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Patriots Get Beat Down by Chiefs 42-27 in Season Opener. Highlights, Lowlights, and All the Rest

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In a game that had the fans frothing at the mouth, ready to pounce on the Chiefs, their fans and most of all Roger Goodell, the Patriots couldn’t get the job done and dropped their season opener 42-27. Second year Chiefs receiver Tyreek Hill was an absolute monster as was rookie RB Kareem Hunt who had his way with the Pats defense. The Patriots looked excelling out of the gate, scoring less than 3 minutes into the game. But an failed 4th down conversion on their next drive swung momentum, followed by an overturned Gronk touchdown, some key injuries to the Patriots, and then huge plays down the stretch by the KC skill players and all of that was enough to wipe out the 19-0 dream before I even had my first Shipyard pumpkin beer of the season. On to the highlights, the lowlights, and all the rest.

Highlights

Obviously dropping the 5th Super Bowl champs banner at Gillette was a glorious thing to see, albeit awkwardly brief and to the soundtrack of House of Pain, but despite a shitty loss ya can’t take that banner away.

Brandin Cooks looks to come as advertised, fast as all hell and he is going to be a problem for defenses all year. This guy is going to get legitimately 100 hundred PI calls this season.

Robert Kraft unveiling and rocking his own damn shoe, the RKK Air Force 1.

#OperationClownface and Portnoy dropping F-bombs right in Felger’s face on live TV.

James White absolutely manhandling a Chiefs defender with one hand.

What may be the GOAT picture of Bill Belichick. Fire up the t-shirt machine!

Lowlights

Giving up 300+ yards and 4 touchdowns to THIS fucking guy.

Alex Smith is only the second QB to EVER throw for 300+ yards and 4 TDs on a Belichick defense with the only other being Drew Brees in 2009. That game was also an absolute beatdown in New Orleans that I remember clear as day watching from my college newspaper editors meeting.

The Danny Amendola head injury was devastating because Malcolm Mitchell was put on IR just hours before the game so the Pats were down to just 3 wide receivers in their first game; Brandon Cooks, Chris Hogan, and Philip Dorsett. Amendola is nails, but he needs to be managed because he does get hurt a lot. So naturally the Patriots ran him into the ground, return punts, and take absolute buddy passes over the middle from Brady. Huge loss as he put up a sneaky line of 6 catches for 100 yards before exiting the game. Hopefully he’s not out long because this team needs him right now.

The Dont’a Hightower injury could legitimately wreck the season for a team already dangerously thing in the front seven. Hightower got rolled up on by a lineman in the 3rd quarter and missed the rest of the game. He went into the medical tent and could later be seen riding the stationary bike with a hot pack on his knee, which I don’t know what to make of, but certainly looked like an MCL injury. If he is out for an extended period of time then the defense is really in trouble. Update: PFT is reporting its just a “minor” MCL sprain.

The Pats newest addition to the defense Cassius Marsh got a crash course in how to not cover a runningback out of the backfield as he got smoked for a 74-yard TD reception by Kareem Hunt. To be fair, Marsh was more of a defensive end than a coverage linebacker during his time in Seattle, but still not a great look. Especially not when you have your whole face painted like a goddamn juggalo.

“You want to act like a clown then I’ll treat you like a clown!”

The one thing that does concern me is with Julian Edelman out for the season and a brand new shiny toy in burner Brandon Cooks is that I hope Brady doesn’t try and force too many deep balls each game. Thats exactly what the Patriots were doing in the 4th quarter last night. Obviously they needed two scores to win the game at that point, but just forcing seam routes is never a great option. Gave me cold sweats as it was reminiscent of the end of Super Bowl XLII when Brady was just hucking 40 yard bombs in vain to Randy Moss.

Marcus Cannon getting smoked by Justin Houston was like seeing an old high school friend after years. Not exactly a great thing to see, but its exactly how you remember it.

Rob Gronkowski was getting flanked by one of the best safeties in the league last night in Eric Berry (who may have unfortunately torn his achilles), but as the best TE in the league you gotta make something happen. I thought he did just that on his would be TD catch, but the refs disagreed and overturned the call saying it touched the turf. Huge break for the Chiefs that helped turn the momentum of the game.

