NFL.Com – Cleveland Browns linebacker and former Philadelphia Eagle Mychal Kendricks has been charged with insider trading, the U.S. Attorney’s Office of the Eastern District of Pennsylvania announced Wednesday morning.

First of all, I’m completely shoving this shovel of shit down the throat of Philly and its fans as a.) Kendricks is their guy. b.) He hasn’t played for the Browns yet. c.) He was charged in PA.

So with that said:

WHAT AN IDIOT. WHAT A FUCKING MORON.

Financial gurus, Wizards of Wall Street, Stock Market mavens, cannot commit insider trading and get away with it. Yet this NFL linebacker thought he could? Ok bud, how’d that go?

It would seem like Kendricks “entrusted a friend” to “help him cheat the stock market” and “really regrets he got caught”. The best part is he is so up shits creek with the Feds that he is blatantly and fully admitting it. Full on “ya got me”. Which means between this, again, NFL linebacker and a Harvard MBA/Goldmans employee they couldn’t commit insider trading good enough to even leave a smidge of reasonable doubt. I mean it’s borderline impressive.

So Mychal Kendricks joins the Burress-Vick club of former NFL players to take a vacation at Club Fed. Or pay a steep fine wiping out his net-worth which he’ll probably regain some of because he’ll only have an 8 second suspension. It’s not like he may have deflated footballs after all.