The NBA Offseason is the Best in Sports and its Not Even Close

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The amount of juice the NBA has provided since the season ended last week is just insane. Its been more entertaining than the NBA playoffs and even more so than the Finals. The NBA offseason is hands down the best in sports as GM’s continue to look around the league, see teams like Golden State, and just say fuck it lets reload.

In the immortal words of Ricky Bobby: “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”

I think that needs to be the new slogan of the NBA. If you’re not Golden State then your franchise might as well punt on the next 3-5 years. It sounds like a joke, BUT THATS WHAT TEAMS ARE DOING. Sure, there are teams like the Celtics who are technically within striking distance so I applaud Trader Danny’s efforts to improve this team as long as it does so without mortgaging the future. But even LeBron and the Cavs, the team thats been to the NBA Finals the last 3 years IN A ROW, seem to be panicking. Cleveland has been in talks for all the big names like Paul George and Jimmy Butler all sandwiched around kicking their own GM to the bricks.

As much as it sucks there is a goddamn Super Team standing between the Celtics and a title, I’m glad it at least gives the rest of the league the motivation to either completely blow things up and rebuild or just stockpile as many assets and big name players as possible.

It’s like the Elite Four at the end of Victory Road in Pokemon. An absolute nightmare to deal with so don’t even both walking down the road if you’re not ready. Level up, get your shit together and then go after the top dogs.

So yesterday we had Woj Bomb after Woj Bomb. Paul George told the Pacers after next season he’s out so now they’re looking to get whatever they can for PG-13. The Knicks are listening to offers for 21-year old stud Kristaps Porzingis and the Celtics are one of the teams in talks with NY. Jimmy Butler saying he’d rather not play in Cleveland so the C’s are still in on that rumor too. Dwight Howard got traded, minutes after dropping some fire jokes about NBA trades on his own Twitter account.

Then we got the Lakers trading D’Angelo Russell, the Clippers looking to deal DeAndre Jordan, all while we still have the NBA fucking Draft on Thursday night. God knows how many more trades there will be and how much more hot, hot heat Woj is going to be dropping on Twitter.

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The only one drooling more than me right now is probably Ainge. No sleep til Brooklyn.

Are the Celtics in on a Trade for Kristaps Porzingis?

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So just about an hour ago, Adrian Wojnarowski tweeted out this bombshell about the Knicks and Kristaps Porzingis.

Confirming what every Knicks fan wakes up in a cold sweat worrying about every night; Phil Jackson might actually trade Porzingis. The only bright spot for that dumpster fire of a franchise is coincidentally the only good move the Zen Master has made since taking over the Knicks. And now Woj puts it out there that the Knicks aren’t ruling out dealing him. Man, if I’m a Knicks I’m probably just putting on my Carmelo Jersey and jumping off the fucking George Washington Bridge.

But that brings me back to the Celtics, who have been stockpiling assets for years, basically just waiting for a young stud to become available.

And after Danny traded the No. 1 overall pick the other night (whether you agree with the logic or not), everyone in the media seemed to agree that this looked like the first step in a series of moves Danny would make. There’s a sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Is Porzingis that other shoe? Talk about a great fit for the Celtics if its true. The C’s need size. Porzingis is 7’3″. The guy is a goddamn giraffe. They also need big men who can shoot to really thrive in Brad Steven’s system. Last year KP averaged 18.1 points per game, shot 45% from the field, and 35.7% from behind the arc. Check, check and check.

Honestly, who the fuck knows what Trader Danny is ever really thinking. Does anyone doubt Danny Ainge could pull one over on this guy though?

But, I do know one thing. I am anxiously awaiting a Woj Bomb dropping. Notifications. On.

Miles Teller Arrested for Being Drunk in Public: Happens to the Best of Us

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Yahoo – Miles Teller had a not-so-fantastic weekend that culminated in his arrest in San Diego. “Fantastic Four” star Teller was arrested and charged with being drunk in public early Sunday morning, a spokesman for the San Diego Police Department told TheWrap on Monday. According to police, an officer made contact with Teller and other males at 12:26 a.m., and noticed that the actor showed signs of being under the influence of alcohol, slurring his speech and swaying from side to side.

Man as much as it must be awesome to be a celebrity (rich, good looking, famous), it must fucking SUCK for stuff like this. Can’t even have a couple daiquiris and then hit the strip. You have a few too many of those sneaky 11% alcohol IPA’s and before you know it you’re fancy walking down the sidewalk.

