Raiders Down to Notoriously Bad Body Language Guy Connor Cook to Start in the Playoffs

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CBS Sports – Bad news: The Raiders are down to No. 3 quarterback Connor Cook, and it looks like he will start in Saturday’s wild-card matchup in Houston…The Raiders, meanwhile, are “moving forward with the expectation” that Cook will be under center this week, according to NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport because No. 2 quarterback Matt McGloin suffered a shoulder injury in last Sunday’s loss to the Broncos.

Connor Cook, the man of exactly zero NFL starts will be making his first career start in the playoffs this weekend with both David Carr and Matt McGloin out with injuries. If *this* guy:

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is making his first start in the NFL playoffs and its the guy you’re depending on, then you are fucked.

I’m a huge body language guy; theres a reason everyone points to Jay Cutler’s shitty attitude and body language. Probably has a direct effect on him being a shitty quarterback. And I don’t care how many TD’s Cook threw in college. This is all I need to see. Just absolutely blowing off the guy handing him the trophy so he can get his shine. Gotta respect the little guys. That’s the move of a dickhead.

Luckily for Cook (who actually played pretty decent against the Broncos) the Raiders are playing the also terrible Texans so who knows maybe he plays decent, but I would not be surprised if he gets smashed. And its really too bad JJ Watt isn’t playing because that guy DESPISES young QBs who are a little too confident.

Does Chip Kelly Firing Pave the Way for Him as the Next Patriots Offensive Coordinator?

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Black Monday came early this year with several coaches getting axed, some more deserving than others (looking at you Gus Bradley w/ the 14-48 record). Among those was Chip Kelly who got fired after just one year as the 49ers head coach. The 49ers are starting over again after the abortion that was the Jim Tomsula 12 month era. Props to the reporter for asking the owner why he shouldn’t be fired himself and drawing this hilariously tone-deaf response:

On the other end of the spectrum we have Josh McDaniels who is getting tons of interest from other teams (which I touched on a few weeks back) as a head coach. It would seem like McD is probably as good as gone, leaving a big void in the Patriots staff.

With all the history Bill Belichick and Chip Kelly have, it doesn’t take a huge leap to see BB inviting him to come join the best team in the league. These guys go back a long way as they’ve always seemed to admire the other’s football innovations. Back when Chip was at Oregon, Belichick would regularly have him in to talk shop. And it wasn’t just for show, you regularly saw the Pats adopting offensive philosophies made popular by the run n gun Oregon Ducks. The 70+ plays a game running the no huddle almost exclusively throughout the game being the primary one. Lining up for a 2 pt conversion, to test the defense, only to audible back into a traditional extra point FG formation. A lot of things designed to keep the defense on its toes all game long. Now theres finally an opening for the two to work together?

Its a perfect scenario for Chip, who has repeatedly said he doesn’t want to go back to coaching in college. He gets to right his own ship by learning under the best coach in the NFL while also working with the best QB in the league. It’s tough to blame him for the 49ers lack of success this year with that disaster of a roster (49ers GM got canned too).

I always held out hope that Chip would continue to run Oregon, win a couple national championships until Belichick decided he wanted to retire and hand the keys to his buddy Chip.

Now the only thing standing in the way is actual historical precedent. Belichick almost always promotes from within. Matt Patricia, Josh McDaniels, Bill O’Brien, all the way back to Eric Mangini. It seems BB prefers to hire young guys, mold them to the system and then slowly promote them up the ranks. He rarely brings in a big name from outside the organization. Hell I remember a few years back the Patritots intentionally didn’t even have a defensive coordinator. Bill just left the role vacant and had his staff of younger coaches act as assistants while he took over a larger role in play calling.

So thats probably the most likely scenario if McDaniels does in fact take a HC job; we’ll see Chip potentially come in as an offensive assistant/analyst. Quack. Quack.

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Bills Players Immediately Blame Recently Fired Rex Ryan for Why They Suck

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ESPN – Running back LeSean McCoy and wide receiver Sammy Watkins, the Buffalo Bills’ two biggest stars on offense, say discipline among players was lacking under coach Rex Ryan, who was fired Tuesday…. “Then the coaches have to be hard on us, not scared of us. Get at us, yell at us, curse at us. Whatever to get the player to do that job the best he can, that’s what they need to do.”

