The Marlins Are Replacing the Ugly Home Run Statue With Irony

That statue perfectly encapsulates the Miami Marlins; gaudy, over priced, and out of place. It’s one I’ve written about extensively in the past.

Did anyone else realize this sculpture that goes off after every home run cost $2.5 MILLION DOLLARS. That is fucking bananas. The sculpture that looks like Miami Vice got drunk and puked in a coy pond. The thing that looks like a mashup between the New York Mets apple in center field and the old Lets Go Fishin game.”

You knew it was going to be the first thing Derek Jeter kicked to the curb when he moved in. Derek Jeter is a man of class and sophistication. The technicolor pyrotechnic fish statue?

Not so much. So the team that had 39 of the 50 lowest attended games in baseball last year is solving their problem by adding the one thing they absolutely don’t need….more seats.

The Marlins couldn’t fill a minor league ballpark and now they’re adding even more seats? Brilliant. The absolute definition of irony. Hey, at least it’ll drive ticket prices down even further than they already are if I’m ever in southern Florida like Big Z was.

Keep doing you, Jeets.

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#RushHourRap – Chance the Rapper – I Might Need Security

Chance the Rapper had been everyone’s favorite unknown rapper for a long time with multiple mixtapes including my personal favorite “Acid Rap” in 2013 before really blowing up with his album “Coloring Book” in 2016, winning 2 Grammys in the process.

I’m sure you heard one of his most recent singles “I Might Need Security” popping on the radio for a bit when it first came out over the summer. Chance is a really intelligent guy and one of the most socially conscious rappers out right now and that really comes out on some of the topics he tackles here like police brutality in Chicago,

And Rahm, you done, I’m expectin’ resignation
An open investigation on all of these paid vacations for murderers

he tackles subtle instances of racism he experiences himself,

I got a hit-list so long I don’t know how to finish
I bought the Chicagoist just to run you racist bitches out of business
Speaking of racist, fuck your microaggressions
I’ll make you fix your words like a typo suggestion

and then of course touches on why he’s the most famous and successful unsigned rapper of all time.

I’m the real deal
Who taught all these rappers that a big deal’s not a big deal?

While theres no hard release date for Chance’s new album, which was supposed to come out over the summer, I know I’ll be lined up to get that when it finally does drop on Day 1.

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We Have A New Addition to the Double A Baseball Ridiculous Name Hall of Fame – Introducing The Amarillo Sod Poodles!

The Padres’ new Double-A Affiliate in Amarillo, Texas, on Tuesday announced that “Sod Poodles” had won its “Name the Team” contest. The other finalists were the Boot Scooters, Bronc Busters, Jerky and Long Haulers.

Double A Baseball has officially gone off the rails and I LOVE it. First we were given the Hartford Yardgoats. What’s a yardgoat you may ask? Hell if I know. Then we were blessed with the Binghamton Rumble Ponies, home of the best quarterback in baseball, Tim Tebow. And now ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Amarillo Sod Poodles. I guess it’s just a really fancy way of saying prairie dog? And look at that logo! That thing screams machismo. My credit cards are already maxed out, but one little Sod Poddle snapback isn’t going to land me in debtors jail.

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Game of Thrones Officially Premieres in April, Now I Can Plan My Rewatch

First off, every news outlet reporting that Game of Thrones has an “official release date” can kick rocks. Fake News like you read about. April is not a date, April is a month. HBO could have just told me Thrones is returning in Q1 and I’d have the same amount of information.

BUT it is exciting to know that Thrones won’t be getting pushed back to summer, which I was worried about since they’re essentially filming 6 movies. It also needed to premiere before May to be eligible for next years Emmys technically, so I’m sure that was a strong incentive.

Now its time to fire up the annual rewatch. This show has so many characters, storylines, and subtleties that you’re missing a ton if you’re relying on your memory from a single viewing. Hell, if you don’t read the books you’re out of the loop as HBO just punts on details that help clarify a lot of things. I’ve read 1.5 of the books and it’s helped immensely. But rewatching a show of this magnitude is DAUNTING.

7 seasons of Thrones is a goddamn commitment, but I’m ready to take this challenge head on. I’m just trying to avoid what happened last year. I did not allot for enough time to comfortably rewatch all 6 seasons before the premiere so I was watching like 2 episodes a night the week of the season premiere. You don’t know stress until you’re trying to cram like 3,600 minutes of Thrones into a month.

Now for anyone that wants to join me on this journey I did the math (accurately I think?) on just how long this will take. So with Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years coming up most of us will be shutting it down at work anyways, so heres what you’ll need to breeze through every single Game of Thrones episode ahead of the final season.

