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Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

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Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.

A Bit of “Inside Baseball” On These “Layoffs” and How You Can Avoid Them Maybe IDK

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Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

Why does a semi-retired part-time blogger think he has the qualifications to speak on the goings on of the American business world?

Fair question. The two main things are I used to work in the recruiting/HR space and I also have been through four layoffs (surviving three) so I have a bit of a unique background in terms of discussing this specific topic. I just kind of “get it,” in my opinion at least.

To begin, it’s important to understand that anyone who works in a department outside of the groups that are actually making the company money (ex. in tech, the product teams, sales, marketing, etc.) works in a department referred to as a “cost center.” This literally means you are costing your company money for doing work that supports its operations. But you are indeed not making them a cent.

With that understood, here is my general view of what’s gone down.

Let’s first assume we all know companies (we’re going use the tech sector for this discussion) make stuff to make money. Right? And once the company and it’s original employees are making and selling so much stuff that they can’t do it alone lest they work 24/7 they start to hire people to do some of that work. Right? Makes sense so far?

Well over the last couple years (ish) companies have been doing well. They’ve been making and selling a lot more stuff. The money made from selling that stuff is called revenue. And as revenue has grown they’ve hired a lot more people to support the business. A lot of companies even predicted that revenue would keep steadily growing so they hired way ahead of their current numbers. They thought that sales would catch up with headcount and operational cost because of course they would! We’re killing it!

While this was all happening a lot of these companies also made a mistake that is becoming more and more common. You might have heard some variation of the phrase “stay close to the money” in terms of these layoffs the past few weeks. That phrase basically means, “don’t veer too far away from what made you make money in the first place.” And too many companies did not heed that advice. They decided to proof-of-concept (POC) or straight up begin building out new lines of business in which there was no guarantee of an actual revenue stream, let alone profit (more revenue than costs associated). So basically even if their normal revenue stream(s)/original business was doing well these pie in the sky side projects could be tanking their business. How exactly? Well what I failed to mention was the HUNDREDS IF NOT THOUSANDS OF FUCKING PEOPLE they hired to support them. So ya. Not great.

Now we cut to 2022 and these tech companies and 1. revenue and the overall operational business needs have not caught up to the amount of people hired. Yes, this does have to do with the economy to some extent because if their customers just had cash to burn they’d be like “fuck it buy a zillion software licenses.” But that’s only a small part of the problem. Then we get to 2. Those shiny side project that these companies have spun up are not making nearly the amount of money they thought, or any at all, so they are paying a fuckton of people to basically bury their business.

And this is where layoffs come in. As I mentioned it’s not necessarily an economic downturn. The business has just has too many people compared to what they need to operate the business at the “size” (how much stuff they need to make to produce the revenue they are creating) they are at.

And remember those “cost centers” we discussed earlier. Well when business are booming they tend to really invest in those areas. Because fuck it, why not? Isn’t it great for the brand to have a Sr. Director of Hiring Experience? Sure it is. It makes you look good to the talent market and shows you really care about your hiring process. Is it at all the fuck necessary to pay someone that much to do that extremely specific, not totally necessary job? Nope!

And so the fat begins getting trimmed. And it usually starts with the cost centers. It’s a recruiter massacre usually. Learning and development and HR usually get hit hard too. Then outside of the cost centers even middle of the road Marketing will generally also take it off the chin.

And then they come for those working on the projects making no money. Those ones we talked about. Sure, you’re a kickass Engineer/Architect/Product Manager, etc. but what you’re working on has spent two years costing the company money. Better hope the company could use your talents elsewhere or you’re out. And good companies will do that by the way. They’ll evaluate those getting cut and see if they can use them elsewhere. It sucks to lose someone excellent just because the exact thing they are working on isn’t a good fit for the company anymore.

Given that that is my take on layoffs in general, the other question is how to avoid them. Well, that really goes all the way back to your job search in my opinion. But I want to make it abundantly clear I am not picking on anyone’s career choices or trying to be mean. Do something you love and you’ll never work a day and all that, but you have to know when reviewing the ads for those Sr. Director of Hiring Experience roles that you will always be at tremendous risk at being “the first to go.” So rule one is finding a role that is necessary to the company, literally. The further you get away from that the more at-risk you’ll be.

Rule two is taking a step back and measuring how important the thing you are working on/supporting is to the company. Are you working on “the” product or a side hustle the CEO is trying to kick off for shits and giggles. I remember a killer engineer I recruited years ago that was working at a leading home coffee machine company. They were trying to create a new line of their very successful coffee makers that could basically be some sort of IoT of coffee machines? Or something? Ya needless to say he was pretty sure the whole unit he worked for was being laid off soon despite how talented he was. Rule Two basically states that again, even if it’s a cool new thing you’ll be working on at least make sure it has real market heat or is already making money or you’ll be at high risk to lay offs.

For Rule Three we take a final step back. This really applies to start ups (we are talking tech this AM). Here we ask ourselves about how viable the company itself here. Do normal or even slightly bad economic conditions support this company? If companies or people need to tighten their purse strings, will your company be the first to get dropped from their spending? Or maybe is your company a flash in the pan? I mean I feel horrible for the people let go at Peloton, but honestly how long was that ride going to last PUN FUCKING INTENDED BOO YAH. No but seriously it always sucks to see someone lose their livelihood but I can’t imagine thinking that the Peloton boom would last forever. Especially considering how much in-person group spin classes and studios were on the rise just pre-pandemic. So ya Rule Three, make sure your company has some legs and can actually make it.

Again, this was all one man’s opinion. If I can give myself and my brain credit for one thing it’s that I’m (and it is) the ultimate pragmatist. Don’t make things too confusing. Just admit when Meta and Google hired 10,000 recruiters and then watched shit slow down on them and move on. It’s going to happen from time to time.

Best of luck out there. It’s a weird and scary place in corporate America but not impossible to navigate with the help of some simple rules to follow.

Until next time.

-Joey B.

Tom Brady Fails to Mention the Patriots, the Area, or the Fans in His 900+ Word Retirement Speech

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Although there isn’t much chance I bang my way through this without an ounce of bias, I am going to try my hardest to stick to the facts and be fair. I think I can do a pretty good job of that.

So here they are, the facts as they exist today

-Tom Brady played in the NFL for 22 seasons
-His first 20 were played in New England
-His last two were played in Tampa Bay
-He had kind words about New England when he left for his final two seasons (9% of his career)
-He had some nice words when he played New England this year
-He retired officially today
-In his 900+ word retirement speech, which lasted multiple scrolls of an IG post, he never once mentioned New England, the Patriots franchise, or the fans
-He thanked the Glazers (owner of the Bucs), coach Bruce Arians, Tampa, the Tamps fanbase profusely

Do you kind of see where I am going with this?