I don’t mean to harp on the Bills this week, but come on. This is why they say all men love a uniform or that people crave discipline and structure in their life. The inmates were literally running the asylum and ran “player’s coach” Rex Ryan right out of town. And whats the first fucking thing they say once he’s out as coach?

The coaches can’t be “scared of us.”

Can’t have it both ways guys. Like talk about the pot calling the kettle black. You’re complaining about not being held accountable while also blaming other people for why your team sucks. Let the streak of missing the playoffs continue!

Red Sox Looking to Cobble Together a Third Baseman: Interested in Trevor Plouffe

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NBC Sports – The Red Sox are interested in free agent third baseman Trevor Plouffe, Evan Drellich reports for the Boston Herald. If the two sides were to reach an agreement, Plouffe would likely be utilized in a utility or platoon role.

Can’t have an All-Star at every position I guess. As much as people wanted the Red Sox to smash open the piggy bank and go all in by signing a guy like Edwin Encarnacion, it wasn’t really realistic. Whether that reason truly is just a matter of staying under the luxury tax, who knows. But this Sox team is set at just about every position, except for ya know that glaring hole at 3rd base. With one of the worst outputs in the entire league at 3B last year, the Sox are desperate for some production out of the hot corner. So while Plouffe certainly won’t step in and be The Guy, he can contribute as a utility guy and provide a little safety net if Panda shits the bed.

So God help you Pablo Sandoval if this whole “I’m gonna lose weight to revive my career” thing is bullshit.

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Milwaukee Bucks Are Crushing Marketing: Now Selling 10 WIN Plans

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ESPN – For years, NBA teams have sold 10-game plans for fans that don’t want to commit to buying a whole season worth of games. On Tuesday, the Milwaukee Bucks will announce that they’re offering a 10-win plan. That’s right, guaranteed wins. In a package that will go on sale Tuesday through Jan. 11, the Bucks will sell fans a ticket pass for $149 that will begin on Jan. 13 against the Miami Heat and will be active until the Bucks win 10 home games.

What an absolutely genius move by the Bucks here. This team is on the up, but fans in Milwaukee do not give a shit. A pretty decent team that is developing one of the best young players in the NBA in Giannis Antetokounmpo, but they still rank 27th in attendance.

So the Bucks are guaranteeing every fan who buys this ticket pack for $149 sees 10 wins, not 10 games, 10 wins, which is absurd. I was a partial season ticket holder for the Bruins last year, when they just happened to be awful at home, and I think they lost something like 8 of 12 games I was at. So I totally get the uncertainty of re-upping for another ticket plan. Milwaukee fans would be stupid to not take the Bucks up on this offer. I can’t even go to ONE Celtics game with a buddy for that price. The cheeseheads could get 20 games for the same price.

Sometimes I wish I lived in a flyover state. Tickets are cheaper. Beers are cheaper. Just a simple life really.

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RIP Rex Ryan; the Guy That Revived the Patriots Jets Rivalry

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After 8 years as a Head Coach, all in the AFC East, Rex just got canned by Buffalo from his second HC gig less than 2 seasons in. Is this the end of Rex as a head coach? It very well might be. He’s obviously gonna have multiple high paying offers to do TV next season. The guy is wildly entertaining with a bunch of catch phrases spawned from his time on Hard Knocks.

*or as this guy on YouTube savagely titled the same video: “Disgusting Fat Pig Jets coach talks about food during speech”

I don’t know if he has the piss and vinegar to say “fuck you guys I’m a head coach” and hunt for a HC job. I did laugh out loud though at the ESPN update announcing the move: “Rex Ryan fired by Bills…Rob Ryan also relieved of his duties.” Uhh yea, you’re fired…and take your fucking brother with you.

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I just think the guy is a prototypical coordinator. Highly knowledgeable in one area, pretty loose, gets along with the players etc. But he hasn’t been able to put it all together. Now a lot of head coaches in the NFL specialize on just one side of the ball and will defer to their coordinators while they act as more of a CEO of the team, but that ain’t Rex.

