Tag: Adrian Peterson

Adrian Peterson Doing His Best to Piss Off His New Coach in Week 1

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Jesus christ, if looks could kill man. Peterson only played 9 snaps in the game rushing for just 18 yards, which he probably wasn’t too happy about, even more so considering he was probably looking for a little revenge against the Vikings. He can clearly be seen on the sidelines yelling “HEY!” at Sean Payton, who finally turns around and puts the fear of god into AP. With one look just reminding him you’re thirty-fucking-two, that team across the field just cut you, you’re my backup runningback, and I can cut you tomorrow.

Welp good to see things are going so great in New Orleans for AP after such a strong training camp risking his life to cultivate mass.

Adrian Peterson Risking His Life to Cultivate Mass

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Yahoo – Adrian Peterson makes his living crashing into defensive linemen and linebackers, so he probably has a good grasp on what is good or bad for his health. Still, the admission that he’s ate so much seafood after signing with the New Orleans Saints that his body fat has gone from 7-8 percent to 9-10 percent in two weeks was a bit crazy. See, it’s not that Peterson is the first to go on a food bender in New Orleans. That’s happened to just about anyone who has visited. It’s that Peterson is allergic to shellfish..The New Orleans Times-Picayune’s Josh Katzenstein chronicled how Peterson is sampling the city’s seafood restaurants, including charbroiled oysters (“I’ve been tearing them up,” he said), and how he carries an EpiPen with him as he does it.

Gotta respect AP embracing that washed life. The guy is a running back over 30 coming off multiple knee surgeries and just got cut by the only team he’s ever played for. So is it any surprise that the guy moves to a warm, entertaining, party city known for its celebrations and its food and is now (reportedly) cultivating mass?

It happens to the best of us. You have a rough day, you get canned from your job, whatever it is. You just roll right up to that Burger King drive through window, crush a couple Whoppers and eat right past those tears. So a little cap tip to AP for hitting the buffet instead of his kids this time around.

Not to mention Peterson is apparently crushing seafood, all while being allergic to shellfish. Foods so good the guy’s risking his fucking LIFE to eat more of it. Can’t blame the guy for enjoying some good old southern food. Unless of course you’re a Saints fan, then you can blame the fuck out of him.

Tom Brady to Grace the Cover of Madden 2018 at 40 Years Old

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Alright now…how to react to this news?

A younger version of myself would freak out at the prospect of my franchise quarterback appearing on the cover of Madden because dudes used to routinely get injured after landing the cover. But TB12 put that to rest real quick with a few simple demonstrations.

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FTomBrady%2Fvideos%2F1560009470706864%2F&show_text=0&width=560

Smashed mirror? No problem? Walk under a ladder? Get that shit out of my face.

Lets get scientific about it though and break it down year by year, going back an arbitrary number of years because Madden 03 was the first Madden I actually had. On the PC no less. You ever try running go routes on a 12 inch computer screen? Holy hell, but I digress. Onto the list, with some help from Digital Trends.

  • 2003: Marshall Faulk has one of his worst years ever and its the beginning of the end of his career.
    • CURSE: In full effect
  • 2004: Michael Vick fractures his fibula and misses the first 11 games of the season
    • CURSE: 100%
  • 2005: Ray Lewis has a down year, but nothing curse worthy…he did tear his hamstring the following year though.
    • CURSE: Meh
  • 2006: Donovan McNabb was plagued by a groin injury before tearing his ACL later in the year.
    • CURSE: You bet
  • 2007: Shaun Alexander broke his foot in Week 3 that season.
    • CURSE: Prevails once again
  • 2008: Vince Young was plagued by quad injuries all year before being replaced by KERRY COLLINS.
    • CURSE: Continues to cruise
  • 2009: Brett Favre played pretty well actually before injuring his shoulder down the stretch and tanking his (and the Jets) effectiveness.
    • CURSE: Yea, not even including Brett’s cell phone pic troubles
  • 2010: Larry Fitzgerald/Troy Polamalu – Fitz actually had a career year, but Polamalu injured his MCL, missed a month and then eventually injured his PCL as well.
    • CURSE: 50/50 split but still yes
  • 2011: Drew Brees stayed healthy but threw twice as many picks as the year prior and the Saints lost to the first team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record in Seattle that year.
    • CURSE: Not reallyyy
  • 2012: Peyton Hillis came out of nowhere to have a huge year to land the cover of Madden only to battle illness and hamstring issues all season. Rushed for under 600 yards, the Browns let him walk after the season and that was a wrap on Hillis’ career.
    • CURSE: Yup, you sunk my battleship
  • 2013: Calvin Johnson set the single season record for receiving yards soo he did alright.
    • CURSE: Nope, Megatron shatters it
  • 2014: Adrian Peterson battled through a foot injury all year long and the Vikings only won 10 games.
    • CURSE: Yessir
  • 2015: Richard Sherman had a great season and stayed healthy…but they did lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
    • CURSE: Nah, but we did get this legendary GIF out of Sherman’s season 