Tom Brady fans have defended him going to Tampa Bay since the moment it became official. I kind of found it odd. But I find a lot things a lot of humans do odd so I sort of ignored it, minus the occasional acidy remark when I got fed up with people talking about him like he still played here. It was just an odd time in Boston sports. Bruins, Celts, Sox, Pats, Tom Brady, for some. There were others like me too. He chose to leave and he was no longer on our team. Best of luck, but that’s it. Relationships of all kinds end. It’s just best to move on.

So I’ll admit I feel a bit vindicated now. Sad too. We did win six super bowls with the guy. People cherished Tom Brady. He was a beacon of hope in their dark worlds. And I get it man, I do. But he left. He didn’t care to stick around. He went to another city for two of the 22 years he has been in the league and the 44+ years he’s been on earth and the only people he thanked on the way out were the people who cheered him on in between dips in his pool at the AirBnb he rented for a couple of years.

He didn’t care about the people of New England. He didn’t mention us. He didn’t mention you. He didn’t mention Kraft. Regardless of his feelings for Belichick, Kraft and Brady always felt like family. They were, we thought, eternally linked. Kraft bringing this shitty franchise back from the brink with Brady at the front of the cavalry. And ya, he didn’t, as expected, thank Bill Belichick. That ended poorly. But Belichick gave him his shot all those years ago. Bledsoe was good to start the super bowl. An all-everything QB and Belichick went with the kid. What if he hadn’t? Who cares I guess. Thank you Bruce Arians.

Look, he has every right to write whatever thank you note he wants on his way out. I’m not criticizing that. I’m not criticizing him, actually. I’m criticizing everyone who called themselves a “Patriots fan” but still worshipped at the temple of Brady. Who thought they were anything other than someone who was cheering on their ex as they walked up the aisle with someone else. It was cringe-worthingly sad to begin with. Now that we know they had been cheating on you the whole time, that can’t feel good, and it makes it even more awkward.

With any luck though this is it. He’s gone. He’s retired. Hopefully locally at least that’s the last we hear of it. We have a new QB who I heard is pretty good. He led us to the playoffs and made the pro bowl. Maybe say a couple Hail Marys as penance and then come back to your team.

Just block your ex on facebook first.

Considering a Bachelor Party, Post-30

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It hit my inbox, and set off my phone, with the thud legal text hitting a desk in an otherwise vacant library.

There it was, the invite to our comrade’s bachelor party. It’s been quietly discussed and prognosticated upon in whispers. Here and there someone would bring it up, some hypotheticals would be discussed, and then the subject would change like the seasons. Suddenly it would just be gone.

But this was concrete. This was tangible. We had a date. We had a location. We had, as is always important, a “To” section of the email where you could scope out the identities of the other attendees. It was happening.

This is unlike other bachelor parties, however. This one is different. It is not altogether uncommon, let alone unheard of. But it does come with it a certain extra degree of contemplation in terms of how one intends to stretch out a celebration of the end of your buddy’s life as a single man over the course of a number of days.

You see, all attendees of this bachelor party are now firmly in their 30’s. Things are just different now. If the men of the bachelor party do not expect more from themselves than they did in their previous decade, well, society and/or their significant other certainly does so judgement will be coming from somewhere. Not that it matters. No, while many men hit 30 and take it as some kind of gun-to-your-head mandate to declare yourself tired all the time, some still enjoy their share of nightlife. So therein lies the true quandry of a post-30 bachelor party: who are the players involved here and how do they come together to form the team. It is, believe it or not, easier than one thinks to breakdown each of these types of RSVPs, along with his strategy for the weekend at hand.

The Low-T Guy is aptly named because he should be an actor in one of those commercials that peddle cures for guys with, you guessed it, Low-T. Now I am not knocking every last guy who no longer has his fastball, especially not every day. We’re in our third decade here. That’d be a big ask. No, I’m talking about the guy that just doesn’t even show a slight regard or any effort to have any fun whatsoever. It’s not necessarily that they fear the hangover or the look on their wife’s face when they walk in fresh off a plane and resemble someone that just escaped from Shutter Island. It’s that they in Peter Banning-like fashion completely lost the ability to have, and no longer have the memory of, a good time. So what should they do? The trick for the Low-T Guy is to find a perfect spot on a graph where the two axis’ are “Partying” and “Attending”. If you’re buddy wants to go the beach/pool, a few bars, a strip club, and and then, I don’t know, a comedy show, try and do all of that having a beer or two. Don’t be a noticeable downer, pretty much. We get it, you suck now. Just try not to make it obvious.

The Retired Guy has earned that nickname, and not something quite frankly ruder, out of respect for his since-ended career. In his heyday he was something, but just has aged out of being the focal point of an offense day in and day out. He will indeed show some flashes of what he once was, but he won’t expect himself to keep that going for, let’s say, three straight days. You shouldn’t either. You should respect his decision to make an appearance at a pick up game every now and again, where he will indeed light the place up with that once remarkable talent. In this case that means smashing unbelievable amounts of beers and possibly ass if he’s single. But again. It will come in waves only. If you are indeed the retired guy, just stick to that. When it’s time for the lion to come out its cage, roar. When it’s time to take a few plays off, let it be known.

The Steady Guy is an interesting case because he has probably played this role as long as you’ve known him. Aside from a the rare cases he gets shithoused drunk, he sets his pace and can keep it up without getting wasted until the cows come home. He did when he was 16, he’ll do it now. There may be one night of the bachelor party, when he is possibly consumed with nostalgia, that he goes a little harder than expected but he’ll even that out with a few moments of a slower flow before getting back to his normal speed. He’s the steady guy. If you are that steady guy in his 30’s good on you. It’s a great place to be.

The Carpe Diem Guy can literally be anyone from a complete train wreck to a snoozefest in day-to-day life but goes absolute hog wild during events like bachelor parties. To reiterate, he seizes the day. Beers, shots, possibly nose beers, all the strippers, as much shitty take out as humanly possible, and just the right amount of passing out in bizarre places is what is on the menu for this guy. He’s an unstoppable force. If I was the best man I’d simply just not try and babysit this guy because it is only going to fuck up your weekend and no one wants that. Plus, this guy knows who he is. He knows who he is and what he’s about. Let him do his thing. If you are the Carpe Diem Guy you know what? I salute you. You are a complete lunatic but good on you sir. Other than that, don’t let your good time fuck up anyone else’s via a visit from the cops to the AirBnB or a visit from your buddies to the morgue. Be an adult.