So if this is the end for Rex, I will miss you dearly. This guy singlehandedly revived the Patriots/Jets rivalry. He built a roster of hateable, mouthy assholes that competed with and beat the Pats on a few big occasions. I’ll always remember the bitter, bitter humble pie after the loss to the Jets in the 2010 playoffs, which I never saw coming because of the 45-3 thrashing of them in the regular season. Those games were heated. The Jets were finally good enough to legitimately threaten the Pats. Rex’s Jets were ultimately brought down by a mediocre offense lead by the immortal Mark Sanchez (never forget the 3 INT game from LEIGH BODDEN), but from like 2009-2011 this was a rivalry again with palpable hate between the fan bases. I still take great joy in mocking the Jets fans and their 09-10 BACK TO BACK AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME APPEARANCES. Sounds like a shitty Colts banner.

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I think that heated rivalry ended though when the Patriots put a bullet in Fireman Ed and the entire Jets franchise on national TV with the Butt Fumble beatdown on Thanksgiving 2012. Best football game I’ve ever been to still to this day.

PS – Is it just me or was Fireman Ed the worst firefighter ever? What, are there no fires on Sunday, Ed? I mean, I don’t want to be cliche, but you know what Belichick would say to the guy?

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Hot Take Alert: The 2016 Patriots Defense is Good Enough to Win the Super Bowl

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I’m just gonna go ahead and say it; the 2016 Patriots defense is good enough to win the Super Bowl. I know thats not a popular opinion on Contrarian FM Sports Talk Radio. Its even sacrilegious to suggest this if you hear the nonsense from Shank and his super fresh “Tomato Cans” take. I swear to christ if I hear the term Tomato Cans from Shank one more time I am just gonna snap.

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But you wanna get nuts? Lets get nuts and look at the numbers. The Patriots defense has allowed 33 points less than any other team this season.  They’re 8th in Total Yards Allowed and Yards per Game, 3rd in Rushing Yards Allowed and Rushing Yards per Game, and 1st in Points Allowed with 15.7 pts allowed per game. 15.7!

Now they’re 14th in Passing Yards Allowed and Passing Yards per Game, but they are routinely up on other teams and forcing them to throw (which can also help boost the rushing yards total), but even with that being true they’re still giving up less than 16 a game.

They’re also 3rd in Takeaway Differential, which is a great indicator of team success. The top 5 in Takeaway Differential goes, in order, Oakland (No. 2 seed in the AFC), Kansas City (Wildcard w/ potential to jump to the No. 2 seed), Atlanta (No. 2 seed in the NFC), the Pats and then the walking anomaly that is the Bills (RIP Rex).

So you can point to 3rd down conversion percentage, opposing QB Rating, or Yards per play. But at the end of the day the defense is playing well enough. Are they the 2002 Ravens? Fuck no. But they don’t need to be. With a healthy McCourty, Butler, Hightower and the defensive line playing well this defense is good enough. And thats all the Patriots need to win a title. Was it a lot easier with a shutdown corner like Darrelle Revis in the secondary? Sure, but that guy’s making 20 million a year to be a goddamn welfare recipient in NYC right now. So I’m not saying the Pats can win a lot of games 10-3, but with TB12 under center a defense like this should get the job done.

See ya in Houston!

Demarcus Cousins Would Be the CT of the NBA in Boston

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Pro Basketball Talk – [Cousins] scoring 55 points on 17-of-28 shooting, leading the Kings to 126-121 win over the team they are chasing for a playoff slot. Near the end of the game, Cousins got ejected after barking at the Trail Blazers bench and his mouthpiece coming out — one referee thought he either spit it or threw it at the Blazers bench and gave him a technical, Cousins’ second. He sprinted to the locker room to avoid doing anything stupid. Then the officials talked, decided the mouthpiece coming out was accidental, and rescinded the technical.

People love CT from the Challenge because he is a Masshole through and through, for better or for worse. Guy is an animal, dominates the game, is a total asshole and disregards what anybody tells him, but is also loyal to his guys and hates losing with a fiery passion. Sound like a certain mercurial someone in the NBA?

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Demarcus Cousins would be worshipped here in Boston because of those qualities, not in spite of them. Don’t let the morally righteous sports writers of this city tell you otherwise. Do I agree with Cousins spitting his mouthguard out at an opposing assistant coach? No. But in the midst of a MONSTER 55 point game against a team your fighting for a playoff spot, all while on a winning team in Boston?? Fans around here would be FIRED UP about that and be tripping all over themselves to say how uber competitive he is, like a young KG. And so would I.

