The Open at Royal Portrush Has Been a House of Horrors for Everyone Except My Fantasy Team

Today has been a nightmarish start to The Open for a whole bunch of household names at Royal Portrush. Tiger Woods is +7 and tied for 144th. Seeing as how he’s had more surgeries than Gronk and has a spine made of Adamantium, Tiger unsurprisingly doesn’t play as well in cool weather. Bad news because Ireland is pretty much permanently 60 degrees and rainy.

Rory McIlroy is +8 and tied for 150th. Oh and Rory had a QUADRUPLE bogey on the first fucking hole.

Rough start for Rory who may be gripping the clubs a little tight playing in front of his countrymen.

Oh and David Duval had an absolute meltdown on Day 1 with a 14 on the 7th hole. The former Open champ and No. 1 golfer in the world actually set a record for the worst Open round in 69 years. Yikes.

So yes, the first round of The Open has put a beatdown on pretty much everyone. Everyone except my fantasy team. Yes in my infinite wisdom I rolled with studs like Brooks Koepka (-3), John Rahm (-4), Jason Day (-1), Tommy Fleetwood (-3), and my guy Kiradech Aphibarnrat (-3). This squad of killers has me currently tied for 4th place in my fantasy pool.

Naturally I forgot to double dip my lineup in some sweet, sweet DraftKings action, but hey I could definitely use the free green fees and cart fees that go along with winning my fantasy pool. Now I just have to sweat it out for the next 3+ days.

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Thank God I’m Not in College Anymore or Else I’d Have to Drink This

A younger me would have said “do it for the content.” Well as a freshly minted 30 year old I can now comfortably say, get this poison away from me. Thats coming from a guy who drank Admiral Nelson almost exclusively for four years in college too. Used to call it going sailing. They should have hired me to be a brand manager if they were smart.

Reminds me of that time I drank Cherry Rubinoff at a party at UMass one time. I’d tell you more, but to be honest thats basically the end of the night in my brain.

So for all the young guns out there that pound their fists when us Olds talk about what “real” Four Loko was like before they took the caffeine out; now is your time to shine. Mix up a few Red Bulls and a bottle of cherry Admiral Nelson and I’m sure it’ll have a similar effect. Godspeed.

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On Stealing First Base

In 2006, a movie was released called “Idiocracy.” The basis of the plot is that, over a long period of time, while intelligent professionals continue to focus more and more on their careers rather than personal lives and well, reproduction, fucking imbeciles have kids at more and more rapid rates until our world is entirely populated by said imbeciles. The smart ones get basically evolved out. It was from the brain of the brilliant Mike Judge, the creator of the movie “Office Space” as well as shows such as “Beavis and Butthead.” Despite having Judge’s name behind it “Idiocracy” was immediately labeled as one of the worst movies of all time. It was lammmmmmmmbasted. I’m talking (“Gigli” x “Waterworld”) ^ “Jem And The Holograms.” So pretty bad.

Over the years however, Judge’s brilliance has been slowly credited. The blunt but logical way he explained the pure absurdity of what happened to society, much in the way Trey Parker and Matt Stone can with this one, is finally getting it’s due. Therefore, over the past few years, as “what the fuck” moments have increased tenfold, you may have heard someone refer to our current state of affairs as “Idiocracy” or something such as Dennis Rodman becoming biffles with Kim Jong Un as an “Idiocracy Moment.” Life, they say, imitates art.

I write that two paragraph prologue to illustrate my feelings on what this blog is really about: The revered, independent, Atlantic League of baseball experimenting with stealing first base. Let’s read that one more time:

Stealing. First. Base.

The new rules are simple: on any pass ball, wild pitch, or occurrence where the ball is dropped by the catcher in any capacity, the batter may choose to run to first to try and basically steal a single. I’m hazy on whether or not they can be forced out, as it kind of fucking is a force out by nature, but my guess would actually be no here.

To be clear this would change the fabric of the game entirely.

