The Bruins Got Smoked Last Night But Marchand Beat The Bag Out of Someone – ...the Stanley Cup champion Washington Capitals opened their title defense with a 7-0 thrashing of the Boston Bruins on Wednesday night.

After watching the franchise’s first Stanley Cup banner ascend to the rafters, T.J. Oshie opened the scoring just 24 seconds in, and Evgeny Kuznetsov scored the first of his two goals 1 1/2 minutes later to get the rout off to a fast start

Optimistic Joey B here with the first Bruins take of the year. I’m not going to sugar coat things too much. Getting shellacked 7-0 including 2 goals in the first minute of the fucking game is not a great look. To the defending champs, in my opinion, is an even worse one. This is the preeminent team to beat in the National Hockey League and we get blanked. Hopefully this is just a “wake the fuck up” game and the B’s can get their engines revved moving forward. Last note before I move on: I didn’t see much of it so I don’t know how many goals against Zdeno Chara’s corpse was on the ice for but let’s hope this can’t be easily pinned on him or there will be calls for his head pretty soon. (Editor’s Note: That is a strong to quite strong take on the 7 footer.)

To the positives and my headline, Brad Marchand beat the shit out of someone. Now, you can view this is kind of like when the season starts in baseball and a player strikes out four times but you are able to say, objectively, they had “good at bats”. Took some good cuts. Didn’t chase a couple you might have expected them to. Made the pitcher work. So, although we did indeed get big brothered by the defending champs, at least we had Noseface doing Noseface things and bloodying some guy up. It’s a reason to stay optimistic and a sign good things lay ahead for our squad.

Not all hope is lost my friends. Boston has kept the Bruins, so Bruins will keep Boston.

-Joey B.

P.S: Deadspin’s headline was something like “Brad Marchand Is Back To Being a Prick” and it made me SQUEAL with joy. Sorry for partying, Deadspin.

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