The Still Got It Guy is simply someone who still likes to party here and there. They like to have a few, knock em back, sip on Granddaddy’s ol’ cough syrup. Nothing wrong with that. He brings that lifestyle to the bachelor party. When it’s time to go he goes and can go hard. Once in a blue moon Natty Light Narcissus gets a little too close to the pond and falls in, but hey, it happens to all of us. The Still Got It Guy will often band up with the Carpe Diem Guy and the Steady Guy because that’s three men who know what they’re about, individually. If you’re this guy, make sure you’re not forcing the fact that you still got it on anyone else. They might not still have it.

The Chick Choosing A Restaurant Guy is named that because he’s not fucking sure. He’ll probably get hammered one day and not do dick the next. He’s an enigma. He’ll also inadvertently make different days of the trip hard to plan because he won’t know what side of the coin is landing face up that day. We raging? We sleeping? He won’t know until he gets into the swing of the day. It’s honestly not his fault, he’s completely discombobulated having not really been in this situation in awhile. My advice to this chap is to try and set your limits and such beforehand so that you can make a fair guess each day how you’re feeling.

BONUS: The Strip Club Guy is the one guy in a group of friends that LOSES. HIS FUCKING. MIND. At a strip club. More money spent than you thought possible and more services rendered than you wanted to conceive. He is a normal seeming guy when amongst civilized society, but in establishments of fleshly desires, he turns into a Goddam animal. I honestly have no advice for these guys. There’s no saving them.

So as I consider this post-30 bachelor party which I am to partake in I know who I go to battle alongside, although I do not know which armor they will inhabit. Will they be wildcard or a Snorlax? Will they bring back memories of sticky floors and dollar drafts or will they shock you with their newfound, new money love of narcotics? One can never truly tell when you get there. Just enjoy the ride.

Joey B’s 2021 In Review – Quick Hits

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I had every intention in the world to do my normal multi-part series to wrap up this year. I had fun with it last year. But life is what happens when you are busy making other plans and all that. Plus this year felt like a decade and I am still finding out that actual events that involved my own human person occurred this past like, March, and not in 2018 and that is fucking wild.

So without further ado here are a few things that did indeed stand out.


The Twentieth Anniversary Of 9/11

Nothing, I don’t think, has ever made me feel older than remembering the 20th anniversary of arguably the most horrible day in American history. Possibly the worst part of this day was that we were all so burned out from the pandemic and every other shitty thing going on in the world that we didn’t even have it in us, in my opinion, to give it its due. Maybe that’s for the best in a way, as I’ve heard multiple families of victims say they’d rather not see it played on loop on their TVs once a year. Either way it’s not something we should ever forget. If not to remember how we all stood together for a brief few months after that.

I Was Reminded I Sort Of Caused The Pandemic

Being of a certain amount of Irish descent I fully believe in jinxes, karma, or whatever you want to call putting something into the universe that you may come to regret. I guess I briefly forgot about that at the culmination of 2019. For that I am truly sorry. It was during a discussion with a very close friend at that time. We were talking about where we were in life and where we wanted to be – our goals, our hopes, all of it. To that end we both had an odd feeling that we were on the precipice of some great happenings in our lives. Just an instinct that things were about to come together. And then we made the mistake of stating as such. I believe what was said was, and I quote, was, “2020 is going to be our year.” Needless to say three months later we realized how wrong we were. And a couple of days ago I was (fucking) reminded of that.

Long Live X

DMX was a man and entertainer who truly transcended any kind of labels you could possibly come up with – from his proper occupation, to his proper genre in the music world, to his place in the cultural zeitgeist. He was beloved by all of the generation during which he rose to prominence, famously hypnotizing a crowd of 300,000+ Limp Bizkit fans into mosh their faces off at Woodstock 99′. Unfortunately, he was also a testament to the phrase that the brightest lights burn twice as fast. His own demons caught up to him eventually. I don’t know how someone who goes that hard in every aspect of life was suppose to last too long. But he gave the world literally everything he had. There indeed was X.

Life Finds A Way (Back To Normal)

Memorial Day Weekend of 2021 marked the first weekend Boston officially “reopened” meaning bars and restaurants lifted all restrictions pertaining to Covid. It was glorious. Beers were drank, Ubers were puked in, Churches were broken into. Life seemed to be getting back to normal. Things have since gotten a little more dicey but it seems like for now the powers that be will stand strong in keeping life “open” as opposed to going back to the dark days of 2020 where there was nothing wrong with getting blackout drunk on my couch, alone, on a Friday at 6pm. It’s this writers opinion that at this point if you’ve taken your precautions, gotten vaccinated, and feel up to hitting the town you should be able to. If you are terrified of the reality we are never going to escape (probably), don’t. I don’t understand how this is still a debate.

A Guy Dressed Like Someone Going As A Viking To The Electric Daisy Carnival Leads A Storming Of The Capitol Building

Ya, that was this year. Insane. People’s reaction to this greatly interested me. Some sort of shrugged, ostensibly understanding that a small subculture of our country were indeed batshit and this just made sense. Some were shaken, our main federal governmental building and thus the epicenter of our nation had just been attacked by its own citizens. That is the kind of chaos saved for 2nd and 3rd world countries, not the great US of A. Some were even passively or directly supportive of QAnon Ragnar and thought he and his peeps were some sort of unemployed freedom brigade. I’m not here to talk politics. I just know it was a weird day.

Britney Is Indeed Freed

For whatever reason I can’t convince myself to care more about this. Maybe it’s because Britney Spears is indeed completely batshit. But good for her because her Dad has no right to control her money or her birth control (you creep).

Everyone Wears Big Dumb Hats Now

Have you ever observed a fashion trend from afar and just known that if you indeed participate you’ll hate yourself in retrospect? That is this new trend of coachella-esque big ass hats. It’s the ultimate red flag. If I see a girl in a big red hat I figure she either desperately needs it to have one discernable personality trait or she has MANY THAT SUCK and thus needs a now socially acceptable one to make up for it. Stop it with the hats.

You Cannot And Will Not Beat Dave Chappelle

Dave Chappelle put out a special in 2021. It was the last on his deal with Netflix and he is expected to sort of disappear for a bit again after this. So he went quietly with a pretty steady, run of the mill special.

Just kidding.

Among the other jokes he told and observation atom bombs he dropped he decided to slip in the fact that he isn’t 1000% behind the trans community, all over the course of discussing a trans friend of his who had committed suicide. The backlash to this bit was swift and furious. And one gigantic misstep. At this point the powers that be in the trans community probably should know that Dave Chappelle is a.) A comedian that takes his job as someone who lampoons every last inch of society very seriously a.) Therefore is largely considered above reproach as it pertains to doing that job. The calls for his head weren’t nearly as notable as the calls for him to sit down with local (Los Angeles) leaders of the trans community. I cannot begin to imagine the smirk of Dave Chappelle’s face upon hearing very average citizens he had never heard of were demanding to speak with him. He in fact did not acquiesce to their demands and has since ridden out the controversy, which included an awkward moment or two with his high school alma mater. It is kind of poetic that in the year we lost DMX’s body, Dave Chappelle’s soul refused to die.

