This has got to be the lowest of the low. Its one thing when a stud like Brad Marchand roasts you on Twitter, its quite another for a guy on the local YMCA curling squad to just eviscerate your entire career in 140 character or less. The worst part is they’re not wrong. And Kirstie Alley knows it. Name one thing Kirstie Alley has been in not named Cheers. You can’t. If you guessed Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, then you’re correct! If you also guessed the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air made for TV MOVIE (thats a thing?) then you’re also correct! There has also been bangers like “Fat Actress” and a one episode arc in Dharma and Greg too.
In all seriousness though, can we send someone to do a wellness check on Kirstie Alley? Someone send Ted Danson to go kick down her door just to be safe. Moral of the story? If I’ve learned one thing this winter, its that you do not fuck with an Olympics Curler.
Its been a tough decade for the so called blood feud between the Red Sox and the Yankees. Neither team has really been very good at the same time recently. After the epic postseason clashes of 2003 and 2004 the two sides haven’t played each other in the playoffs even once. Before last year, both teams hadn’t even made the playoffs in the same season since 2009. In 2007 when the Sox won it all, the Yankees got smoked in the divisional round. In 2009 when the Yankees won it all, the Sox got swept in the divisional round. And in 2013 when the Red Sox went the distance again, the Yanks straight up sucked and missed the playoffs winning only 85 games.
The guys much smarter than me over at fivethirtyeight.com actually put together a graph last year, based on each team’s World Series odds, to measure how meaningful games between the Sox and Yankees actually have been over the years.
“From 2007 to 2016, the typical Yanks-Sox contest was only about as important as any old opening-day game. In other words, it was fun but no big deal.”
So we’re on the up ladies and gentlemen. Last year Boston won its second straight AL East crown and the Yankees came within a game of advancing to the World Series on the back of young, homegrown talent. All of that was BEFORE New York added the best power hitter in the game in Giancarlo Stanton. The Yankees, who featured a guy in Aaron Judge who hit 52 home runs AS A ROOKIE, just added a guy who hit 59 home runs. Ridiculous.
Well, thank god the Sox finally responded by signing one Julio Daniel Martinez.
It took a lot longer than most expected, but it sure is nice to take a team that won 93 games and then add this guy: .303 BA/.376 OBP/ .690 SLG with 45 Home Runs and 104 RBIs.
And for all the Yankees fans in my timeline talking shit already (its not even St. Patty’s Day yet) I’m just going to quote my man Jared Carrabis:
“After finishing last in the league in homers last year, the Red Sox added the player who is second in the MLB in slugging percentage (.574) since the start of the 2014 season behind Mike Trout (.579) with a minimum of 300 games played.”
A consolation prize he is not.
My point being though is this could be the first time we see Boston and New York square off in the playoffs in more than a decade. Both teams are stacked, young, and trending upwards. Sure the Patriots have taken the No. 1 spot in town and the Sox have won 3 titles since 2004, but I honestly don’t think thats why the venom between the Red Sox and the Yankees has dissipated. No, its because both teams haven’t been trying to kill each other for that next ring. If the Yankees and their loudmouth fans in the Bronx are standing between Chris Sale and a World Series appearance, you better fucking believe fans are gonna be fired up.
All we need is the opportunity, and thats what we have here tonight.
The total dollars have yet to be reported, but years wise it seems like a good deal for both sides. The $200+ Million deal Martinez was hoping for never materialized and he chose to wait it out hoping someone would get stupid and swipe their Free Agency credit card. Never happened and you can imagine JD is less than pleased with Scott Boras for setting those expectations.
But a 5 year deal is perfect for the team and if JD continues to hit 40+ home runs every year then he can opt out after 2 years and try his luck again.
Depending on who you listen to the Sox were offering anywhere from $100-$125 Million and as a Red Sox fan I am more than happy with that. I mean its not my money so I could care less how much these guys actually get paid, but as we’ve seen in recent years when the team buries itself with bloated contracts it hamstrings them in potential future deals. An abortion of a $95 Million deal for Pablo Sandoval, a $217 Million contract for media combatant David Price, and of course the $72 Million deal the Sox handed out to Rusney Castillo after seeing his And1 Mixtape. All huge commitments with the most successful of the 3 having been as a middle relief pitcher in the playoffs. That my friends is what they call a less than ideal ROI.
So assuming the JD deal is in that reported $100-$125 Million range, the Red Sox have set themselves up really well for the present without strapping themselves for cash in the future when guys like Mookie Betts come due for big money deals.
Dealer Dave finally got one right and I’m sure everyone in Dunkin Donuts will hear all about it Tuesday morning.
Yahoo – Isaiah Thomas and Rajon Rondo got into a scuffle and were both ejected from Wednesday night’s game between the New Orleans Pelicans and Los Angeles Lakers. And it stems from Boston Celtics beef. The two were each handed double technical fouls and given the boot. While it wasn’t immediately clear from game action why the two were so chippy, the announcers and Twitter speculated that the altercation stemmed from drama over Paul Pierce’s jersey retirement with the Celtics. It started when Thomas, who was due a brief honor from the Celtics after being traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers, asked to have his Boston moment moved to the same night of Pierce’s jersey retirement. The request didn’t have anything to do with Pierce, but Thomas’ desire to have his honor on a night that he would be healthy and playing.
I feel for Isaiah Thomas, I really do. Its like when you break up with a girl and move onto bigger and better things while your ex just spirals downward. He got hurt, got traded to Cleveland and surprise surprise didn’t get along with LeBron, got blamed for a shit Cavs team, and got traded again to the basement dwelling Lakers. And now he’s got Rondo giving him the business.
