Toys R Us Just Filed Bankruptcy and I’m Pretty Sure Its Me and My Friends’ Fault

Forbes – Toys “R” Us, Inc.— with over $5 billion in debt—made big headlines this week by filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, making this the third-largest retail industry bankruptcy of all time!

$5 Billion – with a B – in debt is no joke. I guess the endless aisles of Furbys and boardgames finally caught up to them. I thought if anyone could make it, it’d be Toys R Us. Place was like crack for little kids. They’d go apeshit for Toys R Us, which is why I think I’m partly responsible for them filing bankruptcy, or at least my degenerate friends are.

So there was a huge Toys R Us in the town I went to college in, right next to the the Wal-Mart, Goodwill, and McDonalds. So needless to say we made many a trips there half in the bag from the night before. And just about every single time we went, one of my buddies would enroll someone we knew into the Geoffrey the Giraffe Birthday program. For those that are unfamiliar, you’d write down your name, phone number, and birthdate and you’d get a call from Geoffrey the Giraffe on your birthday. Every. Single. Year.

“A child enrolled by his or her parent/guardian will receive a special birthday card and gift from Geoffrey the Giraffe every year until he or she turns 10 years old.”

Or, ya know, until you’re 30.

There must be dozens of people I went to college with that still get phone calls from that fucking giraffe. Toys R Us was probably doing their books and wondering how they could be in so much debt when millions upon millions of kids are still enrolled in their birthday program. Unbeknownst to them, a good portion of those phone numbers are just dickhead college students messing with their friends. Sorry Geoffrey, you did your best.

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