Kicking a FG on 4th and inches. Especially after going for it on 4th and 1 earlier (and failing). It was very un-Patriots like, but maybe Bill just knew he wasn’t going to get through that D-line last night as they later got stuffed on another 4th down conversion attempt.

Kareem Hunt setting the goddamn record for most yards from scrimmage for a rookie in his first game. After fumbling on his first career carry, the Spencer Ware backup exploded for 148 yards rushing and 1 TD on the ground with 5 catches for 98 yards and another 2 TDs. Savvy fantasy owners everywhere rejoice.

How about Marky Mark being unable to not promote something for 5 fucking minutes? Wahlberg was wearing some branded t-shirt that just seemed so cheesy. My man, just throw on a TB12 jersey for me one time.

Little bit of both

Mike Gillislee looked great, rushing for 3 touchdowns, but it was definitely disappointing to see him get stuffed on 4th and short on two separate occasions. For our goal line guy, you gotta have those.

It looked like the Patriots weren’t exactly dying to have Tom Brady smash his head into a wall in Week 1 as they decided against the QB sneak on 4th and inches. Instead electing to go with Gillislee again, who got stuffed. Very odd to see because Brady is essentially automatic from that spot.

The Pats special teams unit frustratingly (and hilariously) refusing to not absolutely smoke the Chiefs punter. Thankfully it was a long 4th down conversion as the Pats ran into the kicker on two consecutive plays to earn a 5 yard penalty each time. Almost seemed intentional, maybe they just don’t like the guy.

Now I gotta listen to shit like this all over again.

No, no he’s not. Lets give him more than one game with a new offensive scheme and see how things go. Brady was far from great last night going 16/36 for 267 yards with 0 TD’s, but if anything I’m putting this L on the defense.

So whats the silver lining?

Its one bad game. This same exact thing happened two years ago against the same exact team and everyone was more than happy to dance on the Patriots graves.

Then what happened? The Pats came back and anihilated the Bengals and then went on to win the Super Bowl. So lets all pump the breaks. Bad games aren’t concerning. Trends are concerning. So if they get trounced next week by the Saints, then we can talk.

 

The Celtics Just Back Doored Their Way into an NBA2K Cover

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One of the funnier things to come out of the Kyrie -Isaiah trade is the fact that NBA2K18 was locked, cocked and ready to go with Kyrie on the cover…in his Cavs jersey.

A little bit of an issue to say the least with Kyrie now on the Boston Celtics and with the game set to drop on Sept. 19th. So not exactly a ton of time to stop the presses.

The latest 2K tweet says the new Celtics Kyrie cover is “to be released at a later date.” So does that mean I’m gonna have to print it out and slip it into the PS4 game sleeve like I used to do printing out Nomar Garciaparra covers for MVP Baseball?

Welp either way the Celtics just back doored their way into a major video game cover. This marks the 3rd video game cover for a Boston athlete in the last 12 months (Gronk Madden 17, Brady Madden 18). The last one I can recall before that was Patrice Bergeron on NHL 15. Sure, Mookie Betts was on the cover of RBI Baseball 16, but thats a garbage game so that doesn’t count.

Shout Out to Vince Wilfork for Skipping his Gillette Tailgate BBQ to Help Hurricane Harvey Victims in Houston

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247 Sports – Vince Wilfork will not be in New England for his retirement tailgate. The former Patriots nose tackled retired from the NFL earlier this offseason and in his announcement teased a big tailgate party in the Gillette Stadium parking lot as he partnered up with Kingsford to send off his career in the league. However, Wilfork announced on social media that he’ll no longer be in the region for the tailgate or the opener as he’s elected to stay in Houston to help those impacted by Hurricane Harvey. “It’s one of those things when Mother Nature calls, it calls,” he said in a video expressing his desire to help.

I was so damn excited for Vince Wilfork’s retirement BBQ tailgate party. It looked like it was gonna be a blast with the big man grilling and smoking meats with the best of em before the Pats start their Super Bowl defense.

