Lonzo Ball’s First Big Baller Brand Shoe Sells Less Than 300 Pairs on Day 1

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The fact that less than 300 of the Big Baller Brand shoes were sold on day one is laugh out loud funny. After Nike, Adidas and Under Armour told Lavar Ball to go fuck himself he says fine I’ll do it myself. If you are comparing your son to Michael Jordan, Steph Curry and LeBron James you NEED to sell more than 300 pairs.

Now don’t get it twisted. Selling 300 of anything in a day by yourself is no small feat, I would be thrilled to sell 300 baseball cards in a day, but an NBA Draft Lottery Pick I am not. I mean if you do the math thats like $150K which is a pretty nice day at the office, but again Lonzo Ball is going to be throwing around $150K like they’re fun coupons in a couple of months.


But selling fucking sneakers for $500 takes some big balls, not to mention the $250 SANDALS.

Hell I still bide my time until some nice Nike’s come through Marshall’s so I can cop those things for like 60% off. So good luck selling any sneaker not called Yeezys for that kind of money Lavar, Lonzo or whoever the fuck is running that operation.

Even Former MLB Players Are Still Shitting on Joe West

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Joe West is the ultimate dickhead umpire in all of baseball. The definition of inserting yourself into the game. People legitimately call him Cowboy Joe West for christ’s sake. Welp, even former players are still shitting on Joe West for being a terrible umpire.

Umpires and refs are a job where if you know the guy’s name he’s probably not doing a great job. Joe West, Angel Hernandez, Tim Donaghy, Walt Anderson etc. Except for Ed Hochuli. Everyone knows Ed Hochuli because he’s a boss.

NBA 2K esports League to Launch With 17 Teams and I Will Watch the Shit Out of It

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And we’re off. It was officially announced that there will be 17 teams participating in the inaugural season of the NBA 2K esports League in 2018. Good looks by 2K on the official sponsorship, my sources are telling me they narrowly edged out the NBA Jam franchise.

To be honest, I’m surprised the NBA got this many teams to participate, but I for one am all about this. God forbid MLB tried this, it would take a decade of old guys debating how this would sully the history of the game. As a guy who plays far too many video games, breaking only to watch sports, this is a win-win.

I would watch the shit out a YouTube show documenting how the Celtics go about building their team, scouting, recruiting, training and competing.

Might have to call up Wyc and pitch that idea myself. Franchise that shit out as a vlog for every team…

We’ve all heard how big esports are becoming (hell even colleges are offering esports scholarships now), but it was mainly for games like League of Legends, which I’ve never even contemplated playing. But when you catch something a little more accessible like a Call of Duty tournament on G4, its just nuts how good the guys are. In the same way its nuts watching professional sports. The NBA knows a cash cow when they see it coming down the road, like ya know god damn La Liga patches on jerseys.

So a lot of people will say this is for nerds and nerds alone, but in the same sense its hard to appreciate just how good LeBron James is if you’ve never played competitive basketball. I am 5’8″ and didn’t make it past youth basketball so watching what that manchild can do resonates with me. I have a frame of reference as an average white guy with just how absurd LeBron is at basketball.

Here are the 17 teams that will be a part of the inaugural NBA eSports league.

  • Boston Celtics
  • Cleveland Cavaliers
  • Dallas Mavericks
  • Detroit Pistons
  • Golden State Warriors
  • Indiana Pacers
  • Memphis Grizzlies
  • Miami Heat
  • Milwaukee Bucks
  • New York Knicks
  • Orlando Magic
  • Philadelphia 76ers
  • Portland Trail Blazers
  • Sacramento Kings
  • Toronto Raptors
  • Utah Jazz
  • Washington Wizards

What I’m curious about is how the hell you can get 5 guys playing together on one NBA 2K team. Have you ever tried playing with a buddy on one team? Fucking impossible. You basically just end up playing iso ball and looking for running screens chucking up 3’s falling out of bounds because its impossible to try and run any semblance of a real play.

So yes, I will watch the shit out of this. Will I pay to watch this? Probably not, but I’ve bought dumber things. So, probably, yes.

Red Sox Weekend Recap

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sox

After a tough loss on Friday night, the Red Sox bounced back to take two of three from the Minnesota Twins over the weekend in Minneapolis.

The bats were quiet for the Red Sox most of Friday night. They managed only one run off of six hits through eight innings, before getting three hits and two runs to tie the game in the top of the ninth. But with two outs in the bottom half of the inning Joe Mauer ended it with a solo shot to center. Mauer’s first career walk-off home run gave the Twins the 4-3 win.

After heating up in the ninth inning Friday night, the Sox bats stayed hot Saturday. Chris Young, who pinch hit for Jackie Bradley Jr. in the ninth inning Friday night and drove in the game-tying runs, went 2-for-5 on Saturday with two solo home runs. Dustin Pedroia drove in three runs, while Xander Bogaerts, Andrew Benintendi and Sandy Leon collected three hits each in the 11-1 Sox win.