A Little Something On Julian Edelman

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It didn’t look good. not then anyway.

It was training camp and fairly deep into it if I remember correctly; at least halfway through. The roster was starting to shake out, or at least shake out as much as a roster in which decisions seem to be made more from Coach Belichick’s conversations with Leonidas’ Ephors than actual empirical football evaluation, could. It was the 3rd training camp for wide receiver and punt returner Julian Edelman. He was, I’ll mention just this once, a college quarterback who converted to receiver to try and make it in the pros and had stuck around the Patriots for a third consecutive camp despite some underwhelming performances, particularly in the return game where he had a chance to be a legit value add. We liked the guy I remember. He was a good story and he was spunky and he reminded us just enough of stalwart, star slot receiver Wes Welker to have some hope. I guess he and Welker were similar enough, being undersized, lightly regarded coming out of college guys who made their living with scrappiness rather than pure athletic talent.

If you listened to local media though this was the end of the line for Edelman. There was just no sense keeping both him and Welker and he wasn’t good enough in the return game, yet to keep around. Nope, this was it, we had other guys, time to cut bait. Even some national folks said the same thing. The feel-good story stopped there.

Then, I remember, came another angle that emerged. Recalling this now it sounds insane given how secretive Coach Belichick is however I remember it as clear as day. It was some sort of Pats preseason TV show. An inside look. He was in some sort of office; maybe his own, maybe a training camp temporary setup. And he was with one of the Pats’ backup quarterbacks. They were drawing up and breaking down offensive plays and sets. And they were pretty much set on them. This was the going to be part of the plans going into the season you could just tell. And Edelman was heavily involved. He was far from cut at least. The local guys had it wrong. The national guys were wrong. Julian Edelman was going to get at least a third chance.

It’s now 9 years later now and after a 12-year career Julian Edelman has decided to hang them up. After a litany of injuries, three Super Bowls, one of which he was named the MVP of, and enough clutch moments to become one of the bigger legends in Boston sports history, he has decided, as he said himself, that the wheels have finally come off.

There is an old and quite emotive line I’ve read that goes something like, “One day you and your friend went inside after playing together all day and no on knew it was the last time.” Even writing that just now hit me a little bit. And it is kind of like that with Edelman. We knew it was getting towards the end. Supposedly he played in six games in last years absolute mess of a season and that just sounds high. We knew as of last week he couldn’t “play a full season” this year, which isn’t really something said about a player in the NFL’s availability. Either he’s hurt or not; or he’s available or not. That’s it. So the ambiguity gave way to the ominous writing on the wall. Which was the question of: Is this it? And it was. It happened strangely as we know. He was actually cut, with the “failed physical” designation, a few hours before his official announcement. But I guess when players are cut with this designation they are entitled to some sort of disability compensation from the CBA. So, knowing he couldn’t play anymore, the Pats did Edelman a solid.

As I mentioned, he had too many clutch moments to count. The most memorable for me is him snagging that ball out of the air, him already basically on the ground, the ball not inches from being incomplete itself. It didn’t seem possible. Not until the third or fourth replay. He also retires with a perfect QB record, being 3/3 with 3 TDs and 100-some odd yards. He locked down Anquan Boldin in the slot once when the Pats were devoid of corners, something akin to what one of his spiritual predecessors, Troy Brown, had to do for the team back in the day.

Most of all, something I’ve waited to touch on, was his passion. His desire. His drive. I wouldn’t say Edelman played with a chip on his shoulder as much as he played with a fire in his belly. Who doesn’t remember him berating his teammates for celebrating too early? Who doesn’t him remember screaming “YOU’RE TOO FUCKING OLD” in Tom Brady’s face during the AFC Title game a couple of years ago, probably channeling the feeling of being written off as used goods to fuel his own performance that night. He is one of the most entertaining “Mic’d Up” features, giggling like a madman and proclaiming he “LOVES CONTACT!” after taking big hits. Massive hits, from multiple linebackers at once. He was a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart, as Vincent Vega would have described.

So it’s JE11, out. It’s Foxboro Forever. It’s no more worshipping at Our Lady Of The Immaculate Hand Towel. But good Lord, it was a hell of a run. It was the most unexpected of runs.

Thanks for everything, Jules.

The Red Sox Are the Most Unlikeable Boston Sports Franchise of My Lifetime

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It kind of sucks in this day and age that as a Boston sports fan you have to start any complaint by addressing our region’s recent success. I’m definitely sick of it. I can’t blog about a player, a team, or anything else related to our teams without first saying “look, I get we’ve racked up enough hardware the last two decades and change to make Tim the Tool Man Taylor blow six loads, but…” The bottom line is that it is fair to hold past and present success as your standard as a fan or consumer. Not regardless of, but due to, recent success, we’re allowed to fucking gripe about the state of our teams when they fall off that path to championships. So consider this my preface for this blog. I’m sure I’ll have to do it again less I’m hit with a million O QUIT YOUR FUCKING COMPLAINING ERULDUWTYTIEO.

This Red Sox franchise, in its current state, is the most unlikeable Boston sports franchise of my lifetime BY FAR. I honestly can’t think of an argument against that. Sure, the Jacobs Brothers basically operated as the mob throughout the last part of the 20th century, but the B’s still made moves as often as possible to try and eek out some wins despite their penny pinching owners. The Patriots were an unmitigated disaster for the first third of my life (that was a tough one to say), but that was less them being unlikeable and more Kraft still figuring out how to put together a football franchise. Not exactly Rollercoaster Tycoon. The Celtics were an atrocity for most of the 90s but basketball can sort of swing that way sometimes via the draft lottery/the draft in general, one or two bad signings, NBA players hating multiple feet of snow, etc.

None of that. Noneeeee of that. Compares to this Red Sox franchise, which is to say, for the most part, this Red Sox ownership. Now, Chaim Bloom and the front office are not completely blameless. Why, do you ask? Well they could simply walk the fuck away from their jobs. They don’t have to be the Fenway Sports Group’s trigger-men. They choose to be. So yes, fuck them too. But in the end it is indeed the ownership’s decisions and methods that have got us here.

