Tag: Millennials

Nordstrom Coming in Hot with a Bold, New Retail Strategy

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AP – Nordstrom is opening up a store that doesn’t have any inventory.

The luxury department store chain says its Nordstrom Local concept store will open in Los Angeles next month.

The Seattle-based company says the store will be staffed with personal stylists who can order merchandise for customers. Nordstrom says customers can also buy online inside the store or pick up online orders the same day.

A lot of struggling retailers have been closing brick-and-mortar locations (thanks millennials!) in order to hawk more merchandise online and better compete against Amazon, et al. Not Nordstrom, though.

Nordstrom is going in the opposite direction. Nordstrom is going to open up more brick-and-mortar locations. How are they doing it? These new locations won’t actually sell any merchandise.

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To better explain how utterly absurd this idea is, think of it this way : this would be like Sears replacing department stores with kiosks at the mall.

The kiosks wouldn’t actually have Craftsman power drills or 16 gallon wet/dry vacs, through. Just some guys in blue polos. The guys in blue polos would show you how to order those items online yourself, in case you haven’t used a computer since the Bill Clinton impeachment trial. You would then be able to grab a quick bite at Auntie Anne’s or Cinnabon, and then come back later in the day to pick up your items.

Who wouldn’t want that superb experience?

It reminds me of the We Sell Your Stuff on eBay store from The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

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The only brick-and-mortar store that should exist solely for internet shopping is Starbucks. At least you don’t have to leave Starbucks empty handed.

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Millennials Are Apparently Moving Out of the City for “Surban” Lifestyle. I Doubt It.

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Yahoo – While millennials might have once shuddered at the thought of trekking out to the ‘burbs, millennials (who make up 42% of all homebuyers — more than any other generation), are trading in the hustle and bustle of cities for less chaotic communities. And many of these “surban” environments provide millennials with the kinds of amenities they got in the city, including boutique fitness options, high-quality grocery stores and popular restaurants.

In comes the so called “surban” lifestyle as millennials are looking for the amenities of the city living with more space coupled with the suburban location.

Listen putting a Starbucks in my development is not gonna make me move out to the burbs. Do you think I live in the city because I enjoy paying through the teeth for my apartment?

No, its convenience. Always has been always will be. I used to live on the South Shore and the commute from there to downtown Boston might as well be the Trail of Tears.

Drive to the T, pay to park, get on the overcrowded train, ride that for an hour, walk to your office then do it all again the other way at 5 pm. So I said fuck that noise and moved to the city to be closer to work, the bars, the food etc. Uber legit just became allowed in my suburban hometown so I’m not exactly itching to go back to that way of life.

“Almost half of millennial homeowners live in the suburbs, and the majority stay in the same metropolitan area when they buy a home, according to research from Zillow.”

Do the people who write these articles even take a glance at home prices before hitting send? The reason most millennial homeowners (which I still believe is an urban legend) buy homes outside of the city is because the cheapest house in Boston goes for like $800k. Suburbs it is!

“While there has been a long-perpetuated myth that millennials don’t want to buy homes, the reality is that the desire to become a homebuyer still exists — the timing has just been delayed.”

It’s not a myth that we don’t want to buy homes, we just straight up can’t afford to do so. Semantics though. Ask any millennial why they might not want to buy a  house though? Well whats the No. 1 thing thats set back an entire generation? Huge, crippling student loans debt.

So even if I could afford to buy a house why would I jump right back into another 30 year repayment plan? We’re all a little skeptical of getting on the books for another pipe dream. I can live the American dream just fine from my 2-bedroom apartment plus I can leave that place in 12 months or less at the drop of a hat.

 

Millennials Are Now Unhealthier Than Their Parents; Lets Break it Down

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Yahoo – They’re known for being tech savvy, hyper-critical, and emotionally unavailable.
But how are they doing with their health?…To the dismay of sassy young people everywhere, the evidence goes both ways. In some aspects of healthy living, millennials have the older generation beat. However, there are a number of ways that millennials are actually on the decline when it comes to their wellness. Twenty-somethings preaching health to their parents might be a little misguided; every once in a while, they could probably learn a thing or two from their parents’ advice.

It has become a favorite pastime of mine in the years post-college as a surge in “Millennials killed ___” articles have flooded the interwebs. Today, Yahoo wants us to know that after everything we killed, how we’ll never own homes, how much crippling debt we’re all in — after all that our parents are in better shape than us too. Well, fuck. Alright lets have a look.

