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Celtics Defy All My Expectations And Land the No. 1 Overall Pick. What’s Next?

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In a stunning turn of events last night, the Celtics did NOT get hosed by the ping pong balls in the NBA Draft Lottery. More than 12 hours later and I am still shocked.

I was biting a towel, I was ready for it, I was fully expecting the C’s to get porked last night. We even had that smiling bastard Magic Johnson up there threatening to steal our shine.

I just want to take a quick second to once again thank the Brooklyn Nets for what may go down as the worst/best trade in the history of sports. Hershel Walker, please sit down.

I mean the number of times the C’s have taken a beating by the ping pong balls is insane. This team has never won the draft lottery. Ever. Now obviously having 17 championships doesn’t routinely put you in pole position to win the No. 1 overall pick. But even when they’ve been up there hoping against hope, they typically get fucked. Lets just run through the past few years real quick.

  • 2014: Best odds at No. 5 overall. C’s dropped to No. 6 and took Marcus Smart
  • 2007: The Oden/Durant draft that would make or break two franchises. Best odds at No. 2 overall. C’s dropped to No. 5 somehow and draft Jeff Green. Green then got shipped out in the Ray Allen trade.
  • You can go through the whole history of the Celtic’s lottery results here, but the only time the C’s EVER improved their position was 1986, when they had the best odds at No. 5 and ended up at No. 2 where they took Len Bias. Who, ya know, died 2 days later. So, not a great example.

Now we turn our attention to the beautiful and shiny words “Number One Overall Pick.” By most accounts Markelle Fultz is the guy to take here.

Unless of course Danny wants to wet his beak in the Big Baller Brand and take Lavar (I mean Lonzo) Ball.

Everyone after that is too much of a project to reach for at No. 1. I don’t give a shit that the Celtics have 11 guards on their roster, don’t mess around, take the best player. And as previously mentioned, me and Markelle are already best friends and he’s looking forward to wearing green, so just make it official Danny.

Or the C’s could trade the pick. I don’t know about you, but now that its officially the No. 1 pick I’m a little more hesitant to deal it unless you are getting an absolute stud. I love Jimmy Butler, but 2 years of Butler for 10 years of a potential stud like Fultz? Eh. Paul George? Not for the 1 year he has left on his contract. By all accounts George wants to be a Laker, so I don’t see this happening.

I heard Toucher and Rich this morning throw out Anthony Davis, who I would trade legitimately everyone on the roster to get. I don’t know why The Brow always gets thrown out in trade rumors. I legitimately believe he is going to be the best player in the NBA sooner than later and teams don’t just give those guys away.

The move here is to draft Fultz and let Brad Stevens figure it out. Him and Isaiah would be a dynamite 1-2 scoring punch. Team them up with Horford, Crowder, Jaylen Brown, Marcus Smart and Avery Bradley (assuming no one gets traded) and thats a pretty goddamn good team. Or maybe the C’s deal one of their guards like Bradley and bring in a guy like Gordon Hayward.

Either way, I think you keep the pick and continue to build. If you can swing a max guy like Hayward then that only accelerates things. What I don’t wanna see is perennial all-star Markelle Fultz playing for someone else while we bemoan the fact we sold that guy for 2 years of some to-be-named rental.

The C’s have traded a couple of lottery picks over the years that look bad. (No, not Jeff Green because he sucks.) The fact that the C’s traded Chauncey Billups and Joe Johnson, who were drafted 4 years apart, instead of building with a core of Billups, Johnson and Pierce, is nuts. Thats a pretty solid team right there. Throw in Antoine Walker with that core? Kobe and Shaq woulda had no rings and maybe Toine wouldn’t be broke playing ball in Puerto Rico.

PS – I can’t help but dance on the graves of the fallen.

Now THAT Was a Game 7

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What. A. Game.

Now that was a goddamn Game 7. That my friends is what we in the business call an emotional roller coaster. Isaiah doing Isaiah things, Marcus Smart coming back from the dead to hit a couple 3’s and play his usual ferocious defense, and of course Kelly “Maple Jordan” Olynyk.

Seriously, holy shit, the awkward Canadian 7 footer just carried the Celtics to the Eastern Conference Finals with 26 points off the bench in Game 7. The guy was all awkward euro steps and scoop shots while consistently draining the 3 ball all night.

I have to admit I have given Olynyk my fair share of shit this season so I did not see this coming. I don’t think anyone did. Danny Ainge hoped for it, if only to get a 1-day reprieve of people reminding him he drafted Oynyk over this guy:

Giannis Antetokounmpo. The Greek Freak. But I digress.

