Has Kobe Bryant Gone Soft? Says Team USA Will “Win Some, Lose Some and Thats Just How It Goes.”

ESPNKobe Bryant thinks Team USA might have to get used to a new reality of losing in major events…”It’s not a matter of the rest of the world catching up to the U.S., it’s that the rest of the world has been caught up for quite some time,” Bryant said at the Wukesong Sports Center. “And it’s to the point now where us in the U.S. are going to win some, we’re going lose some. And that’s just how it goes.

When I first read that my initial reaction was straight out of Kobe’s old commercial with Kanye:

You win some, you lose some? This is the Black Mamba for christ’s sake. The guy who still has a blood feud with Shaq nearly 20 years later because he’s so psychotically competitive he couldn’t get along with his own teammate, despite being in the midst of a three-peat.

THAT guy is the one telling everyone in the United States that “eh shit happens, the rest of the world is also pretty good so you might win, you might lose.” Has Kobe gone soft? Or is Kobe just trying to pump the collective tires of every other country he may do business with in the future? Maybe sell a few more Mambas in China if he makes it sound like he believes China can win Gold at Tokyo? Or maybe he’s just trying to Inception LeBron and Anthony Davis to get off their ass and *want* to win Gold. That would be some diabolical subterfuge that only the Black Mamba could pull off.

I spent years coming around on you Kobe so don’t you go soft on me now. I respect the assassin attitude so I refuse to accept this at face value. When we roll out the new Dream Team at the Olympics I will be the first one to give Kobe credit for planting the seed of doubt in everyone’s brain.

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GameStop is On the Table and It’s Gone to Code

LinkedInThe world’s largest video game retailer is shutting down nearly 200 of its 5,700 stores worldwide. Like so many other consumers across multiple different categories of retail, gamers have increasingly turned to buying games online. GameStop’s CEO said this is only the beginning and they expect a “much larger tranche of closures over the coming 12 to 24 months.”

It’s not a gigantic leap to say that our generation more than any other has taken the most metaphorical kicks to our nostalgia’s dicks. We came up during a truly unique time in that we saw the crossover in landlines to cell phones, in newspapers to the internet, in mail and inner-office memos to email, and from brick and mortar stores to online shopping. We have strong, lucid memories from both eras and thus feel a tug at the heart strings when we read something like this. It just kinda sucks. We don’t know why, as I doubt many reading this, including our EIC, have been in a GameStop in the past 5-10 years (Editor’s note: I have), but it does indeed suck.

To be honest I’m surprised GameStop took this long to fall. One because entertainment as a whole went almost entirely only/off-hard copy faster than most other industries. “Remember Blockbuster?” is asked with almost the same morbid respect and mourning that “Remember the Alamo” is stated by so many Texans. Secondly, gaming as a sub-industry has really taken off in the internet age. I never went beyond Madden and a couple of versions of Medal Of Honor, but in this day and age it is apparently perfectly acceptable to be a complete and utter nerd and try and make your living growing bed sores while buying and playing video games online. So it is kind of shocking a brick and mortar gaming store is just now deciding to call it quits.

It’s fair to wonder which staple of our upbringing is next to fall as digital entertainment and lifestyles become more and more of the norm. It is also fair to wonder if that fall also coincides with a visit from a belligerent transexual  thus making such occurrences the new grim reaper for the previous generation of consumerism. Either way, expect more and more of the things we know and love to fall by the wayside while dipshits from youtube become millionaires.

I apologize for the turn for the cynical.

-Joey B

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My Fantasy QB Cam Newton is Dressing Bad, Playing Worse

Look, sometimes I enjoy dressing like a dickhead too. Maybe throw on some white jeans when I’m in a beach town and have a couple crafties by the water. But Cam Newton cannot continue to dress like Audrey Hepburn if he is going to keep putting up these disastrous fantasy performances.

I honestly don’t know what I did to Ron Rivera to deserve such blatant disrespect for my fantasy team, but he’s about to get himself fired with bullshit play calls like this.

In reality he’s probably still hurt after offseason shoulder surgery and an ankle injury in the preseason because he missed throws that literally I could make on multiple occasions last night.

I give him credit for shouldering the blame, but I don’t know if he actually gets it. It sure as shit doesn’t seem like it with SNL worthy clips like this from his post game presser.

If we’re being honest I knew I was in trouble last week after I saw him strutting to the podium wearing a hat wrapped in barbed wire immediately following a 5 point performance.

Maybe this is all some abstract art project like the time Joaquin Phoenix pretended to lose his mind just because. I remember being legitimately concerned for the guy and it all turned out to be a hoax. Remember even David Letterman almost kicked his ass.

