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Reports: Red Sox Are a “Lock” to Land One of These Three Superstars

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WEEI – So, as the meetings kick off Monday, with Dombrowski offering his first update at approximately 5 p.m., such rumors as the ones involving Giancarlo Stanton shouldn’t be pushed aside. Sure, some are saying the Red Sox are all hot and heavy for the outfielder, while others suggest St. Louis and San Francisco are the favorites. No matter. Pay attention to every minute of it. As we found out with Sale a year ago, the end-game might not be found during the GM meetings, at least there will be a legitimate road to conversation. It is almost a lock-solid certainty that at least one of the top names in this offseason’s rumor mill — J.D. Martinez, Eric Hosmer, Giancarlo Stanton — will be holding a Red Sox press conference in December.

So Rob Bradford just reported that he believes the Red Sox are “a lock” to land one of these three guys: JD Martinez, Eric Hosmer, or Giancarlo Stanton. Now obviously Stanton is hands down the best player of the three, he also is the only one thats not a free agent so he would require a boat load of players and prospects to acquire. Not to mention the nearly $300 Million left on his deal. While I think he’s hedging a bit by including Stanton with the other two guys mentioned, all three are power hitters. Bradfo is pretty in the know so if he’s saying it you can bet the Red Sox have at least privately acknowledged their desperate need of a power bat. Now lets break down each player and see what the fit would be.

JD Martinez – Hit 45 Home Runs while batting .303 so he would definitely fill the power vacuum the Sox have, but he’s also reportedly looking for a $200 Million contract. I don’t know if Dave wants to give out yet another 9 figure contract. Especially for a guy thats only topped 23 HRs one other time before this year over the previous 6 seasons. Plus he’s an outfielder so he’d have to DH and slide Hanley back to first base, who all but refused to play the field last year, or the Sox would have to make room in the OF by dealing someone.

 

Eric Hosmer – There’s something to be said about a player that knows how to win and Hosmer fits that bill. He’s played in two World Series (and won one) over the past 4 seasons. And the WS the Royals lost went 7 games, so Hosmer has some serious experience in the pressure cooker that is October. And thats what the Sox need; a guy that isn’t going to crumble under the pressure of the playoffs, which about half of the current Red Sox roster has done the past 2 postseasons. Not quite the power stroke of Martinez, but he still hits 20-25 HRs a year and he also plays first base, which is where the Red Sox happen to have a vacancy. He’s also a stud defender, having won the Gold Glove four out of the last five years. Plus he dates resident NESN royalty Kacie McDonnell so that shores up my confidence argument.

 

Giancarlo Stanton – I don’t know much about Stanton the person, aside from the fact that before he was Giancarlo he used to go by Mike.

So he’s got that going for him. But I don’t need to remind anyone here that the guy can MASH. He’s up for NL MVP, which will be announced on Thursday night after hitting 59 HRs with 132 RBIs and an OPS of 1.007! The guy had a WAR of 7.6 for christ’s sake. I’m sure he’s a great dude too, but hitting 60 fucking home runs will make up for a lot of shortcomings elsewhere. Manny Ramirez was a complete dickhead most of his time here, but the guy was mashing 40/140 every year so nobody gave a shit. But I just can’t see the Red Sox pulling the trigger on a deal with the amount of players and prospects they’d have to give up before even mentioning the $295 Million left on his contract. Buster Olney said earlier today that even baseball execs are saying the asking price from Jeets is “out of touch with reality.”

The fact of the matter is the Red Sox finished dead fucking last in the American League in Home Runs. Dead. Last. Thats a sentence I never thought I’d type. I grew up watching guys like Mo Vaughn, Nomar, Manny, Ortiz, and all the other power hitters that have come through Fenway. The Sox have always mashed and more or less pissed on the idea of bunting and playing small ball. So to see such an anemic offense (OBP was top 5 though!) was shocking to see. However John Henry, Dave Dombrowski and the crew decide to do it, just bring me the power. Bring the bats and the rest will fall into place.

If I had to guess? I’m saying Eric Hosmer. Positional fit at first base, character guy, tons of playoff experience, provides some power, gold glove defense, and a (comparatively) reasonable contract.

