Tag: Yahoo

I Would Trade Every Player On the Celtics Roster for Anthony Davis

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The Vertical – “Rival executives expect Boston to be keeping close tabs on New Orleans, which is entering a critical season. The Pelicans are committed to seeing if an Anthony Davis-DeMarcus Cousins frontcourt can work, but if the season goes awry, it’s widely believed the Celtics will make a strong run at Davis, who is under contract through 2020.”

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: there are growing rumblings around the league about the future of Anthony Davis and how the Celtics could be in on any potential deal. If the New Orleans Pelicans start off poorly next season and the DeMarcus Cousins pairing doesn’t mesh, a lot of smart guys around the NBA like Chris Mannix expect the Pelicans to start listening to offers for Davis.

I am one of the biggest Anthony Davis guys you’ll find. He is a top five player in this league, he’s a future MVP and I just want to state for the record that I would trade every single player on the 15-man roster plus everyone on the Maine Red Claws to get Anthony Davis. He is literally the only guy in the league that can put up a 40 and 20 game. I will buy that AD jersey TONIGHT.

You can have whatever the fuck you want if it gets me Anthony Davis. Sure you can point out that the C’s would be in the same situation the Pelicans are in right now with Anthony Davis and no one around him. But I will take Danny Ainge and Anthony Davis and let them figure it out. I have faith in that pairing. Love you Jaylen Brown. You look like a pretty good player so far Jayson Tatum. Isaiah you’re my guy, but if I can get Anthony Davis I will play one-on-five if I have to. Get me the Brow and we’ll go from there.

Johnny Manziel is Still on the NFL Comeback Trail

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ProFootball Talk – The odds of Johnny Manziel getting a second chance in the NFL remain long. Yet, despite having not played since 2015, the former Heisman Trophy winner apparently is drawing more interest then Colin Kaepernick. Manziel said Saturday he has had a couple of conversations with NFL teams about a comeback. NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport reported in March that Manziel had breakfast with Saints coach Sean Payton at the Super Bowl to discuss a return.

Right now doesn’t seem like a great time to be a comeback story in the NFL, especially as a QB. With guys like RGIII, Colin Kaepernick and Vince Young in the news for not being able to even get a training camp invite, you can’t be too optimistic for Johnny Football here. However, he was a first round pick, a Heisman winner, and is still only 24 years old somehow. That last sentence just made me feel old as hell.

So while I don’t anticipate it, if Manziel is finally done being a goddamn boozebag and is actually working out again, why not give him a shot? Of all the guys I mentioned above who can’t get a job, they all have some baggage. Kapernick obviously has been a lightning rod for anti-police protests, Vince Young is 34(!), and RGIII is a mobile QB with a surgically repaired knee (thank you Mike Shanahan). Manziel is undersized and has been a party animal, but he’s the youngest guy on this list and with all the egos in the NFL I would think someone would want to take a shot on this guy.

Atlanta Falcons to Sell Beers for $5. What Are You Up to Arthur Blank?

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Yahoo – In a world of constant inflation and outrageous stadium food prices, the Atlanta Falcons could emerge as one of the most fan-friendly teams in all of sports. Atlanta’s new home turf, Mercedes-Benz Stadium, is set to open its doors on August 26, and once it does, Falcons fans will be able to buy concessions at prices most fans can only dream of.

$5 beers? $2 refillable cokes? $2 hot dogs? In this day and age of greedy asshole billionaire owners pinching every penny out of their franchises though I have to ask….what are you up to Arthur Blank? What’s the catch? Do I have to wear my 1994 Starter jacket to redeem these throwback prices?

I’m suspicious. Its like when the Red Sox did $5 beer night a couple of years ago. It was for April games only and the beers were the size of cough syrup cups.

Absurdly low prices? I feel like that guy from the Burger King commercial.

Then again if your team just blew the biggest lead in Super Bowl history and lost in absolutely agonizing fashion to give Tom Brady his 5th ring you’d probably wanna do something to make sure the fans actually showed up the following season. Smart. Arthur Blank didn’t build all those Home Depots by accident.