But in true Big Vince fashion, Wilfork knew he could do more good by helping out down in Texas after that sonofabitch Harvey did its best to smash Houston.

So good for Wilfork realizing whats really important and doing what he can to help out in the only other city he’s ever known as an NFL player.

Do your thing Vince, but please we gotta see a tailgate BBQ later this season. Need to see those overalls in Foxborough.

The Patriots are Back Tonight to Light the Biggest Fire the North Has Ever Seen

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LETS GOOO. LETS GOOO. Your Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots are back tonight after 7 months without football. Tonight they’re gonna light the biggest fire the north has ever seen.

The last time we saw this team they were lifting the Lombardi Trophy after completing the greatest comeback in NFL history and giving Roger Goodell and the league a gigantic middle finger. As Robert Kraft once said, this one is unequivocally the sweetest.

The Pats had to literally redesign the goddamn stadium to make room for Super Bowl Champs banner No. 5. That is preposterous and tonight we get to see Tom Brady and the boys drop another banner on the rest of the NFL.

It sucks that we lost Julian Edelman for the year with a knee injury, but this team is still stacked. We’ve got Gronk back, added Brandon Cooks, and brought in Rex Burkhead and Mike Gillislee. Another year in the system for Chris Hogan and Malcolm Mitchell. Dion Lewis, Danny Amendola, Dont’a Hightower, Malcolm Butler, Devin McCourty, Stephon Gilmore, GET OFF THE TRACKS BECAUSE THE TRAIN IS LEAVING THE STATION.

We’re on to Minneaposix. See ya in February.

The Patriots Just Teased the RKK Air Force 1 and I am Giddy

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Name another professional sports team owner that has his own shoe. Don’t worry I’ll wait. What an absolute boss Robert Kraft is. We always knew he was a sneaker guy as he was usually seen rocking some fresh kicks with his suits, but I didn’t know the full extent of it until he did this piece with Complex last year.

Now I can only imagine the gems RKK has planned for this year. Air Force 1’s that “commemorate Super Bowl LI.” May have to just blow off work tomorrow and hop in my car so I can jet down to Patriot Place and grab a pair.

Something I Didn’t Expect to Write Back in 2013; It Must Suck to Be Doc Rivers Right Now

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This is not something I expected to write back in 2013. We all knew it was time for the Celtics to break up the band when they did, but I’ll never forget drinking a $3 PBR at White Horse as I somberly watched the ESPN news of the trade light up the flat screens around the bar. I knew it was time, but it still sucked to see the best Celtics team of my lifetime finally break up.

Back in 2013 the Celtics were at the end of an era and it was clear. The Big 3 of Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen had dominated from their first tipoff together, starting the 2007-08 season by going 27-2 on the way to an NBA Championship. They were always in the hunt for a title over the course of the next 5 seasons and were a ton of fun to watch as they morphed from the dominant top dog into the aging, wily veterans making one last stand.

Once that all came to an end though, Doc Rivers, who infamously said how he wanted to be a part of the Celtics rebuild, almost immediately changed his mind on being part of said rebuild. With 3 years and $21 million left on Doc’s contract he wanted out. So Danny Ainge made a deal with the Clippers to send Doc out west and got a first round pick in exchange.

Shitty move by Doc, but I don’t hold some massive grudge over it like a lot of fans still do. Doc wanted to leave for greener pastures (and more power) in LA so why pay a coach $7 million dollars a year on a lottery bound team? Doesn’t make sense.

Back then though the Clippers were the place to be with young studs like Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan and Chris Paul to bring it all together. They looked like a team poised to do big things while the Celtics looked to be on the brink of a long, slow, and painful rebuild. Except four years later the Celtics are the reigning No. 1 seed in the Eastern Conference with have the best young coach in the league in Brad Stevens, having recently added three All-Stars (Hayward, Horford, Irving), and picked up a couple of lottery picks to boot in Jaylen Brown and Jayson Tatum.

Meanwhile the Clippers are legitimately falling apart. Doc has been stripped of his role as President of Basketball Operations and is back to just writing “Coach” on his LinkedIn profile. Chris Paul is gone. DeAndre Jordan is suddenly 29 and Blake Griffin is now a 28 year old on bad knees who is aging in dog years.