Things started out well with John Henry and his gang. Despite the fact that he reminded me of “the stiff” that was hanging around Sigourney Weaver in the first “Ghostbusters” movie, what with his sickly pallor and awkward way about him, he turned things around initially. They honestly seemed like they wanted to win. Which was cool. We hadn’t done that, until 2004, since 1918. So ya that was sick, we liked that. We won again in 2007, 2013, and 2018. Each one felt special in its own way. We had now won across a couple of generations of Red Sox teams. We were (we thought) here to stay. In reality, we were the fuck not.

It starts with pure miserdom. Yes, that is indeed a word derived from “miser”. Read a book. The Fenway Sports Group, led by Henry and Tom Werner – side note: did Lucchino die? I honestly don’t know – simply have decided they are broke. They aren’t of course. The Red Sox are worth more than they ever have been. Between all his interests Henry is worth about $2.5b alone. So ya, he’s just fine. They’ve just simply decided they no longer want to pay for any kind of talent. Which is to say, they don’t want to pay to win. As baseball players generally don’t feel so great about playing for free this is an issue. There were smaller examples of this that peeved me but that I can’t remember out of pure frustration. I know that’s a shitty argument but there’s good reason. And that reason is Mookie Betts. A home-grown franchise player, once-in-a-lifetime talent who they simply jetisoned rather than spend the cash, which they definitely had, to keep him. And before the two usual dumbassed fucking arguments come in let me address them off the bat. 1.) There is NO PROOF Mookie Betts EVER said, thought, believed, uttered, considered or whatever else that he didn’t want to “be here”. None. Zilch. That’s a fabrication. Just one of those, “Ya but I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who talked to him.” No they did not. I don’t know if people pass this idea around to make themselves feel better about losing him, which I empathize with, or honestly believe it. But there’s nothing there. The second is some bullshit about him not wanting to take a hometown discount for “not much less” money. Ok, ok. So if someone offered you ten million dollars. And another person offered you twenty million dollars. You’d take the twenty right? Who cares how much more or less. The Dodgers were willing to pay him more to play fucking baseball, which he does really well! The ownership did not give a fuck about keeping him. That’s the bottom line. Deal with it.

After that deal that sent Mookie to LA it became REALLY hard to root for this franchise. The same team that we cried with after losing to the team from New York that hasn’t won since God knows when in the 03′ “Cowboy Up” year was now just unlikeable. We didn’t even recognize it. From naked pull ups and fried chicken to not having a soul. And it’s all because they simply don’t care about baseball anymore. I get teased a bit for being somewhat of an anglophile. I like Britsh TV, some music, and books. But at least I don’t stop caring about my friends here because of it. John Henry did. He bought a soccer team in England and simply stopped giving a shit about the Red Sox. He doesn’t want to spend any money that might, I don’t know, help the team. And this is the most basic level, who we are supposed to root for? When we root for the Red Sox to succeed we are rooting for their ownership to succeed, which makes my stomach turn. If you want further evidence, look at the dumpster fire of a team we trotted out for last year’s shortened season. I couldn’t name a single reliever. Our starters were ass. Our lineup was deteriorating by the minute. And no one at the top cared. And yet we’re supposed to still cheer.

Yesterday marked yet another moment in “fuck these guys” history. They traded Andrew Benentendi to the Royals in a three-team trade and received back a bag of baseballs. Please don’t start with defending this trade. Somewhere along the lines, I don’t know where, maybe it was as everything Belichick permeated our sports culture, Boston sports fans decided they were all the smart guys in the room. They decided that “this deal makes sense” for every fucking deal ever made. And they don’t. Not with the Red Sox in particular. We traded a 26 year old defensive stud who once hit in the .290s with I believe 16 dingers for jack shit. That is not a good trade. I get he hasn’t played up to snuff recently but HE’S 26. So no, this was not a good move. No, this deal does not make sense. No, this team does not care about you.

This ownership group simply does not want to spend a dime, in Mookie’s case, or consider spending a dime in the future, in Benintendi’s case. They don’t care about putting together a quality team. They don’t care about winning. And yet we’re supposed to still tune in? And show up to the ballpark? Somehow we are supposed to still root for such a loathsome group of individuals, and it’s almost impossible at this point.

The worst part about this whole thing is that I don’t see this turning around any time soon. The Sox are too valuable for the Fenway Sports Group to sell any time soon. And they aren’t going to start caring any time soon. So we’re saddled for mediocrity at best for the next few decades.

Let’s just hope it isn’t 84 years.

-Joey B.

Dog Days of January Grab Bag Blog – 1.28.2021

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“Dog Days” is a term generally used for summer and I believe (completely assumed with zero context or sources) is a reference to a dog’s preference to just kind of lie there when it gets unbearably hot in the summer; a practice humans enjoy taking on as well. However I feel like that sort of mood applies to the January/February time-frame as well. It’s cold out. You don’t really want to go anywhere. Sometimes there’s a global pandemic you want to avoid. You’re wearing comfy clothes and relaxing on your preferred comfortable chair/couch. It’s just a lazy time of year.

With that said the blog don’t sleep, so Joey B. can’t rest. There’s a number of things worthy of touching on in the sports world and beyond. So let’s do just that, perhaps over a cup of hot cocoa.

Conor McGregor Dominated By Dustin Poirier

There are six COMMON outcomes for an MMA fight. Not total, but common. Each fighter can win by decision, KO/TKO, or submission (3×2=6). Going into last Saturday’s main event I would have said “Poirier-KO/TKO” would have been the fifth most likely outcome, only edging out McGregor by sub. Boy howdy was I wrong. He threw hard calf kicks to McGregor’s lead leg and he threw them often. He was flowing with his boxing and beating McGregor up. The Irishman never looked comfortable and didn’t seem totally sure of himself. This all culminated in a finish in Rd2. A big question before the fight was what Conor McGregor’s next would move be if he lost? Now that we’ve arrived at that scenario the answer is all the more fleeting. Speculators like myself have long said the third Nate Diaz fight would always would be there. I guess it is, but after watching the unsure, rigid version of McGregor we saw last Saturday, it just doesn’t seem as exciting of a prospect. The man himself angled for a third fight with Poirier, and somewhere down the line that has to happen. McGregor dominated the first, Poirier dominated the second. But in the immediate future Poirier gets to call his shot, be it a “money” fight with Nate Diaz or a title fight, for Khabib Nurmagomedov’s presumably vacated belt, against Charles Oliveira. Re-matching a man he just soundly defeated and is 3-3 in his last six MMA fights and 1-1 at 155lbs in the UFC doesn’t make any sense. It is a tricky conundrum indeed at this time to determine a match up could keep McGregor at the top of a PPV card while not finding him the vast underdog.