But hey, if I can’t win a fantasy football matchup, at least I can laugh at my own expense. Here are the best of the rest smoking Aunt May Cam Newton’s outfit last night.

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Oooo Sammy, Sammy, Sammy (Darnold)

A tale as old as time. As a star athlete, Sam Darnold probably has his pick of the litter in terms of females in and around the Met-NY area. And those females converging on said star athlete probably don’t only converge around only one. So the star athlete took a bite from an apple that happened to be poisonous and unfortunately, is now paying the price.

Sam Darnold has contracted the ol’ mono, which I thought only affected folks between the age of 14-20 as they’re more inclined to rambunctiously make out with each other, and is out for his upcoming showdown with Baker Mayfield and the Browns. And I know what you’re thinking, “this isn’t the only way you can contract mono.” And that’s true. However I doubt a millionaire professional athlete is in the habit of participating in other such activities such as sharing drinks. Imagine this scene:

Le’Veon: Hey Sam, the pumpkin spice lattes are on point this year, have a sip.
Sam Darnold: Wow, thanks man! Yum!

Ya, I don’t see it happening either. Darnold went and got himself mixed up with the wrong hoochie mama and now is going to miss a game or two. Hey, you live you learn. And it’s not like the Jets look like world beaters this year so wasting a Darnold-less game against Cleveland aint the end of the world.

Feel better Sam. And make better choices.

-Joey B.

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Team USA Better Assemble the Next Dream Team After This Disaster at the FIBA World Cup

ESPNThe U.S. will leave the World Cup with its worst finish in a major international tournament, assured of finishing no better than seventh after falling to Serbia 94-89 in a consolation playoff game Thursday night.

The previous worst finish for a U.S. men’s team in 45 tournament appearances was sixth at the 2002 world championships. The Americans — the top-ranked team in the world — will be either seventh or eighth in China, depending on the outcome of their consolation finale Saturday.

Just a couple of days after getting bounced by France in the FIBA World Cup (Team USA’s first loss in 13 years, snapping a 58 game winning streak), they were officially embarrassed today, losing to Serbia in the consolation game. So no gold medal, no bronze medal, now not even a 5th place finish for the most disappointing Team USA in my lifetime.

I understand its just FIBA, I really shouldn’t care. Maybe I care more because half the team is made up of Celtics and it reflects poorly on my hometown team’s chances this season. Sure. Or maybe its just embarrassing for the US to send a team of kids and scrubs to represent the country before getting their teeth kicked in. This ain’t the 1980 USA Olympic Hockey team.

This team was in trouble from the second that Turkey game ended last week and we all knew it.

I also get that its become more and more popular for NBA stars today to obsess over their bodies and to manage their workload. The NBA season is long and LeBron can’t lead Team USA every single year, but where was James Harden or Anthony Davis? Steph Curry? Kawhi Leonard? Russell Westbrook? Kyrie Irving? Paul George? Klay Thompson?

Even guys like Kyle Lowry, Jimmy Butler, and Damian Lillard could’ve carried this team to gold. So its a tough spot to be in because the US is expected to win gold every single year, but we invented the damn game and have more than 90% of the best players in the world. I don’t think being the best is asking all that much.

USA Basketball better look at this as more than just a down year; its am embarrassment to the sport. I have enough embarrassment to go around from the US Mens Soccer Team, but at least they’re just not very good. The basketball team can and should dominate. So bring me the next Dream Team. Bring me an outrageous collection of talent and just run other teams out of the gym. Its time for the USA to re-establish its dominance on the hardwood.

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The 300s Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 1

Welcome back. Here we are, already one week through the 2019 NFL season. Which means one week through the 2019 fantasy football season and one full week removed from your life expectancy due to fake, non-existent, nonsensical sports-induced stress.

As is customary here at The 300s, I reached out to my blogging brethren to see what went down for their squads in Week 1, and to give you the reader the opportunity to find pleasure in our pain (Ortriumph178fuckingpointsareyoukiddingmeGiorgio?).

Papa G (1-0)

QB – Lamar Jackson, WR1 – Keenan Allen, WR2 – Julian Edelman, RB1 – Le’Veon Bell, RB2 – James Conner, TE – David Njoku, Flex1 – Brandin Cooks, Flex2 – Austin Ekeler

Lamar Effing Jackson. 47 points. Can’t say I expected that. Ekeler with 38 was a nice surprise too. Feeling kind of confident for a change. I’m sure week 2 will destroy that.

Joey B (0-1)

QB – Baker Mayfield, RB1 – Alvin Kamara, RB2 – Phillip Lindsay, WR1 – Adam Thielen,
WR2 – Mike Williams, TE – George Kittle, K – Stephen Gostkowski, D/ST  – Denver Broncos. Notable Bench – WR – D.J Chark, TE – David Njoku.