Celtics were up, they were down, leading by double digits late in the fourth, only to see the Wizards claw back on the shoulders of Bradley Beal. Seriously Beal is an absolute baller who was putting the fear of God in me down the stretch. That guy can hit from just about anywhere. No thanks to John Wall, who seemingly used up all his turbo power in Game 6 because he ate a dick down the stretch shooting 0-11 over the final 19 minutes.

I laughed.

I cried

I nearly smashed my TV.

But thats what great teams do, they fall down and then they pick themselves back up.

And not to mention WE GET THE NBA DRAFT LOTTERY TONIGHT (Thank you Brooklyn). I feel like a kid with one Jewish parent and one Catholic parent and I get to celebrate BOTH Hanukkah AND Christmas. The best of both worlds. On back to back nights. Unless the Celtics get fisted by the ping pong balls again. Hell, even Markelle Fultz wants it to happen.

See you Wednesday night, Bron Bron.

Derek Jeter Just Crushed His Nephew’s Dreams

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So Jeter’s little nephew Jalen, who is internet famous for adorably tipping his cap at Jeter’s last game, asked Uncle Derek if he could wear his No. 2 when he plays for the Yankees one day. And Jeter shut that shit down REAL quick.

I think Derek probably has to work on the little kid communication a bit since he’s got one on the way. I give Jeets props for not lying to the kid but a hard NOPE in his face, probably isn’t the best way to handle that question. But hey, alpha males gotta let everyone know what belongs to them right off the bat so no one challenges them. Little kids are no exception. #Re2pect

PS – I didn’t want to include this but I had to. Any time there is a directly relevant Simpsons clip, my hands are tied. The internet gods would strike me down if I didn’t post it.

Tim Tebow About to Get Promoted by the Mets?

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Yahoo – Tebow has gotten fairly hot lately down in the Sally League of late. Overall, he’s hitting .250/.330/.370 with two homers and 11 RBIs in 28 games for Columbia, but in his past 16 games he has an .849 OPS. It has the Mets thinking: According to a club source, there has been discussion about moving the former Heisman Trophy winner to a higher level within the minors, but such a jump likely won’t occur until after the All-Star Game in midseason. The next level up from where Tebow is now would be St. Lucie, which is high-A, but I bet if they promote him they’d send him to Double-A Binghamton. Partially to get him closer to New York geographically, but partially as a sink-or-swim proposition.

CHOO CHOO! GET OFF THE TRACKS! TEBOW IS COMING TO DOUBLE A!

At least, according to sources, the Mets are considering giving Timmy a promotion after a recent hot streak has him slapping the ball all over the yard. Is he “technically” only batting .250 in Single A ball? Sure. But maybe getting him up to Double A will really get the competitive juices flowing. Throw in a couple miracle walk off type plays and he’s a Met before you know it.

You know ESPN is already aroused at the thought of Tebow playing professional baseball in the Northeast. They’re gonna really wish they didn’t axe all those reporters when they need someone on Tebow’s lawn day and night this summer.

Tom Brady to Grace the Cover of Madden 2018 at 40 Years Old

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Alright now…how to react to this news?

A younger version of myself would freak out at the prospect of my franchise quarterback appearing on the cover of Madden because dudes used to routinely get injured after landing the cover. But TB12 put that to rest real quick with a few simple demonstrations.

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FTomBrady%2Fvideos%2F1560009470706864%2F&show_text=0&width=560

Smashed mirror? No problem? Walk under a ladder? Get that shit out of my face.

Lets get scientific about it though and break it down year by year, going back an arbitrary number of years because Madden 03 was the first Madden I actually had. On the PC no less. You ever try running go routes on a 12 inch computer screen? Holy hell, but I digress. Onto the list, with some help from Digital Trends.