The NBA Offseason is the Offseason We Deserve

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The NBA Offseason is a goddamn rollercoaster of emotions and its the only thing keeping me entertained until football starts up again. We got Chris Paul to the Rockets, Paul George and Gordon Hayward possibly to the Celtics, Carmelo Anthony trying to get a buyout from the Knicks, the Porzingis trade rumors, the Celtics trading the No. 1 overall pick, the Lavar Big Baller Brand bullshit, and not to mention Phil Jackson getting shitcanned by the Knicks.

The NBA offseason is literally overflowing with storylines and gives us the juice we need. It beats the hell out of every other sport’s offseason where big moves are few and far between.

I don’t really care to get into every team in the NBA’s salary cap situation because that is a goddamn rabbit hole. So I know half these teams either don’t have the cap space or the assets to bring in max guys, but now we got teams like the Rockets reportedly trying to bring in Paul George. Ya know, the same Paul George that the Celtics are trying to trade for and pair with Hayward, IT, and Horford.

Basically all the reports are saying that the Celtics need to wait until the start of free agency to sign Gordon Hayward before they can (or would even want to) trade for George. So I guess I’ll just sit here with my dick in my hand until July 1st.

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Millennials Are Now Unhealthier Than Their Parents; Lets Break it Down

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Yahoo – They’re known for being tech savvy, hyper-critical, and emotionally unavailable.
But how are they doing with their health?…To the dismay of sassy young people everywhere, the evidence goes both ways. In some aspects of healthy living, millennials have the older generation beat. However, there are a number of ways that millennials are actually on the decline when it comes to their wellness. Twenty-somethings preaching health to their parents might be a little misguided; every once in a while, they could probably learn a thing or two from their parents’ advice.

It has become a favorite pastime of mine in the years post-college as a surge in “Millennials killed ___” articles have flooded the interwebs. Today, Yahoo wants us to know that after everything we killed, how we’ll never own homes, how much crippling debt we’re all in — after all that our parents are in better shape than us too. Well, fuck. Alright lets have a look.

1.) Eating Disorders Are More Common

Well, yea no shit. In our parents’ youth they idolized frumpy chicks like Marilyn Monroe and boozehounds like Frank Sinatra. Today?

Soo yea, no shit there are more eating disorders these days.

2.) Their Exercise is Extreme

Okay how the hell does exercising harder make millennials less healthy? If you’re brittle, vegetarian body can’t handle some sprints then thats on you. Plus, look at #1 on this list to directly explain #2. Time is a flat circle.

3.) They Are Less Aware of Ingredients

This is coming from the generation with lead paint in the walls, mercury in thermostats and people who used to feed their kids pounds of butter and frozen food. I would say most millennials are actually pretty health conscious and aware of whats in their food, but with that being said I also can’t cook a meal that requires more than 5 ingredients so they may be on to something here.

4.) They Cook Less

Man this list is really a stretch considering half these points are directly caused by something else on this list. Less aware of ingredients? Fuck it, I’ll just eat out. Not to mention with the advent of iPhones and GrubHub, I don’t even have to talk to someone to have food show up at my door. That’s the future.

5.) They Do Less Yoga

Literally every 20-something girl I know does yoga. Death, taxes and girls grabbing Starbucks after yoga.

6.) They Drink More

Hand up, that one’s on us. But seriously, this is coming from a generation who idolized guys like Don Draper. I love Mad Men, but that show is based on a raging alcoholic. So this one is a draw at best.

7.) They Eat More Dessert

No idea, this seems like a dart throw from Yahoo. Do better, Marissa Meyer.

8.) They Have More Food Intolerances

This is 100% accurate and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s some kind of nature vs nurture sensitivity kids developed over the years? Maybe it’s because we had less lead and mercury in our lives. Who knows. But for every millennial who complains about how I can’t eat a PB&J because of their peanut butter allergy, the more times I quote Ivan Drago.

