Tag: NFL

Could Calvin Johnson Soon Be a Member of the Patriots?

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Rumblings of some backdoor negotiations popped up over the weekend of two mystery teams inquiring with the Detroit Lions about Calvin Johnson, who as we all know is currently retired. Since Johnson retired while under contract with the Lions, Detroit still owns his rights so any team that wants to dust off Megatron would need to work out compensation with the Lions. Aside from Carson Palmer coming out of retirement and accepting a trade to Oakland, you don’t see a ton of moves like this. Usually the player is retired for a reason and he’s either 1.) washed up or 2.) doesn’t want to play anymore. But take one of the all-time great receivers of my generation and have him play on a dogshit Lions team for 8 years which included all of 2 playoff games. No wonder that guy said yea I’m done taking huge hits for regular season accolades.

But tempt that guy with the possibility of joining a playoff bound team like the Patriots (or the Eagles) then maybe he reconsiders. And Detroit is basically over a barrel because Johnson is already retired and could very easily stay retired, so it shouldn’t take more than a low draft pick, and of course the big money he’s owed ($16 Million this season).

Chris Mortensen is saying the Eagles and the Jaguars are the most likely landing spots, but I think we all know how many things Mort has fucked up in the past so I wouldn’t take this as gospel. But Schefty also threw some cold water on his own report this morning saying:

“The Lions told teams to reach out to the retired wide receiver to gauge his interest, but so far it has been noncommittal at best, diminishing any hope for a deal, sources said.”

But would there be anything more Belichick than coming out of the shadows and replacing an injured Edelman (and possibly Chris Hogan) with a future HOF player that no one ever saw coming? Put a physical specimen like that on the Patriots as the 2nd or 3rd option and it would just be unfair for opposing defenses. Either way, we’ll know the answer to this by end of day tomorrow since Tuesday is the trade deadline. Megatron watch is ON.

Is Philip Rivers the Most Entertaining QB Ever?

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I like Philip Rivers, he seems like a guy that just wants to get out there and sling it. Let him throw it 50 times a game and see what happens. I’ve liked him ever since the Pats faced off against the Chargers and a young Rivers in the 2008 AFC Championship Game and Rivers played on a torn ACL. Guy just balls out. With that being said Rivers is high comedy on the sidelines and coming off the field. Always looks bullshit, 1,000 yard stares, and routinely screams into his helmet. If thats Jay Cutler then its “poor body language” and “bad leadership” but since its Rivers its just hilarious to me.

Granted, he’s had a string of bad luck with the Chargers playing in the most close games in the league the past 2 seasons…and lost most of those games. They just always have a ton of self inflicted injuries, which was on FULL display yesterday with the ATROCIOUS safety the Chargers ran into:

Not to mention the Chargers running the goddamn Wildcat on a key 3rd and 2 like its 2008.

Rivers started running towards the sidelines and I was convinced they were going to run a direct snap to the RB or something. Nope, just a terrible play from an antiquated offense that did not pick up the first down and Philip Rivers died just a little bit more inside.

Thats not to say Phil didn’t have a hand in his team bungling a game they had a pretty good handle on early.

But the complete disdain for everyone around him is what makes him so lovable, especially after this brutal penalty on a pick play negated a yuuge touchdown for the Chargers.

And then to wrap it all up Rivers threw an interception as the Chargers had one last chance to tie it up.

Never change, Philip. Never change.

Dont’a Hightower Done for the Season. Suddenly Improving Patriots Defense is Now in Trouble

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SI – New England Patriots linebacker Dont’a Hightower has a torn pectoral muscle and will miss the rest of the season, reports NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport.

This Patriots team is falling apart at the seams. First it was Julian Edelman blowing his knee out and now its our defensive captain in Hightower. In the first year of his new contract too, what a goddamn bummer. This will be the first time that Hightower, who has a reputation for missing time, will miss more than 2 games in a row as a Patriot. So now the Pats will have to scramble to shore up yet another hole on their roster.

If theres any silver lining at all its that this injury happened a few days before the trade deadline. Not like theres a Pro-Bowl linebacker out there to be had for cheap, but it gives the Patriots way more options than if this injury happened next week.

