BREAKING: Red Has Never Seen “Braveheart”

What. In the actual. Fuck. I learned this ten minutes ago and am still astounded. How does this slip through the cracks. Even if a buddy or Dad/Uncle/Brother/Cousin never sits you down to watch it, “Braveheart” is internationally and ubiquitously revered and is on cable constantly.

Now I’ve seen a bunch of these revelations on Twitter, etc. recently and to be honest I don’t believe all of them. I’d say these admissions are 50% real and 50% for shock value. However, important to the story, is that Red is not a troll. Just doesn’t have it in him. When he is participating in any kind of sarcasm, it is laid on thick and generally with a generous amount of malice. It is also usually aimed at yours truly. So we should assume that our fearless leader has indeed never seen the 1994 classic starring and directed by top notch star and raging anti-semite Mel Gibson.

Not entirely sure where to go from here. I’ll probably just throw invites on his calendar for every Saturday afternoon until he finally breaks down and watches it. I just know that as we are driven towards the precipice of 30, time is running out to right this wrong.


-Joey B

P.S – Big Z, I need to speak with you.

Categories: Movies

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