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Chris Sale Named Opening Day Starter for the Red Sox. Thank God.

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As he should be. The guy was the Red Sox best pitcher last year, is likely to be their best pitcher this year, is a great spokesman for the team, not to mention he is legitimately mentoring the team’s top prospect in Jason Groome. The Opening Day start is his, he’s earned it.

Some say it should go to David Price because its his team and he has the seniority. Except Price has been a malcontent for the better part of two seasons in Boston, got in an embarrassing pissing contest with team broadcaster Dennis Eckersley, and has not pitched well consistently. I want to like David Price and believe me I realize that we need him to be good if the Sox are going to make a World Series run. But to give him the Opening Day start is the definition of coddling. Just because he makes the most money on the team does not give him the start by default. To paraphrase my friend Alec Baldwin, to give you the Opening Day start is to throw it away. The Opening Day start is for closers.

In all seriousness though, this gives Sale the unofficial title of staff ace, but it also lines up Price to get the home opener start at Fenway, which could be a fresh start for him and the fans. Lets get off to a good start and stop bashing the media and beloved team broadcasters and then we can talk. In the meantime though, we will continue to sell our YUCK merch.

 

Celtics Grab a Huge Win Last Night, But I’m Still Panicking Over Kyrie’s Knee

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The Celtics pulled out a huge improbable win over the Thunder last night on the backs of guys like Marcus Morris, Terry Rozier, and Jayson Tatum. The Thunder were running at full speed too with Russell Westbrook, Paul George, and Carmelo Anthony all suiting up. All of which was a huge boost for a suddenly ailing Celtics team, but sitting at my desk this morning I can’t help but still be massively concerned with Kyrie Irving’s knee.

Yesterday afternoon Tony Massarotti broke the news that Kyrie was seeking a second opinion on his sore knee and that he could potentially have to get the screws removed from his surgically repaired knee, which would end his season.

Absolute worst case scenario. I assumed Kyrie was just resting up for the playoffs as the Celtics are basically locked into the No. 2 seed. Nope, apparently the doomsday scenario has been brewing all along. At least he’s not going hungry though.

Then later in the day Adrian Wojnarowski came out and did his best to alleviate all our fears.

That makes me feel a little better and at least gets me away from the ledge. I’m still debating smashing that panic button though.

Either way this isn’t a great situation to be in for the Celtics, short term or long term. Say he needs to get the screws out and his season’s over. Welp, I’ll see you and Gordon Hayward in the fall. No reason to even finish the season boys. But if Kyrie just needs rest then who’s to say the knee is going to really get any better? Kyrie playing on stilted legs is still better than half the league, but isn’t exactly going to fill me with confidence.

If you remember, Kyrie had knee surgery in 2015 after fracturing his knee cap, but he was still being quoted as recently as last year dropping F bombs in post game pressers about his knee flaring up. So this has been going on for quite a while now.

Now all of this begs the question of how does this affect the C’s long term? I still love the trade and would do it 100 times out of 100 to get a player of Kyrie’s caliber in Boston. You don’t just pick those guys up off the streets. The best free agent signing the Celtics have EVER landed was Al Horford, who the media around here have fetishized calling Average. My point being, even though Danny knew Kyrie’s knee would be a problem before making the trade, if you’re the Celtics you have to take the risk.

However, if we start looking at his contract, Kyrie has one year left on his deal after this season and then a player option after that. Usually players tend to opt out of those options and look for a big money long term contract. If Kyrie does in fact opt out and you’re the Celtics how comfortable do you feel giving a max deal to a guy with a bum knee?

In my opinion I don’t think it really matters all that much how you *feel* because unless Kyrie’s knee gets significantly worse or requires an additional surgery then you don’t have a choice. Pay. The. Man. The Celtics are in a win now mode so if Kyrie walks then that 2020 squad would theoretically be built around Jaylen Brown, Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward, and a 33-year-old Al Horford. Not good enough. The Celtics need Kyrie and to be honest he might need them.

Kyrie has never played a full 82 game season and has only played in 70+ games 3 times in 7 seasons. So while he is an elite talent in the NBA, he comes with his baggage, which again I am fully willing to sign off on. However after a broken foot at Duke, a broken knee cap in 2015, and then still not being totally healthy 3 years later, Kyrie may be more willing to sign an extension earlier (and possibly cheaper) than he originally intended. I know the Celtics didn’t offer him a giant extension, but just look at Isaiah Thomas as a cautionary tale. The guy played out of his mind, got hurt, then got traded into a couple of bad situations and now he’s staring down free agency much more likely to make 6th man money than the max extension he expected less than 12 months ago.

