Tag: Russia

With the USA Out, What Team Should You Root for in the World Cup?

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With the United States Mens National Team missing the cut after failing to qualify for the World Cup, I am a free agent in terms of rooting interest. Lets find us a team shall we?

You don’t necessarily want to ride the coattails of the favorite, but you gotta have a team that actually has a shot at going deep because if you pick Tunisia and they’re out in group play well then you’re back to square one.

Since the last year I bought FIFA was like 2010, I’m a bit dated in my knowledge. Wayne Rooney is on the verge of joining MLS so he’s clearly not playing for Team England. I just learned Schweinsteiger is out on Team Germany. I need to catch up quick.

Rooting for Brazil is like rooting for the Yankees. They have the most talented team in the world just about every year. Plus they have absolutely massive amounts of Team Brazil shit every time I walk into the Marshalls in Watertown. But Neymar though…

Neymar is back and healthy after having his previous World Cup run cut short by what looked like an incredibly painful back injury. Brazil is always fun as all hell to watch though as they just breed soccer players down there.

Russia is apparently instructing its citizens to not have sex with foreigners so they’re out. Its like the Olympic Village except the World Cup is twice as long. If you can’t have some fun with someone who doesn’t even speak the same language then why even go?

Portugal and Argentina are always great to watch with the 2 greatest players in the world in Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi leading the way for each squad. Plus this might be the last World Cup for each of them so you could ride off into the sunset with one of those studs if you like that vibe.

If you want to join forces with the country that is voted the Happiest Country in the World just about every year then Denmark is your team. Christian Eriksen is pretty goddamn good at soccer too. The Ringer described him:

“Eriksen’s carrying tool is that ineffable ability to just make the ball do what he wants—stick to him in possession, curve gently to a teammate’s foot or the corner of the net in attack. In Denmark’s last competitive game, Eriksen scored three sublime goals against Ireland to secure qualification.”

If you’re like me and follow the English Premier League like an absolute savage, and by that I mean watching games when you’re hungover on the couch or when you’re out for Hooligan Saturdays drinking a Guinness at 9 am in Cambridge, then the name Eden Hazard is familiar to you. Hazard plays for Chelsea in the EPL, which is the only team I moderately follow, so this is a solid candidate for my team as he leads Belgium into the World Cup.

Egypt is a pretty good choice if you’re looking for an up and coming dark horse as they’re in the World Cup for the first time in 28 years. They’re also led by a dude named Mo Salah who Vox said “took the soccer world by storm in 2017 and seemingly came out of nowhere to become one of the planet’s best players.”

If you want to be a bully and root for the champ then Germany is your team as they’re looking to repeat after winning the World Cup in 2014. Oh and Thomas Müller is a beast with 10 goals in the World Cup including 5  last time around to help Germany take the title.

Just a fan of general, all around assholes? Then you should go with Luis Suarez and Uruguay. He’s the guy that literally bites opposing players on the field and is a bit of a racist.

Are you a degenerate gambler looking to play the odds? Well Brazil is the favorite at 7-2, followed by defending champion Germany at 4-1, and then France is at 6-1. If you want to just burn your money, the biggest long shots are Saudi Arabia (they lost 5-0 to Russia today), Iran, and Panama at +4,000!

So there’s your breakdown of who to watch at the World Cup and some insights if you’re looking for a new team sans the USMNT. As for me? I’m going with Belgium. They’re a healthy -140 and feature by guy Eden Hazard. Lock it up.

Who should I root for? Who are you rooting for? Tweet us @the300sboston to state your case as we all pretend to be soccer hooligans for the next month.

Russian Olympic Team Hit With More Crushing Sanctions

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NPR – Russian athletes who compete in the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics must wear a simple logo that reads “Olympic Athlete from Russia” — and their uniforms can’t include other words or references to their home country, an International Olympic Committee panel said Wednesday.

The IOC’s Olympic Athlete from Russia Implementation Group released guidelines for uniforms, accessories and equipment two weeks after Russia was effectively banned from the upcoming Olympics because of a widespread and organized doping campaign.

That’ll teach ’em! I honestly don’t how Russia will ever recover from this humiliation. After running one of the most elaborate and sophisticated doping schemes in sports history, Russia has been totally banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics.

Of course, Russian athletes will still be permitted to participate in the games as independents. The IOC wouldn’t want to punish the athletes who signed up for steroids too late didn’t participate in the doping scheme. However, they will be allowed to compete only with severe restrictions. They will not be referred to as Russians; they will be referred to as “Athletes from Russia.” Huge distinction. Also, they will not be allowed to wear the color blue. They will only be allowed to display two of the three colors of the Russian flag. Incredibly demoralizing.

Tough but fair.

Image result for tough but fair saul goodman

Who negotiated this deal for the IOC? Saul Goodman? Team sports like ice hockey should be real a hoot.