1.) Eating Disorders Are More Common

Well, yea no shit. In our parents’ youth they idolized frumpy chicks like Marilyn Monroe and boozehounds like Frank Sinatra. Today?

Soo yea, no shit there are more eating disorders these days.

2.) Their Exercise is Extreme

Okay how the hell does exercising harder make millennials less healthy? If you’re brittle, vegetarian body can’t handle some sprints then thats on you. Plus, look at #1 on this list to directly explain #2. Time is a flat circle.

3.) They Are Less Aware of Ingredients

This is coming from the generation with lead paint in the walls, mercury in thermostats and people who used to feed their kids pounds of butter and frozen food. I would say most millennials are actually pretty health conscious and aware of whats in their food, but with that being said I also can’t cook a meal that requires more than 5 ingredients so they may be on to something here.

4.) They Cook Less

Man this list is really a stretch considering half these points are directly caused by something else on this list. Less aware of ingredients? Fuck it, I’ll just eat out. Not to mention with the advent of iPhones and GrubHub, I don’t even have to talk to someone to have food show up at my door. That’s the future.

5.) They Do Less Yoga

Literally every 20-something girl I know does yoga. Death, taxes and girls grabbing Starbucks after yoga.

6.) They Drink More

Hand up, that one’s on us. But seriously, this is coming from a generation who idolized guys like Don Draper. I love Mad Men, but that show is based on a raging alcoholic. So this one is a draw at best.

7.) They Eat More Dessert

No idea, this seems like a dart throw from Yahoo. Do better, Marissa Meyer.

8.) They Have More Food Intolerances

This is 100% accurate and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s some kind of nature vs nurture sensitivity kids developed over the years? Maybe it’s because we had less lead and mercury in our lives. Who knows. But for every millennial who complains about how I can’t eat a PB&J because of their peanut butter allergy, the more times I quote Ivan Drago.

9.) They Struggle With Their Mental Health

Not gonna really joke about this one because it is a serious issue. Maybe older generations did a better job of hiding it rather than coping with it, but a lot of people my age struggle with depression and anxiety and the jury is still out as to why. Thanks Obama.

So ends another entry into Millennials Killed ___.  Keep em coming internet so I can poke holes in all of them.

Fill In the Blank: Millennials Are Now Killing ____

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You could really put in anything there and you’d probably win this game. It’s become the running joke of the internet for anyone thats a Millennial. Today we’re killing Applebees and Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, just google “Millennials are killing”

Well first off, FUCK malls, office parks, home ownership and everything else us Millennials are killing. The kids have come home to roost. Baby boomers and Gen X saddled us with a shitty economy, crippling student loans, destroyed social security, the list goes on.

So, yea all those ridiculous things like paying for a newspaper subscription can kick rocks. Technically Millennials are the majority now and it would seem we’re weeding out all the shit that no one wants or needs. SEARS? Fuck outta here with a store that sells khakis, dryers, and garden hoses.

And this isn’t about participation trophies that everyone over 40 seems to think Millennials line their shelfs with. It’s about combatting a shitty perception thats been put on an entire generation. What started out as lazy descriptions for 20 somethings like entitled, impatient, or too dependent on technology has morphed into those same older generations dumping their shit on Millennials.

I think some of it is just straight up resentment, which is normal for any older generation facing an upstart younger generation. The fact that any 21 year old dickhead can start a company from their parents basement with nothing but a laptop probably breeds that contempt. I feel ya, if you’ve been working at the same company for 30 years hoping to get that gold watch at retirement, that’s frustrating. But Millennials are pretty woke to the fact that anyone can get canned at any time (see ESPN) so more and more people are looking to work for themselves in some form or another.

But with that contempt comes the outrageous articles blaming Millennials for killing department stores like Macy’s. No, Macy’s killed Macy’s because they run 100,00 fucking square foot stores with too much overhead selling shit no one needs. Solid business model. Let me introduce you to Blockbuster and cab companies, you morons.

This all brings me to my final point; the Avocado Toast story. This shit has become an ironic rallying cry for Millennials who can’t help but laugh when these hit pieces pop up every other week. Millennials now can’t afford to buy houses because they buy avocado toast and Starbucks. Or maybe its the amazing advice that is continuously doled out to young people. I saw a recent CNBC package titled “Millennials not saving for homes.” What was the sage-like advice from CNBC? Move out of cities like NYC to cheaper, shit holes like Cleveland, get a tiny house, or buy an RV. That’s their advice.

 

Welp, appreciate the wise words, but I think we’ll take our chances and see what other shitty industries we can successfully kill off along the way.