I think Belichick secretly strokes it to situations like this though. He fucking HATED every minute of this pre-season when people saying the Pats could go 19-0. But, take away his best receiver and his best defensive player?  Now we’re cooking with gas. People are doubting us now, saying we don’t have the personnel. Stephon Gilmore’s a bum you say? MEET JOHNSON BADEMOSI! Oh Hightower’s hurt? BRING IN CASSIUS MARSH! Edelman went down? I HAVE FIVE RUNNINGBACKS ON THIS ROSTER!

The guy just loves playing checkers especially when its on All-Madden mode with an injury plagued team. Belichick loves being in the trenches just putting out fires; thats where his genius really comes into play. If we’re being honest, anyone could have fell ass backwards into Tom Brady in the 6th round or known to take Vince Wilfork in the first round. Most guys though aren’t able to craft an entire roster and keep the train moving down the tracks while the engine’s on fire. As fictional Miami Dolphins GM Larry Siefert once said in Ballers: anyone can fill the top or the bottom of a roster, its those guys in the middle that set you apart.

Apparently Jon Gruden’s Son, Deuce Gruden, is the Goddamn Hulk

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Look at that picture! Just solar eclipsing the human gun show himself, Ed Hochuli. Incredible. I don’t know how I missed this, but the NFL is just littered with Grudens and last night we got all 3 on one screen.

We got the OG Jon Gruden up in the booth on Monday Night Football of course, we got his brother the former Arena Football legend Jay Gruden coaching the R-Words and then to my utter dismay we have Jon Gruden’s son, Deuce, working as a strength coach for Washington. Plot twist though; he is the goddamn hulk.

How was this 5’6″ bodybuilder with the last name Gruden not on my watch list? I feel like I should get an internet demerit for missing this. But, make no mistake I am all in on Deuce Gruden now. I am fascinated by this kid. Imagine growing up with Chucky as your dad back in his prime as the Raiders coach? No wonder this kid is a machine.

Madden Pro Going Nuts Reminds Me of The GOAT Madden Meltdown I Saw in College

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Look we’ve all been there. I’ve smashed more clickers than I care to admit and so have all of you. Glass houses guys.

But, this dude flipping the fuck out reminded me of the GOAT Madden meltdown I witnessed in college. I was playing my roommate and I was feeling myself so I picked a shittier team, knowing it would drive this kid up a wall if I took it to him with the 2008 Raiders.

You know the unbeatable 2008 Raiders that went 4-12 behind stud No. 1 overall pick, and my boy, JaMarcus Russell. If there ever was a guy built for a fucking video game it was this dude. Absolutely awful in real life, but in a video game he had an absolute cannon and he could run his balls off. Thats all I need boys.

So in case you forget just how truly shitty this team really was back in 08, here was the starting skill position players:

QB: JaMarcus Russell
RB: Darren “Run DMC” McFadden
WR: Javon Walker, Chaz Schilens, Ashley Lelie, Johnnie Lee Higgins, Ronald Curry
TE: Zach Miller

Not exactlyyy Murderers Row, but the Raiders did also have Nnamdi Asomugha before he fell off a cliff and DeAngelo Hall patrolling the secondary. (Thats called foreshadowing guys)

So anyways, I am scoring *at will* on QB scrambles out of the shotgun, HB screens, and 70 yard bombs in the air. If JaMarcus Russell saw how much better he was in Madden than in real life I think he might actually kill himself. But to top it all off the Oakland defense is smothering my roommate with interception after interception after interception. My roommate is fucking BOILING and I’m not a huge trash talker so I’m just waiting for the straw to break the camel’s back.

Well that would come in the form of my SEVENTH interception of the day, which also happened to be a pick-six that put me at 70+ points on the afternoon…in the 3rd quarter.

“FUCK THIS GAME!”

Roommate stands up and absolutely Gronk spikes the $50 PS2 clicker into the fucking floor. Let me tell you, I have never seen a piece of hardware fly into so many pieces as that Playstation clicker did. We had to have a closed casket funeral for that PS2 clicker.

And that my friends is why you don’t stream yourself playing a game of Madden because we are all one bullshit play away from rifling a clicker through the goddamn window.