9.) They Struggle With Their Mental Health

Not gonna really joke about this one because it is a serious issue. Maybe older generations did a better job of hiding it rather than coping with it, but a lot of people my age struggle with depression and anxiety and the jury is still out as to why. Thanks Obama.

So ends another entry into Millennials Killed ___.  Keep em coming internet so I can poke holes in all of them.

Adrian Peterson Risking His Life to Cultivate Mass

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Yahoo – Adrian Peterson makes his living crashing into defensive linemen and linebackers, so he probably has a good grasp on what is good or bad for his health. Still, the admission that he’s ate so much seafood after signing with the New Orleans Saints that his body fat has gone from 7-8 percent to 9-10 percent in two weeks was a bit crazy. See, it’s not that Peterson is the first to go on a food bender in New Orleans. That’s happened to just about anyone who has visited. It’s that Peterson is allergic to shellfish..The New Orleans Times-Picayune’s Josh Katzenstein chronicled how Peterson is sampling the city’s seafood restaurants, including charbroiled oysters (“I’ve been tearing them up,” he said), and how he carries an EpiPen with him as he does it.

Gotta respect AP embracing that washed life. The guy is a running back over 30 coming off multiple knee surgeries and just got cut by the only team he’s ever played for. So is it any surprise that the guy moves to a warm, entertaining, party city known for its celebrations and its food and is now (reportedly) cultivating mass?

It happens to the best of us. You have a rough day, you get canned from your job, whatever it is. You just roll right up to that Burger King drive through window, crush a couple Whoppers and eat right past those tears. So a little cap tip to AP for hitting the buffet instead of his kids this time around.

Not to mention Peterson is apparently crushing seafood, all while being allergic to shellfish. Foods so good the guy’s risking his fucking LIFE to eat more of it. Can’t blame the guy for enjoying some good old southern food. Unless of course you’re a Saints fan, then you can blame the fuck out of him.

Are the Celtics in on a Trade for Kristaps Porzingis?

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So just about an hour ago, Adrian Wojnarowski tweeted out this bombshell about the Knicks and Kristaps Porzingis.

Confirming what every Knicks fan wakes up in a cold sweat worrying about every night; Phil Jackson might actually trade Porzingis. The only bright spot for that dumpster fire of a franchise is coincidentally the only good move the Zen Master has made since taking over the Knicks. And now Woj puts it out there that the Knicks aren’t ruling out dealing him. Man, if I’m a Knicks I’m probably just putting on my Carmelo Jersey and jumping off the fucking George Washington Bridge.

But that brings me back to the Celtics, who have been stockpiling assets for years, basically just waiting for a young stud to become available.

And after Danny traded the No. 1 overall pick the other night (whether you agree with the logic or not), everyone in the media seemed to agree that this looked like the first step in a series of moves Danny would make. There’s a sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Is Porzingis that other shoe? Talk about a great fit for the Celtics if its true. The C’s need size. Porzingis is 7’3″. The guy is a goddamn giraffe. They also need big men who can shoot to really thrive in Brad Steven’s system. Last year KP averaged 18.1 points per game, shot 45% from the field, and 35.7% from behind the arc. Check, check and check.

Honestly, who the fuck knows what Trader Danny is ever really thinking. Does anyone doubt Danny Ainge could pull one over on this guy though?

But, I do know one thing. I am anxiously awaiting a Woj Bomb dropping. Notifications. On.

Phoenix Cops Foil Attempt to Assassinate Former Green Ranger Jason David Frank

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Yahoo – On Friday, former Green Power Ranger and mixed martial artist Jason David Frank spoke to reporters about his alleged assassination attempt at Phoenix Comic-Con. Police arrested a man at the Phoenix Convention Center on Thursday after he made it into the event with multiple weapons, including three guns and a knife, Phoenix police confirmed to PEOPLE in a statement on Sunday…The suspect was allegedly targeting Frank, who was appearing at the convention, according to Uproxx. According to court records obtained by ABC 15, the suspect allegedly had a calendar reminder set on his smartphone saying “Kill JDF,” the actors’ initials.