So I guess I’ll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs until Woj or Mazz or someone breaks some news that I can actually do something with. Until then I’ll just sit here doomsday prepping for what the Celtics will look like in 2020 without Kyrie Irving.

The Son of Dick Ebersol is Launching a Pro Football League to Rival the XFL

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ESPN – “While Vince McMahon promises to bring back a revamped XFL in 2020, a son of McMahon’s partner in the original short-lived XFL venture said his football league will come first. And some big NFL names will be involved. Charlie Ebersol, who directed a documentary on the XFL that aired last year as part of ESPN’s 30 for 30 series, announced Tuesday that his league, the Alliance of American Football, plans to debut Feb. 9, 2019, the week after Super Bowl LIII. The season will run 10 weeks and will have 50-man teams.”

Look at Charlie Ebersol go! Dude just got the jump on Vince McMahon and the WWE commish must be furious. Vince made the mistake of announcing a brand new football league and then buried the lede that it wouldn’t begin play until 2020. Ebersol on the other hand just came out and announced his new league, the Alliance of American Football, will begin play in February 2019.

AND he’s already got games lined up to be aired on CBS with legitimate NFL names like Bill Polian, Troy Polamalu, Jared Allen, and Hines Ward behind it. Ebersol also has Barstool Sports parent company, The Chernin Group, already on board. You know Portnoy is just salivating at the potential for content with a brand new football league that won’t shun him like the NFL has done for years. That my friends sounds like a goddamn plan.

If you didn’t watch the XFL announcement press conference, Vince basically did a one man conference call to announce the league and then refused to really answer any actual questions about how the league would operate, how it would be different from the NFL, where players would come from, or where we could watch games. Not exactly ideal for building excitement. I think its safe to say Charlie Ebersol one upped Mr. McMahon here.

To be totally honest, what I’m about to say, I say a lot so take this with a grain of salt. I am a junkie for football and will watch just about any football game you put on TV. I’ve watched DII college football, Arena Football, the United Football League, the CFL, NFL Europe, the FXFL. Hell I even texted my buddy last night saying that we have to go check out a Massachusetts Pirates game out of the world famous National Arena League.

BUT, I can’t recall really watching more than a handful of these games. It was awesome watching an out of the NFL Daunte Culpepper run around in the UFL in cities like HARTFORD.

After realizing he was playing against guys that couldn’t start on my high school team though the novelty wore off. So as usual this sounds like a great idea, but it will come down to the quality of play. The NFL has been a monopoly for a long time and its not because there haven’t been challengers. Remember the USFL? The goddamn President of the United States owned a team.

But without the talent people won’t care enough to watch. So I know there are tons of D1 players that don’t make the NFL; what happens to them? I guess if you cut all the fat from the NFL like Ebersol plans to do (no TV timeouts, shorter broadcasts, no kickoffs etc.) then you could create a supplementary product that I will likely watch with a 6 pack of beer on a cold March night. Because I’ll tell you, I am dying for some football right now and Madden can only satiate that appetite for so long. Give me all the football leagues.

Ryan Donato Leaves Harvard Early to Go Pro and Shine for the Bruins

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For the second year in a row the Bruins are leaning on a rookie just days removed from his final college game as the team enters its home stretch.

Last year it was Charlie McAvoy. This year its Ryan Donato AKA the kid who carried the USA Olympic team with 5 goals in Pyeongchang. Donato made his debut last night and despite playing his final game at Harvard less than a week ago, the 21-year-old looked right at home and notched 3 points in his NHL debut. Not to mention his first career goal came on an absolute ROCKET.

The kid can play. The Youth Movement is in full swing! Nobody is loving this influx of young talent more than David Krejci.

It would seem like the Bruins are doing their best to reconstruct the 2018 Olympic team that ironically featured 0 NHL players at the time with Donato and recently signed Brian Gionta.

I’ll admit it, I did not expect the Bruins to be nearly this good this year, but goddamn is this a fun team to watch.

Patriots Acquire Cordarrelle Patterson from the Raiders

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NFL – “Tom Brady is getting a new toy to enjoy in his offense. NFL Network’s Tom Pelissero reported the New England Patriots acquired speedy wideout Cordarrelle Patterson from the Oakland Raiders on Sunday, pending a physical. Per NFL Network Insider Ian Rapoport, the Patriots will swap their fifth-round pick for a Raiders sixth-round pick in order to make the move.”

Not an earth shattering move nor is it as sexy as the last time the Patriots traded for a Raiders receiver…

but Cordarrelle Patterson can be an exciting player with the ball in his hands. Patterson has always been a player that has never been able to necessarily put it all together, but if he could be put in the right positions he could take any play to the house. Putting players in a position to succeed is what Bill Belichick does better than anyone else in the NFL. Whether its returning kicks or a package of screens and slants, I’m confident Bill has a very specific role in mind for this guy. This is a player that the Patriots can line up in the slot, go deep, run screens, reverses or take handoffs. He has a career average yards per reception and yards per rushing attempt of 10+ yards. That type of versatility has me drooling to see what Bill and Josh McDaniels have in store for Patterson.

