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Golf Commentator Caught on Mic Talking About How Short Sergio Garcia’s Fiancee’s Skirt Is

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Legitimately laughed out loud when I heard this. “The shortest skirt in the country.” That is just an old guy who does not give a fuck. Peter Alliss coming in hot on the BBC coverage. Its not like he was backstage and forgot he had a mic on. Nah, this guy was literally sitting in the same seat where he’s been broadcasting from all day.

It’s like the drunk uncle at every holiday dinner. He says some off-color shit, makes people a little uncomfortable, but you always laugh. Thats Peter Allis. When Peter Alliss thinks something he says it. There is no filter. Kinda respect it.

Pittsburgh Pirates Continue to Have the Best Ballpark in the MLB with Super Mario In-Game Contest

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As some of you may know, aside from Fenway, PNC Park in Pittsburgh is by far my favorite ballpark in the MLB. Just a great looking park, great sight lines, cheap tickets, easy access from public transport and solid fan giveaways. Now take all of that, throw in some cutting edge technology and sprinkle in some old school gaming nostalgia? That is a goddamn ballpark my friends. And that is exactly what the Pirates did with their new “Super Bucco Run” on the right field wall.

It’s basically an in-game contest for fans to physically compete in, essentially playing in your own version of Super Mario while running the warning track. This is awesome. Take those racing hot dogs, sausages and perogies out behind the shed and put a bullet in their brain because Super Bucco Run is the future.

Fake News is the Dumbest Concept Since Crystal Pepsi

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I’ve had it up to here with Fake News. Talk about the buzzword of the year. People point to “Fake News” as to why so many are misinformed. No, people are misinformed because a large percentage of this country are sheep with a pack mentality. Build the Wall, I’m With Her, Let it Burn. It can be said for legit every candidate’s followers. People aren’t misinformed because Brad from high school shared a made up story, people are misinformed because people are dumb.

You wanna know how to spot Fake News? Step 1: Is the article from some website you have NEVER heard of? Step 2: Double check your sources (Big J Journalism trick) and see if you can find ANYTHING about that story on ANY other news website. Step 3: Nobody else has even mentioned it? Probably a good indicator its “Fake News.” Step 4: Ignore and go back to mindlessly stalking all your high school friends on Facebook.

You know how many times I’ve seen some moron I went to high school with share an article from some website thats only been in existence for a month? And now because of dumb dumbs like that Zuckerberg has literally created a tool to handhold people into not being bamboozled by Fake News. Read a book for me one time people.

Curt Schilling is the absolute worst about this. The guy literally retweets fake memes from Barstool and points to it like “See?!”

So please get out of my face with Fake News. If Fake News is an issue that you concern yourself with you are a simpleton and I don’t want to know you. Now everyone shut up and resume watching puppy videos. Thats what the internet was made for.

PS – Yes, I have notifications on for anything Zuckerberg posts on Facebook. He’s the brainchild and head of the biggest tech company of our lifetime. Sue me.

Celtics Can Now Achieve the Rare Feat of Claiming the No. 1 Seed AND the No. 1 Overall Pick in the NBA Draft

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The Celtics have the opportunity to earn one of the more rare accolades in all of sports this week. They could lock up the No. 1 seed in the East with a win on Wednesday (thanks to another Cavs loss Monday night) to go along with the potential No. 1 overall pick in the NBA Draft.

Now the Celtics are still at the mercy of some goddamn ping pong balls, but thanks to the Nets being an abysmal basketball team, they’ve already locked up the best odds at the No. 1 overall pick of any team this year. So it would be pretty wild to see one of the best teams in the league (at least by record) with the No. 1 overall pick. That never happens. The last time I can remember anything close to that would probably be the Celtics winning the 1985-86 title and then drafting Len Bias No. 2 overall. Hopefully it works out a little better this time around.

Normally you need to hit rock bottom before you can start getting better in the NBA. Or just be the Cavaliers: get three No. 1 overall picks in 4 years and then have the best player in the world come back to town. That also works. But usually you have to absolutely bottom out so you can get a lottery pick and start building around that top talent from the draft. You don’t do yourself any good consistently being a No. 6 seed and then getting a draft pick in the 20’s. Thats how you become the Atlanta Hawks.

