Tag: Kotaku

Grand Theft Auto 6 is Only in “Early Stages of Development.” You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me

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Kotaku – “Rockstar’s leaders have told employees that they hope to mitigate crunch on the next big project by improving their technology pipelines and planning out more of the game’s beats in advance…One plan that management has laid out for the next game, a new entry in the Grand Theft Auto series, is to start out with a moderately sized release (which, by Rockstar’s standards, would still be a large game) that is then expanded with regular updates over time, which may help mitigate stress and crunch.

But there’s a catch: Rockstar’s next big project is still early in development.“

As we all look for anything to distract us from the endless days and nights spent at home, a new Grand Theft Auto game wouldn’t hurt. Especially when you consider the last one came out in 2013 as the PS4 was just hitting shelves. The above Kotaku article is a great look into the dysfunction that was rampant at Rockstar including mental hours for everyone working on these games. So the company underwent a huge cultural change, including lightening up the workload for employees. Good for them, not so much for us man boys. Apparently the next Grand Theft Auto is only in the “early stages of development.” Even worse, Rockstar is allegedly considering first coming out with “a moderately sized release” for GTA VI and then adding to it over time. Well I hope they are selling the game for a “moderately sized price” too then. Theres nothing worse in video games than micro transactions and for better or worse Rockstar has written the goddamn book on them with GTA Online. So this doesn’t sound all that farfetched unfortunately.

I’ve read about the horror stories of crunch to get these massive games done and the burnout from developers, but Grand Theft Auto V *alone* has sold over 120 million copies, become the “most profitable entertainment product of all time,” and has generated over six BILLION dollars in revenue. So I don’t want to hear about the workload of the developers. Hire more employees you cheap fucks.

I’m sorry for snapping at you Rockstar, but we’re in the middle of a quarantine so this is not the type of news I needed to hear right now. It’s already been seven years since GTA V came out. Thats bananas. Granted these games have grown exponentially in size and scope, but that wait time is unheard of. There was 1 year between GTA 3 and Vice City, 2 years between Vice City and San Andreas, 4 years between San Andreas and GTA IV, and 5 years between GTA IV and GTA V. So obviously the wait times have increased as the games have become monstrous creations, but we’re already 2 years behind schedule and the game’s not even close to being done.

But if you’re really craving any type of GTA content to avoid working, here’s an hour long movie on the history of the franchise.

FIFA 2018’s Worst Rated Soccer Player Isn’t Actually a Soccer Player

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Kotaku – The lowest possible rating a FIFA 18 player can have is 46, and there are ten players plumbing these depths. Nine of them, like Grimsby Town’s Max Wright and Scunthorpe United’s Leslie Sackey, are professional athletes. The tenth is a former youth goalkeeper roped in to get around an administrative loophole. Tommy Käßemodel, listed in the game as a player for the German club FC Erzgebirge Aue, has a defensive rating of 36, while his pace is a comedic 23. For reference, most players in the game find their ratings nestled somewhere between 60-90. Those would be mortifying stats for someone paid to play football, but the weird thing here is that Käßemodel isn’t paid to play football: he’s Erzgebirge’s kit man , the guy responsible for looking after everyone’s shirts and shorts.

I guess this bottom of the barrel rating would sting if you actually, ya know, played soccer. But as the “kit man?” Well thats just gravy man.  Do you think Lionel Messi cares what rating they give him for his ability to file taxes properly? Come on, this guy’s job is to make sure the team walks out wearing the right shorts with their jerseys. The guy is probably stoked to even be in a video game.

I remember my borderline D-1 college was in the NCAA Basketball video game back before the NCAA basically cancelled all their games because nameless athletes got sick of selling video games without seeing any cash themselves. And let me tell you, these kids that were all destined to either sell insurance or maybe play in Italy were STOKED to be in a video game. No one gave a shit they had a 42 rating. Nobody was ever gonna cut down the virtual nets with this team, but it did make for some entertaining drunk video game betting on games with final scores of 32-38.

Although EA probably fucked ya boy Tommy on this one, exposing the loophole that had him likely collecting a second paycheck as a rostered player, despite not actually being a player. Woops.

God Bless the Internet: Original NBA Jam Updated with 2017 Rosters

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Kotaku – “If you want to play the original 1993 version of NBA Jam, but use LeBron James and Steph Curry instead of Shawn Kemp and John Stockton, then Hogs With A Blog have done you a great service and modded today’s superstars into yesteryear’s classic game.”

I’ve never been a hug ROM emulator guy, mainly because I’m afraid of my laptop exploding. Except for Pokemon Red/Blue. I played the shit out of that on my old Dell back in college. But, seriously God bless the internet. The original NBA Jam is one of my all-time top 5 sports games. It’s one of the most re-playable games to this day, 20+ years later. And thats with bums like Rick Smitts running the post.

I still remember scoring 70 points in a game with Reggie Miller, shooting 3 pointers exclusively. Nothing like a Best-of-7-Game series with your brother in your parent’s basement. So many smashed clickers. The most.

Now you can just wait for the 8-point hot spot and drain it from half court with Steph Curry? Yes please. I will say big time post and iso players are useless though. Sorry LeBron, you will be used exclusively to open up 3 pointers for JR Smith.

PS – How about Isaiah getting roasted in his Dunk and Power ratings? Jesus, I know the man is the same height as me but that’s savage.

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