Deshaun Watson Officially Wants Out

As reported by Adam Schefter today, Deshaun Watson has officially asked for the fuck out of Houston and the Realm of Littlefinger Jack Easterby. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean his time in Houston is definitely over, but I can’t be the only one that feels like there is no turning back for the team or the player. This begs the question of what kind of package Houston wants for Watson. A lot of folks on twitter are saying it’s going to take an absolute haul of picks + talent from the trade partner + possibly some extra bodies for cap/contract reasons. That does indeed make sense. But what I don’t think can be overlooked is what Houston is losing here: their starting QB. What that makes me wonder is whether or not the Texans see some value in, or quite possibly were once enamored with pre-draft, a few of the young QBs that have fallen out of favor with their current team. There will be an unprecedented, to say the least, amount of starting/starting caliber QB movement this off-season. It’s not just Deshaun Watson seeking a new home. So rather than just looking at usual suspects when evaluating who may go after Watson, think of teams that may have both an interest in the Clemson product and a player to offer who could possibly take a shot at replacing him: Chicago (Mitch Trubisky), Denver (Drew Lock), New York-B (Sam Darnold), San Francisco (Jimmy Garoppolo), Philadephia (Carson Wentz). You get the idea.

Bradley Beal Becomes First Player To Lose Ten Straight 40-Point Games

What a brutal fucking stat and reality. I’m not the most gigantic hoops fanatic, but I’ve felt for awhile that Bradley Beal was a phenomenal player playing in the wasteland that is D.C. His talent is completey overshadowed by the ineptness of his franchise. Yesterday simply put an exclamation point on the end of that sentence. Ten straight games of scoring an absurd amount of points only to fucking lose. That just has to hurt. And we know it hurts, because it has become one of the internet’s favorite things to get a laugh out of poor Bradley Beal’s body language. Just head in his hands on the bench, thinking “what the fuck did I do to deserve to be here?” This has of course brought on heaps of trade speculation and knowing the Wizards he’ll probably get moved. Let’s hope the man can find some greener pastures. And some happiness.

Nerds On Reddit Defeated And Possibly Ended A Couple Of Hedge Funds In The Name Of GameStop

I don’t know nor care as much about this as I should but I’d be a dick if I didn’t mention it so here we are. Basically, a couple of large hedge funds (boutique investment firms that take big risks HEDGED (wink wink) by betting other money elsewhere in the investment world….or something like that) bet huge money that GameStop’s stock would tank. That makes sense because GameStop is failing and has lost money for something like 12 consecutive quarters. However betting that this will happen actually causes the stock to drop because, stock market. In comes Reddit and the whole crowdfunding thing and “investors” all over started betting ON GameStop, both to be dicks to the Wall Street dicks and also because if they could get the GameStop stock to go up so that THEY’D make money instead of the hedge funds. And Reddit won. One of the hedge funds might even have to close shop which is hilarious. Overall just a chaotic, wacky thing to have happen. Lots of nerds and woke people saying THIS IS WHY THE STOCK MARKET IS BAD. (Calm Down). It’s kind of like playing poker against someone who has no idea what they’re doing. You should be able to wipe them but with ignorance of the game comes their inability to know what a bluff is etc. and they kill you, much to you and your liver’s chagrin.

Drake Pushes Back Album Release Due To Torn ACL

I have no idea why I am so fascinated by this story. There will be no touring for the foreseeable future so it isn’t like Drizzy was smartly avoiding a loss of income. Was he going to celebrate the release of “Certified Lover Boy” on a trampoline? Has having a home gym + quarantine brain actually made him believe he’s a pro-athlete? I’m not sure. I just know that with the fluidity with which music is created and release these days it doesn’t make sense that Wheelchair Jimmy had to delay his album release for a bum knee.

-Joey B.

Conor McGregor, and the UFC Lightweight Division, Returns On Saturday

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In one of the first scenes of the show “Billions” something is uttered to the effect that when it comes to main character Bobby Axelrod, he doesn’t call meetings, they form around him. A similar statement could be made, in a way, about mixed martial arts and the UFC’s lightweight division in regards to a one Conor McGregor, the former champion of that weight class and the biggest star the sport has ever seen. Some question the validity of McGregor’s current claim to the top echelon of that division, and that’s fair. There was his leaving the division, then MMA as a whole, then returning to lose to the reigning lightweight champion Khabib Nurmagomedov, and then him taking a fight outside what one may call the contender’s bracket, against a declining Donald Cerrone. However this is still the fight game and he’s still Conor McGregor. What’s more is that the three other lightweight contenders fighting on Saturday night also have both excellent resumes and yet shaky immediate claims to area surrounding the throne. McGregor’s opponent, Dustin Poirier, is coming into the night on a one fight winning streak having lost to Khabib two fights ago. In the co-main event, Dan Hooker, a highly touted prospect cum contender lost his last fight to Poirier. His opponent, Michael Chandler, is debuting in the UFC and is thus unranked and untested against the best the promotion has to offer. So, while the biggest superstar in the history of the sport may not lay such a valid claim as he once did, that claim is still there in the context of this group and he is still as they say, in some aspects, the king.

The two fighters that reach the peak Saturday night meet only uncertainty, oddly enough. Firstly, Dana White said a tremendous performance from any one fighter may be enough to bring the retired Nurmagomedov back, although The Eagle has since said otherwise. Keep in mind this is a stance he has kept since his last victory and retirement in October. Secondly, and possibly more notably, we have #3 contender Charles Oliveira. Oliveira sits only below Poirier and Khabib’s last victim, Justin Gaethje, in the 155lb rankings and recently beat divisional stalwart and perennial top 5 fighter Tony Ferguson, only to be left without a dance partner this weekend. With that said, it could be that the more impressive of the two victors receives not the opportunity to retrieve the belt from Nurmagomedov as White contends, but a chance to fight for a vacated championship against Oliveira.

All of that comes after 40 possible minutes of combat however, and it is still just a guess which two men come out victorious. For them all their is left to do is make weight and fight. For me, to try and guess who does the latter better.

A Fun One To Start

Amanda Ribas (#10) vs. Marina Rodriguez (#8) – Strawweight (115lbs) Fight

Ribas is a win or two away from becoming a bonafide sensation on the women’s side of MMA. Her last time out, she put away divisional veteran and sometimes contender Paige Van Zant with an armbar in round one – and didn’t seem to break too much of a sweat doing it. While Ribas has developed some effective and varied striking, mainly hooks from all levels and a diet of body kicks, grappling is where her bread is buttered. She a black belt in both Judo and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and will use the former former to get her opponents to the mat and set up the latter. Ribas is savvy St using pressure and her striking to get her opponents to the cage and begin the grappling exchange, starting with an arsenal of trips and throws.

