So yea there were a few ridiculous jukes, spin moves and hurdles in the NFL this year. I’d embed the countdown video if the NFL wasn’t a bunch of totalitarians, but you can watch it here. Guys like Tyreek Hill were legit designed by someone in Madden in a lab somewhere. Only explanation. But none of them will ever top this:
The goat indeed.
SI – “Tom Brady says he can only work has hard—or perform as well—as his ability to recover. And he considers sleep the best way to recover, exactly why he strives for eight to 10 hours of uninterrupted zzz’s every night….With such an importance placed on sleep and recovery, it follows that the NFL star’s next signature product from Under Armour comes in the form of tech-infused sleepwear.”
Do I want the TB12 PJ’s? No that would be silly. I don’t want them. I *need* them. Like I need oxygen. If Tom Brady says I’ll sleep like a lamb wearing these things, then I’ll take two pairs. It the guy started a new religion a la Scientology, I would at least attend a couple masses just to get the feel.
Tom Brady wants you to sleep…in his sleepwear. pic.twitter.com/mpw7rqeFOC
— Only In Boston (@OnlyInBOS) January 5, 2017
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First he made UGGs cool for guys. Then he blew everyones mind with the most monk-like diet I’ve ever heard of. Now? PJ’s. If thats what it takes to play at an MVP level nearing 40 years old, like no one has ever done before, then I’ll hear him out.
“The TB12 Sleepwear line includes full-length shirts and pants—and a short-sleeve and shorts version—with bioceramics printed on the inside. The print, sourced from natural minerals, activates the body’s natural heat and reflects it back as far infrared energy, a common tool used to reduce inflammation and help the body recover faster.”
It reminds me of the Phiten necklaces legit every baseball player in the MLB and every guy in college wore. They were alleged to “improve your balance.” Thing was literally a little nylon rope with rubber at the end. If it was a really good one thought it had some shiny stickers on it too. Complete scam. But guess what? I bought the shit outta those things.
So Mike Reiss had a great article today with what Bill Belichick had to say about Ty Law and his Hall of Fame candidacy. I have to point out some of the excellent nuggets of Bill subtly ripping the league once again.
“Asked if he felt Law was among the best at his position for a period of time, Belichick said Thursday morning, “He’s pretty good. When they start … I don’t want to say changing the rules, but changing the rules because of the way he plays, there’s probably something to be said for that.”
I think what he means to say is when Bill Polian bitched and moaned to the league and the Competition Committee (which Polian is on) because Ty Law and the Patriots dismantled the Colts. Ty Law just dominated receivers, mugged them and absolutely disrupted everything that murderous (allegedly) psycho Marvin Harrison, Peyton Manning and crew tried to do.
That 03 AFC Championship Game Ty Law and the Pats beat the Colts 24-14. That defense set up shop in Peyton’s head and baited him into FOUR interceptions (3 from Ty Law alone). Like 2 weeks off winning the MVP, Peyton had one of his patented meltdowns. So Polian said enough is enough and petitioned the league to CHANGE THE FRIGGIN RULES.
“Belichick was referencing how the NFL made a point of emphasis against illegal contact in 2004. “I know they didn’t ‘change them’ change them, but we all know what happened,” he said.”
Oh we know Bill, we know. Luckily Ty Law’s game was more than just jamming receivers though, hence the HOF candidacy.
SNY – Giants wide receiver Sterling Shepard was offered and turned down Adderall, a prescription stimulant, during his recent trip to Miami, according to a TerezOwens.com report. Shepard, along with wide receivers Odell Beckham, Victor Cruz and Roger Lewis were seen partying in Miami on a yacht with Justin Bieber and rappers Fabolous and Trey Songz following the Giants’ win over the Redskins.
What an absolute bunch of morons. Its one thing to be out partying when you have a few days off. Its another thing to be on a boat with rappers and drugs a few days before your biggest game of the year.
