Tag: Happy Gilmore

The Most Heartbreaking Almost Hole-in-One You’ll Ever See

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Absolute heartbreak city right here. Like most people that walk this fine Earth, I have never hit a hole-in-one. I did nearly sink one playing at Royal and Ancient Chappaquiddick Links on Martha’s Vineyard though. It was a Par 3 so it was feasible for an average golfer. Hit one of those shots where everything just feels perfect, one of those you get maybe once a round that keeps you coming back for more.

As I walked down the fairway I realized I couldn’t see my ball even as I neared the green, so I allowed the excitement to creep in. Did I just bury an Ace, on Amity Island in July no less?

I walked up and took a peak in the cup anddd it was not there.

It had actually bounced off the back of the green into some bushes and my wife made sure to chirp me for the misplaced confidence there. They say hitting a home run is the hardest thing to do in sports, but getting an Ace really should be at the top of that list. It can’t all be luck, right?

Bryson DeChambeau Earns His First Major, Crushes the Competition at the US Open

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While it may not have been the way he pictured it, Bryson DeChambeau won his first career major, dominating the field to win the US Open at a Winged Foot course that crushed most of his peers.

DeChambeau is one of the most polarizing figures in all of golf as people seem to either love him or hate him. I for one don’t understand the hate for a young American challenging the status quo in a sport full of stuffy unwritten rules. I fully admit that he is an interesting cat and has a way of rocking the boat (bitching and moaning to officials) that probably rubs some people the wrong way, but golf is a sport that has been begging for some novelty. Bring on the guy who goes out of his way to do things differently like just randomly deciding to put on 40 pounds

Or a guy that is custom designing his irons so they are all the same exact length. Odd, but hey it works. It’s not like Bryson is showing up in jorts and giving people the DX suck it sign after bombing one off the tee like he’s Kenny Powers. He’s just looking at the way things have always been done and said well what if I do it differently?

Bryson has been criticized a ton because he always tries to just overpower courses like he’s Happy Gilmore.

That criticism was especially loud this past weekend as the US Open took place on a ruthlessly tight and unforgiving course like Winged Foot, but it worked for DeChambeau in a huge way as he dominated the field. He was the only player to finish under par and finished a full 6 strokes ahead of Matthew Wolff who melted down on Sunday to finish in second place. Bryson basically punted on accuracy and figured if I can just bomb it as far as possible, the course is set up in a way that I can recover from most roughs.

You know, assuming your ball doesn’t end up with a lie like the grass in a public park that hasn’t been mowed in six months because the entire landscaping crew got furloughed.

DeChambeau’s percentage of fairways hit was ugly at 41%, but because of that extra 20-30 yards he was getting off the tee, he was able to pick up a legit advantage like grabbing an eagle on a long Par 5 on Sunday.

If you watch golf every weekend you’re well aware of DeChambeau’s “Scientist” nickname, but if you’re even a casual fan this isn’t stuff that you would automatically know. I feel like I’ve heard it 20 times, but it doesn’t make it any less insane that DeChambeau uses a driver with a 5 degree loft. That is absolutely bananas. Most guys are using 9.5-10.5 degree drivers and DeChambeau figured out if he swings at a fast enough speed he can maximize his distance off the tee by basically swinging with a frying pan for a club. I mean his putter has more loft than his driver for christ’s sake.

Does he fairly get criticized for pissing and moaning to the officials more than your average bear? Yup, the fire ants complaint was a Hall of Fame moment of unintentional comedy.

But even yesterday he knew the rule where he was close enough to a sprinkler head in the rough just off the green that it warranted a drop in any direction within a club’s length. Granted he was up a handful of shots at the time, but knowing that rule allowed him to move his ball from the rough onto the green. Cannot hate on that awareness.

While the celebratory zoom call with his parents got a little awkward as a crowd surrounded and millions at home watched the private convo, but it was hard to not get choked up witnessing his initial reaction to seeing his parents.

So Bryson’s an unconventional guy, but with Tiger and Phil at the tail ends of their careers we could use some more unconventional guys and personalities on tour to keep this game growing beyond its core audience.

Bill Belichick Eats Three Every Day to Help Keep Him Strong

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Let me just sit here and enjoy the one thing that makes me a little bit happy…this fresh, delicious, tasty, meaty, turkey-filled…Cold Cut Combo. I eat three every day to help keep me strong.

No. Days. Off.

Unless that day off includes a delightful afternoon on a park bench crushing a 5 dollar footlong. What’s Bill’s go to sandwich? It’s gotta be something efficient, not too exotic, but probably a great value loaded up with veggies. No bacon because thats like a flashy WR thats overpriced and doesn’t ever actually help you win the Super Bowl. My official guess is an Italian BMT with everything on it.