Ask any executive in the NBA and I would bet the house that I don’t own that every single one of them would rather be the Celtics right now. Who the hell would have guessed that would be the case just 4 years ago? That would have been absurd to suggest, yet here we are.

The best part? The Celtics aren’t done. They still have a potential top 5 pick again next year with the Lakers pick and are only going to get better with Kyrie and Hayward on the team with the young guys continuing to develop.

I wonder if Doc looks back and says, welp I really fucked that one up. Not something I thought I would write just 4 years later from that Allston barstool.

Las Vegas Boldly Predicts the 2007 Patriots Would Beat the 2017 Patriots Head to Head

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ESPN – The 2017 New England Patriots are the overwhelming favorites across Las Vegas to repeat as Super Bowl champions, but are they better in bookmakers’ eyes than the 2007 team? ESPN spoke with seven Vegas bookmakers and asked them to make a line in a hypothetical matchup between the two teams. Six of the seven had the ’07 team favored, with lines ranging from “a small favorite” (William Hill US) to 11 points (Frank Kunovic at Caesars).

Well, no shit. The 2007 Patriots went 16-0…and then I don’t really remember the rest…but they legit didn’t lose a single game in the regular season, routinely BLOWING teams out, all while setting multiple offensive records along the way. That squad vs the 2017 team that hasn’t even played a single game together? I mean who would you take? Not to mention we have players dropping like flies and our front-7 is starting to resemble swiss cheese.

But this is exactly why video games exist. Just putting old school juggernauts against the latest and greatest. NBA2K is awesome for that exact reason. Putting Larry Bird and the Celtics against Steph Curry and the 2018 Warriors. Or playing the Shaq and Kobe Lakers against Bill Russell. I don’t know if this year’s Madden has Classic Teams like it used to, but if it does, this 2007 Pats vs 2017 Pats matchup *needs* to happen. Not only that, it needs to be played out in traditional, painstakingly full 15-minute quarters. If thats still an option then that will be my cross to bear.

Imagine Malcom Butler trying to shut down 2007 Randy Moss who had 23 touchdowns that year? Or 2017 Tom Brady trying to rifle in some slants through that forest of Tedy Bruschi, Junior Seau, Vince Wilfork et al? Now that would be a goddamn game and that is why Twitch is a billion dollar business.

WFAN Host Craig Carton Arrested by the FBI for Fake Ticket Broker Scheme

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NY Daily News – FBI agents arrested sports radio host Craig Carton early Wednesday at his Manhattan home, officials said. Carton, one half of WFAN’s “Boomer and Carton Show,” was arrested on investment fraud-related charges, the FBI confirmed. WPIX reported he’d been arrested for involvement in a $2 million fake tickets scam.

WOW. When I heard on the radio this morning that Craig Carton had gotten arrested, I figured it was for like a DUI or something. Nope, the fucking FBI came to Carton’s door in the middle of the night and arrested the WFAN talk show host for allegedly running a multi-million dollar fake ticket broker operation.

Carton, allegedly, was taking investors money for a company that promised to sell blocks of tickets to games and events…except there were no tickets. So I don’t really know what the long term play was here. Doesn’t seem like Craig really thought this one out. Reminds me of the Underpants Gnomes from South Park.

Step 1: Take money from investors.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit

For anyone that isn’t a sports radio junkie, Boomer and Carton are basically the Felger and Mazz of NYC. So obviously a very successful show, both probably making oodles of money. And this fucking dummy figures thats not enough so let me set up a ponzi scheme and swindle people out of millions of dollars. This isn’t like neglecting to tell the cashier that you actually got bacon on your sandwich to save a couple bucks, this is defrauding people out of yuuge sums of money.

So this guy is fucked. Good luck getting another job in New York, let alone getting on the radio again. But what this does do is open the gates wide for the next star of sports talk radio…Chris Christie. Make it happen WFAN, sack up. Your loudmouth fans need this. I need this. It would be like a modern day Ronald Reagan, except in reverse. A popular politician leaving it all to go to Hollywood (i.e. glamorous talk radio).