“Who’s playing for the gold medal today. Is that Russia?”
“Nope! Just a group of guys who formed a team right before the games started, who all happened to be from Russia. What a coincidence!”

What a joke. Ban Russia entirely or admit that this is just one big charade. I WANT TO SEE PEOPLE UNDER PRESSURE!

Russia Used Pokemon GO to Mess with US Presidential Election. Wait WHAT?

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Yahoo – Russian cyber experts used the smartphone game Pokemon Go as part of their attempts to meddle with US politics, according to an investigation by CNN. Under the banner of Don’t Shoot Us, a collective that seemed to share the aims of Black Lives Matter but which is now believed to have been run by Russians, online participants were encouraged to use the game to inflame racial tensions. Players were told to visit real-world sites where police brutality had been recorded, and give their Pokemon characters names of victims, such as Eric Garner, who died on Staten Island. The winners of the Pokemon contest would receive Amazon gift cards after sharing images on social media, the Don’t Shoot Us site said. It is believed the campaign was an attempt to encourage black activism and sow discord between Americans.

This is some next level, diabolical shit. Seriously, just when you think this guy:

is a criminal mastermind who has reached his pinnacle, he goes ahead and tops himself. Using Pokemon GO, the goddamn pocket monsters game we all played as we blindly walked into oncoming traffic to catch yet another Pikachu because he had a special new hat.

Using *that* game to “inflame racial tensions” is way beyond the usual espionage type shit. My dumb brain can’t even comprehend a plot like this. Now obviously the scheme depended on same racist assholes to do the leg work, but its crazy how an outside force can really drive a wedge between people like this.

“A source confirmed to CNN that the Don’t Shoot Us Facebook page was one of the 470 accounts taken down after the company determined they were linked to the Internet Research Agency – a Kremlin-linked “troll farm”. The Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts belonging to the campaign are currently suspended. The group’s YouTube channel and website were both still active as of Thursday morning.”

Little late for that now, wouldn’t ya say Zuckerberg? The next time people scream Fake News, I don’t want you to argue with them about the validity of a specific news story, I want you to point them to this. To the goddamn Russian Government using a kid’s game to plant the seed of doubt in people and draw the darkest shit out of our country in the middle of a monumentally historic period. THAT is whats nuts.

Some real deus ex machina shit from ya boy Putin. Bravo, you election meddling motherfucker.

 

American Diplomats Are Being Attacked by Russian X-Men in Cuba

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AP – The blaring, grinding noise jolted the American diplomat from his bed in a Havana hotel. He moved just a few feet, and there was silence. He climbed back into bed. Inexplicably, the agonizing sound hit him again. It was as if he’d walked through some invisible wall cutting straight through his room. Soon came the hearing loss, and the speech problems, symptoms both similar and altogether different from others among at least 21 U.S. victims in an astonishing international mystery still unfolding in Cuba.

So American diplomats are seemingly being targeted with, what the government is terming “health attacks,” of unidentified audio/sonic attacks. If my pop culture and comic book riddled brain could take a guess as to what this is, its simple; covert Russian mutant spies are looking to stir up the Cold War once again. Russian X-Men basically. Why mutants?

“Some of the incidents were confined to specific rooms or even parts of rooms with laser-like specificity, baffling U.S. officials who say the facts and the physics don’t add up.

Physics don’t add up? Mutants.

I mean has no one seen X-Men First Class? Like half that movie revolves around Cuba and the Cold War.

“None of this has a reasonable explanation,” said Fulton Armstrong, a former CIA official who served in Havana long before America re-opened an embassy there. “It’s just mystery after mystery after mystery.”Suspicion initially focused on a sonic weapon.

A sonic weapon you say? Now is probably a good time to mention one of the main characters in that movie is a mutant named Banshee with this exact power.

“A mutant capable of emitting incredibly strong ultrasonic screams, sonic blasts, sonic bursts, and sonic waves used in various ways.”

Add all that up with the fact that these victims are now having “problems concentrating or recalling specific words” and it just screams espionage.

“Brain damage and concussions, it’s not possible,” said Joseph Pompei, a former MIT researcher and psychoacoustics expert. 

Not possible says a psychoacoustics expert? Meet my friend, Charles.

Yup…mutants. And I know I mentioned X-Men First Class back there, but fuck that, Sir Patrick Stewart will always be the GOAT Professor X.

“FBI investigators swept the rooms, looking for devices. They found nothing, several officials briefed on the investigation said.”

Thats because the X-Men are the ultimate weapon. Come on FBI, read a book for me one time. Now if pieces of metal start bending and flying around and shit then we’ve got a real problem. God damn Russkies, while we’ve been sitting here arguing about Donnie Trump, Putin’s built his own X-Men squad.