Scientists Just Changed the Rules on Blood Pressure. Half of Americans Now Have High Blood Pressure

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Yahoo – New guidelines lower the threshold for high blood pressure, adding 30 million Americans to those who have the condition, which now plagues nearly half of U.S. adults. High pressure, which for decades has been a top reading of at least 140 or a bottom one of 90, drops to 130 over 80 in advice announced Monday by a dozen medical groups.

In the ultimate bait and switch, half of Americans now apparently have high blood pressure. Well, fuck. This is the definition of moving the goal posts. Americans are phenomenal at getting things done on deadline and finishing things just enough to be passable. Procrastination and doing the bare minimum. Thats what makes America great again.

So if you tell us for decades that our blood pressure needs to be X, then we (except for the morbidly obese) will get somewhere around that number. No ones trying to be an Olympic athlete and have even better BP for no damn reason. So when you scientists up and change the rules on us under the darkness of night, well then we’re all up shits creek.

Telling us that we’re now all suffering from high blood pressure seems like a great way to sell more high blood pressure medicine, but hey maybe thats just me being a big time conspiracy guy. Either way, my blood pressure levels are going to act as if its November 12th, 2017, right before this story broke, and not a day later.

“The change means an additional 14 percent of U.S. adults have the problem, but only 2 percent of these newly added people need medication right away; the rest should try healthier lifestyles, which get much stronger emphasis in the new advice. Poor diets, lack of exercise and other bad habits cause 90 percent of high blood pressure.”

Apparently the new norm is 120/80 vs the previous 140/90. Welp, despite my diet of GrubHub and binging episodes of Dexter somehow I’m at 121/83 so…sucks to be you guys. Good luck with getting your blood pressure under control before your heart explodes.

Martellus Bennett Does Not Care What You Think

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God, I love Marty.

The guy does not give a fuck about anything, but he still doesn’t say anything too inflammatory. Bill Belichick has always given his veterans a bit of rope to speak their mind, as long as they’re not giving the other team bulletin board material or embarrassing the team (i.e. Welker’s Rex Ryan foot jokes).

Marty feels like he got dogged out by the Packers, in particular the team doctors and the head coach for all but accusing him of quitting on the team once Aaron Rodgers went down. Now did he lose his edge once his HOF quarterback went down and he saw his hopes of another Super Bowl burn up? Yea probably, which is why he likely decided alright well I’ll just get the surgery rather than play through pain for a team that isn’t going anywhere. Not the best attitude, but its hard to totally blame the guy.

In Bennett’s own words, he only mentioned the word “retirement” so the Packers didn’t think he was going to just take the money and run while hanging out on IR. But things got heated between the two sides, Bennett got cut, and he then apparently put out the word to not claim him because he wouldn’t play for your team….unless your Bill Belichick.

“He said he told his agent to tell teams not to claim him, since he wanted to get surgery on an injured shoulder. And even after the Patriots did, he said it took a conversation with coach Bill Belichick to convince him. “When Bill called and said they claimed me, I was like, ‘No [bleeping] way,’” Bennett said, via Phill Perry of NBC Sports Boston. “Then he was like, ‘What’s going on?’ And I told him . . . We had a quick conversation and I was just like, ‘Let me think about it and I’ll call you back.’

Hey man, can’t blame Belichick if guys wanna play here. None of my business how they leave their previous team. If a guy is available the Patriots are going to kick the tires every single time. Plus there is no better motivation than sticking it to your last team, which is what the Pats have thrived on with their player personnel for years. And to the people saying “thats not right” and its unfair.

You know whats not right? Suspending the best quarterback in the league for 4 games and docking the Patriots a first round draft pick for fucking air pressure in a ball. Yes, I did somehow bring this back to Deflategate so you’re welcome.

After this whole fiasco and returning to the Patriots to make 3 catches for 38 yards on just 7 snaps, I’ll leave you with this, the latest A+ quote from Marty.