First of all the roster and who you have in the dugout warrants extra consideration. Imagine an important game. Bottom of the 9th no one out and you really want a base runner. Maybe the pitcher is a sinkerballer or a knuckleballer that is prone to not exactly being Brady-Gronk with his catcher. Well good thing you skipped that extra infielder so you could keep the guy who can barely hit .160 but runs a 4.3 40. BOOM, one in the dirt and you have a man on. See what I mean? On the other hand, forget a catcher who can hit, just get a guy with the hands of Torrie Holt. Who cares if he’s Chris Davis with a chest protector, he won’t allow any thefts of bag number one.

The pitching staff now warrants the same questions. Is it really worth having anyone in an important game that doesn’t just throw blazing 101mph non-moving heat? Do we really want to risk anything else?

I’m also curious how they are going to score this? Can you really call it a steal when it’s coming off an error, either on the pitcher or catcher’s part? I mean you have to call it SOMETHING for the base runner right? A “Proactive Walk” or “Aggressive Walk” perhaps? I don’t know.

Anyway, we are officially living in a Goddam sports society where the rules don’t matter anymore. We should have seen this coming when hockey started to softly condemn fighting. “Idiocracy” indeed.

-Joey B.

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Joey B CounterBlog: Dennis Eckersley Needs To Take A Walk

Editor’s note: This could be Joey B’s worst take ever, but in the interest of not being called a dictator here we go. My original blog defending Eck can be found here

Get off my lawn.

Turn your damn music down

When I was your age

In my day.

Anyone else sick of reading these cliched laments of the old and justly disenfranchised?

Well I am too, and thus I am sick and tired, and have been, of Dennis Eckersley.

You might read what “Eck” said in Red’s blog and say to yourself “well that’s fairly benign, all he’s saying is he doesn’t care.” And you are not entirely wrong. I can see that without context all “Eck” was saying was that he’s no longer bothered. But here’s the things.

No one fucking cares how you feel anymore, Dennis Eckersley. It’s no longer the 1970’s Eckersley. You are a bad commentator, and a bad one at that, not a ballplayer, anymore. You matter not. David Price on the other hand, is a highly paid pitcher. WHO I DON’T EVEN REMOTELY LIKE. But in this case I’m completely Team Price. Dennis Eckersley’s interactions with David Price are SOLELY contingent on David Price, not “Eck”. He doesn’t call these shots. His opinion doesn’t matter.

So keep yelling at the clouds, old man. They’re never going to thunder rain down on you all the same.

 

-Joey B.

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David Price and Dennis Eckersley Just Renewed Their Feud. (Buy a YUCK Shirt!)

Uhh what the fuck guys? I thought we had moved past this amicably? I’m sure Chad Finn asked Dennis Eckersley a very direct question and Eck being Eck he gave a very direct response.

“I didn’t know how to deal with that,” Eckersley said to Finn about the airplane verbal assault. “I don’t plan on saying a word to him, I don’t plan on seeing him, never. I don’t really give a (expletive) one way or another. I don’t think he really cares one way or the other.”

But for David Price to retweet this with the laughing emojis and basically give the story new life is just childish. Listen, I know Price “holds all the cards” now, but jesus christ be the bigger man and just ignore the story. You were a colossal asshole to a Hall of Famer for doing his job giving his opinion on TV and you got called out for it. Just accept the L and move on. Or don’t. As long as you buy a YUCK shirt I don’t care.

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Farewell Eduardo Nunez. A Dirtdog On Your Best Day, Entertaining AF On Your Worst

ESPN – The Boston Red Sox have designated infielder Eduardo Nunez for assignment, likely ending his tenure with the team he helped win the World Series last year.

Nunez was batting .228 in 60 games with Boston this season, his third with the organization. Last year, he hit .265 with 10 homers in 127 games, and also hit a three-run pinch-homer to help the Red Sox win Game 1 of the World Series against the Los Angeles Dodgers.

After a pretty solid 2018 season, Red Sox utility man Eduardo Nunez was hitting just .228 in 60 games this year so it wasn’t necessarily a shock to see him go. That doesn’t change the fact that he was a key role player for a World Series winning team though and a pretty entertaining guy to watch.

