t mess with me, internet message boards. These rumors are too good to not be true.

 

Whats the Most Random Sports Shirt/Jersey You Own?

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I think to classify as a “random” shirt or jersey it has to be a guy that was elite for a short period of time, a cult hero in no way due to their actual athletic prowess ( I was *this* close to buying a Gabe Kapler Yomiuri Giants jersey in 2005), a player that was only on a team for a hot minute (I’ve seen two John Lynch Patriots jerseys in Allston over the years), or a jersey that is so obscure that it should not realistically belong to you.

I am an unabashed jersey guy so I have a closet full of obscure pieces beyond just the Boston teams. The Priest Holmes jersey I bought in a Connecticut Marshalls in 2007, Byron Dafoe, Antoine Walker (shirt and jersey), Tim Tebow Patriots shirt, Sergei Samsonov shirt, banana yellow Marcus Mariota Oregon jersey, JR Redmond Patriots jersey, Pedro Mets shirt, a literal blank Athletics jersey, the list goes on and on.

Ya know, now that I think about it, this $12 purchase at the downtown Minneapolis Marshalls may have to take the cake.

So I pose the question, whats the most random sports shirt or jersey you own?