“Like I told the guys, ‘In order for the Phoenix to be reborn, he must first turn to ashes.’ ”

Chris Sale Working Out With Red Sox Top Prospect Jason Groome is Pure Porn

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There is nobody I would rather see the Red Sox top prospect working out with more than our absolutely psychotic, alpha dog ace, Chris Sale. You look at Sale and don’t necessarily see a guy thats shredded, but you gotta be strong as hell to pitch like he does (17-8 2.9o ERA) and to get that gigantic lanky 6’6″ frame following perfect mechanics. Definitely not a bad idea to pair that guy with the Red Sox’ 2016 1st round pick (12th overall) for a little offseason workout.

Just in case you need a refresher on who Jason Groome is, he’s the top pitching prospect in the Sox farm system. Here’s the scouting report on him from SoxProspects.com

“Has the potential to develop into one of the top pitching prospects in baseball. Projects as a solid number two or high-end number three starter. Has the ceiling of a top of the rotation starter. Has the build of a workhorse starting pitcher and clean, repeatable mechanics to be able to sustain 200 plus innings a year. Early makings of a three-pitch mix with fastball and curveball both projecting to be at least plus offerings. Could stand to add a cutter to give hitters another look when he reaches the high minors.”

Earlier this year, MLB.com’s Jonathan Mayo ranked Groome as the second best left handed pitching prospect in all of baseball, adding this:

“He still has perhaps the best combination of stuff, upside and command of any arm in his class.”

So, yea definitely a guy we want to follow closely and surround with the right influences. It would seem Beyond Motivation is a place that Sale has been working out at for at least a couple of years, so its not just bullshit P90X or some sketchy program in the Dominican that he’s been following.

And thats what makes Chris Sale the leader in this Red Sox clubhouse, bringing along the young guys even if they’re still only in A ball. Teaching them how to be do the little things to be one of the best in baseball and not how to bitch about the media and be a malcontent.

Brock Osweiler May Have Killed a Guy Last Night With This Errant Throw

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I was watching the Patriots smother Brock Osweiler all night, but when I saw that blue hat FLY up into the air after this throw I had to rewind it. When I realized it was some poor shmuck getting smoked right in the head I had to watch it about 5 more times and cackle like a maniac each time. There’s really only one way to sum this up.

This will suffice as well.

It May Be Time to Give Up On My Dream of Seeing Johnny Manziel Back in the NFL

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I am a huge Johnny Manziel guy, but even I’m starting to think this may be the end of the line after seeing these TMZ pics of him hanging in Hawaii with his GF. Not getting signed to a CFL team? Sure that one stung, but this is worse. Looking more like a 24-year-old Dad Bod than a former Heisman winner on the NFL comeback trail 24-year-old.

But if you can still pull tail like this

then his game clearly isn’t hurting. So I don’tttt think playing football matters all that much. If you’re already pulling 10’s, then maybe the constant media scrutiny and guaranteed CTE isn’t even worth it.

But, as another season passes we’re reminded that Father Time is undefeated. As is guzzling Bud heavies and sitting on the beach with your girlfriend. But hey, Eli Manning has the best Dad Bod in the NFL and that guy has two Super Bowl rings so anything is possible right?

If he can get it together though, I do know of a certain football team in need of a new young, developmental backup quarterback…

Pedialyte Just Changed the Game with Hangover Freeze Pops

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Pedialyte just changed. the. game. I had friends in college who would swear by Pedialyte as the drink of choice for a hangover, but I never dabbled myself. Just never felt the urge to walk down the aisles in the grocery store and feel those eyes on me. That shame. When you’re buying Pedialyte people know either you have a kid who needs his electrolytes or you got black out drunk last night and need a fix. Well Pedialyte just went and flipped the game on its head with these Hangover Freeze Pops.

Huge freeze pop guy. In fact I once ate a whole box of them with a friend when we were like 12. Juvenile diabetes like you read about. But you can bet your ass I’ll be buying a box of these (hopefully) hangover curing freeze pops. It would seem like Pedialyte is in the midst of a re-brand too, targeting 20 something degenerates like myself. Seriously, check out some of their other recent tweets.

GET IT PEDIALYTE! YOU PARTY ANIMAL!

Do you enjoy getting shithoused watching your favorite football team? Pedialyte’s there for your irresponsible ass.

Tryna get day drunk? Lets get after it.

Long night of vodka and drinking out of dick shaped straws? Pedialyte it is.