Eduardo Nunez immediately after winning the title last year is one of my favorite GIFs of all time so for that he will always hold a special place in my heart.

His body probably still hasn’t recovered from last season and the World Series in particular, but Eduardo Nunez was a true dirtdog when he was playing well.

Nunez definitely had injury troubles though as documented through my flurry of half in the bag tweets while watching Sox games over the last two years.

Although that leg injury derailed the end of his 2017 season, Nunez did hit .321 in 38 games for the Sox that year. Between Boston and San Francisco he hit .313 in 2017, which was his best season ever. While nobody expected Nunez to compete for a batting title in 2018, he was a very solid bench guy for Alex Cora. Culminating with his pinch hit home run to seal Game 1 of the World Series.

So while not many fans will shed a tear for the Sox cutting a guy hitting .228, lets not forget the good times, the huge smile on the diamond, and him batting .300 in the World Series. Oh and he also did all that after playing for the Yankees for four years so its even sweeter. Best of luck in your future endeavors, Eduardo.

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What’s Dom Drinking Now?

Another drink, please! Summer is in full swing, and so is my sunburnt beer belly. Not to worry though, I’ve still been finding plenty of alcohol to stimulate my tastebuds. In between rounds of 3 Stars beers and assorted local sours, I’ve been hooked on one particular drink lately:

Image result for blood orange daiquiri
Mine don’t really look like this…

BLOOD ORANGE DAIQUIRI

First things first. Hyper-masculinity says that real men shouldn’t drink daiquiris because they’re a “gay” drink or something. If you’ve read my blogs on liquor store etiquette, you know I don’t believe in stereotyping drinks. Men can drink fruity cocktails, women can drink whiskey neat, and there is no such thing as a “gay” drink. Daiquiris are delicious, and you’re a damn liar if you say otherwise.

That having been said, this is not what I’m talking about:

Image result for strawberry daiquiri
Frozen strawberry daiquiris are not what I’m talking about here.

Let’s backtrack a bit. In order to balance a good cocktail, you need to understand flavors and how they interact with each other. You’re four main flavors in basic cocktail recipes are alcohol, sweet, bitter and sour. Of course there are others, but for the sake of simplicity we’ll stick with those for now. Some cocktails, like a Paper Plane, combine all four of these, while others, like a Manhattan, stick to just three (liquor, sweet, bitter). This balancing act is the key to mixology, not that I claim to be a master or anything.

A traditional daiquiri is a pretty basic drink for any bartender. Proportions are 3-2-1 white rum-lime juice-simple syrup. The idea is to combine rum with one sweet ingredient and one sour ingredient. These three easy ingredients get mixed together and poured over ice.

Image result for daiquiri time out meme
Daiquiris!

THE RECIPE

Knowing what we know about the flavor components, we can now add and subtract ingredients to make a drink that really hits home. For me, that results in a blood orange daiquiri. I’ve been using Mad River First Run Rum, blood orange soda, unsweetened lime juice, and cinnamon. I skip the simple syrup because the soda has enough sugar for me, but I do use more soda in my recipe.

Combine 1 part rum, 1 part soda and 1/2 part lime juice in a shaker. Add two dashes of cinnamon. Shake. Serve over ice. Garnish with a blood orange wedge.

Image result for mad river first run rum
Mad River Distilling, out of Vermont, makes some really great stuff.

Typical daiquiris use white rum, but I’ve elected to use an aged rum for two reasons: one, I think the light vanilla and barrel flavors work well with blood orange, and two, I didn’t have any white rum. When it comes to choosing a rum for this drink, it’s important to remember ABBC, Anything But Bacardi and Captain. These products belong in the garbage. You are a classy, sophisticated drinker and deserve better. For inexpensive white rums from New England, I like examples from Short Path Distilling and Privateer. For aged versions, I like Mad River (clearly), Berkshire Mountain Distilling, or Plantation (not from NE, but cheap and delicious). The great thing about rum is great bottles rarely go above $50, and you can often find amazing values in the $25-$30 range.

Let’s see what you think! Enjoy!

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