And now everybody is gonna jump on the guy for being an alcoholic, when he’s just a dude who got wasted one night. While its hard to read too much into a police report because a lot of the subtle details are lost, but lines like this are telling though:

“According to police, an officer made contact with Teller and other males at 12:26 a.m.”

12:26 seems a bit early in the night to be completely fucked up drunk. So either he was disgustingly, horribly hammered or he maybe was mouthing off to a cop which is neverrr a good idea. If you’re a young, white guy — not to mention a young, rich, white guy — I feel like you’re probably going to get the benefit of the doubt. “Move it along guys.” But you start mouthing off and you deserve whatever you get.

I used to work the door at a bar in Boston and the number of 20-something, drunk dickheads walking over from State Street was always the highlight of my night. Dudes in their boat shoes screaming outside the bar about how much more money they made than us, all while coming to a bar that specializes in fucking $3 Coors Lights.  I once had a kid *demand* that I call the police since his dad knew the Chief so I could explain to them why I wouldn’t let him in. Needless to say we told that guy to go eat a bag of dicks. Pretty sure we saved the kid a billy club beating from the cops themselves.

Of all the celebrity boozehounds though, Shia LaBeouf still has the greatest drunken arrest story ever told.

LeBron Littlefinger James Continues to Pull the Strings and Gets Cavs GM Fired

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ESPN – The Cleveland Cavaliers have parted ways with general manager David Griffin, the team announced Monday. Griffin’s contract was up at the end of the month, and after extensive talks with owner Dan Gilbert, no agreement on an extension was reached..Cavs star LeBron James, who sources said was not consulted on the decision, tweeted out support of Griffin.

Jesus christ, ya drop 2 out of 3 NBA Finals and all of a sudden Cleveland is turning into a complete shitshow. Canning the GM days before the draft, while the guy is also balls deep into trade discussions just reeks of an impulse decision. Or who knows, maybe Griffin was sick of hearing shit from both ends, getting badgered by ownership and by LeBron, and just said FUCK THIS I’m out.

Either way, this is classic LeBron “I’m not the GM”  James through and through. Griffin built the second best team in the NBA and did just about everything LeBron wanted. He traded Andrew Wiggins for Kevin Love. The No. 1 overall pick and LeBron said send that teenager packing I need the white boy who can hit some 3’s and Griffin did it. He gave a max contract to Tristan fucking Thompson.

LeBron bitched the team didn’t have enough talent so Griffin traded for Andrew Bogut (who actually got hurt) and brought in guys like Kyle Korver and Derron Williams. Then the Cavs just happened to run into an all-time team in the Warriors and it wasn’t good enough. Instead of sitting down and figuring out, okay how the hell are we gonna beat these guys in Golden State, ya know, like a competitor would do – instead LeBron throws a bitch fit and gets the GM fired.

LeBron is basically the Littlefinger of the NBA. GM’s getting ousted, coaches getting fired, nonsensical trades and deals being made. The guy just loves the chaos.

LeBron’s little buddy Brian Windhorst can report all he wants how LeBron was “surprised” by the move:

But everyone knows whats up. Griffin was just LeBron’s latest fall guy. He’s the new Mike Brown. The new David Blatt. I’m not the coach, I’m not the GM, you guys built this shitty team not me so I’m gonna throw a temper tantrum and threaten to leave unless you axe this guy.

And that is why we don’t negotiate with terrorists. You pamper these guys and give them everything they want and then they turn around and throw everyone under the bus for making the exact moves you wanted them to make. Sorry LeBron, the Cavs are literally barren of assets to trade for a guy like Jimmy Butler or Paul George because of all these fucking moves you wanted the Cavs to make over the years.

Welp, godspeed to the next guy who’s got to take that job and get cucked by LeBron every day. Rumors are picking up steam now though that Chauncey Billups may actually take the job, which is probably the best thing for the Cavs despite Chauncey Billups having zero experience in the role. Billups can be the Ty Lue of the front office. Ty Lue, the guy who legit told LeBron to go fuck himself, was the best thing for LeBron. So there’s your blueprint Chauncey, godspeed.

Introducing the Celtics New German Big Man Daniel Theis AKA The Daniel Wall

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So the Celtics have reportedly come to terms on a deal with Daniel Theis, a 6’9″ forward/center out of Germany. Not gonna pretend to know dick about this guy, so a quick breakdown from celticsblog.com below.