Although, I would be lying if I didn’t say I am a bit concerned with the recent stockpiling of wide receivers that have made a habit of disappointing coaches and fantasy owners alike in Phillip Dorsett, Kenny Britt, and now Patterson.

If nothing else Patterson can FLY and while I don’t think relying on deep ball go routes from our 41-year-old QB is a great option, he should make an immediate impact in the return game. Belichick may be looking to replace some of the sheer athleticism his team has lost with the recent departures of guys like Dion Lewis. But hey, the guy was on Sports Science so how can this be viewed as anything other than a raging success?

The Stars Are Aligning for Richard Sherman to Join the New England Patriots

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It would appear that the stars are aligning for Richard Sherman to join the New England Patriots. The Seahawks informed Sherman that they planned to release him on Friday, per Adam Schefter. It hasn’t happened yet, but Schefty’s word is God as far as NFL circles are concerned so its coming. Sherman will now enter Free Agency with a certain team just south of Boston in the market for a cornerback. Why does the fit make sense? A few reasons:

    • Richard Sherman has always been very vocal about his immense respect for Tom Brady and the Patriots.

  • He’s a veteran coming off an injury who’s likely looking for a short term “prove it” deal as he’s unlikely to get the big money long term deal he would want.
  • The Patriots have a history of buying low on veteran players from Corey Dillon to Rodney Harrison, Randy Moss, to more recent examples like Chris Long, Dion Lewis, and Martellus Bennett.
  • Sherman is TALL for a cornerback. He’s 6’3″ and as Bill Belichick is known to do, he routinely constructs his roster for the upcoming year tailored to the types of teams they’re playing. In 2018 the Patriots will play the Packers, Vikings, and Texans who feature receivers over 6’0″ including:
    • Jordy Nelson – 6’3″
    • Stefon Diggs – 6’0″ / Adam Thielen 6’2″
    • DeAndre Hopkins – 6’1″
    • Not to mention teams in their division like the Bills who feature a 6’5″ Kelvin Benjamin.
  • You could see it last year when they went out and signed Stephon Gilmore (6’0″) and in the other cornerbacks they’ve started to fill the team with:
    • Johnson Bademosi – 6’0″
    • Duron Harmon – 6’1″
    • Eric Rowe – 6’1″
  • The only Patriots cornerback to crack the top 10 in snaps played last year was Malcolm Butler who was? Yup, 5’10” The Pats may look to go a route similar to the way they built their defense in 2014 when they featured big, tall, physical corners in Darelle Revis (6’0″) and Brandon Browner (6’4″).
  • Not to mention this:

So it seems like it would be a great fit, assuming Sherman’s achilles is up to snuff, I don’t see a way this doesn’t happen. A team like the Jets or the Browns could blow him away with big money, but I can’t see a competitive freak like Sherman, after years playing on arguably the best defense in football, suddenly playing for the Jets just because of a bigger paycheck.

Amazon Alexa is Scaring the Hell Out of People by Laughing Randomly

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Amazon – Amazon said they are working to fix Alexa devices’ laughter problem, after social media exploded Wednesday with users freaking out over what they described as random electronic laughter. “In rare circumstances, Alexa can mistakenly hear the phrase ‘Alexa, laugh,'” Amazon told ABC News in a statement. “We are changing that phrase to be ‘Alexa, can you laugh?’ which is less likely to have false positives, and we are disabling the short utterance ‘Alexa, laugh.'”

NOPE! If my Alexa or Google Home just randomly started fucking LAUGHING in the middle of the night I would rip it out of the wall and throw it in a fire so fast it would make your head spin.

I’m generally of the opinion that the government is watching all of us all the time anyways. So if they want to watch me watch The Office for the 7th episode in a row? Go ahead. They know my pornhub habits? I’ll survive. If I can trade a little bit of privacy for a whole lot of convenience then I will make that trade every day. BUT, I draw the line at robots becoming self aware. This laughing Alexa can go straight to hell along with the entire factory of Boston Dynamics, who will be responsible for Skynet. Guaranteed.

And how about Amazon’s explanation for why this might be happening?

“In rare circumstances, Alexa can mistakenly hear the phrase ‘Alexa, laugh,'” Amazon told ABC News in a statement. “We are changing that phrase to be ‘Alexa, can you laugh?’ which is less likely to have false positives, and we are disabling the short utterance ‘Alexa, laugh.’