I am all about this new look Pedialyte. I no longer will be shamed using a kid’s medicine for debaucherous purposes. Crack open a couple freeze pops and fire up the Netflix.

#RushHourRap – YEEZUS

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Get fired up this morning with Kanye at his most Kanye. Yeezus, as most of Kanye’s albums, was looked at as pretty “out there” by most when it dropped in 2013, but now people look back and say that album was ahead of its time. Same thing happened with 808s & Heartbreak when Kanye basically brought autotune into the mainstream before anyone else. But thats why I love Kanye. He’s the definition of an artist. He’s an absolute fucking maniac, he’s always trying new shit, and he’s usually ahead of the curve with his sound. Yeezus still absolutely bangs.

Not to mention, I saw Kanye on the Yeezus tour in Boston and that concert was completely mental. Who needs Broadway when you get a show like this every couple of years?

Eminem Just Teased His Upcoming Album With a Fake Medicine Prescription Website

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I was just passively scrolling through my Twitter feed when I saw this tweeted out by Em:

At first I thought maybe it was an album cover preview as the guy has a penchant for rX artwork (Relapse, Recovery etc.). Notice the backwards E too.

Then I went to the website and was like oh wait its some kind of medicine. Then I started actually reading through some of the stuff on the website and doing my research. REVIVAL treats Atrox Rithimus, which is not a real disease, and is actually rumored to be the title of his new album so we are in BUSINESS. Looks like “Walk on Water” will likely be the first single off the new album.

Em is back and just as weird as ever. The man has an eye for the details too. Call that number on the Revival website and you get this recorded message with “I Need a Doctor” playing on the piano in the background.

Not to mention all the little references sprinkled throughout the Revival website.

Plus another reference to his 2011 collab with Dr. Dre and Skylar Grey.

And of course the sneaky tagline hidden at the bottom

Popsomp Hills (“pop some pills”) was the fake rehab center that Em used to market Relapse with a viral campaign in 2009. Impressive.

So we’ve been hearing a “November” release date being mentioned for when the new album would drop, but no real concrete details have emerged. Most artists have seemed to all but nuked the pre-announced release date after years of albums leaking before they’re supposed to launch. Apparently he’s going to be doing a huge performance at the MTV EMAs to kick everything off.

‘Revival’, as the record is rumoured to be titled, will get a ‘massive’ airing at London’s SSE Wembley Arena as part of the annual MTV celebration, taking place this year on November 12. The Sun report that Marshall Mathers’ ninth studio LP will be ‘dropped’ at the event. “This is Eminem fully relaunching his career after a few years out and gathering his thoughts. It will be a massive performance,” says the tabloid’s source.”

Sign me the fuck up. We are just a few short days away from some fresh new Marshall Mathers kicking around in my ear drums.

New Patriots Lineman Ricky Jean-Francois Already Owns 30 Dunkin Donuts Locations

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CBS Sports – “Will Ricky Jean-Francois show up to his first practice at Gillette Stadium with donuts and coffee? After all, the 30-year-old defensive lineman reportedly signed by the New England Patriots on Tuesday owns more than two dozen Dunkin’ Donuts franchises….Jean-Francois met with Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Nigel Travis before taking on his first store in Savannah, Georgia. He told FOX Sports Radio in September that he’s up to 30 stores. His goal is to operate 50 Dunkin’ Donuts before he retires, according to Packers.com.”

Here’s a guy that just gets it. These dudes are making millions of dollars to play a kids game, but most of them don’t realize they probably aren’t going to have a 15+ year career like my guy Tom Brady. You how long the average NFL careers actually is? According to the NFLPA its 3.3 years. The NFL says its closer to 6, but either way thats not very long. Most guys seem to forget that, which is why so many of them go broke and end up on 30 for 30 documentaries.

So rather than balling out and living like a maniac for 5 years, lets be pragmatic and buy up some Dunkies franchises. Diversify yo bonds. Now if Ricky takes a bad hit and his playing career is over he can always fall back on going to those annual D&D franchisee meetings in like Cedar Rapids and just run his coffee empire.

I know next to nothing about this guy, but he already seems like a smart dude and those are the types of players that always seem to thrive on Bill Belichick coached teams. Time to make the donuts indeed.