  • 7 seasons
  • 73 episodes
  • Avg 60 minutes each
  • 4,380 minutes total
  • 4.5 months
  • 138 days until April 1st

Since we don’t know the exact premiere date we’ll just use April 1st as a placeholder to be safe. This breakdown gives you 138 days to burn through 73 episodes, which if you wanted to start today you would need to watch one episode every 1.8 days in order to catch up in time. May it serve you well.

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The 300s Bloggers’ Lois Einhorn Edition Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 10

Farewell, sweet prince.

Just like that our favorite underdog has been jettisoned from the ranks of professional football. Needless to say, Nathan Peterman had possibly the worst series of spot starts in the history of the game, if not in the history of sports. Poor guy just could not get out of his own way. He’d flash some semblance of ability one play and then on the next one hit a DB in the chest for a pick 6. Fucking brutal to watch.

So with his run in Buffalo finally over, I see a full-scale Lois Einhorn situation developing here. Peterman will masquerade as some sort of female public figure in a long-con scheme aimed at extracting revenge against the world that so openly mocked and derided him. It’s coming people.

So how’d we all do this?

Red

We had a goddamn barn burner this week. Down 37 points heading into Monday Night Football I completely checked out and went to play some beer league softball like all athletes past their prime do. Matt Breida had the game of his life with two TDs and 26 pts and Sterling Shepherd chipped in with 10 of his own. So I was down by less than 5 with a minute to go with the 49ers driving. All I needed was Breida breaking a screen for a big gain or maybe punching it in from the 1! So. Much. Hype. Andddd Breida wasn’t even on the field for the final drive.


Mattes

You know when things get so bad it’s almost comical? Check this shit out.

My 1-8 team was taking on the team that is *now* in first place. After a pretty solid, 130-plus-point performance across the board, I was up comfortably heading into Sunday night with two guys left to play – Amari Cooper for me and Zach Ertz for him. Ertz then goes off for the greatest game of his life – in a game his team still loses, mind you – and I lose by 0.78. ZERO-POINT-SEVEN-FUCKING-EIGHT. Sure, my season’s already over, but it would’ve been cool to see my abortion of a team take down one of the best in the league. But again, it’s just not my year.

AND THEN – in the league that actually matters – I got unreal performances from DJ and Aaron Jones (I told you guys to grab him two weeks ago!), but the Buffalo Bills decided to somehow actually be good at football this week, and the Jets defense got me -7. NEGATIVE SEVEN. It all came down to Monday night: I was leading by 13, and all he had left was San Fran’s kicker. And guess how many points San Fran’s kicker got? Did you say 13??!! GOOD FOR YOU! I TIED and am now hanging on by a pube to a chance at the playoffs. (OH, and that last field goal Gould had was EXACTLY 30 yards; were it just one yard shorter, I would’ve won.)

I don’t know what I did to piss off the fantasy gods this year, but COME ON, MAN.

Joey B

I won a Goddam UGLY one but I won all the same. Another two excellent performances from James Conner and Michael Thomas allowed me to squeak by equally anemic opponent 91-84, and no, we didn’t forget to sit someone on a bye, etc.

Papa G

Lost in 2 out of 3 leagues this week. It’s getting down to the wire as i’m a borderline playoff team in all my leagues now. Fournette returning has seriously helped though and my bench is becoming useful again, not just a sea of RBs on IR. I’m going to need Aaron Rodgers to step it up though as i’m not getting the production I would have liked from him. I guess we’ll see how this plays out.

Side note: fuck the Jets. Bills Mafia for life.

Big Z

The Z-Men made it four wins in a row in Week 10 with a one-point victory, and led the league in points for the third straight week. You never want to lose with the second-highest points total for the week. That’s when furniture gets broken.

Christian McCaffrey led the way for my squad again this week with 31 points, but Eric Ebron was my MVP. He was game-time decision Sunday. I left him in and he rewarded me with three touchdowns. George Kittle was my closer, and his 83 yards Monday night was just enough to get me the one-point win.

Not a bad turnaround! Just hoping not to peak too soon. Again.

 

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Remembering Stan Lee

Tributes to Stan Lee have been pouring in from all over the place and it’s not hard to understand why. I’m not much of a comic book guy, but by all accounts Lee was a creative genius, a legend in his own time, and an all around great guy.

Red covered that in his post yesterday, but I still wanted to share some of his best cameos from outside the Marvel Universe. Again, I’m not much of a comic book guy, but these are some of the cameos that clued me in to the legend of Stan Lee.

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#RushHourRap Atmosphere – Virgo

It’s cold, it’s raining, it’s an overall shitty day outside so what better time to just slow it down with some chill #RushHourRap. Press play and enjoy a little new Atmosphere with Virgo, the single off their newest album Mi Vida Local.

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