Tag: Festivus

The Top 5 Sitcom Christmas Episodes

So I sat down on Christmas Eve yesterday and got sucked into about four hours of sitcom marathons. Few things are better at this time of year than binge watching all the random sitcom Christmas specials. It’s become a staple for any sitcom worth its weight. So lets break down some of the best Christmas specials from over the years.

 

The Office

S3EP10 – “A Benihana Christmas”

After photoshopping himself onto an old photo of Carol’s family over the ex husband’s head, Carol is creeped out and dumps Michael. Meanwhile the office is split in two as the party planning committee argues so Pam and Angela end up creating two separate office Christmas parties.

 

The Simpsons

S9EP10 – “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace”

The Simpsons love doing holiday specials and this Christmas episode is one of the funniest specials of all-time. Bart drinks a dozen glasses of water so he can wake up early on Christmas before everyone else. He does just that, heads down stairs to play with some new toys except he accidentally burns the Christmas tree down and all the presents underneath it. Naturally he lies about it and the entire town of Springfield takes sympathy on the Simpsons until Bart cracks. Hilarity ensues.

 

 

Seinfeld 

S9EP10 – “The Strike”

While technically not a “Christmas” episode, this is still one of the best Christmas specials as George’s father invents a new holiday all together: Festivus. Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength, the Festivus Pole, which is displayed unadorned because tinsel is distracting. People literally buy aluminum poles and put them in their living room as an ironic protest of Christmas and I will laugh every time I see it.

 

Malcolm in the Middle

S3EP7 – “Christmas”

One of the more underrated sitcoms that never seems to get the credit it deserves. All the more relatable to people because of the absolutely chaotic family dynamics.

 

That 70s Show

S6EP7 – “Christmas”

If Billy Bob Thornton is the No. 1 disaster of a Santa Claus then Red Forman is without a doubt 1A. The older I get the more I personally identify with Eric’s curmudgeon of an old man. When a girl asks for a pony, Red tells her ponies die. He also tells another boy who asks for a slinky that he’ll be getting flash cards for a present: “Math. That’s what you’re getting for Christmas.”

What’s your favorite Christmas special? Tweet it at me @The300sBoston and we’ll get the ball rolling on this nostalgia trip.

A Festivus Airing of Fantasy Football Grievances

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With Festivus coming up and after narrowly avoiding my first Sacko last night, I just wanted to take the time out for a proper Airing of Grievances for my once promising fantasy football team that went straight to hell. Below is the original team that took the field on Week 1; til death do us part.

QB1: Jameis Winston: The 13th scoring QB in fantasy this year. Look I’ve won titles with Donovan McNabb and Tim Tebow. QB was not the problem here.

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QB2: Philip Rivers: Traded him for a 2017 3rd round pick once my season was cooked. Draft board flexibility like you read about.

WR1: Alshon Jeffery: Decent stats, but was ultimately at the mercy of shithead Smokin Jay Cutler. Oh and ya know got popped for PEDs and missed 4 weeks down the stretch.

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WR2: Michael Floyd: – Shout out to my number 2 WR who can hold his booze just about as well as he can hold a football. On the verge of a breakout season in a top offense and he ends up with just as many drops as touchdowns (4) before being cut for getting a DUI. This was after cops found him piss drunk passed out at the wheel of his car in an intersection. Not to mention just 33 catches on 70(!) targets. Now, that is what I call Return. On. Investment.

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RB1 and KEEPER: Thomas Rawls: Coming off a beast finish to 2015 with 830 yards on just 147 carries for 5.6 YPC, Rawls was a sneaky steal with a 16th round pick as a keeper. Dude did break his leg though, which made it risky, but sometimes ya gotta race.


All the reports and draft experts pointed towards Rawls being ready for Week 1 and naturally he ran for a combined 25 yards in the first two games before ultimately missing EIGHT MOTHERFUCKING WEEKS. The guy didn’t put in a good game until Week 13. SAD.

RB2: Ezekiel Elliot: We good.

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TE: Zach Ertz: Solid first game. Dislocated a rib. Didn’t have a good game until Week 9. God damnit.

Flex: Allen Hurns22b933b11f8c0890c6e8a1efed1046fe3f99a3aa188dd315d89cbaeb74b5ae7b

Flex: Willie Snead: Some weeks I score 30 points. Other weeks I put up a goose egg. Enjoy the ride.

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6 Bench Spots:

(IR) Danny Woodhead: BEAST. But got hurt again and submarined any solid PPR flex options for me.

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Jeremy Langford: Oh just a *total* asshole. A starting RB with potential solely because of workload volume alone. So what’s he do? Suck, get hurt and lose his job. Another draft pick nailed.

(IR) Shane Vereen: Hurt and missed most of the season.

(IR) Josh Doctson: I *also* drafted Breshad Perriman last year who *also* missed his entire rookie season.

(IR) Braxton Miller: A dart throw who had exactly one game with more than 4 pts and ultimately wound up on IR. Brock Osweiler is radioactive to offense.

Kickers and defenses do not matter so I will not address them.

Final Record: 4-9 for an 11th place finish

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