Noted Defiler of Hip Hop Machine Gun Kelly Stops Show After Being Punched in the Chest 65 Times

AllHipHopRapper Machine Gun Kelly had to halt a concert in Florida over the weekend after suffering chest pains onstage….. “I got punched in the chest 65 times,” he told fans when the gig resumed with Kelly still in pain, according to TMZ.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would say this but I have some empathy for Machine Gun Kelly, known to his JNCO-wearing fans as MGK, here. We’ve all been there. Something happens to you that is either humiliating or where you need to find another explanation for your behavior/appearance. So you go off the dome, you think, act, and drop excuses on the fly. It’s a 50/50 game, for most people.

I happen to be an expert in this area. For instance, when I was 23 a friend of mine got into a scuffle outside of a bar. I tried to subdue his assailant and in turn was bit right on the jawline. I indeed had a big boy, real-life job by then and now had to explain come Monday why I had a Goddam bitemark on my face. Solution? Known to hoop on the occasional weekend I spun the tale of catching an errant fingernail from a less than courteous opponent in a pick up game. Appropriate sympathy was rendered and received.

So back to our friend Em Gee Kay. He very clearly got the shit kicked out of him. I’m very aware that for whatever batshit reason he is being cast in a movie or two nowadays, but no record label/agent is allowing their bird-chested cash cow to get the snot beat out of him on a movie set, it is not permissible. On the other hand, said cash cow is one of the most obnoxious personalities in music today so what totally makes sense is someone simply kicking the shit out of him without permission. Consider the following: whether or not you like Machine Gun Kelly’s music, would it reaaaally shock you if an unsavory character saw him out somewhere and made a quick assessment of, “mmm, nah, fuck that guy,”  thus proceeding to engage in fisticuffs? Wouldn’t shock me one bit, no sir.

However I’m not ending this blog with a “that’s what you get,” because I am if nothing else a lover of music, particularly when consuming it live. So this assaulter of Machine Gun Kelly owes approximately 5,000 13 year olds about 40 bucks each. Not cool man. That’s $200,000.00 worth of fights with step dads to get to go to a show only to have the headliner cancel due to an ass kicking. Not a way any young man/woman should have to meet his/her hero.

-Joey B.

Categories: Music

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