In all seriousness though I am waiting with bated breath to see the finished product of this commercial. It could literally just be Bill sitting on a bench with no music, no voiceover, no context. Just Bill housing a sub on a bench for 20 seconds as the Subway logo fades in. I mean, hell I’m craving a sangwich right now. Brilliant marketing.

And no, I can’t go more than a couple of days without making a reference to a 24-year-old Adam Sandler movie.

What Are the Top 5 Movie Props of All Time?

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I saw this tweet going around the other day posing an excellent question: What is the greatest movie prop of all time? Maybe you’re going with Marty Mcfly’s self lacing shoes or perhaps George Clooney’s Batsuit with the nipples? Here are hands down the Top 5 movie props of all time.

5. Beatrix Kiddo’s Hattori Hanzo sword

A Hattori Hanzo sword is like a modern day Valyrian Steel sword, which didn’t make the cut because GOT isn’t actually a movie. Goddamn was Kill Bill a great movie though. Watching both 1 and 2 are worth the double feature binge if you’ve never seen them. Basically a Hattori Hanzo is the rarest, sharpest, and best kind of sword ever produced. “If on your journey you should encounter God, God will be cut.”

4. Darth Vader’s Lightsaber

Truly one of the most badass characters in cinematic history. There are dozens of Star Wars characters and their lightsabers to pick from and I almost went with Mace Windu’s purple saber or the double sided Darth Maul version, but it’s hard to beat the original bad guy.

3. Happy Gilmore’s Putter

Maybe it’s the white trash in me, but I’ve always loved the Happy Gilmore hockey stick turned putter. It’s practical too as Adam Sandler had to actually sink putts with it. The putter may not be regulation, but I’m not exactly on the PGA tour so I think I can sneak the extra club in my bag. Nothing would please me more than sinking a birdie putt on 18 after shooting in the three figures on the first 17.

2. Mjolnir

Sure I have the plastic replica and a Mjolnir keychain, but give me the real deal! I don’t expect the hammer to come when called like a Golden Retriever, but this is THE conversation piece to stick up on your mantle. I would be shocked and disappointed if Chris Hemsworth didn’t steal this prop after production on Endgame wrapped.

  1. Vin Diesel’s 67 Pontiac GTO from XXX

Long before Samuel L. Jackson was even a twinkle in Nick Fury’s eye, this Vin Diesel store brand James Bond flick introduced us to the greatest movie prop of all time. XXX came out when I was 13 so obviously I was the exact target demo, but I also saw XXX 3: Return of Xander Cage in theaters with Papa Giorgio when I was 27 sooo…

Say what you want about this (delightful) movie, but if you don’t enjoy XXX you are someone who takes themselves entirely too seriously. Now lets get to the best part of the movie: the 1967 Pontiac GTO. This is just the sweetest ride these eyes have ever seen and I’m not even a car guy. This is the best (and most practical) movie prop of all time. For some reason I couldn’t find the scene where they unveil the GTO on YouTube in English so you’ll just have to make do with Spanish. De nada.

So whats your top movie prop of all time?

Korean Golfer Gets THREE YEAR Ban for Flipping Off Some Fans

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ESPN – The Korean Tour has suspended current money leader Bio Kim for three years after he made an obscene gesture to fans during the final round of a tournament this past weekend…Kim reacted angrily after a cellphone camera went off during his downswing. His drive ended up going about 100 yards, according to the Korea Herald.

After the poor shot, Kim, 29, turned to the crowd, flipped off fans and slammed his driver into the ground. The incident was captured on live TV in Korea.

On Monday, the Korean Professional Golfers’ Association, which operates the Korean Tour, voted unanimously to suspend Kim for the next three years. It also fined him about $8,350 in U.S. currency. In a statement, the Korean Tour said: “Kim Bi-o damaged the dignity of a golfer with etiquette violation and inappropriate behavior.”

Korean Shooter McGavin over here is clearly part of the not fucking around crew.

Damn you people go back to your shanties! Three years seems a bit harsh for flipping the bird no? I know I’ve done a lot worse on the golf course after a shitty shot. Granted I’m *paying* for the privilege of drinking 6 beers before noon and throwing my club into the woods, but hey golf is frustrating no matter the level.

I’ve never understood the unwritten rules of golf and the expected silence on the course. Sure you shouldn’t be blowing air horns on the course (even if you have bursitis), but if you can’t deal with the sound of a camera snapping a photo then maybe you’re not ready for primetime.

Top 5 Takeaways from Game 2 of the World Series

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The Red Sox took a commanding 2-0 lead in the World Series last night as the series shifts back to LA for the weekend. The Sox will look to do exactly what they did in 2004 and 2007 with a World Series sweep of the Dodgers. Last night was David Price’s night though as he proved his impressive start in the ALCS was not an anomaly. Lets breakdown the Top 5 Takeaways from Game 2 of the World Series.