  • 2003: Marshall Faulk has one of his worst years ever and its the beginning of the end of his career.
    • CURSE: In full effect
  • 2004: Michael Vick fractures his fibula and misses the first 11 games of the season
    • CURSE: 100%
  • 2005: Ray Lewis has a down year, but nothing curse worthy…he did tear his hamstring the following year though.
    • CURSE: Meh
  • 2006: Donovan McNabb was plagued by a groin injury before tearing his ACL later in the year.
    • CURSE: You bet
  • 2007: Shaun Alexander broke his foot in Week 3 that season.
    • CURSE: Prevails once again
  • 2008: Vince Young was plagued by quad injuries all year before being replaced by KERRY COLLINS.
    • CURSE: Continues to cruise
  • 2009: Brett Favre played pretty well actually before injuring his shoulder down the stretch and tanking his (and the Jets) effectiveness.
    • CURSE: Yea, not even including Brett’s cell phone pic troubles
  • 2010: Larry Fitzgerald/Troy Polamalu – Fitz actually had a career year, but Polamalu injured his MCL, missed a month and then eventually injured his PCL as well.
    • CURSE: 50/50 split but still yes
  • 2011: Drew Brees stayed healthy but threw twice as many picks as the year prior and the Saints lost to the first team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record in Seattle that year.
    • CURSE: Not reallyyy
  • 2012: Peyton Hillis came out of nowhere to have a huge year to land the cover of Madden only to battle illness and hamstring issues all season. Rushed for under 600 yards, the Browns let him walk after the season and that was a wrap on Hillis’ career.
    • CURSE: Yup, you sunk my battleship
  • 2013: Calvin Johnson set the single season record for receiving yards soo he did alright.
    • CURSE: Nope, Megatron shatters it
  • 2014: Adrian Peterson battled through a foot injury all year long and the Vikings only won 10 games.
    • CURSE: Yessir
  • 2015: Richard Sherman had a great season and stayed healthy…but they did lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
    • CURSE: Nah, but we did get this legendary GIF out of Sherman’s season 

  • 2016: Odell Beckham Jr. has 1,400+ receiving yards and 13 TDs and is named to this second consecutive Pro Bowl.
    • CURSE: No shot
  • 2017: Rob Gronkowski played only 8 games last season as missed the first game of the year with a hamstring injury, then got on a roll, but ultimately hurt his back in Week 7 against Seattle and missed the rest of the season.
    • CURSE: Put the smackdown on Gronk

So by my scientific count, that makes 10 instances of the Madden Curse wrecking a guy’s season since Madden 2003.

But, hey this is Tom Brady we’re talking about. The 5 time Super Bowl champ who continues to get better like a goddamn fine wine. As long as he’s go his avocado ice cream and his shady health guru Alex Guerrero and his TB12 voodoo magic, I think Brady will continue to roll. You think the Madden Curse and mother nature can stop this specimen?

I think not.

PS – If something does happen to Tom this year I am going to go full Brian Mills on everyone that has ever worked at EA Sports.

WNBA Daily Fantasy is Here and I am……IN

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NY Daily News – The WNBA is entering the daily fantasy sports market. The league announced a partnership with FanDuel on Thursday — the first time a women’s professional sports league will be available in one-day fantasy games…The site will also have its normal offerings of daily fantasy contests in which people can win money by picking a lineup of WNBA players and pitting them against other players. The WNBA is hoping this new venture brings more fans to the league, which starts its 21st season this weekend.

I am so, so, so IN on WNBA daily fantasy. This is it guys, this is how I build my empire. I was late to the party on NFL, NBA, NHL even Golf and MMA have daily fantasy now. But WNBA? I am diving in head first. Not to mention I could buy courtside seats with my winnings for like $35 right?

The fact that you can bet on a game at halftime is absurd enough, but now I can literally lay my hard earned cash on the table building my fantasy team around Skyler Diggins? Is a dunk worth extra points? Its gotta be right? Shore up the end of my bench with a savvy vet like Diana Taurasi. I think she still plays?

What happens when Candace Parker gets pregnant though? That could potentially tank my season. Shit, that could actually be the FanDuel commercial. Redraft your team every day so unexpected pregnancies don’t ruin your WNBA fantasy season!

Recap: I am IN on WNBA FanDuel.

Celtics Continue the Trend and Blowout Wizards. Now One Win Away from Eastern Conference Finals

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It really is insane how neither the Celtics nor the Wizards can win a game against each other unless they’re at home. For whatever reason these teams are both 9-0 against each other when at home and 0-9 when on the road this season. And its not even close.

  • Game 1 (Celtics at home)
    • Celtics 123 – Wizards 111
  • Game 2 (Celtics at home)
    • Celtics 129 -Wizards 119 (OT)
  • Game 3 (Wizards at home)
    • Celtics 89 -Wizards 116
  • Game 4 (Wizards at home)
    • Celtics 102 -Wizards 121
  • Game 5 (Celtics at home)
    • Celtics 123 -Wizards 101

The closest game there was decided by 10 points with the largest deficit being a 27 point blowout by the Wizards in Washington. This series is literally defining home court advantage. Home court/home field advantage is such an exaggerated thing in sports most of the time. Sure in baseball you get the right of last refusal in the bottom of the 9th, but most sports it typically doesn’t make a huge difference. But my god am I glad the Celtics will host a potential Game 7 in Boston. It seems destined to get there. I don’t know how teams can routinely trade blowouts, you just don’t ever see it. The Celtics ran the Wizards out of the goddamn gym last night though and I think I know why.

