Tag: Yahoo

San Jose Sharks Are Having a Joe Thornton Chia Beard Night and It Looks Glorious

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CHEWBACCA’S GOT NOTHING ON YOU! As a big beard guy, I think I’m legally obligated to support this commercial.

— San Jose Sharks (@SanJoseSharks) January 19, 2017

And to top it off the Sharks are giving away a Joe Thornton chia pet beard. That is A+ I remember the Nationals did the same thing with Jayson Werth back in the day and it was a must have for any Nats fan.

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Thats some spicy salad.

How About Jimmer Fredette Averaging 38 Points a Game in China?!

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To be honest, I did not read the majority of this article because I’m not a member of the exclusive ESPN Insider Club. But, how about my boy Jimmer Fredette averaging 38 points a game in China. 38! Now I know the CBA isn’t exactly the NBA, but putting up nearly 40 a game is impressive nonetheless. I still hold out hope he’ll be able to work himself into a solid NBA player like his 3-point specialist brethren JJ Reddick did.

Either way, these guys compiled one of the most dangerous basketball teams to ever step on the court in my old NBA2k franchise. I basically assembled the deadliest 3 point shooting team ever and completely bailed on any rebounding or post play. The ball touches your hands? You’re jacking up a 3. Jimmer Fredette. JJ Reddick. Ray Allen. I believe I had old man Mike Miller playing center just so he could step out and drain 3’s. And of course to top it all off I had Dougie McBuckets McDermott. It was like an And1 team and it was glorious. You ain’t got nothing on my team, Golden State.

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Would Bryce Harper Spurn the Yankees Over His Lettuce?

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Yahoo – “Even the most ardent Bryce Harper haters have to admit one thing: The Washington Nationals outfielder has a strong hair game. We’re not just talking about the hair on his head, either, though it is spectacular…It’s no secret Harper rooted for the Yankees growing up, and there’s been speculation about him joining the club the instant he becomes a free-agent for years now. Knowing that, [Clint] Frazier took the opportunity to do a little recruiting for New York.”

If you’ve ever had any hope of Bryce Harper spurning the Yankees (who he’s long been rumored to be destined for in Free Agency), then this is your best shot. Bryce Harper, the young, cocky dude who mashes dingers all while rocking the best hair in baseball and a full beard. Not on the Yankees because of their nonsensical rules on hair and facial hair. Bryce would have to shave the beard and start rocking a boy’s regular. Not this guy.

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Would his glorious lettuce be enough for Harper to say forget that, I’ll go mash somewhere else and look like Jayson Werth if I want? Thats what I’m hoping at least. I love Harper and I think he’d be a cult figure in Boston; a fiery asshole that lives and dies with every play, runs into walls and absolutely rakes? Yea I think Massholes would take a liking to him. Either way, anyone but the Yankees. Thats just what they need, an MVP slugger in his prime. Don’t do it Bryce. Just look at the damage the Yankees have done to lettuce over the years.

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PS – I’m already distraught over the lettuce that Yankees top prospect Clint Frazier will soon have to axe. RIP.

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Rating Yahoo’s Rankings of the Best Possible Patriots Super Bowl Matchups

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So I’ll save you the pain of imagining a Texans-Cowboys Super Bowl matchup, which Yahoo’s Shutdown Corner had ranked as the worst possible game. Four of the top 5 and 5 of the top 7 potential matchups are all Patriots games too. Who says people don’t wanna see another Pats SB? To the ratings!

7. Patriots – Giants: “Third time’s gotta be a charm, right Pats fans?”

Rating: A+ // This game would be the granddaddy of them all. I would be living off adrenaline and anxiety for two weeks straight leading up to this game. I need to beat the Giants in a Super Bowl more than I need oxygen. It’s like acid in my mouth. Buuuttt, Playoffs Eli scares the shit out of me for obvious reasons and I don’t think I can emotionally handle a 3rd straight SB loss to the Giants. But there coach has a mustache and looks like he’s on a list somewhere so maybe things are different this time. Tread carefully.

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5. Patriots – Seahawks: “Seattle isn’t what it’s been in the past, but it beat New England in Foxborough this season and Super Bowl 49 was an absolute classic. We’ll gladly roll the dice on another round.”

Rating: B+ // This would be another great matchup, the rematch of arguably the best Super Bowl ever with (not arguable) the greatest ending ever. Part of me worries the Seahawks get their revenge, but the last 5 times the Pats have played Seattle have gone: Loss (2016 reg season), Win (SB XLIX), Loss (2012 reg season), Win (2008 reg season). Soo science says the Patriots win this one.

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4. Patriots – Falcons: “This matchup might not be at the front of everyone’s mind, but it has just as much potential for a great game with the league’s top scoring defense (New England) trying to harness the league’s top scoring offense (Atlanta).”