The Sox hitters continued to pound the baseball on Sunday, but it was actually a lot closer than the 17-6 final score would indicate. Chris Sale struck out 10, but allowed four runs on four hits and three walks. The Sox led 7-6 with just one out and a runner on third in the bottom of the eighth when John Farrell went to his closer. Craig Kimbrel came in to strike out Joe Mauer and Max Kepler and get the Sox out of the jam.

The 10-run ninth inning overshadowed Farrell’s decision to go to Kimbrel with the tying run at third base in the bottom of the eighth inning. What was evident at the time and obvious in hindsight is that the last two outs of the eighth inning were the two most important outs of the game for the Red Sox. Good for Farrell to recognize that. If the Sox blow that lead, maybe the ninth inning plays out differently. A big win for the sabermetricians, too.

It was also good to see Farrell play the hot hands for the most part. With Bradley Jr. struggling, now batting just .175 on the season, it was good to see him stick with Chris Young and get rewarded. Sandy Leon also looked like a beast over the weekend, upping his average 50 points in two days with five hits, three home runs and five runs batted in.

The Sox are off today. They’ll finish up their six-game road trip with three games at  Miller Park in Milwaukee this week.

What the Frork?

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USA Today – The days of getting your fingers dirty while sopping up toppings with fries are over. 

McDonald’s unveiled a “uselessly useful” utensil called a “frork” Monday in a hilarious infomercial hosted by McDonald’s Chef Mike and pitchman Anthony Sullivan. The frork is essentially a fork, but with French fries. 

The frork was released as part of the rollout of McDonald’s new Signature Crafted Recipe Sandwiches… The frork will be available while supplies last at participating restaurants on May 5 with the purchase of a Signature Crafted Recipe sandwich.

The frork is only the fourth most outrageous thing in this infomercial. As a matter of fact, I think it’s pretty damn clever. I’m not one to waste the lettuce and sauce that falls out of my Big Mac. That’s Big Mac Salad. The frork will help me eat my Big Mac Salad in a more civilized manner.

The most outrageous parts of this infomercial are the Signature Crafted Recipe sandwiches. I’m sure they’ll be delicious, but I’ll be damned if I can think of a good reason why they need to be on the menu in the first place. Chef Mike seems like a good guy, but McDonald’s doesn’t strike me as the type of place to go to for Pico Guacamole or artisan bacon. That’s why I loved the Mac Jr. and Grand Mac – stick to your strengths and play to your base.

If I have to buy a Signature Crafted Recipe sandwich to get a frork, so be it. But the frork is definitely more useful than the sandwich.

 

PS – Good thing this infomercial dropped on May 1 and not April 1. Definitely would not have believed this a month ago.

 

Celtics to Retire Paul Pierce’s #34

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The Celtics have retired more numbers than any other team in American sports history. With 21 numbers in the rafters, the Celtics have taken more numbers out of circulation than the New York Yankees. The Yankees will tie the Celtics for most retired numbers when they officially retire number 2 later this month, but the Celtics will retake the lead when they officially take number 34 out of circulation.

Despite the bevy of numbers in the rafters, it’s been a while since the Celtics have retired a number. The last time was December 15, 2003 when they retired Cedric Maxwell’s number 31. Maxwell played for the C’s from 1977 through 1985. The most recent Celtics player to have his number retired is Robert Parish. The Chief last played for the C’s in 1994 and had his number retired January 18, 1998.

Though the Celtics could be accused of retiring the number of any player who stuck around for a few championships, that is not the case here. Paul Pierce started his Celtics career on February 5, 1999 with 19 points and 9 rebounds against the Toronto Raptors at the Fleet Center. It was the first game of the lockout-shortened 1998-1999 NBA season. In 15 seasons with the Celtics, he scored 24,021 points, second only to John Havlicek (26,395) in team history.

Including his time with the Clippers, Nets and Wizards, Pierce retires with 26,397 career points, 15th most NBA history and third among active players. While never one of the top players in the game during his career, he posted solid numbers even while most of spotlight was placed on the likes of Shaq, Kobe, Kevin Garnett and LeBron to name a few. Maybe that’s why it is a bit surprising to realize he’s an all-time top 20 scorer in league history.

The Celtics had some lean times during the ’90s and ’00s. Pierce was good soldier through it all, and teamed up with Garnett and Ray Allen to bring Boston its first championship since the Larry Bird Era in 2008. The 2008 Finals MVP, Pierce will now become the first Celtic since the Larry Bird Era to have his number retired. He is an incredibly worthy recipient of this honor, and now unquestionably the greatest Celtic of the post-Bird Era.

Tough Days at TWWL

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A reminder of better days at The Worldwide Leader.

It has been said before that your favorite Saturday Night Live cast is the first cast you are old enough to remember. That would explain my reverence for Weekend Update with Norm Macdonald and those early Celebrity Jeopardy sketches from the mid ’90s. The same could probably also be said about SportsCenter anchors.

With Saturday Night Live, there can be a legitimate debate over who anchored Weekend Update the best. Norm Macdonald might get my vote, but I recognize that good arguments could be made for Seth Meyers or Dennis Miller. There can be no debate over  SportsCenter anchors, though. [Sorry, First Take, et al.] The Olbermann/Patrick tag team was the best, hands down.