Can’t let down Mr. Kraft and the entire Patriots organization when they’re sitting front row.

Avery Bradley had 25 in the first half for christ sake. The guy was on a roll, hip pointers and all, legit throwing up HEAT CHECKS.

Even Brad Stevens was having a good time. He’ll deny it, but the crowd was chanting “Fuck You Oubre” booing the shit out of Oubre at the line and after he bricked one, what does Stevens do? Sends Olynyk into the game.

And most importantly the Celtics did all of this with Isaiah Thomas having a TERRIBLE game. Just kidding, the dude scored 18 points, but typically the C’s have relied on 30, 40 and 50 point games from THA LITTLE GUY to bail them out.

Now Game 6 is gonna be fun. A total mystery wrapped in an enigma. Celtics could grind one out or they could get blown out again. But come on boys, lets wrap it up and move onto the Eastern Conference Finals so we can get ready for this shit show.

PS – Lets all remember that the Celtics finished with the No. 1 seed and are on the brink of reaching the Eastern Conference Finals AND have the best odds at landing the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft this summer.

Is Kelly Olynyk a Dirty Player? Lets Break It Down.

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Had to address this whole “Kelly Olynyk is a dirty player” storyline thats been gaining steam over the last few days. Look has Olynyk been involved in some scuffles the past couple of years? Sure, but most of them are pretty innocuous. It’s not like he’s going out there socking dudes. For Draymond Green of all people to call Olynyk dirty though is just absurd.

The guy who literally goes around kicking dudes in the DICK is calling our very own Maple Jordan a dirty player.

 

Pot meet kettle. Sit the fuck down Draymond. Even Isaiah said as much when asked about it.

And then Draymond, being the dickhead that he is, clapped back on Isaiah.

Hopefully the C’s pull this Wizard series out and LeBron gets mono or something because I would LOVE to see this matchup in the Finals.

But, back to the point at hand. Is Olynyk a great player? No. Is he an awful player? No. Is he wildly frustrating at times? Yup. But do I think of him as a dirty player? Trying to be as objective as possible even as a Celtics fan, but I just don’t see it. Lets go through some of the more memorable incidents from the past couple of years.

The time Olynyk blew out Kevin Love’s shoulder in the playoffs:

I still think this is just a case of two gangly white guys getting tangled up and one of their noodle arms getting stuck. Love definitely didn’t see it that way though as he went on to rip Olynyk as a dirty player, thus starting the movement. My ruling? Not dirty. Drink more milk, Kevin.

Kelly Olynyk setting a pick on Kelly Oubre in Game 3

This play is literally a pick, probably more like one of the illegal moving screens that Kevin Garnett made famous, but a pick nonetheless. One that knocks Oubre on his ass. There’s nothing malicious or dirty here. Looks like a young guy in Oubre overreacting to a physical play before going up and tossing Olynyk, getting himself ejected. My ruling? Not dirty. Toughen up, Oubre.

I do have to give props to the Wizards owner Ted Leonsis though, definition of a ride or die boss.

 

Either way, here’s a FOUR MINUTE highlight video of Draymond Green dirty plays.

 

PS – Dirty or not dirty, this did make me laugh though.

RIP to Christopher Boykin AKA Big Black from Rob & Big

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TMZ – Christopher ‘Big Black’ Boykin, who was the other half of Rob Dyrdek’s hit MTV show “Rob & Big” — has died … TMZ has learned. His rep tells us Chris died Tuesday morning. No official cause of death yet, but multiple people connected to Chris tell us they believe it was a heart attack. He was Rob’s best friend and bodyguard on their reality show, which ran from 2006 to 2008 — and also later appeared on ‘Fantasy Factory.’ 

With all the fake news bullshit we here about every day I was hoping this one was fake, but nay, Big Black from Rob & Big died tonight and that makes me sad as hell. For a show that only ran for 2 seasons Rob & Big is still one of the funniest MTV shows ever. I used to watch the shit out of that show. I own the DVDs. I shit you not.

So Big Black, in your honor, I will continue to routinely quote an MTV show from 2006. Do work son. 22’s. Murdered out. This guy is the reason that 11 years later I still wanna grab two of my buddies, head down to Sears for a photoshoot, and recreate the Death Row Records portrait to frame on my wall.

Now onto the highlights. There are so many of them – the nutritionist episode (“Next time you wanna smoke a crack rock, just smoke a little”), the mini horse, the constant hazing of Drama and the birth of Drama Beats, Big Bob, the Death Row portrait, Uncle Jerry, Black Lavender and of course Bobby Light,  but apparently MTV is more strict than the goddamn MLB with video clips so there’s only so many I could find online. Roll the tape.