I took it off the chin and am already about to call it quits. Phillip Lindsay’s new nickname is “fucking” and the Broncos D apparently sucks. Only solace is I have high waver status and might get John Ross.

Red (0-1)

QB – Cam Newton, WR1 – Davante Adams, WR2 – Cooper Kupp, RB1 – Ezekiel Elliott, RB2 – Devonta Freeman, TE – Austin Hooper, Flex1 – DJ Moore, Flex2 – Kenyan Drake. K – Will Lutz, Def – New Orleans

Just a real disaster of a showing from your boy’s team, led by Cam Newton and his stupid hat. I nearly ordered Grubhub hungover from my couch more times (3) than Cam Newton had points (5) on Sunday. So there was a real failure to launch in Week 1.

Big Z (1-0)

QB – Russell Wilson, WR1 – Mike Evans, WR2 – Brandin Cooks, RB – Dalvin Cook, TE – Eric Ebron. Flex1 – Tyler Lockett, Flex2 – Christian McCaffrey, K – Matt Prater, D – Seattle

With a 119-76 win, the Z Men claimed the biggest blowout in the league this week. Life is good when you’ve got Christian McCaffrey on your team. Hopefully my 2019 keeper has more of an impact than my 2018 keeper did (Le’Veon Bell).

I’m pretty pleased with the performance I got out of the Seattle defense, too. I didn’t even draft a defense as I prefer to go week-to-week at that position, and it worked out well for me in Week 1.

Picking wide receivers and tight ends are like picking Keno numbers for me. Thankfully Eric Ebron’s donut didn’t do me in this week. We’ll see how many more of those I can sit through before his inevitable four touchdown game.

It’s a shame I can only squeeze in two RB’s a week in this league. I still keep a long list of backs on the bench, though. A little bit of insurance and a little bit of roster manipulation. We’ll see how my starting lineup looks in Week 13.

Dom (1-0)

QB- Carson Wentz, WR1 – Keenan Allen, WR2 – TY Hilton, WR3 – Brandin Cooks, RB1 – Zeke Elliott, RB2 James Conner, TE- Hunter Henry, Defense – Rams, K – Robbie Gould

The Scruffy-Looking Nerfherders had a big week. Essentially everyone but Cooks performed well. Wentz went off, and I have Tom Brady and his back up, so he’ll be getting more starts going forward. My RBs weren’t even great and I still scored the 2nd most points. Marlon Mack and Allen Robinson also had solid games on the bench, so I feel like I’m in great shape early on.

Now the other league is a bad QBs and Punters league. I feel like bringing this up just because it’s a hilarious idea. You get rewarded for bad QB (turnovers, incompletions, etc) and lose points for good play. What makes it tough is that although you want a bad QB, you don’t want someone who is going to get benched and force you to keep make waiver claims. This week, I led the league in scoring behind famous Jameis. Here’s to hoping that he keeps the QB spot this year!

Mattes (1-0)

QB – Dak Prescott, RB1 – Dalvin Cook, RB2: Kerryon Johnson, WR1 – Adam Thielen, WR2 – Robert Woods, TE – Travis Kelce, Flex1 – Dede Westbrook, Flex2 – Sterling Shepard, D/ST –  Baltimore

1-0 and the league’s third-highest scorer. What a way to start the season! I was already loving my team heading into the season – for the first time in years – and besides Kerryon, everyone pretty much showed up in the opener. Dak and Dalvin set the world on fire, and even guys like Woods and Kelce produced over 13 apiece without even scoring. I’m switching Westbrook and Shepard out this week for Matt Breida and Devin Singletary, cause, ya, my bench is stacked, too. I’m usually never this confident about my squad, but The Pride of Kansas looks ready to fucking roll this year. LFG.


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The Patriots Just Traded Demaryius Thomas…to the Jets!

This *never* happens. Seriously, when was the last time the Pats and the Jets made a trade? Belichick to the Pats was technically a trade, but as Felger just put it, when was the last time these two teams made a trade that wasn’t “court ordered?” So despite all the animosity between the two sides they got a deal done after Demaryius Thomas was made expendable by the addition of Antonio Brown. We hardly knew ye.

I though Thomas looked great in the last pre-season game, but that was against 3rd and 4th stringers and soon to be insurance salesmen so who knows. But how about Belichick getting anything, let alone a 6th round pick for a guy that was a street free agent coming off a torn achilles? Thats what we in the business like to call strong asset management.

Now a 6th round pick could be a bum the Pats cut before Labor Day next summer or it could be Tom Brady or it could be another asset in a long line of assets that Belichick is continuously flipping year after year. Belichick is basically that guy who started with one red paper clip and traded with people on Craigslist until he ultimately got a house out of it.

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