It’s disappointing to see what SportsCenter has become. I know that SportsCenter can’t go back to two guys reading news stories in front of a wood panel wall like the Ron Burgundy days. I know that the immediate availability of news and video on my phone in my pocket has to change the model of a sports news/highlights show.

But sometimes I just want to watch sports with the smartest, funniest people in the room. I’ll watch highlights of the Red Sox game for the 10th time if you give me something no one else does. Hell, I’ll watch MLS highlights if you don’t make me feel like a less-enlightened sports fan because I don’t know the name of the head coach of the Seattle Sounders.

I don’t care how many graphics or video boards you have. Just get me the highlights, the news and a couple of laughs. Don’t talk down to me and don’t bullshit me.
PS – A decent theme song wouldn’t hurt either. The current SportsCenter theme sounds like a race car engine on loop with the same six notes repeating. Do better, ESPN.

Friday Morning Randomness

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It’s hard to believe that the Celtics haven’t won a playoff series since 2012.

The Celtics look to eliminate the Bulls tonight in Chicago. Brad Stevens looking to win a playoff series for the first time as an NBA head coach, too.

Addison Russell is Using Pokemon Cards to Flip the Autograph Game On Its Head

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ESPN – When Chicago Cubs shortstop Addison Russell asked those two All-Stars — and many others around the league — to autograph the back of his Pokémon cards, he knew he would get some puzzled reactions. And he most certainly did. Yes, Russell is sending clubhouse attendants to opposing locker rooms armed with Pokémon cards for some of Russell’s favorite players to sign.

Did Addison Russell just become my new best friend? Yup. You see it all the time; professional athletes asking other pros to sign balls or even exchanging jerseys, but this, this is something. Busting out Pokemon cards and asking people to sign those instead is so awesome. Thats how you know Russell is a stud. He doesn’t need to front like he’s the baddest guy on the block and pretend Pokemon is only for kids. He loves Pokemon and he owns it.

If you’re in your 20’s and deny liking Pokemon then you are a walking, clinical definition of insecurity. We all loved the Pocket Monsters. Sure, maybe not all of us were illegally playing Pokemon Red emulators on our laptops in class back in college, but theres a reason Pokemon Go is one of the highest earning mobile apps of all time.

Did I spend hours upon hours playing Pokemon Go in traffic so I could snag the special edition Christmas Pikachu with a Santa hat? I mean, I didn’t not do that.

There is a method to his madness. He doesn’t just pick the cards randomly. He’s looking for a card that fits the player’s game or personality. “If there are flame balls on them, I’ll get a closer like Kenley Jansen to sign,” Russell said.

This isn’t just some gag from the 23-year-old, Russell is doing his research. You can’t just have anyone signing holographic or legendary cards. Thats bullshit. That would be stupid and childish. The autograph needs to fit the Pokemon.

So keep doing your thing Addison, hopefully you get Pablo Sandoval to sign that shiny Snorlax card. Get it? Because all he does is sleep and eat! Woof.

PS – Shoutout to my dude Kenley Jansen for dropping the Dragon Ball Z reference.

“I watched Pokémon a little bit. I was more of a Dragon Ball Z type of guy. I was watching more Dragon Ball Z growing up. So I get it,” Jansen said of Russell’s hobby. “Pokémon is his stuff, and everybody has their own unique way.

Now that is a goddamn show and if you’re not a fan, thats fine, but you’re wrong.

Bruins Make the Right Move and Name Bruce Cassidy Head Coach

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In yet another season that could have easily gone down the tubes real quick, the Bruins finally ripped off the band-aid and axed Claude Julien in February. Enter The Boss, Bruce Cassidy. Say what you will about Claude, good coach, awful coach, whatever. One thing was clear, he had lost the ability to jolt the team. Or he just refused to make the necessary changes in style. But if the Bruins stand pat and don’t fire Julien, the Bruins 100% miss the playoffs for the third year in a row. That shit is unacceptable in a city like Boston, especially with the core they have now with Bergeron, Marchand, Pastrnak, Tuuka, Chara and Krug. Too many good players to not at least find your way into a Wild Card berth.

Under Cassidy the Bruins went 18-8-1 and they looked like an entirely different team. Cassidy had the team playing a much more up tempo game, had the defense jumping into plays and helping create offense rather than cycling it around and slowly lugging the puck up the ice as they had under Claude. Obviously guys like Krug thrived under the renewed style that offered them a lot more freedom, which is when you started to see 4 and 5 goal outbursts.

Cassidy was the Providence Bruins head coach for 5 years and acted as Don Sweeney’s go-to guy when Don was Director of Player Development. So Cassidy has worked closely with the young players in the Bruins system and has an intimate knowledge of whats coming through the pipeline and how to best take advantage of these players skill sets. I’m excited to see what he can do with a full offseason of working with Charlie McAvoy because that kid looks like a bonafide stud who will fit Cassidy’s style perfectly.

So the Bruins made the right move in removing the interim tag from Bruce Cassidy’s head coach name tag.