“He’s been a professional since 2011 and has played with Lowen Braunschweig, Ratiopharm Ulm and Brose Baskets in the German Basketball Bundesliga. In 2015-2016 and 2016-2017 he was a German BBL All-Star Starter and was named the Defensive Player of the Year in 2016-17. He was also named the Best National Player in the BBL in 2015-2016.”

Now I’m all for the Celtics adding some size to the roster, but the scouting report seems to describe a strong rebounder, a guy who block some shots into the rafters, yet has a limited offensive game. AKA Jordan Mickey. And Mickey was a guy who showed some flashes of being a beast on the boards, but got next to no playing time because of said offensive limitations so it’ll be interesting to see how Brad Stevens works Theis into the rotation.

Again, not gonna claim to be an expert on this German import so I’m gonna lean on the guys at CelticsBlog.com here. Theis definitely seems like a project as he’s a guy that was available to anyone in 2013, but went undrafted. His only NBA experience coming in the Summer League with the Wizards in 2014. But hey, maybe he’s a diamond in the rough. Don’t hate it, shoot your shot Danny.

Either way, I’ve been a gentleman and given Theis the opportunity to pick his own nickname, but I’m leaning heavy towards The Daniel Wall since he is from Germany and all.

Cue the mixtape!

Gronk Goes On An All-Time Bender, Rings Up $100K Bar Tab

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I feel like the word “epic” is thrown around a little too cavalierly these days. Getting black out in Faneuil Hall and then getting drunk pizza is not epic, Jimmy. BUT, ringing up a tab that tops SIX FIGURES definitely qualifies for that. Hell Gronk almost equaled what the entire Bruins team spent drinking at Foxwoods after winning the goddamn Stanley Cup in 2011. To rack up $102K at the bar, I’m gonna assume there wasn’t a lot of Miller Lites floating around.

And this is how you party…#shrine #foxwoods #gronkfam

A post shared by Erik Lorch || ⒻⒾⓃⓀ (@finkshotit) on Jun 18, 2017 at 1:32am PDT

 

To be honest though, Shrine should be paying Gronk for this kind of free promotion.

@kberg210 gettin that twerk angle with @gronk 🎥👌

A post shared by Erik Lorch || ⒻⒾⓃⓀ (@finkshotit) on Jun 19, 2017 at 9:42am PDT

 

Kylie Jenner makes like $300K for a promoted Instagram post for christ’s sake. So, when you think about it, its criminal to even let Gronk open his wallet for this one. Sure, take a few grand to fix the holes in the dry wall and steam clean the carpets and couches. But other than that you just thank Gronk for coming to fucking Connecticut to party and call it even.

About last night… 🎉🍾🎤 @gronk @official_flo @shrinefoxwoods #FOXSTAR

A post shared by Foxwoods Resort Casino (@foxwoods) on Jun 18, 2017 at 7:01pm PDT

Vince Young Cut from CFL Team Probably Ends Football Career

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Yahoo – Vince Young deserved credit for doing whatever it took to get back into football. In his case, it was a trip to the Canadian Football League. However, Young’s body betrayed him. According to the Houston Chronicle, Young’s agent Leigh Steinberg said Young tore his hamstring during training camp and was cut by the Saskatchewan Roughriders. He was due to be out four-to-six weeks.

Well this is probably curtains on Vince Young’s football playing career and its a sad day for me. Was always a huge Vinsanity guy, mainly because he was unstoppable in Madden 08 running the shotgun.

But the guy was also insanely fun to watch at Texas and for a short time in Tennessee before that train went off the rails. Looking back, Jeff Fisher coupled with VY was a disaster waiting to happen. The king of 8-8 probably wanted nothing to do with Vince scrambling around making shit happen. He wanted to run it out of the I-formation and just miss the playoffs as he’s done his whole career.

I can’t help but get my antenna up though with Vince’s agent announcing the injury at the same time he’s getting cut. Maybe, its to spare Vince the embarrassment of getting cut by a team in Canada or maybe he actually did destroy his hamstring, but either way its the end of an era.

I know he had a role with the University of Texas in the past so hopefully he gets a gig with the football team there if he’s truly done playing. Because if anyone watched that NFL Films doc with him and Matt Leinart “The 2006 Rose Bowl: A Football Life” he did not look great. Especially compared to Leinart who benefits from truly not giving a shit that he also bombed in the NFL. You were a college football legend in motherfucking TEXAS. Own that shit, Vince.