Sure, maybe Shepard did indeed turn down anything offered his way, thats not my point. I don’t care if these guys are blowing lines of Adderall off bathroom stalls. My point is these dummies are putting themselves in terrible positions just days before a PLAYOFF game. Can you even imagine Julian Edelman and Danny Amendola partying on a boat before a game? Not even Gronk does that shit, who has been on the record saying he doesn’t even drink during the season. No. Those guys get shitfaced and tear up the city *after* they win the Super Bowl. Not before the postseason even starts.
Sure the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Twice. I remember. But theres a reason the Pats are in the hunt every single year and its the first time the Giants have made the playoffs in half a decade and its shit like this.
ESPN – “Look, I get it, there’s a playoff beard thing. But I decided I wanted a mustache this week,” Long said Wednesday morning with a touch of humor. “It might be there next week, it might not. I’m the captain of my destiny.”…”I get to decide what facial hair [I have]. People on the Internet were like ‘Dude, where’s your [beard]? and I was like, ‘Really? Is that like a prerequisite? Sorry, I do playoff mustache.”
What an absolute all-time quote here from Chris Long. And it makes perfect sense too. Playoff Beard? Why? Because everyone else does that. No way. Playoff Mustache. When you zig, Chris Long zags. Had to do it. T-shirts for all.
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>"There’s a playoff beard thing, but I decided I wanted a mustache…I’m the captain of my destiny.” – DE Chris Long <a href=”https://t.co/GgaflrA8YA”>pic.twitter.com/GgaflrA8YA</a></p>— Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) <a href=”https://twitter.com/MikeReiss/status/816683478397964288″>January 4, 2017</a></blockquote>
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So I’ll save you the pain of imagining a Texans-Cowboys Super Bowl matchup, which Yahoo’s Shutdown Corner had ranked as the worst possible game. Four of the top 5 and 5 of the top 7 potential matchups are all Patriots games too. Who says people don’t wanna see another Pats SB? To the ratings!
7. Patriots – Giants: “Third time’s gotta be a charm, right Pats fans?”
Rating: A+ // This game would be the granddaddy of them all. I would be living off adrenaline and anxiety for two weeks straight leading up to this game. I need to beat the Giants in a Super Bowl more than I need oxygen. It’s like acid in my mouth. Buuuttt, Playoffs Eli scares the shit out of me for obvious reasons and I don’t think I can emotionally handle a 3rd straight SB loss to the Giants. But there coach has a mustache and looks like he’s on a list somewhere so maybe things are different this time. Tread carefully.
5. Patriots – Seahawks: “Seattle isn’t what it’s been in the past, but it beat New England in Foxborough this season and Super Bowl 49 was an absolute classic. We’ll gladly roll the dice on another round.”
Rating: B+ // This would be another great matchup, the rematch of arguably the best Super Bowl ever with (not arguable) the greatest ending ever. Part of me worries the Seahawks get their revenge, but the last 5 times the Pats have played Seattle have gone: Loss (2016 reg season), Win (SB XLIX), Loss (2012 reg season), Win (2008 reg season). Soo science says the Patriots win this one.
4. Patriots – Falcons: “This matchup might not be at the front of everyone’s mind, but it has just as much potential for a great game with the league’s top scoring defense (New England) trying to harness the league’s top scoring offense (Atlanta).”
Rating: C+ // I want to rank this higher, but every angle that the media will play to hype this game seem forced. Thomas Dmitroff left NE, built this Atlanta team and is now going against his former boss Bill Belichick, Former Boston College stud Matt Ryan going up against the Boston pro team etc. However it would be pretty interesting to see the NFL’s No. 1 scoring offense (ATL) vs the NFL’s No. 1 scoring defense (NE) and see who takes the title.
3. Patriots – Packers: “Tom Brady vs. Aaron Rodgers. What more do you need?”
Rating: B- // Yahoo somehow did not mention a SB XXXI rematch?? (Still the best SB logo ever BTW) Belichick was just a young pup in 1996, the assistant coach under Bill Parcells. Think Belichick would love to beat the same franchise his mentor and boss couldn’t? Plus Brady vs Rodgers would indeed be a matchup made in Madden exhibition mode.
