Tag: John Elway

Patriots Have a Losing Record This Late in the Season for the First Time in 18 YEARS

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I know that headline is the definition of first world problems and every Jets, Bills, and Dolphins fan in America is probably reaching for the closest pencil to stab me in the eye with. BUT, that doesn’t change the fact that in the midst of a bizarre, start and stop, don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it UNPRECEDENTED season, the Patriots officially have a losing record this late in the year for the first time since 2002! That is WEIRD! A lot of factors have gone into that, mainly the greatest quarterback of all time leaving town, but also this goddamn pandemic screwing with rosters and schedules all across the league.

I mean the Patriots have played all three of their QBs at various points this year and Cam Newton just missed the better part of the last two weeks of practice after a positive COVID test. Add in the fact that the Pats are dealing with injuries/other COVID issues and the team was forced to roll out some Papier-mâché amalgam of an offensive line unit yesterday. Newton was mostly mediocre throwing the ball yesterday with 2 picks and only completing 17 passes all day. In fairness, Newton has completed 15, 30, 17, and 17 passes in each game he’s played in this year so it wasn’t a disastrous drop off, but he did have his worst QB Rating of the year by far at 51.6.

Newton did rush for 76 yards and a TD though, including a 30+ yard run where he stiff armed the shit out of a defender at the end.

Another thing that stuck out to me was the decision to go for 2 instead of just kicking the extra point after scoring to put the game within 9. That was head scratching. If they just kick the XP then they’re only down 8 points, but failing to get the 2 point conversion put the Pats down by 9, which requires them to score twice to come back. Now I know the analytics stat heads say it’s actually smart because getting that play out of the way affects the game script and the team then knows they need two scores regardless, instead of banking on getting a 2 point conversion at the end and leaving yourself no time. I’m not a math or economics guy so I don’t want to sound like a disgruntled scout at the Moneyball table, but that sounds like a bunch of malarkey to me. Luckily it ended up not hurting them after Drew Lock melted and threw two picks to put the Pats right back in the game.

They only lost by 6 so it’s a moot point, but still seemed like an instance of the Pats overthinking things.

Now do we give Josh McDaniels credit for being in his bag with all the trick plays down the stretch yesterday?

Or do we rightfully give him and Cam shit for being incapable of moving the ball against a team that just barely beat the Jets the week before? I mean you never want to say it’s a waste if it works, but it didn’t result in a win so it’s kind of a waste to call all these trick plays against the goddamn Broncos because now it’s on film for future opponents to study. The element of surprise is what makes these plays work, despite the fact that I’m almost positive the Pats tried to run this same exact play on the prior series when Edelman got immediately tackled for a 2 yard loss.

I’m pretty sure the play where Newton went out for the reception is the same one that Brady got hurt on last year too. So it just goes to show the stark contrast of this year’s team vs last year’s; there are certain areas where Newton has helped tremendously as Brady nearly broke his leg on that same trick play last year. But the Pats are in a lot more rock fights this year and are just looking to keep opposing teams under 20 points as they’ve become much more reliant on the running game, the defense, and sleight of hand.

I want to err on the side of patience considering Newton and the team barely practiced the last week or two, but hey the same thing happened to the Titans after they flipped the bird to COVID protocols and they rolled in their first game back after essentially zero practices. So who the hell knows what to expect from this team, but I do know there is potential for an elite unit there. Just look back 3 weeks to the Seattle game, which they lost, but Newton went off for 397 yards and 1 TD plus 47 yards and 2 TDs on the ground. So if the Pats can get it together and find some semblance of consistency, which is easier said than done in these UNPRECEDENTED TIMES, then they can be dangerous.

Random Silver Lining of the Day

Cam Newton is in fact not afraid to dive into the pile to recover a fumble, despite sports talk radio hosts roasting Newton about that for weeks after signing with the Pats. Forgetting the fact that the moment in question was one play in a game that happened nearly 5 years ago. This was actually a huge moment that kept the Patriots’ slim chances alive. Cam didn’t play great, but it wasn’t for a lack of grit.

Apparently the NFL Draft is Already Having Technical Difficulties

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So the NFL Draft is going on as originally planned Thursday night, except due to the coronavirus the entire thing is being done remote. Imagine your job being on the line and the future of an NFL organization relying on your Zoom account? Well apparently there have already been technical difficulties and that is not a good sign for Thursday night.

I’m really hoping for some live streams of coaches and GMs sitting at their draft war rooms kitchen tables because I need to see these old football guys losing their shit like me in a fantasy football draft when the laggy internet drafts the wrong guy.

I’ve been searching for the best program for video chatting coworkers or doing happy hours with friends and guess what? They all suck. I don’t know how people do these calls with more than 3 or 4 people. Some have horrific audio and video delays, others are legitimately overloaded from the surge of people working from home, and none of them run smoothly consistently. And thats just me talking about client campaigns or crushing a few crafties with some buddies, not trying to manage the future of a billion dollar franchise.

Some of these GMs are better prepared than others or at least are pretending to be. Take John Elway for example, who looks like he’s opening up a Buffalo Wild Wings in his house.

But then you’ve got guys like Bill Belichick who don’t even know what Facebook is so this shouldn’t be a disaster at all.

I’m just waiting for Leeroy Jenkins to bust in when someone’s on the clock and really throw a wrench into this draft.

The Broncos Stadium Still Doesn’t Have A Name, Let’s Take A Crack At It

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Broncos still haven’t re-sold stadium naming rights

So the Sports Authority, much like Blockbuster and countless other brick and mortar stores before, went out of business fairly recently due to it being completely obsolete. This is an issue for the Denver Broncos as Sports Authority had the naming rights to the Broncos stadium, which they now obviously can’t pay, thus rendering the stadium nameless. Now Denver has a large chunk of lost revenue they are sitting on as they still haven’t inked a new deal with another entity to name the stadium after. Let’s give them a hand!

1.) Alphabet Field

Soon enough Google and it’s parent company are going to run the world via a search engine-centric version of the Hunger Games universe so why not just stop resisting now? Anyone coming in or out can be scanned for everything they like and dislike, can be implanted with a GPS tracking chip (anyone with a mustache can’t get a home loan anywhere near a school, that sort of idea), and maybe the folks in Silicon Valley can even pick mates for us “The Giver” style. It’s called fucking evolution people. (Elon Musk is going to be super mad he didn’t think of this).

2.) Backpage.com Stadium

I’m actually a pretty big proponent of legalizing prostitution. It’s simple really. If people got laid more they’d be less angry and less apt to do some of the more crazy, irrational shit we see on the news ever day. To that end lets make it easier for those who have trouble finding a partner for the horizontal tango by allowing them to rent one. Backpage, completely off the official record mind you, seems to be the go to place to find a hooker these days so let’s take the first step and name a stadium after it, get the word out there. C’mon Denver, you’re a progressive city.

3.) Pot Field

Ya I mean I really don’t have a joke here. Nothing clever. They’ve all been made. Colorado just loves weed.

4.) Vegan-Crossfit Stadium

This is the best of the bunch in my opinion, maybe the best idea I’ve ever had, period. Slap this name on the stadium. Offer tofu burgers and kale and shit to eat and dead-lift stations instead of VIP clubs and bars. Then when all of those obnoxious fucking people who don’t shut the fuck up about biologically flawed lifestyle choices enter the stadium and sit down for the game, we lock the fucking doors. Forever. Don’t starve them, don’t torture them. Feed them. Allow them to be. Allow them to thrive. Just nowhere near mainstream society.

So that’s it. Four ideas of what to name the Broncos stadium. Get this to John Elway.