NBC Goes All-Madden Mode for Camera Angle in Patriots Falcons Game

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The fog came into Gillette fast last night and after a while you really couldn’t see a damn thing on TV, which must have sucked for the poor sap who dished out $200 bucks to sit in the 300s and couldn’t see shit.

As soon as NBC switched to that Sky Cam angle though I got a sudden rush of dopamine and I had no idea why. This new camera angle they finally switched to after an hour of trying to watch the game through the clouds just seemed right. And then it dawned on me. This is Madden. This is the same angle I’ve been playing football with for 15 years. This is the view I had when I first learned what Spider-2-Y-Banana was, or just how many clickers I could get my roommate to smash by running the perfectly timed HB Screen. Spread em out and go No Huddle for an entire game. This just feels right. NBC, do yourself a favor and get this angle worked into every game as much as you can. Subliminal advertising at its finest because right now I am jones-ing for some Madden.

 

Is Jimmy Garoppolo Insane for Asking for this at Dunkin Donuts?

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So Patriots All Access teased an upcoming segment about Jimmy Garoppolo’s first trip to Dunkin Donuts, which can border on a religious experience for a lot of people in Boston. Welp, swing and a miss for ya boy.


A vanilla long-john? A what? Is that code for drugs? Are you trying to score some smack at Dunkies, Jimmy?

I remember going to school down in CT where it was a mashup of New England, New York, and New Jersey kids so there was plenty of occurrences like this. People would look at me like I was having a stroke when I said “lets go to the packy.” So I get it, but Jimmy my man, this is nonsensical stuff. We’re gonna have to get the heads of Chicago together and talk about this. Grab Kanye, Chance, and Carl Winslow so they can put a stop to this before it goes too far.

Mr. Kraft Does It Again! Makes Fire Flames Sneakers Out of Super Bowl LI Footballs

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My goodness. Just when I think Robert Kraft has outdone himself with his footwear, he does it again. He’s created maybe the greatest sneaker of all time. Forget Yeezys, Bobby Kraft is the hottest footwear designer on the streets. JUST LOOK AT THESE.

The man has taken actual footballs from the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history and turned them into fire flames footwear. Incredible. I still need to get me a pair of RKK Air Forces, but at least those are available for purchase. These things are like a rare Pokemon; I know I’ll never get a pair yet I need them. It’s like acid in my mouth. Hook a blogger up, Mr. Kraft.

Prettyyyy Sure You Can’t Do That, Marshawn Lynch

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Little bit of extra curricular activity from the Chiefs defensive line on Thursday Night Football and Marshawn Lynch was NOT having it.

Pretty sure leaving the sideline to rough house with the refs is frowned upon, but we’ll see how the Ginger Hammer feels about it.

Thursday Night Pick Em: Chiefs vs Raiders (Bonus: Color Rush Breakdown)

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As always, all our lines come from the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook so blame them if the numbers change. Tonight we’ve got the Kansas City Chiefs (-3, 47) at Oakland Raiders.

Derek Carr still doesn’t look right, not surprisingly, just a couple of weeks after breaking his fucking back. So the Raiders are hard to trust here. Especially with the hottest team in the NFL coming to town in the Kansas City Chiefs. Travis Kelce is back, allegedly, to 100% after a concussion, Kareem Hunt is still the most electric RB in the league, and Tyreek Hill is still on this team. Not to mention Alex Smith is FEELING himself for the first time in a long time. No more checkdown Alex safe throw Smith. Dude is letting it fly. Sure being in a contract year with a QB drafted in the 1st Round behind you probably doesn’t hurt, but the guy has some legit weapons around him in KC for the first time. KC is a (-3) point favorite and that is easy money. That is nothing. Slap your money down on the table confidently and sit back and watch the Chiefs make us all rich.

Now, onto the unis.

I’ve heard a lot of Raiders fans complaining about the Color Rush jerseys, with Oakland going white on white tonight. It does seem like a missed opportunity to have a total blackout. Just go old school villain, make everything black, but nay. The Chefs are going red on red, which is a good look, but they’re both wearing the same uni combos when they played each other last year. Should’ve been Raiders decked out in black with the Chiefs rocking all yellow with red highlights. Now thats a Color Rush I can get excited about. And if you complain about that because you’re colorblind well then tough shit; Thursday Night Football just isn’t for you then.