Sometimes you’ll see a rare case with a good team having one real down year, luck out with a top pick after a terrible season, then get back on track. Case and point the 1996-97 Spurs who had Tim Duncan fall into their lap. They went 59-23 in the 1995-96 season then fell to 20-62 the next year before taking Duncan No. 1 overall and then jumping back up to 56-26 and starting the run of success they’re STILL on.

But you never see a top team with a top draft pick while they’re CURRENTLY a top team. So for all the shit Trader Danny takes, the fact that he’s been able to maneuver the Celtics into this situation by trading two aging superstars in their late 30’s for multiple Lottery Picks is amazing by itself.

If the Celtics can turn just ONE of those Nets draft picks into a home run, then this is the Herschel Walker trade of the NBA that will be talked about forever. I cannot wait to watch that 30 for 30.

What if I told you a General Manager took an aging roster and turned them into a Lottery ticket? This is the story of how Danny Ainge swindled the suddenly cash happy and attention starved Brooklyn Nets out of a bushel of NBA Lottery picks and got the Celtics back to the promise land with the quickest rebuild in league history. Trader Danny. Directed by Bill Simmons. 

Or they’ll continue to butcher draft picks with players that aren’t good enough to make the roster so they have to stash them in Europe and the Celtics fade back into mediocrity. That is a frighteningly real possibility. But you gotta figure Danny is due to hit on a stud. Maybe that superstar is already here in Jaylen Brown, but it sure as shit won’t hurt for Danny to get 2 more cracks at it. Since the Nets ain’t getting better any time soon and we’ve got their picks both this year and next. Or maybe Danny swings the draft pick for a guy like Paul George. Either way the Celtics are gonna need another superstar to make a real run at another Larry O’Brien trophy.

We’ll see, but as loud as that clock is ticking on this window of opportunity to make something big happen, name one GM in the entire freaking league who wouldn’t sell his soul to be in Ainge’s position right now. Just don’t blow it, Danny.

Patriots Now Involved in Marshawn Lynch Rumors. Introducing the Not Fucking Around Crew

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I didn’t really buy into Marshawn Lynch coming out of retirement to play in Oakland. Guy legit seems to be enjoying retirement and not dealing with smashing into 300 pound men all day. But now I hear that Marshawn Lynch is interested in joining the Patriots? I am officially woke. I am back on Marshawn Lynch Watch because the Patriots are looking to build something special. They are turning over every rock to build the best team in the NFL. So whats to say the Pats don’t swoop in and get a deal done? This is the Not Fucking Around Crew.

Sure Lynch saying he’s interested in a team is not exactly the same thing as a team offering a guy a contract, but this is a wild rumor if nothing else. Blount still hasn’t resigned with the team and they didn’t offer Adrian Peterson a contract. They also don’t have a pick in the NFL Draft until No. 72 overall, but the Pats don’t typically draft runningbacks high anyways. With all that being said, there is a gaping void for a power back just waiting to be filled.

Am I a little hesitant about bringing on a guy who last played in 2015 when he rushed for 417 yards? Yup. Did he also destroy my fantasy football season that year? Yup. But if its Marshawn Lynch or LeGarrette Blount, Lynch is a clear upgrade. Lynch will be 31 by the time next season starts so this would clearly be a short term engagement.

Now all you need to do is convince Pete Carroll to trade Beast Mode to the exact team that had every person in the world clowning him after the Super Bowl a couple years ago. Simple enough task, I suppose.

Jeff Howe, who reported the rumor, calls it a long shot if anything, but it would definitely be fun to have Lynch on this Pats team. And for people saying he might not get along with the Patriot Way? Uhh, does anyone remember this dude’s press conferences?

Pretty sure he’d do just fine not saying shit to the media. Now for the obligatory highlight video of Marshawn Lynch dominating people with a football in his hands. Boss.

Yankees Prospect Asks Team to Un-Retire Mickey Mantle’s Number for Him

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Yahoo Sports – The number on the back of a baseball player’s jersey is more than just a number. In a game filled with superstition, having your lucky number could make a huge difference in your performance…But when that number is retired by the franchise, that player is out of luck. It’s time to find a new number. Well … unless you’re New York Yankees prospect Clint Frazier. The 22-year-old outfielder reportedly asked the team if it “un-retire” numbers, according to Yankees broadcaster Suzyn Waldman. Predictably, Frazier was denied. Teams don’t un-retire numbers. It doesn’t happen. It was an absurd request by Frazier. And yet, the whole thing gets even more ludicrous. Frazier wanted the Yankees to un-retire No. 7. Yes, he wanted to wear Mickey Mantle’s number!