Get the FUCK out of here. That thing is laughing because it can’t believe how stupid we are for having willingly allowed them into our homes. Its like inviting a vampire into your house. We’re all screwed and Alexa knows it.

Former Bengals Receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh Drops in from the Clouds, Calls Bill Belichick and Patriots a “Dictatorship”

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NESN – “Former Cincinnati Bengals wideout T.J. Houshmandzadeh, who has been out of the NFL since 2011 and irrelevant for the past decade, was a guest on FOX Sports 1’s “Speak For Yourself” and jabbed Belichick for how he runs the organization.

“I think every team is player driven,” Houshmandzadeh said. “Every team is player driven. They’re just kind of fed up. I was watching football this past fall, and it just tripped me out when I’m watching the Patriots playing Miami Dolphins, and then I see a (Rob) Gronkowski interview. I couldn’t believe it. He’s, ‘Oh, I want to talk about the celebration but I’m scared that Bill is going to get mad at me. I really want to talk about, but I guess I can’t I’m scared.’…They are completely scared of Bill, it’s a dictatorship in New England

T.J. Houshmandzadeh, he of the 1 Pro Bowl, 1 playoff win and 8 playoff catches pedigree, recently came out of the clouds to criticize the way Bill Belichick runs the Patriots, calling it a dictatorship.

As much as I respect the opinion of TJ Hooshamazode

I’m gonna have to go ahead and disagree with him on this one. People see a more rocky than usual ship in New England and want to use it as an opportunity to criticize the Patriots so if they ever do fall off they can be the one to say I told you so. And don’t get me wrong, that day may come, but to criticize Belichick with comments like this are asinine:

“They are completely scared of Bill, it’s a dictatorship in New England. Things are going to have to change or he’s going to lose the team.”

Its literally been this way in New England for 17 years. Things aren’t going to have to change, TJ. Not after winning 5 Super Bowls. You know where things probably should change? Cincinnati, which is where TJ played for 8 seasons and won a total of 0 playoff games under Marvin Lewis. In fact, Cincinnati hasn’t won a playoff game since 1990, which is a cool 27 year stretch. Shit like that will lose you a team.

So while the Patriots locker room probably isn’t as fun as a Chucky Cheese birthday party like the Bengals may be under Lewis, I’d rather take the consistent systematic success for nearly 2 decades straight.

Grand Theft Auto 6 Rumored to Be a Return to Vice City

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Techspot – According to new rumors, we’re going to be waiting a few more years for GTA 6, which will be set in Vice City and feature a female protagonist. Citing an “inside source,” YouTube channel The Know says the next GTA will be released within the next three to four years. The game is being called ‘Project Americas’ internally by Rockstar and will be set in either Florida or GTA’s version of the sunshine state–Vice City. It will also see players fly to South America for some missions, suggesting a drug smuggling link. These few details bring to mind 2002’s GTA Vice City, and GTA 6 may even see the action return to 1980s. As with GTA V, the sequel is said to feature multiple protagonists, including the first female character.

So you’re telling me that one of the best video games of my generation may be making a comeback in the form of Grand Theft Auto 6?

Similar to the 2007 Red Sox, GTA Vice City proved that GTA 3 (i.e. 2004 Sox) was not a fluke and that GTA was an absolute powerhouse franchise that was here to stay.

Despite the sheer scope of GTA V and the humorous characters of GTA: San Andreas, the best Grand Theft Auto is hands down Vice City. If you think otherwise, you’re wrong. It had the best setting with 1980s Miami, the best storyline, and the best characters. In case people forget, Vice City featured a voice acting Hall of Fame cast that we had never seen in a video game before: Ray Liotta, Dennis Hopper, Burt Reynolds, Luis Guzman, William Fichtner, Tom Sizemore, Danny Trejo, Gary Busey, Jenna Jameson, Lawrence Taylor, AND Lee Majors.

In the course of looking these names up on IMDB my mind was just blown when I realized that Lance Vance:

was actually voiced by Philip Michael Thomas, who as we all know originally played Detective Rico Tubbs from Miami Vice.

Its little nods to pop culture like this that always made Grand Theft Auto games feel so ingrained with society. It felt like you were reliving a classic movie while exploring a wide open sandbox style video game world for the first time.

Also, apparently Cam Neely voiced a thug in the game as he gets an acting credit too. Seabass, guy just never takes a day off, god love him.

Released back in 2002 (holy shit) Vice City was given an average rating of 95 by Metacritic at the time. Not to mention the soundtrack was A+ and to this day remains the only video game soundtrack I have used my hard earned Schrute Bucks to physically purchase.

PS – I saw this going around the interwebs yesterday and its just not okay.