Don’t get caught up on a guy being a miserable prick when he’s on a team thats been in the basement of the league every year of his career. You gotta take some chances to win in the NBA if you don’t have a LeBron fall into your lap like Cleveland. So I’ll take a chance that this guy would thrive in Boston and be embraced by this city.

People used to point to the Pacers in the early part of this decade as a team that did it right and built through the draft without any real superstars. They did it on depth, good coaching and some pretty good players in Paul George (who has grown into a star), Roy Hibbert and David West. They were a fun team to watch and root for. But what happened? They never won shit and they got beat every time by bigger, badder teams like the super team the Heat had a few years ago. They slowly got worse and the team hasn’t gotten close since.

Take a chance on a super talent. Or don’t and be the Pacers for the next decade.

Fast Food Follies

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Cook County Record – A Des Plaines man has brought a consumer fraud class action against a suburban Chicago McDonald’s franchisee, alleging the restaurant group should be made to pay for allegedly false advertising on its menu, as the group’s pricing of its two cheeseburger “Extra Value Meal” causes customers to pay 41 cents more than they would if they just ordered their two burgers, fries and drink separately.

I like to consider myself a fast-food connoisseur. I make In-N-Out my first stop every time I travel to the West Coast. I wait in line for my free taco (and nothing else) during every Taco Bell “Steal a Taco” promotion. I savor every McRib like it’s my last. Five Guys and Qdoba are a little too rich for my blood. So I blog today to commend this Des Plaines man for doing God’s work.

We’ve all been squeezed by the cumbersome regulations associated with the McDonald’s “value” menus. Who among us hasn’t wandered into a McDonald’s after dark only to find the once-familiar Dollar Menu replaced with the infamous late-night menu? At the McDonald’s on my college campus, McNuggets could only be purchased in multiples of 10 after 11 PM. No wonder the freshman 15 also comes in packages of 25. They must have to put away the four-piece McNugget boxes after dinner.

Occasionally, these regulations could be avoided. I was known to order three four-piece McNuggets off the Dollar Menu to get 12 McNuggets for $3 instead of the standard 10-piece McNugget for $3.69. But the Dollar Menu could be wildly inconsistent. Years ago, you could find the Big N’ Tasty on the Dollar Menu in Weymouth, but only ketchup packets on the Dollar Menu at North Station.

Enough is enough. McDonald’s has long been lauded for its consistency. A Big Mac in Boston tastes the same as a Big Mac in Bismarck. Isn’t it time the menu replicate that same consistency? Isn’t it time the consumer be rewarded for simplifying the ordering process by ordering one meal? Rather than five individual items in one transaction that would almost certainly be fouled up?

I hate to say it, but it’s not about the money. It’s a moral issue at this point. Do better, Ronald and friends. Do better.

The NFL Combine is Now Open to the Public and I Need to Go

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Yahoo – The NFL reportedly is opening the doors to the NFL combine to fans to get a look behind the curtain at how the biggest pre-draft event works. But the question we have: Once they see it, will they ever want to again? The league is allowing 6,000 fans to witness events such as the 40-yard dash and the bench press, along with prospect interviews, for the combine, which runs March 2-5 at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis.

YES. Yes I want to go see this. Are you kidding me? Get a chance to see the Westminster Dog Show in person, count me in. All kidding aside this could make for a long day, but what better way to legitimately understand what freaks of nature these athletes are than seeing them workout in person.

It also seems like the perfect opportunity to take your shithead friend who played D2 football and still things he has a shot at the League. Witness a dude bench 222 lbs 30 times or run a 4.3 40-yard dash as a 6’2″ freak of nature. Now that is some shit that would be entertaining.

Or who knows, maybe you hit the jackpot and get to witness greatness:

But seriously count me in. Any bullshit sporting event I am always in. Arena Football, UFL (Daunte Culpepper shredded it up in Hartford), NLL Lacrosse inside a CASINO, the list goes on and on.

Still my biggest regret in life though was being too young to fly out for an NFL Europa game and see Rohan Davey rip 70 yard throws in Berlin.

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Book the flights!