Spin cycle activated. Yes, Brian Hoyer hype videos do indeed exist.

Now that Cam Newton is out for at least this game if not multiple games after testing positive for COVID, we get a peak at what the Patriots would have looked like had they never signed Cam in the first place since Hoyer was QB1 earlier this summer.

If that highlight video doesn’t make you feel any better, well let’s take a look at Hoyer’s career stats. Hoyer’s teams are 16-22 when he is the starter and he has a career 59.1 completion percentage, 7 yards per attempt career avg, 52 touchdowns and 32 picks, with an 82.5 career QBR.

Time to test the theory that Belichick can win with anybody under center, but this is his biggest test since Matt Cassel was taking snaps in 2008.

There’s also Jarrett Stidham on the bench, but if you believe what you hear on talk radio, which I take with a gigantic grain of salt, the team apparently buried him on the depth chart after he took a road trip to Texas for a wedding during the offseason. I always found that, if true, to be an over the top punishment, even for Belichick. But hey when the greatest quarterback of all time leaves town creating a wide open, glowing opportunity for you to become a starter in the NFL, you probably don’t want your boss to think you’re doing anything other than playing, practicing, studying, and dreaming about football.

With on again, off again Patriots QB Hoyer most likely getting the start tonight the Pats have gone from -7 point underdogs to -11, which would be the third largest spread in the league this week. So Vegas is not feeling it.

I think the Pats are probably going to get dusted tonight if we’re being honest. They were already big underdogs to begin with, now they’re starting their backup QB on the road, on short notice, and are straight up commuting to Kansas City on game day to play the defending Super Bowl champs.

Theres no moral victories in the NFL, but hey if you want a silver lining, maybeeee this helps the Patriots if they end up playing the Chiefs again in the playoffs since KC won’t have any game tape of Cam vs the Chiefs. I don’t want to come off like an In Belichick We Trust goon so I’m going to leave it at that, but hey you asked for a silver lining.

The real problem is what if Cam misses multiple games? The Patriots play the Broncos next week, who they should be able to beat without Newton and then thankfully Week 6 is their bye. So that would give Newton three weeks before hopefully returning for Week 7 vs the 49ers, who would presumably have Jimmy G back by then. But you never know, Eduardo Rodriguez came down with COVID and missed the rest of the season due to complications.

Also considering not a single other Patriots player tested positive, for a guy who is renting a place, who intentionally did not move his family to New England because it’s a “business trip,” and orders vegan takeout food rather than going out — how the hell did he even get coronavirus?

Despite Newton being the only Patriots player to test positive, the NFL was quick to launch a full scale investigation into the team for not properly following safety procedures. FOH, Goodell.

Welp, hopefully Newton, as we hope for anyone that has contracted COVID, recovers and is back to full strength quickly. Until then, enjoy the Brian Hoyer Experience.