Tag: CNBC

Millennials Are Now Being Blamed for Killing…Beer!

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CCN – Last year, Heineken-owned Lagunitas slashed 12 percent of its total workforce, 17 months after it was acquired. At the time, Lagunitas had said the cuts were necessary for the company to adjust to the needs of a dynamic and significantly more challenging market.

To put that more bluntly: millennials just don’t drink beer like their parents did.

INJECT IT INTO MY VEINS! Companies run their business poorly, change nothing, and then blame their tanking sales on millennials, the modern day scapegoats. I love it.

Last month, Diageo CEO Ivan Menezes noted in an interview with CNBC that consumers are moving from beer to spirits and cocktails.

According to data released by the Distilled Spirits Council, a trade group based in the United States, spirits (including vodka, rum, and gin) gained even more market share in the alcohol market for 2018, as compared to wine and beer.

Bullllllshit. There is no way millennials are drinking *more* booze than beer these days. I am a proud millennial and I am a proud rum and coke guy, but I cannot drink for shit anymore. The hangovers these days are absolutely brutal so I’ve basically transitioned entirely into a few IPAs on a good night.

LOL wut?

Millennials are just not into beer anymore, and this is quickly pushing many beer companies to the brink. Molson Coors saw sales slump in four straight quarters in 2018, and the volume of Heineken cases sold has decreased drastically – even while wine and spirits sales are on the rise.

Are these companies really just going to ignore the rise in craft beer and how breweries have popped up on every corner in major cities? From 2007 to 2018 the number of breweries in Massachusetts exploded form 34 to over 150! There are more than 6,000 breweries in the United States as of 2017 too.

Thats bananas.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not drinking that much less beer, I’m just not drinking Bud Light, Miller Lite etc. I’m drinking IPAs, Sours, Stouts and  other craft beers that are owned predominantly by independent small brewers.

How does the major beer industry respond? By brewing nightmare fuel like this!

Pass.

Millennials just aren’t drinking the stuff our parents drank; well almost all of us.

Start Your Holiday Weekend Off Right With This Infuriating Article from CNBC

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Trevor Klee, he admits, is a “terrible employee.” But he’s great at working for himself — and at taking tests.

So the 25-year-old entrepreneur started a thriving business of his own. As a test prep instructor in Cambridge, Massachusetts, he brings in $100,000 a year tutoring people for the GMAT, GRE and LSAT. It’s one of those weird skills that turned out to be really monetizable,” he tells CNBC Make It.

Klee is the first to acknowledge he’s benefited from both luck and privilege: “Growing up in a family that talked a lot about money was a definite advantage,” he says. “In a lot of ways, I feel like I’m good with money, but I’m playing life on ‘Easy’ mode: I’m a single guy with no dependents and I make a pretty solid income.”

For all those people out there struggling to afford the holiday shopping, this one is for you. CNBC just dropped this downright insulting article right before we all set our out-of-office replies and head home for Christmas. I refuse to believe the person that made the above chart is serious, so let’s break this down into realistic terms.

Rent:

The Chart Says: $825

Reality Says: Unless you’re living in your parent’s basement and that’s what they are asking you to contribute, there is no way a single man who lives alone is paying $825. MAYBE if he lives in the Ozarks.

Donations:

The Chart Says: $615

Reality Says: BULLSHIT. I feel like i’m being bamboozled into giving a dollar every time I go to the grocery store to write my name on a paper star that they hang in the window.

Groceries:

The Chart Says: $400

Reality Says: If you’re living alone, there is zero chance this is true. Unless you’re eating filet mignon every single night, go screw. I had Spaghettios for lunch the other day and I have a Bachelor’s degree.

Health Insurance:

The Chart Says: $270

Reality Says: This is the first believable thing this graphic has said.

Dining Out:

The Chart Says: $250

Reality Says: What is this dude ordering? Do you know how many times i’ve been at a restaurant with friends and the check comes and the waiter gets handed 10 different Mastercards with the exact amounts written out for him to swipe?

Utilities:

The Chart Says: $195

Reality Says: Somewhat believable, but only if you’re still in that 2 year grace period with Comcast before they double the price without telling you.

Transportation:

The Chart Says: $130

Reality Says: My car payment alone is more than triple this, and I drive a fucking Chevy.

Cell Phone:

The Chart Says: $40

Reality Says: Only true if you’re on your parent’s plan or you’re still rocking that RAZR flip phone.

House Cleaner:

The Chart Says: $30

Reality Says:

Internet:

The Chart Says: $20

Reality Says: Who am I kidding, i’d pay hundreds for internet access without losing sleep.

In conclusion, don’t let any clickbait bullshit article bully you into thinking you’re not successful if you don’t make $100,000. You do you. Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Fill In the Blank: Millennials Are Now Killing ____

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You could really put in anything there and you’d probably win this game. It’s become the running joke of the internet for anyone thats a Millennial. Today we’re killing Applebees and Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, just google “Millennials are killing”

Well first off, FUCK malls, office parks, home ownership and everything else us Millennials are killing. The kids have come home to roost. Baby boomers and Gen X saddled us with a shitty economy, crippling student loans, destroyed social security, the list goes on.

So, yea all those ridiculous things like paying for a newspaper subscription can kick rocks. Technically Millennials are the majority now and it would seem we’re weeding out all the shit that no one wants or needs. SEARS? Fuck outta here with a store that sells khakis, dryers, and garden hoses.

And this isn’t about participation trophies that everyone over 40 seems to think Millennials line their shelfs with. It’s about combatting a shitty perception thats been put on an entire generation. What started out as lazy descriptions for 20 somethings like entitled, impatient, or too dependent on technology has morphed into those same older generations dumping their shit on Millennials.

I think some of it is just straight up resentment, which is normal for any older generation facing an upstart younger generation. The fact that any 21 year old dickhead can start a company from their parents basement with nothing but a laptop probably breeds that contempt. I feel ya, if you’ve been working at the same company for 30 years hoping to get that gold watch at retirement, that’s frustrating. But Millennials are pretty woke to the fact that anyone can get canned at any time (see ESPN) so more and more people are looking to work for themselves in some form or another.

But with that contempt comes the outrageous articles blaming Millennials for killing department stores like Macy’s. No, Macy’s killed Macy’s because they run 100,00 fucking square foot stores with too much overhead selling shit no one needs. Solid business model. Let me introduce you to Blockbuster and cab companies, you morons.

This all brings me to my final point; the Avocado Toast story. This shit has become an ironic rallying cry for Millennials who can’t help but laugh when these hit pieces pop up every other week. Millennials now can’t afford to buy houses because they buy avocado toast and Starbucks. Or maybe its the amazing advice that is continuously doled out to young people. I saw a recent CNBC package titled “Millennials not saving for homes.” What was the sage-like advice from CNBC? Move out of cities like NYC to cheaper, shit holes like Cleveland, get a tiny house, or buy an RV. That’s their advice.

 

Welp, appreciate the wise words, but I think we’ll take our chances and see what other shitty industries we can successfully kill off along the way.