Goddamnit you’re gonna make me like you Clint Frazier aren’t you? I’ve already written about my fascination with the up and coming Yankees prospect before because of his absolute mane of red hair that the NYY will ultimately make him chop off because they still think its 1920. But now this comes out that Frazier is legit asking to wear numbers the Yanks have already RETIRED and I’m starting to develop a man crush on a guy who will one day play for the team I despise. A juiced redhead who absolutely mashes the ball. He’s like the Neo of gingers. The one to reset the Matrix of abuse that redheads have taken for decades.

Now this same guy is just pissing on Yankees tradition and asking to wear Mickey Mantle’s number? Love it. Kid probably doesn’t even know who the Mick is. Guy banged Marilyn Monroe, have some respect.

Hilarious lack of self awareness and it probably just makes Yankees fans like the kid less, which I always enjoy. It’s like when A-Rod was hitting 40 dingers with 140 RBIs and all of New York just absolutely loathed the guy. “Still not better than our light hitting shortstop who’s defense should’ve forced him to left field years ago.” Oh Yankees fans, what a bunch of wacky loudmouths.

Conspiracy Theory Alert: Did the Patriots Host Adrian Peterson to Grease the Wheels on a Richard Sherman Trade?

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CBS Sports – The Patriots’ whirlwind of big offseason moves may not be over yet. After being mentioned in recent trade rumors involving Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, it appears that the team’s interest in his services is still alive. The Boston Herald’s Jeff Howe tweeted on Wednesday that the Patriots still have “some” interest in trading for Sherman. Howe was following up on candid comments made by Seahawks GM John Schneider regarding Seattle’s own interest in moving the super-talented (three-time All-Pro) but expensive ($11 million base salary) 29-year-old cornerback.

As everyone knows, there have been rumors floating around that the Patriots are interested in acquiring the Seahawks shutdown corner Richard Sherman. I would love to have a guy like Sherman on this Pats team, especially if they are debating dealing Malcolm Butler. Now lets unpack this conspiracy theory with everything else thats been happening the past week.

The Patriots hosted free agent Adrian Peterson on Monday, which was Peterson’s FIRST free agent visit of the offseason. Peterson obviously has his own baggage after abusing his toddler and getting suspended by the Vikings. So not surprisingly the free agent market has been a bit slow for a 32 year old RB coming off knee surgery with that kind of shit going on.

When news broke of Peterson’s visit to the Patriots pretty much everyone asked why? Runningback isn’t exactly at the top of the Pats list of needs, especially not one embroiled in a case like his. Even more so after Jonathan Kraft ripped the dude on the radio. So what could it be? As some have speculated, were the Patriots maybe doing his agent Ben Dogra a solid? Bring in AP for a visit to get the ball rolling and drum up some interest in the RB around the rest of the league? Sure, maybe, but still doesn’t quite explain it.

Then the Sherman rumors come out that he might be available via trade and the Patriots were one of the teams inquiring. And as Scott Zolack mentioned on the air today; who is Richard Sherman’s agent? Ben Dogra. Yes, the same Dogra that represents Adrian Peterson.

So sure its still an NFL trade for a superstar and the Pats would need to give up something to get something, but maybe Dogra helps steer a potential Sherman trade to the Pats after Belichick helped drum up interest on Peterson.

Its called quid pro quo guys.

NBA Agent Accidentally Tweets Out Orlando Magic’s Offseason Plans

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Yahoo Sports – The Orlando Magic signed Argentine wing Patricio Garino for the remainder of the season on Monday …Only, by doing so, the Magic inadvertently gave the rest of the NBA a window into their offseason plans. GP Sports agent Carlos Prunes tweeted a congratulatory photo of his client putting pen to paper on a contract…except that Garino signed his deal in front of a dry-erase board that features Orlando’s free-agent and trade options for both hybrid forwards and stretch bigs this coming summer.