David Price Learned How to Putt

Similar to Happy Gilmore at the Tour Championship, David Price has seemingly learned how to fix his biggest weakness and now the competition is shook. Admittedly a sentence I wasn’t sure I’d ever type, but numbers don’t lie. Price gave up 2 runs over 6 innings and struck out 5 while looking dominant at times. After going more than a decade without getting a postseason win as a starter, Price now has 2 in less than a week. Incredible.

The real question is, what did David Price figure out in that ALCS Game 4 bullpen session?

It was while going through his warm-ups that Price discovered a new trick — one he wasn’t divulging — that he believed helped his start Thursday.

“I threw 40 pitches in the bullpen [Wednesday],” Price said. “I figured something out warming up in the bullpen, and it kind of just carried over into the game.”

Who taught David Price how to putt? Who was his Chubbs?

The 2018 Boston Red Sox are Lethal With Two Outs

This is a very good Red Sox team led by statistically the best offense in baseball, but get 2 outs on them? They’re even better. After getting 2 quick outs in the 5th inning it looked like the Dodgers would be able to hold onto a mid-game 2-1 lead. You didn’t think it would be that easy did you? It’s like any horror movie you’ve ever seen. Always make sure the killer is dead because if you’re not sure, if you don’t see his cold dead body then he will come back to haunt you. The Red Sox have become Jason Voorhees this postseason.

So with two outs Christian Vazquez singled, then Mookie Betts singled, then Andrew Benintendi walked, then Steve Pearce walked, then JD Martinez singled to drive in 2 runs and put the Sox up 4-2. Bingo. Bango. Game over.

Joe Kelly Has Morphed into 2007 Jonathan Papelbon 

For the second night in a row, Joe Kelly was just blowing guys away. It wasn’t just his triple digits fastball either though, Kelly had impeccable control on his breaking balls. He was just dropping pitches in wherever he wanted and the Dodgers couldn’t touch him. Kelly finished the night with 2 K’s in his lone inning pitched.

Andrew Benintendi May Have Been the Smart Bet for World Series MVP

After racking up 4 hits in his first career World Season game, Benintendi came back and flashed the leather in Game 2 to continue building his case against my bankroll.

I’m still holding out hope for my guy Nathan Eovaldi who came in at +5000 to win MVP. He looked excellent yet again last night striking out one in a 13 pitch 1-2-3 8th inning, but with the way this series is going I worry he just might not get into enough games. Especially with Rick Porcello getting the nod for Game 3, it looks like Eovaldi has gone from Rover to setup man for Boston.

The Dodgers Are Softer Than Charmin

First we had the Dodgers pitching coach Rick Honeycut complaining that the Boston bullpen is too close to the fans. Dude it literally has not moved in over 50 years. Then last night we saw Ryan Madson come into a 2 outs bases loaded jam and proceed to immediately walk in a run and then give up a 2-run single before recording the 3rd out.

The final blow was this shot of Yasiel Puig:

This came after any and every Dodgers player went out of their way to say the chilly New England temperatures don’t make a difference to them. Picture’s worth a thousand words.

PS – The Red Sox bullpen retired 16 straight Dodgers hitters to end the game. Duct tape and bubblegum aside, this bullpen is money right now.

Despite Struggles from the Tee, Tiger Woods Just Missed Winning the PGA Championship Yesterday

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With a huge run in the final round of the PGA Championship yesterday, Tiger Woods finished at -14, which was good for second place, two strokes behind the champ, Brooks Koepka. I keep finding myself saying, if only Tiger could have straightened out his driver he would have won the 100th PGA Championship yesterday. But thats really not the case. Sure he was putting himself in shitty positions all day, hitting exactly zero fairways on the front 9, but he also was hitting absolute circus shots all day to keep nailing birdie after birdie.

In fact the only thing he could have done differently was have a couple putts that rimmed out, fall his way. If those two drop then Tiger at the very worst forces a playoff with Koepka.

But, don’t try and tell Tiger that.

He had massive struggles from the tee all day and mental errors that the old Tiger never had. Old Tiger was ice. He was a robot.

This ain’t old Tiger. This is new Tiger.

An aging veteran, a golfer dealing with massive back injuries fending off young guys that grew up idolizing him. But thats what makes Tiger so much fun to watch these days. He’s human. There’s nothing I love more than a good comeback story.

So yea, I am rooting for him to put it all together. I think a lot of people are too. Watching the PGA Championship yesterday is probably the loudest I’ve ever heard a golf course. The place was electric and going wild like Happy Gilmore was strolling the greens.

So, despite failing to win another major, Tiger looked like a force at times and you can tell he’s still working out some kinks in his game. Its only a matter of time until he puts it all together and snatches another major. And it’s probably going to happen sooner rather than later.

So, I think its only appropriate here to quote the American classic John Wick:

P.S. – Hey Google, get your shit together. You know goddamn well I’m not looking for pictures of jungle cats.