Okay first off thankfully nobody was hurt as this psycho’s plan was foiled by cops before he could do any damage. The guy was carrying 3 guns, a knife and body armor so he was definitely looking to hurt a lot of people. Great work by the Phoenix PD.

Now, on a lighter note, don’t you have to be a *little* bit more famous than the guy who used to play the Green Ranger on Power Rangers to qualify for assassination? Listen, I love JDF, but “assassinate”? I think thats a little strong. I’m pretty sure you need to be like Martin Luther King or a martyr of some sort to qualify for that term. I think attempted “murder” probably covers it for Tommy.

Also, talk about Yahoo selling the guy short. JDF was a LOT more than just the Green Ranger. He was the White Ranger, the Black DinoThunder Ranger, the Red Zeo Ranger, hell he was even a Doctor one season. Show some respect.

But of course nothing will ever top his original role, where this kid from the other side of the tracks made it cool to play a FLUTE because it was also a dagger and it ya know summoned a goddamn dragon out of the water.

Lonzo Ball’s First Big Baller Brand Shoe Sells Less Than 300 Pairs on Day 1

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The fact that less than 300 of the Big Baller Brand shoes were sold on day one is laugh out loud funny. After Nike, Adidas and Under Armour told Lavar Ball to go fuck himself he says fine I’ll do it myself. If you are comparing your son to Michael Jordan, Steph Curry and LeBron James you NEED to sell more than 300 pairs.

Now don’t get it twisted. Selling 300 of anything in a day by yourself is no small feat, I would be thrilled to sell 300 baseball cards in a day, but an NBA Draft Lottery Pick I am not. I mean if you do the math thats like $150K which is a pretty nice day at the office, but again Lonzo Ball is going to be throwing around $150K like they’re fun coupons in a couple of months.


But selling fucking sneakers for $500 takes some big balls, not to mention the $250 SANDALS.

Hell I still bide my time until some nice Nike’s come through Marshall’s so I can cop those things for like 60% off. So good luck selling any sneaker not called Yeezys for that kind of money Lavar, Lonzo or whoever the fuck is running that operation.

Adrian Peterson, a 32 Year Old RB Coming Off Knee Surgery, is Shockingly Still a Free Agent

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Yahoo Sports – Adrian Peterson is still waiting. As incomprehensible as it seemed only a few weeks ago, one of the greatest running backs in NFL history is still waiting for significant pursuit one full week into free agency. Largely thanks to a depressed running backs market and Peterson’s age (he turns 32 on Tuesday), the final destination of the seven-time Pro Bowler remains unknown, even as running backs like Eddie Lacy, Latavius Murray, Danny Woodhead and Rex Burkhead each found landing spots before Peterson.

Why does this surprise anyone? Guy is a 32 year old running back coming off KNEE surgery and in the middle of a trial for beating the shit out of his toddler son? Doesn’t exactly seem like a product that would be flying off the shelves like a Malibu Stacy doll.

Look is the guy totally done? I don’t know, but he’s certainly not someone I’m giving much more than the veteran’s minimum to and I’m sure as shit not relying on him to be my go-to RB. So he’s gonna be a guy who will hang around looking for one, last big deal that he’s not going to get. So he’ll end up signing as a backup somewhere else.

This isn’t a “frosty” situation, this is an entirely predictable situation if you just take AP’s name out of the equation. In 2016 Player X rushed for 72 yards in 3 games with an Avg Yards per Attempt of 1.9 and 0 Touchdowns. Then got knee surgery. WHY would that player have a booming free agency market? Yes, I know he rushed for almost 1,500 yards and 11 TD’s the year before, but that will have been 2+ years ago by the time next season starts. When he was 30. Where do RB’s fall off? Yup, after 30. Especially power backs with knee surgeries. So please national media don’t pretend to be surprised with stuff like this, you’re better than that.