1. Patriots – Cowboys: “Yes, Super Bowl media week would be insane and there’s no way anyone is running out of storylines with Jerry Jones around. But take away the hoopla that would cause TV ratings records to be smashed and we’re still left with a game between two teams that were the best in the NFL from wire to wire this year. If this matchup happens, it’ll be the fourth straight Super Bowl that the No. 1 seeds meet in the Super Bowl.”
Rating: B+ // The two biggest franchises in the NFL. America’s Team vs the Team That Invented America. The parallels are crazy too. A young QB stepping in for the injured veteran, playing so well he keeps the job and leads his team to a Super Bowl title. Shit, no I don’t like the way this is setting up. Luckily the Pats run defense is their strength because Ezekiel Elliot could dominate this game single handedly. In the end though I think Brady and co. make it a track meet and I don’t think Dak Prescott, as well as he’s played, is ready to win that kind of game yet.
CBS Sports – Bad news: The Raiders are down to No. 3 quarterback Connor Cook, and it looks like he will start in Saturday’s wild-card matchup in Houston…The Raiders, meanwhile, are “moving forward with the expectation” that Cook will be under center this week, according to NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport because No. 2 quarterback Matt McGloin suffered a shoulder injury in last Sunday’s loss to the Broncos.
Connor Cook, the man of exactly zero NFL starts will be making his first career start in the playoffs this weekend with both David Carr and Matt McGloin out with injuries. If *this* guy:
is making his first start in the NFL playoffs and its the guy you’re depending on, then you are fucked.
I’m a huge body language guy; theres a reason everyone points to Jay Cutler’s shitty attitude and body language. Probably has a direct effect on him being a shitty quarterback. And I don’t care how many TD’s Cook threw in college. This is all I need to see. Just absolutely blowing off the guy handing him the trophy so he can get his shine. Gotta respect the little guys. That’s the move of a dickhead.
Luckily for Cook (who actually played pretty decent against the Broncos) the Raiders are playing the also terrible Texans so who knows maybe he plays decent, but I would not be surprised if he gets smashed. And its really too bad JJ Watt isn’t playing because that guy DESPISES young QBs who are a little too confident.
Black Monday came early this year with several coaches getting axed, some more deserving than others (looking at you Gus Bradley w/ the 14-48 record). Among those was Chip Kelly who got fired after just one year as the 49ers head coach. The 49ers are starting over again after the abortion that was the Jim Tomsula 12 month era. Props to the reporter for asking the owner why he shouldn’t be fired himself and drawing this hilariously tone-deaf response:
On the other end of the spectrum we have Josh McDaniels who is getting tons of interest from other teams (which I touched on a few weeks back) as a head coach. It would seem like McD is probably as good as gone, leaving a big void in the Patriots staff.
With all the history Bill Belichick and Chip Kelly have, it doesn’t take a huge leap to see BB inviting him to come join the best team in the league. These guys go back a long way as they’ve always seemed to admire the other’s football innovations. Back when Chip was at Oregon, Belichick would regularly have him in to talk shop. And it wasn’t just for show, you regularly saw the Pats adopting offensive philosophies made popular by the run n gun Oregon Ducks. The 70+ plays a game running the no huddle almost exclusively throughout the game being the primary one. Lining up for a 2 pt conversion, to test the defense, only to audible back into a traditional extra point FG formation. A lot of things designed to keep the defense on its toes all game long. Now theres finally an opening for the two to work together?
Its a perfect scenario for Chip, who has repeatedly said he doesn’t want to go back to coaching in college. He gets to right his own ship by learning under the best coach in the NFL while also working with the best QB in the league. It’s tough to blame him for the 49ers lack of success this year with that disaster of a roster (49ers GM got canned too).