Red Sox Admit to Stealing Signs Against the Yankees Using an Apple Watch

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NY Times – For decades, spying on another team has been as much a part of the gamesmanship of baseball as brushback pitches and hard slides. The Red Sox have apparently added a modern — and illicit — twist: They used an Apple Watch to gain an advantage against the Yankees and other teams..The commissioner’s office then confronted the Red Sox, who admitted that their trainers had received signals from video replay personnel and then relayed that information to some players — an operation that had been in place for at least several weeks.

Oh for christ’s sake. Steve Jobs would be rolling over in his goddamn grave. Now for the record I do not think stealing signs in baseball is a big deal, I believe every team is doing it in some form or another. But leave it to the Red Sox to get caught up in another big embarrassing storyline to make the whole organization look bad.

As retarded as this whole scenario is, I do respect the Red Sox for just getting petty with it.

“The Red Sox responded in kind on Tuesday, filing a complaint against the Yankees, claiming that the team uses a camera from its television network, YES, exclusively to steal signs during games.”

Basically responding to the allegations by saying “well, yea..but fuck you” and filing a complaint of their own.

Also, I want to call bullshit on John Farrell not being aware of this whole thing, but the guy is a goddamn space case so I actually don’t doubt it. Not exactly a players manager either so I doubt Pedroia, the guy who threw his whole team under the bus with the Manny Machado incident, is casually chatting with Manager John over stuff like this.

I did hear Curt Schilling on WEEI this morning though and when asked about the situation he said you’re a moron if you think this isn’t going on everywhere. Basically said it happened in every game of his career, on both sides, all the way from A-ball to the major leagues.

“I never looked at it as cheating. I looked at it as I throw harder than you and if I catch you I’ll hurt you way worse than you can hurt me.”

According to Schilling the Yankees are far from innocent of doing this shit too.

“Alex [Rodriguez] used to do it in New York at second base. And he wasn’t good at it.”

Fucking A-Rod man. Guy can’t even steal signs without getting made fun of by his peers. In full transparency though, Schilling said his teams did the same thing.

“Game 6 of the 2001 World Series (Yankees lost 16-2) we knew every single pitch Andy Pettitte threw.”

It’s just part of the game. But, this is just what we need in Boston, another cheating scandal. Sure, every rational person will say eh its just stealing signs, legitimately every other team does it in some form or another. But fans aren’t rational. Most fans, especially dickhead New Yorkers, will tie it all neatly together with Spygate and just make me want to put a bullet in my brain as I’ll now have to debate this incident for the rest of my life too.

This team is fucked anyways, steal as many signs as you want. Won’t help Rick Porcello not serve up batting practice to last place teams.

Jets Are Now 1,000-1 Odds to Win the Super Bowl; the Worst Odds Ever

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1,000-1. Those are the Jets odds of winning the Super Bowl. The same odds as the Warriors NOT making the playoffs. Insane. Just for comparisons sake, the Patriots odds to win the Super Bowl are currently 11/4. Just slightly better.

I guess if you’re a Jets fan, the one saving grace is that this year they are intentionally bad. Sure if they had really tried they still wouldn’t have been great, but by getting rid of Brandon Marshall, Eric Decker, Sheldon Richardson and other players they have basically punted on the season. And as painful as this season will be for those dummies in green, its a smart play long term. Especially with a pretty solid looking crop of top QB prospects this year. UCLA’s Josh Rosen looked like a goddamn stud this weekend.

But it is the Jets, so odds are they luck into like 3-4 wins and lose out on a franchise QB. It really is amazing to have witnessed three peaks and valleys in the Jets franchise all while the Patriots have remained consistently dominant the entire time. Think about it. We’ve witnessed the rise (and fall) of Eric Mangini, the Rex Ryan era featuring the roughly 3 year reign of Bart Scott and the mouthy assholes, and most recently the moderately successful 1-year reign of Todd Bowles and Ryan Fitzpatrick before falling back to earth and saying screw it lets be REALLY bad.

All sandwiched between a mere 5 Patriots Super Bowl victories. What a goddamn shadow over the New York Jets of New Jersey.