Rating: C+ // I want to rank this higher, but every angle that the media will play to hype this game seem forced. Thomas Dmitroff left NE, built this Atlanta team and is now going against his former boss Bill Belichick, Former Boston College stud Matt Ryan going up against the Boston pro team etc. However it would be pretty interesting to see the NFL’s No. 1 scoring offense (ATL) vs the NFL’s No. 1 scoring defense (NE) and see who takes the title.

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3. Patriots – Packers: “Tom Brady vs. Aaron Rodgers. What more do you need?”

Rating: B- // Yahoo somehow did not mention a SB XXXI rematch?? (Still the best SB logo ever BTW) Belichick was just a young pup in 1996, the assistant coach under Bill Parcells. Think Belichick would love to beat the same franchise his mentor and boss couldn’t? Plus Brady vs Rodgers would indeed be a matchup made in Madden exhibition mode.

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1. Patriots – Cowboys: “Yes, Super Bowl media week would be insane and there’s no way anyone is running out of storylines with Jerry Jones around. But take away the hoopla that would cause TV ratings records to be smashed and we’re still left with a game between two teams that were the best in the NFL from wire to wire this year. If this matchup happens, it’ll be the fourth straight Super Bowl that the No. 1 seeds meet in the Super Bowl.”

Rating: B+ // The two biggest franchises in the NFL. America’s Team vs the Team That Invented America. The parallels are crazy too. A young QB stepping in for the injured veteran, playing so well he keeps the job and leads his team to a Super Bowl title. Shit, no I don’t like the way this is setting up. Luckily the Pats run defense is their strength because Ezekiel Elliot could dominate this game single handedly. In the end though I think Brady and co. make it a track meet and I don’t think Dak Prescott, as well as he’s played, is ready to win that kind of game yet.

College Enrollment is Falling as People Start to Wise Up

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Yahoo – “Despite aggressive efforts nationwide to boost the number of people who attend college, enrollments declined this fall for the fifth straight year as better job prospects for older potential students and a stalled pipeline of new high-school graduates were compounded by continued woes in the for-profit college sector.”

Good. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. College is the biggest scam going and is 1,000% the next bubble to burst. Now don’t get me wrong, I think college is extremely valuable if for nothing else than life skills: learning to live on your own, dealing with issues w/o your parents help and even making some money on the side to supplement your hobbies (drinking).

But that is not a skill set that is worth 200k+ (cue the kids chirping who went to trade schools). And the costs keep rising as if the colleges don’t even seem to realize this is a problem that will ultimately kill their racket. From when I was a freshman in college years ago to now, the yearly tuition at my school has gone up at least 12K. So you’re now paying 50k+ a year at some schools for degrees in fields that don’t have the supply to meet the demand. Which is why you have millennials living in their parents basements until their 30 and no one buying a house until their 40.

“The trend of prices continuing to rise faster than inflation is beginning to have more and more of an impact” on enrollments, especially among low-income and first-generation students, says Jamie Merisotis, president and CEO of Lumina Foundation, a nonprofit aiming to increase college attainment. He says affordability concerns are outweighing projections about the economic benefits of a college education.

Now obviously its a sliding scale. If you’re becoming a doctor or a lawyer, then yes clearly you need a college degree. And yes, of course I know a college degree has given me and my peers opportunities we just wouldn’t have been able to get without a degree. But for an English Lit major, going 200k in debt is a terrible, terrible idea. And not to be a blameless millennial, but letting a 17 year old make the decision to take on that debt for the rest of their life is an unbelievable lack of judgement on everyone’s part.

So I’m glad college enrollment is falling. Maybe when it starts to fall at 10% per year colleges will start to realize, oh shit maybe they can’t charge 65k a year for a Communications degree so I can work at the Gap.

But probably not. Higher Ed will push prices higher and higher until it explodes and no one can afford it OR everyone defaults on their loans. Should be a fun decade to watch the world burn. My kid is gonna be a plumber no doubt.

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Michigan Lady Wins Christmas With Sarcastic Lights Display

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AP – “The 34-year-old says her family started doing its own light display, but realized that the creation couldn’t compare. She says: “Nothing measures up…”Kelly’s neighbors have an elaborate display, including reindeer, a large snow globe and a huge bear on the roof.”

Everybody has that one asshole neighbor. The guy that just has to go above and beyond at Christmas time and make his house look like the goddamn Home Lighting aisle in Home Depot.

Well bravo to this crafty gal. Minimalists everywhere rejoice. A little dry humor goes a long way, especially when it saves you the hassle of hours and hours spent hanging all these lights. Only to have to take them all down in like 2 weeks. This lady wins Christmas.