Rodriguez is in the curious spot of being ranked quite highly but being positioned as a bit of an afterthought. A replacement for Michelle Waterson in this bout, Rodriguez is coming off a decision loss to Carla Esparza, a razor close fight in which one judge saw Rodriguez as the victor. The Muay Thai practitioner has also drew with former top, and oversized, strawweight contender Cynthia Calvillo while beating mainstay Tecia Torres and former WSOF champion Jessica Aguilar. Style-wise, she is a downright vicious striker who will use her long, straight punches and kicks to abuse amd frustrate her opponents. What makes her a particularly tricky match up for Ribas however is her prowess in the clinch. Should Ribas lock up along the fence, she may be fed a knee or elbow for her trouble.

Due to the aforementioned clinch, this is a tricky one to pick. The on-fire upstart or the steadily climbing contender.

The Pick:
Amanda Ribas def. Marina Rodriguez (SUB, RD2)

Dan Hooker (#6) vs. Michael Chandler (Unranked, UFC Debut) – Lightweight (155lbs) Fight

One could look at the rankings and then this fight and its implications and wonder what the fuck is going on but here we are. This fight is the result of the current/probably retired champion taking out the second ranked contender, that second rank contender taking out the fifth rank contender to earn that title fight, and a slew of other divisional dominoes falling. Nonetheless both guys have earned this and will cement their spot atop the division with the win.

New Zealand’s Hooker has been nothing short of a revelation since moving up to 155lbs from 145lbs, where he was forved to cut just way too much weight from his 6′ frame. Now a little more well nourished, he has collected a handful of knockouts to show for it and is now a fight or two away from securing a title shot. A long, rangy kickboxer, Hooker uses his footwork and head movement about as well as anyone in the division. Not just committed to straight punches, Hooker will change the level of where he is throwing and landing his punches at a moments notice, and they’ll come with some pop on them as well. What he really likes to do is either set up or finish off those combos with a long, high knee up the middle. Being a taller, flexible guy for the division, Hooker is able to hit opponents dead in the chin at the snap of a finger with a knee with no set up. It should also be noted, especially due to him fighting a shorter, wrestling-minded opponent, that Hooker has a couple of wins by guillotine. Should he find him self against the fence, he may try and submit his way off of it. My knock on Hooker is that his last two fights against Poirier and Paul Felder have been his two biggest and he could not close the show. That knockout ability against lighter competition is great but if he can’t bring it with him, he’ll find out what a rough game it could be trying to outpoint the division’s best on the way to a title shot. In tbis case especially, outpointing an unproven, in the UFC at least, commodity won’t serve Hooker well to work his way into the top 5.

Standing on the other aide of the cage will be Michael Chandler, who up until Saturday night will have spent most of his professional career in the MMA purgatory known as Bellator. That said Chandler fared just fine against the talent coming from or oing to the UFC and thus deserves the respect of a top tier lightweight. In terms of what he does in the cage, Chandler could be described as Team Alpha Male-esque in style, particularly in the Ludwig/Kampmann eras, despite him having no affiliation with the California camp. He is indeed a stocky, athletic former college wrestler, having earned D1 All American accolades at Missouri. He also, like many athletes coming out the renowned California camp (Chandler did this camp at Sanford MMA in Florida with Henri Hooft), has developed quite a fluid kickboxing game that sees him switching stances fluidly, throwing heavy overhands and hooks, and keeping opponents at bay with low and body kicks. His striking does have holes however. He can be hittable, which may actually be more due to him being a bit on the small side of the division – he’ll be giving up four inches in height and reach to Hooker on Saturday – and thus his opponents are able to hit him first rather than the alternative. He also puts A LOT into his power shots which can throw him off balance. All of that said he still has quality striking which leads to, of course, his wrestling. Chandler loves to shoot for a blast double and use the cage to finish it, either applying ground and pound or fishing for a submission from there. The big achilles heel for the Missouri native seems to be his gas tank. He is seen as a guy who comes out absolutely firing them runs out of steam earlier than one would hope. However, this is only a three round fight, not a five round affair like Chandler has come to know all too well.

The Pick
Dan Hooker def. Michael Chandler (RD3, Decision)

The Main Event
Conor McGregor (#4) vs. Dustin Poirier (#2) – Lightweight (155lbs) Fight

Dublin collides with Lafayette, Louisiana for a second time Saturday as these two future hall of famers run back their 2014 contest. Fought at featherweight the first time around, McGregor was able to wear down a depleted Poirier (this would be his last fight at 145lbs) and knock him out in round 1.

Mystic Mac returns to 155lbs after taking on Donald Cerrone in what seems more and more as a cameo at 170lbs about a year ago. That came about a year and a half after getting mauled and submitted by Nurmagomedov at UFC229 in October of 2018. With the promise of becoming a more active fighter only one thing hanging in the balance, McGregor also puts his place as a top divisional contender on the line, for now, as well.

It seems somewhere between silly and pretentious at this point to detail what Conor does in the cage. However his style has shifted a bit over the years. Although he has not completely shifted away from throwing hook and spinning kicks to set up his attacks, Conor has become a bit more straightforward in his approach. This could be due to his improved pure boxing, evidenced by his foray into that sport professionally. More and more he has come to favor throwing front kicks to the body to weaken his opponents or bring their hands down, leaving their heads exposed. Also still a part of his arsenal are hard roundhouse kicks to both the body and head, again thrown to do damage as well as to move his opponents defense into a more advantageous position. Obviously his main weapon remains his piston-like straight left hand. One thing to mention is the fact that McGregor’s grappling has greatly improved, particularly defensively from both a shot-stopping and on-the-mat perspective.

While not stylistically a much different fighter than in 2014, Poirier is a much better one. He is now one of the cleaner boxers in the entire sport and will throw high volume combinations hitting both the head and body. Although not impossible, and sometimes too possible, to hit, Poirier can employ phenomenal head movement to set up those combinations, truly getting into an uncompromising flow with his abuse. With that said, it may just be the truth that the American Top team representative fights best in a phone booth, cracking his opponents with short hooks and uppercuts, as well as the occasional knee. His straight left can sizzle much like McGregor’s, but for me it’s was a bit disappointing that Poirier was unable to put away Hooker in his last fight, particularly given the shots he was landing on the Kiwi. Grappling-wise, he is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt whose submission attempts seem to come out of nowhere sometimes. With that said he doesn’t have otherworldly wrestling to strike fear into McGregor with so unless he is able to begin fishing for something substantial against the cage, that facet of his game and the fight may be null.

The Pick:
Conor McGregor def. Dustin Poirier (RD2, TKO/KO)

ADDITIONAL PREDICTION:

Justin Gaethje-Nate Diaz announced during the PPV.