Texas Forever.

I Wish I Loved Anything in This World as Much as Danny Ainge Loves Making Trades

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Boston Herald – The Celtics agreed to terms with Philadelphia [Saturday] night on a trade that will send the No. 1 overall pick in Thursday’s NBA draft to the Sixers in exchange for this year’s third overall pick and a protected 2018 Lakers first-round pick.

Hate it. Danny Ainge has been riding the NBA merry-go-round for four years since the window on on the New Big 3 officially closed in 2013. It closed with a bang when Ainge swapped two aging superstars for a boatload of picks from a deeply misguided Brooklyn Nets franchise. Now, with that trade set to pay off like no trade since the the Herschel Walker deal, it’s time for Danny to get off the merry-go-round, push his chips to the middle of the table, and play the cards he’s been holding for four years.

In those four years, Danny has built this team back up from almost the bottom of the league. The Celtics have gone from 25 to 40 to 48 to 53 wins and the number one seed in the East in 2017 over the past four seasons. Danny has meticulously added pieces and can now add a center piece that could push this team over the top for a decade.

Instead, Danny wants to kick the can down the road, swap the pick, and keep riding the merry-go-round to make more deals. This guy loves to deal. He loves to keep people guessing. He loves to make people think he’s playing 4D chess while the rest of the Association is playing checkers. It feels like this team has been chasing this moment and this opportunity since the Len Bias tragedy and instead of going for it, Danny wants to punt. Again.

As I’ve written here before, I’d rather lose by ten points going for the win than lose by one point and look back and say “Goddamn, we should have gone for the win.” Trading this pick and kicking the can further down the road is not going for the win, regardless of what happens in free agency.

The only possible argument for trading this pick is that Danny has studied the current landscape of the league and has made the determination that there is no way to get past Cleveland and/or Golden State in the next few years. The Celtics will still have next year’s Nets pick, and will gain another future pick in this deal (either the Lakers’ 2018 pick or Sacramento’s 2019 pick). Maybe the plan is for the Celtics to really ramp things up before the 2019-2020 season, when LeBron James will be 35 and Steph Curry will be 31. They can’t both go to the Finals another three years in a row, can they? Or maybe the plan is just to have all of the first round picks by the 2030 draft.

Whatever the real plan is, this still feels like a major disappointment. The Celtics have been in a holding pattern for four years, and now it looks like they’ll be in a holding pattern for a few more years. Lots of teams have mortgaged their future to win in the present (Brooklyn Nets, 2013), but this almost feels like the Celtics are mortgaging their present to (maybe) win in the future. I’m sure Danny has a plan here, and I hope it’s a good one. I just don’t see it.

What if Dennis Rodman Gets Taken Prisoner in North Korea and Directly Starts WW3?

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ESPN – Dennis Rodman, the former NBA bad boy who has palled around with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, began sightseeing in Pyongyang on Wednesday during a trip he said he hoped will “open a door” for his former “Celebrity Apprentice” boss — U.S. President Donald Trump.

Dennis Rodman is back in Pyongyang essentially writing the script for a movie that will put Kazaam and Shaq Fu in a bodybag. The words “Based on a true story” make the cash register ring homie. Not to mention, he’s legit getting the job done.

“Hours after his arrival, U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson announced that North Korea had released an American student serving a 15-year prison term with hard labor for alleged anti-state acts.”

Coincidence? I think not. While the rest of us are nervously laughing every time a North Korean test missile crashes into the ocean, Rodman is getting the royal treatment from Kim Jong Un as they probably party like kings.

Rodman is basically the real life version of James Franco in The Interview. There is no acting here, these guys are legit buds. These two are probably commiserating over the fact that the rest of the world thinks they’re both batshit crazy.

But what if they get in a spat? What if there’s a disagreement? Ya know who’s not understanding and reasonable? A goddamn dictator of an isolated nation.

So what happens if North Korea takes Dennis Rodman prisoner? You think Donald Trump is gonna let Kim Jong Un cuck him and steal America’s Greatest Rebounder of All-Time? FUCK NO. Donnie will be invading North Korea the next day. And that’s how World War 3 starts my friends. Not because of ISIS. Because of Dennis fucking Rodman.

Plus you just know, DJT would be live tweeting the whole thing from the White House grinning like a madman.