  • 2016: Odell Beckham Jr. has 1,400+ receiving yards and 13 TDs and is named to this second consecutive Pro Bowl.
    • CURSE: No shot
  • 2017: Rob Gronkowski played only 8 games last season as missed the first game of the year with a hamstring injury, then got on a roll, but ultimately hurt his back in Week 7 against Seattle and missed the rest of the season.
    • CURSE: Put the smackdown on Gronk

So by my scientific count, that makes 10 instances of the Madden Curse wrecking a guy’s season since Madden 2003.

But, hey this is Tom Brady we’re talking about. The 5 time Super Bowl champ who continues to get better like a goddamn fine wine. As long as he’s go his avocado ice cream and his shady health guru Alex Guerrero and his TB12 voodoo magic, I think Brady will continue to roll. You think the Madden Curse and mother nature can stop this specimen?

I think not.

PS – If something does happen to Tom this year I am going to go full Brian Mills on everyone that has ever worked at EA Sports.

Patriots Now Involved in Marshawn Lynch Rumors. Introducing the Not Fucking Around Crew

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I didn’t really buy into Marshawn Lynch coming out of retirement to play in Oakland. Guy legit seems to be enjoying retirement and not dealing with smashing into 300 pound men all day. But now I hear that Marshawn Lynch is interested in joining the Patriots? I am officially woke. I am back on Marshawn Lynch Watch because the Patriots are looking to build something special. They are turning over every rock to build the best team in the NFL. So whats to say the Pats don’t swoop in and get a deal done? This is the Not Fucking Around Crew.

Sure Lynch saying he’s interested in a team is not exactly the same thing as a team offering a guy a contract, but this is a wild rumor if nothing else. Blount still hasn’t resigned with the team and they didn’t offer Adrian Peterson a contract. They also don’t have a pick in the NFL Draft until No. 72 overall, but the Pats don’t typically draft runningbacks high anyways. With all that being said, there is a gaping void for a power back just waiting to be filled.

Am I a little hesitant about bringing on a guy who last played in 2015 when he rushed for 417 yards? Yup. Did he also destroy my fantasy football season that year? Yup. But if its Marshawn Lynch or LeGarrette Blount, Lynch is a clear upgrade. Lynch will be 31 by the time next season starts so this would clearly be a short term engagement.

Now all you need to do is convince Pete Carroll to trade Beast Mode to the exact team that had every person in the world clowning him after the Super Bowl a couple years ago. Simple enough task, I suppose.

Jeff Howe, who reported the rumor, calls it a long shot if anything, but it would definitely be fun to have Lynch on this Pats team. And for people saying he might not get along with the Patriot Way? Uhh, does anyone remember this dude’s press conferences?

Pretty sure he’d do just fine not saying shit to the media. Now for the obligatory highlight video of Marshawn Lynch dominating people with a football in his hands. Boss.

Conspiracy Theory Alert: Did the Patriots Host Adrian Peterson to Grease the Wheels on a Richard Sherman Trade?

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CBS Sports – The Patriots’ whirlwind of big offseason moves may not be over yet. After being mentioned in recent trade rumors involving Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, it appears that the team’s interest in his services is still alive. The Boston Herald’s Jeff Howe tweeted on Wednesday that the Patriots still have “some” interest in trading for Sherman. Howe was following up on candid comments made by Seahawks GM John Schneider regarding Seattle’s own interest in moving the super-talented (three-time All-Pro) but expensive ($11 million base salary) 29-year-old cornerback.

As everyone knows, there have been rumors floating around that the Patriots are interested in acquiring the Seahawks shutdown corner Richard Sherman. I would love to have a guy like Sherman on this Pats team, especially if they are debating dealing Malcolm Butler. Now lets unpack this conspiracy theory with everything else thats been happening the past week.

The Patriots hosted free agent Adrian Peterson on Monday, which was Peterson’s FIRST free agent visit of the offseason. Peterson obviously has his own baggage after abusing his toddler and getting suspended by the Vikings. So not surprisingly the free agent market has been a bit slow for a 32 year old RB coming off knee surgery with that kind of shit going on.