Enjoy,

-Joey B.

The UFC is On ABC Today and That’s a Big Deal

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So the UFC usually kicks off every year with a string of really big cards, or to be more accurate, a series of huge main events.

Believe it or not the whole quarantine thing kind of feeds into the next few UFC events because they are designed to feel like a series. it’s almost like a festival: three main stages, three huge acts over a week’s time.

In terms of that stage, the UFC has their whole island in Abu Dhabi. They’ve literally established their own Island to hold fights. As a fan who can complain?

Anyway today we have Max Holloway against Calvin Kattar. Calvin has been told with a win against Max Holloway he gets a title shot. That makes total sense considering he’s been steadily climbing up the leaderboard while knocking people out. Max is in an odd spot because he is now 0/2 against the current champion. He is not guaranteed a title shot despite possibly being the greatest featherweight of all time. The fight game, amirite?

What is wild about all of this build up surrounding the fight is that NONE OF IT MATTERS. Why? Well what matters is that this card is on ABC. The UFC will be on basic television, an insane moment in combat sports history. This is not the first time MMA has been on basic tv, but this feels different. Due to the UFC’s ESPN deal suddenly they get to televise their broadcast on a regular channel in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday. That’s a big deal. that’s not hiding on a broadcast channel on a Saturday when no one’s looking. This is different. MMA has kind of made it.

As an aside- in case you want a prediction from The 300s, you know I want to pick MA’s Calvin Kattar. But I consider Max Holloway the greatest FW of all time. He’ll win a 5 round decision.

-Joey

So The Capitol Was Stormed Yesterday

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GIGANTIC DISCLAIMER: When I was in high school the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were raging and people my age were getting hardcore involved in politics left and right. I swore I wouldn’t get involved then because what the fuck did we know at 15? I contend I was right then. As I got older I swore I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever get involved with politics because I contended, and still do to a point, that it’s just made up of adults arguing like children and insulting each other and is just a fucking crock of shit. I also contend that is, to an extend, still true. But I just can’t not say anything anymore. After 31 years this is my breaking point.

Generally speaking, as a policy Red put in place and held up by tastes of the bloggers themselves, politics is not the forte of The 300s. There are smarter, more concisely educated people that can talk about the state of things better than we can, for the most part. But the events of yesterday kind of warrants some sort of reaction from just about everyone with a keyboard. Silence at this point is deafening.

Yesterday a large group or “mob” of enraged Trump supporters stormed the Capitol building. Possibly the most defining symbol of our nation and what it stands for – freedom, democracy, free speech, and at the most basic level an organized way of doing things – was swarmed and beset upon by these maniacs. They did so on the ground that this whole past election was a lie. That the sitting president could not be removed from office via “fraud.” Rationality be damned, despite the Republican VP and the Republican House Majority Leader having conceded that the election was legit, hence why they showed the fuck up to make this thing official, they the people were going to do whatever it was that was necessary to not let that hearing take place. And it resulted in a deadly, disgusting display of entitlement and moral vacancy. Now, it’s important, I think, to identify who these people were, in their hearts of hearts.

1.) Most if not all represent a group of people who are violently racist. A set of gallows was set up on the Capitol steps and two of these jackasses reenacted the murder of George Floyd on the front steps.
2.) They most likely are unemployed as it was early afternoon on a Tuesday when they decided to attack.
3.) They effuse completely unproven, false conspiracy theories that basically state a secret, shadow group of business and political leaders are trying to bring down Trump.
4.) They committed treasonous, seditious acts against the federal government and should be persecuted as such.

Now note a few things about those four points. Firstly, I didn’t really insert my political beliefs, did I? I said nothing about conservatives vs. liberals, left vs. right blah blah. Nope. Because fuck all that. This was a group of angry, violent dickheads who decided to attack our nation’s capital that’s it. I also didn’t call them terrorists. Which I might (probably will) take some heat for. To do so would not be exactly accurate and quite frankly it’s giving them too much credit. They pussied out from becoming terrorists. Terrorists would have rolled in with some C4 and a few AK’s and started lighting shit up. (Although there were reports of a couple pipe bombs being found so this could have been even worse than it was) The crew of Paul Blarts apparently guarding the Capitol would have been even more helpless to stop them. No, these were just racist, pathetic, vandals. They were vandals who are just so pathetically (I’ll use that word as much as I want) pissed off that they only have two weeks left to be told they matter. Which brings me to my next point.

The reason these kinds of assholes have become not just ubiquitous but completely open about who they are over the last, O I don’t know, four years is because Donald Trump told them that everything they do matters. It’s making a difference! You are right in what you feel and should act on it! You’re on the right side! You see, before this regime these people had these sad, pathetic, nothingness lives (and still do) with no purpose except to suck some oxygen out of the world. And that must have sucked. And they were rightfully angry about how bleak their existence was. Then they woke up one day and had somewhere to channel all of this resentment (that they brought on themselves) and in an echo chamber were given people (black people to be specific), places, and things to hate and new ideas about how lizard people and Al Gore was conspiring against their new leader with the owner of a pizzeria (or some shit like that idk man I don’t read that shit). That’s really who attacked our freedom, which is what happened: A giant mob of low-lives who were so desperate to hang on to the one, tiny, FAKE piece of purpose they’ve ever had. The ultimate McGuffin. “All your rage is fueling our country” was the lie they’d believed and now it’s coming to an end.

The absolutely eye fucking rolling part of this is no matter how many MAGA twitter accounts, people identifying themselves as much on the news, etc. as there were you STILL HAVE PEOPLE SAYING IT WAS A HOAX. You still have people saying it was Antifa, the wolves in hick clothing. Fucking wild. You had half the far right cheering these people on and half of them denying it was their buddies to begin with. Talk about not knowing about the prisoner’s dilemma. Did they forget to suss out in the group chat what the party fucking line was supposed to be?

So, damn you people, go back to your shanties. But first, go to federal fucking prison. I don’t know why you weren’t maced, beaten, and immediately thrown in jail like some other protestors I heard about. But I’ll try and keep this as down the middle as I can. Because again that is what this blog is about. That you are a gigantic piece of shit if you try and disrupt our democratic process. I again repeat:

You are a gigantic piece of shit if you try and disrupt our democratic process.

I could write another 2,000 words on the abject horror the black community felt watching this take place and seeing these (mostly) white protestors getting (mostly) shepherded peacefully out of the hall of our nation’s fucking government, but honestly I don’t feel like I’m the right guy for the job. I’ll just say that it’s bullshit.

One last time: You are a gigantic piece of shit if you try and disrupt our democratic process.

God Bless America, let’s figure it the fuck out,
-Joe