I always held out hope that Chip would continue to run Oregon, win a couple national championships until Belichick decided he wanted to retire and hand the keys to his buddy Chip.
Now the only thing standing in the way is actual historical precedent. Belichick almost always promotes from within. Matt Patricia, Josh McDaniels, Bill O’Brien, all the way back to Eric Mangini. It seems BB prefers to hire young guys, mold them to the system and then slowly promote them up the ranks. He rarely brings in a big name from outside the organization. Hell I remember a few years back the Patritots intentionally didn’t even have a defensive coordinator. Bill just left the role vacant and had his staff of younger coaches act as assistants while he took over a larger role in play calling.
So thats probably the most likely scenario if McDaniels does in fact take a HC job; we’ll see Chip potentially come in as an offensive assistant/analyst. Quack. Quack.
ESPN – Running back LeSean McCoy and wide receiver Sammy Watkins, the Buffalo Bills’ two biggest stars on offense, say discipline among players was lacking under coach Rex Ryan, who was fired Tuesday…. “Then the coaches have to be hard on us, not scared of us. Get at us, yell at us, curse at us. Whatever to get the player to do that job the best he can, that’s what they need to do.”
I don’t mean to harp on the Bills this week, but come on. This is why they say all men love a uniform or that people crave discipline and structure in their life. The inmates were literally running the asylum and ran “player’s coach” Rex Ryan right out of town. And whats the first fucking thing they say once he’s out as coach?
The coaches can’t be “scared of us.”
Can’t have it both ways guys. Like talk about the pot calling the kettle black. You’re complaining about not being held accountable while also blaming other people for why your team sucks. Let the streak of missing the playoffs continue!
After 8 years as a Head Coach, all in the AFC East, Rex just got canned by Buffalo from his second HC gig less than 2 seasons in. Is this the end of Rex as a head coach? It very well might be. He’s obviously gonna have multiple high paying offers to do TV next season. The guy is wildly entertaining with a bunch of catch phrases spawned from his time on Hard Knocks.
*or as this guy on YouTube savagely titled the same video: “Disgusting Fat Pig Jets coach talks about food during speech”
I don’t know if he has the piss and vinegar to say “fuck you guys I’m a head coach” and hunt for a HC job. I did laugh out loud though at the ESPN update announcing the move: “Rex Ryan fired by Bills…Rob Ryan also relieved of his duties.” Uhh yea, you’re fired…and take your fucking brother with you.
I just think the guy is a prototypical coordinator. Highly knowledgeable in one area, pretty loose, gets along with the players etc. But he hasn’t been able to put it all together. Now a lot of head coaches in the NFL specialize on just one side of the ball and will defer to their coordinators while they act as more of a CEO of the team, but that ain’t Rex.
So if this is the end for Rex, I will miss you dearly. This guy singlehandedly revived the Patriots/Jets rivalry. He built a roster of hateable, mouthy assholes that competed with and beat the Pats on a few big occasions. I’ll always remember the bitter, bitter humble pie after the loss to the Jets in the 2010 playoffs, which I never saw coming because of the 45-3 thrashing of them in the regular season. Those games were heated. The Jets were finally good enough to legitimately threaten the Pats. Rex’s Jets were ultimately brought down by a mediocre offense lead by the immortal Mark Sanchez (never forget the 3 INT game from LEIGH BODDEN), but from like 2009-2011 this was a rivalry again with palpable hate between the fan bases. I still take great joy in mocking the Jets fans and their 09-10 BACK TO BACK AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME APPEARANCES. Sounds like a shitty Colts banner.
I think that heated rivalry ended though when the Patriots put a bullet in Fireman Ed and the entire Jets franchise on national TV with the Butt Fumble beatdown on Thanksgiving 2012. Best football game I’ve ever been to still to this day.
PS – Is it just me or was Fireman Ed the worst firefighter ever? What, are there no fires on Sunday, Ed? I mean, I don’t want to be cliche, but you know what Belichick would say to the guy?
The 300s 