Anddddd Now the Raiders Intend to Suspend Antonio Brown

What a fucking saga. I mean what is even happening.

In case it was even remotely up for debate, Antonio Brown, and more specifically his head, is now in sole possession of the “Diva/Pain In Ass Wide Receiver” crown. He has surpassed Keyshawn Johnson, who felt it both worthy of his time and wise to write a book, mid-career, called “Give Me The Damn Ball.” He has also surpassed the WR whose name I won’t even utter he was such an asshat, but I’ll say he notably played  for the 9ers, Eagles, and Bengals, stopped getting signed because he’s such an asshole, and then went broke.

And now we have AB. His VERY successful and ultimately lucccrative time with the Steelers ended because he got pissed they drafted another talent and the ball was getting spread around. Keep in mind this resulted in Brown catching over 1,200 yards and a career high 15 TDs. But fuck them right? So he got in an argument with Big Ben, who he may or may not have hated anyway, got benched at the end of the year, and got traded to Oakland.

THEN THINGS JUST GOT STRAIGHT UP WEIRD. First, he froze-torched (look it up it’s a word) his toes almost clear off misusing a cryotherapy chamber. Not great, but ok. A dumb, dumb move but not a malicious or intentional act. However, what seems like mere moments later, the NFL decides his BELOVED helmet of choice (???!!) is now out of code and he has to get a new one. No biggie right? BIG WRONG MY FRIEND. See, AB can’t even imagine taking the field without this one particular helmet. So he sits out. During his first season with the team. Because of the helmet. And he obviously cannot practice not wearing one. Eventually he, the team, the NFL, I don’t know who else come to an agreement on a helmet he can use. All is forgiven. Except not.

Now, the thing is, the Raiders could not have cared less what means of head protection Brown used so these missed practices were not excused. So he was fined. Something to the tune of 50k. He’s making something like 18 mil a year I think, he can afford it right? EVEN BIGGER WRONG BUDDY OL’ PAL. At this point, AB posts on IG about the team “hating” on him and some other indiscernible shit. Who knows at this point.

Welp, I guess today Raiders’ GM Mike Mayock, noted drafted expert and very much not noted football exec, confronted AB about these posts and probably every other fucking stunt he’s pulled this offseason and they got into it. Gave each other the business if you will. Had at it. This exchange of pleasantries went so off the rails that the team is now SUSPENDING ANTONIO BROWN only six months after trading for him and before he plays a single regular season snap for them (in his new helmet). What a Goddam world. And as twitter said (I think Schefter said but no research as always) this thing is NOT over. We could honestly see Antonio Brown, top 5 receiver in the league, get traded again this year. Can you imagine that?! Even Keyshawn and Dickhead Who Shall Not Be Named weren’t so insufferable two teams shipped them in one year. But it could happen here.

This is just such a disaster of a situation. I can’t imagine who would even be takers in such a trade scenario. I guess the Raiders and AB will both hope this all just freezes over (LMFAO).

-Joey B.

PS: You know who has never been suspended from his own team for pure dickshiterry?  Josh Gordon.

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