What an absolute moron this guy is. Hey look its my client signing a contract with Orlando and making me some money anddd whoops I just tweeted out the Magic’s offseason to-do list!

I imagine the next time the Magic do business with this guy he’ll get the rap star after party treatment; leave your phone at the door.

But how about the Magic GM and front office? Just leaving that shit up on a white board for this dummy to take a picture of? Have some tact for me one time. I mean thats just asking for problems. I have a white board in my office and I erase that shit every time the delivery guy comes in. Not because I’m hiding KFC’s 11 secret herbs and spices, but because I don’t want anyone seeing some notes they’re not privy to. Seems like common sense, but hey thats why the Magic have been an absolute dumpster fire since Shaq left and then yet again after Dwight Howard left.

PS – Kelly Olynyk is a target of the Magic? Really? You guys can just have him for a couple of season passes to Orlando Studios. In the words of Michael Bluth:

Coming to a TD Garden Near You: Boston eCeltics

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SI – The Boston Celtics may be the next NBA organization fielding a team for the league’s new 2K eLeague. On a Forbes SportsMoney podcast earlier this month, Celtics Managing Partner, Governor and Chief Executive Officer Wyc Grousbeck spoke with host Mike Ozanian…There will be an eCeltics.”

Can I see myself watching, nevermind paying to watch, an NBA 2K game? Probably not, but hey money talks. And the NBA is seeing some serious dollar signs. So as dumb as it may seem to some, eSports is a cash cow.

Video games like League of Legends have HUGE eSports followings with tons of people tuning in. Not to mention the kids playing for these eSports teams are bringing in legit paychecks. It’s not like these kids are getting paid in Baja Blast and Slim Jims, these guys are earning like $65k base salaries. Sign me the fuck up because I would play Madden 40 hours a week for $65k a year, I would make that sacrifice.

So the NBA is the first professional sports league to put together a legitimate effort to squeeze a little cash outta the nerds.

And it sounds like Wyc is serious as shit about it.

“We will find players, we will compensate these players. We’ll house them in Boston. They’ll be a team. They will train. There’s training for this. And then we’ll go compete against the other NBA teams in 2K…We will stream these matches.”

Wyc sounds more like he’s assembling The Avengers than a squad of guys who play entirely too much NBA2K.

Even Jonas Jerebko is getting in on the action and bought a franchise, the Detroit Renegades, so thats how ya know its a can’t miss idea.

I am still pretty pissed at Wyc for shit canning me in Year 4 of my Celtics rebuild in NBA2K16. We were building something special and you just threw it away. Sad!

Indoor Football League Fans Successfully Reject Team Signing Greg Hardy

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ESPN – A 10-hour fan vote by an indoor football team in Utah asking whether the team should sign former NFL defensive end Greg Hardy ended in a “no” Thursday morning. Results on the team’s app, which fans use to vote to call plays during games for the Salt Lake Screaming Eagles, of the Indoor Football League, was a virtual 50-50 tie, but the team announced Thursday that 50.1 percent of voters were against Hardy being offered a contract.

This is phenomenal. The very people that scumbag Greg Hardy has never cared about, ya know besides women, in the fans just told him to go shit in a hat. Oh you were a Pro Bowler in the NFL? You had 15 sacks in the most competitive football league in the world? Yea not up in here, not in the Indoor Football League. We don’t take kindly to that kinda shit.

Greg Hardy is a scumbag without any sliver of remorse so I think its time to put that guy in the Disney Vault. But how about the Screaming Eagles? Legit running their team like Twitch Plays Pokemon. Letting the fans vote on everything from who the team signs all the way down to what plays to run.

Its brilliant yet moronic at the same time. Its like a real life Madden Franchise Mode. Its the one thing fans crave, the ability to somehow effect the outcome of the game on the field. Yet there will always be assholes like me who will vote for the team to sign guys like JaMarcus Russell because with my play calling I can make it work. Put him in the shotgun and throw howitzers down field or scramble for 60 yard touchdowns. I am the architect of asshole quarterbacks. I’m like the Bill Walsh of mobile QBs who have no business being under center in the NFL. I’ll make it work.

Anyways, kudos to the Salt Lake Screaming Eagles fans for telling Hardy to piss up a rope. I’m glad someone finally did.

PS – A+ unis from the Salt Lake Screaming Eagles.