Pardon me for taking the lord’s name in vain, but Jesus Christ, Applebees. This could be the No. 1 reason twenty somethings across America black out on Christmas break. Are you trying to get diabetes? Because this is how you get diabetes. Just guzzling sweet, delicious sour apple jolly ranchers infused with a liter of vodka. Come to think of it, this is just the properly branded version of one of my go to drinks in college: the Midouri Sour.
If you’ve never had a Midouri Sour, it’s essentially just drinking Puckers straight from the bottle. It tastes like a sweet, sweet mixer, but it’s riddled with vodka so it gets the job done. Pound down a few of these bad boys and you could dance the night away. Might even have to take your shoes off on the walk home.
So for anyone who wants to black out like an adult(ish) yet have nostalgia endorphins firing in their brain with the taste of Jolly Ranchers on your palate, then this is the cocktail for you. Excellent work, Applebees.
You could really put in anything there and you’d probably win this game. It’s become the running joke of the internet for anyone thats a Millennial. Today we’re killing Applebees and Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, just google “Millennials are killing”
Well first off, FUCK malls, office parks, home ownership and everything else us Millennials are killing. The kids have come home to roost. Baby boomers and Gen X saddled us with a shitty economy, crippling student loans, destroyed social security, the list goes on.
So, yea all those ridiculous things like paying for a newspaper subscription can kick rocks. Technically Millennials are the majority now and it would seem we’re weeding out all the shit that no one wants or needs. SEARS? Fuck outta here with a store that sells khakis, dryers, and garden hoses.
And this isn’t about participation trophies that everyone over 40 seems to think Millennials line their shelfs with. It’s about combatting a shitty perception thats been put on an entire generation. What started out as lazy descriptions for 20 somethings like entitled, impatient, or too dependent on technology has morphed into those same older generations dumping their shit on Millennials.
I think some of it is just straight up resentment, which is normal for any older generation facing an upstart younger generation. The fact that any 21 year old dickhead can start a company from their parents basement with nothing but a laptop probably breeds that contempt. I feel ya, if you’ve been working at the same company for 30 years hoping to get that gold watch at retirement, that’s frustrating. But Millennials are pretty woke to the fact that anyone can get canned at any time (see ESPN) so more and more people are looking to work for themselves in some form or another.
But with that contempt comes the outrageous articles blaming Millennials for killing department stores like Macy’s. No, Macy’s killed Macy’s because they run 100,00 fucking square foot stores with too much overhead selling shit no one needs. Solid business model. Let me introduce you to Blockbuster and cab companies, you morons.
This all brings me to my final point; the Avocado Toast story. This shit has become an ironic rallying cry for Millennials who can’t help but laugh when these hit pieces pop up every other week. Millennials now can’t afford to buy houses because they buy avocado toast and Starbucks. Or maybe its the amazing advice that is continuously doled out to young people. I saw a recent CNBC package titled “Millennials not saving for homes.” What was the sage-like advice from CNBC? Move out of cities like NYC to cheaper, shit holes like Cleveland, get a tiny house, or buy an RV. That’s their advice.
Welp, appreciate the wise words, but I think we’ll take our chances and see what other shitty industries we can successfully kill off along the way.
The 300s 