When news broke of Peterson’s visit to the Patriots pretty much everyone asked why? Runningback isn’t exactly at the top of the Pats list of needs, especially not one embroiled in a case like his. Even more so after Jonathan Kraft ripped the dude on the radio. So what could it be? As some have speculated, were the Patriots maybe doing his agent Ben Dogra a solid? Bring in AP for a visit to get the ball rolling and drum up some interest in the RB around the rest of the league? Sure, maybe, but still doesn’t quite explain it.

Then the Sherman rumors come out that he might be available via trade and the Patriots were one of the teams inquiring. And as Scott Zolack mentioned on the air today; who is Richard Sherman’s agent? Ben Dogra. Yes, the same Dogra that represents Adrian Peterson.

So sure its still an NFL trade for a superstar and the Pats would need to give up something to get something, but maybe Dogra helps steer a potential Sherman trade to the Pats after Belichick helped drum up interest on Peterson.

Its called quid pro quo guys.

Adrian Peterson, a 32 Year Old RB Coming Off Knee Surgery, is Shockingly Still a Free Agent

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Yahoo Sports – Adrian Peterson is still waiting. As incomprehensible as it seemed only a few weeks ago, one of the greatest running backs in NFL history is still waiting for significant pursuit one full week into free agency. Largely thanks to a depressed running backs market and Peterson’s age (he turns 32 on Tuesday), the final destination of the seven-time Pro Bowler remains unknown, even as running backs like Eddie Lacy, Latavius Murray, Danny Woodhead and Rex Burkhead each found landing spots before Peterson.

Why does this surprise anyone? Guy is a 32 year old running back coming off KNEE surgery and in the middle of a trial for beating the shit out of his toddler son? Doesn’t exactly seem like a product that would be flying off the shelves like a Malibu Stacy doll.

Look is the guy totally done? I don’t know, but he’s certainly not someone I’m giving much more than the veteran’s minimum to and I’m sure as shit not relying on him to be my go-to RB. So he’s gonna be a guy who will hang around looking for one, last big deal that he’s not going to get. So he’ll end up signing as a backup somewhere else.

This isn’t a “frosty” situation, this is an entirely predictable situation if you just take AP’s name out of the equation. In 2016 Player X rushed for 72 yards in 3 games with an Avg Yards per Attempt of 1.9 and 0 Touchdowns. Then got knee surgery. WHY would that player have a booming free agency market? Yes, I know he rushed for almost 1,500 yards and 11 TD’s the year before, but that will have been 2+ years ago by the time next season starts. When he was 30. Where do RB’s fall off? Yup, after 30. Especially power backs with knee surgeries. So please national media don’t pretend to be surprised with stuff like this, you’re better than that.

Adrian Peterson to the Patriots? This Move Would Be More Albert Haynesworth Than Corey Dillon

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A move like this just screams Joey Galloway, Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ocho Cinco more than it does Corey Dillon or Randy Moss. A guy who at one point was one of if not the premier player at his position who now is a bit older and admittedly has some baggage. We’re not even gonna get into the details of whether or not AP is a good guy, because beating the shit out of your kids does not a good person make you. As a pure football fit, I just don’t see it. The guy looked toast last year and *then* he blew out his knee. So running backs on the wrong side of 30 with multiple knee injuries don’t really do it for me.

Plus its not like AP is gonna take the veteran’s minimum to play alongside Tom Brady. He just does not seem like that kind of guy. I’d rather the Pats stick with what they have, maybe sign some other decently talented (and younger) running back like oh idk KARLOS WILLIAMS. Rather than bring in this guy and try and force a square peg into a round hole. Would it be nice to have the Adrian Peterson from 2012? Of course, but this guy is not that guy. He’ll be 32 when next season starts and he has taken a *beating* over the past 10 years with over 2,400 carries. The next guys on that list who are either still active or just recently retired? Matt Forte, Marshawn Lynch and Chris Johnson. Not great company.

oldrunningback

Plus the Pats did just fine if I recall correctly, winning a Super Bowl with LeGarrette Blount carrying the ball primarily. A guy that Felger and Mazz ripped on and complained about how terrible he was from Day 1, despite rushing for 18 TD’s and almost 1,200 yards. I think TB12 and the Pats can make due without Adrian Peterson.

PS – Never forget the most frightening NFL commercial of all-time with AP just angrily running towards the camera in slow motion.