We had a great time together, watching IT was some of the most fun I’ve had watching the Celtics since KG and Pierce roamed the parquet. So I’ll always have a place in my heart for Isaiah.
BUT, Rondo, man. Rajon Rondo is a ride or die. The guy hasn’t played for the Celtics since 2014 and he still reps Boston just as hard.
Rajon Rondo was irked to hear that the Celtics would honor Isaiah Thomas on any night. “What has he done?” Rondo asked. Told that he led the Celtics to the conference finals last year, Rondo remarked, “Oh, that’s what we celebrate around here?”
When Rondo was the precocious young point guard, KG took him under his wing and turned Rajon into a bulldog.
Something about Rondo just being a dickhead always endured him to Celtics fans. Like he was his own version of a Masshole. He was at one point compared to Chris Paul as the best PG in the league and Danny Ainge once even tried to trade him for Russell Westbrook straight up, which is laughable now. People forget how good Rondo once was though. But Rondo always showed up to ball and he was always ready to start a fist fight if need be.
I’ll never forget when Dwyane Wade basically broke Rondo’s arm on a dirty play under the hoop and Rondo came back into the game playing with one fucking arm.
I respect a good grudge and you just know Rondo, Pierce, and KG still have a deep hatred in their hearts for LeBron, Wade, and probably Ray Allen too. Those guys are a family and you never go against family. In Rondo’s mind, IT disrespected Pierce by asking for his tribute on the same night that No. 34 was going up into the rafters. You disrespect the family and Rondo’s coming for your head.
Ubuntu. Omerta. Whatever you wanna call it, nobody is disrespecting the Celtics legends. Not while Rajon Rondo still walks this earth.
Isaiah Thomas said Rondo brought up the video tribute kerfuffle today when they went at it. He said Rondo hit him in the face 3 times without consequence before he reacted. Says he doesn’t know Rondo and doesn’t know why Rondo reacted to him the way he did.
Bleacher Report – The Philadelphia 76ers have reportedly begun using virtual reality technology with guard Markelle Fultz as part of his rehabilitation, hoping he can rebuild confidence in his ailing jumper. Kyle Neubeck of the Philly Voice profiled Fultz’s search for his lost jumper and included the tidbit of information Monday. The Sixers are reportedly using the technology to help Fultz “visualize the mechanics he’ll use in a game, to remember how easy it once was for him to rise up with the ball and shoot from anywhere on the court and to be able to do so without the glare of the cameras or other people around him.”
Markelle Fultz has legitimately become one of the strangest stories in recent NBA history. The No. 1 overall pick that was dynamite in his lone year playing college ball, plays 4 horrendous games in the NBA, the team cites a shoulder injury, and then months later it comes out that he has some kind of hitch in his shot.
This is a guy who shot over 40% from 3-point land in college. All of a sudden he can’t hit a jump shot? What? I suppose it could just be a case of the yips, but that doesn’t explain why he can’t play at all. Rajon Rondo couldn’t shoot for shit, but he was (is) still a successful point guard in the NBA. Now the 76ers are busting out the Virtual Reality goggles to try and fix Fultz? This story just gets weirder and weirder.
You wanna know how to fix his jump shot? Have him recite the profiles of all the girls in Playboy. Boom. Problem solved.
So the internet is ablaze today with a hot take from Ron Borges that was shot out of the sky before I even got to my desk this morning. Literally. I was driving in listening to Kirk Minihane just DESTROY Ron Borges and I was wondering if it was just for past indiscretions (ya know like plagiarism) or if he did something else. Fired up a quick Twitter search while I was driving, I was in bumper to bumper traffic relax Mom, and whats the first thing I see? Ron Borges’ colleagues in the media openly mocking him for a fabricated rumor about Tom Brady planning to hold out for a new contract.
And on and on it goes.
All this before 9 AM. A couple of quick phone calls from guys like Tom E. Curran and they had already shot so many holes in the story that it wouldn’t get past the editor at a student newspaper. Yet somehow the Boston Fucking Herald ran with it.
Sure it was already taken off the website, but the newspapers (the paper versions all you old bastards absolutely have to have) were already on the stacks.
Pretty damning evidence for ya boy Ron. And thats before we even get into the details of *how* he reported this story. Again, according to Kirk and Callahan, basically some random guy got Borges’ phone number and started texting him pretending to be Tom Brady’s agent Don Yee.
Eventually fake-Don Yee tipped off Borges about the disgruntled Tom Brady and how he planned to hold out for Jimmy G type money and skip OTA’s. Huge right? So rather than picking up the phone and asking someone, anyone, for any kind of supporting evidence or even hearsay…rather than do any of that, Borges runs it for a front page column.
How does that get past an editor?
“Who’d you talk to, Ron? Some guy who’s identity you haven’t actually verified just texted you out of the blue with huge news? Print. That. Shit.”
Never rely on one source and never plagiarize. Those are the cardinal rules of journalism. Trust me, I have a degree in big-J Journalism. And Ron Borges has now broken both of them.
I’m not here to call for anyone’s job, but if we’re being honest, I’m calling for Ron Borges job. It’s one thing to write thinly veiled hit pieces and describe the team you cover with so much disdain for 30 years, its another to print something defamatory as fact because fucking Johnny from Weymouth sent you a text at 1 AM like its last call at the Harp.
When you become the real life Ron Burgundy, just reporting whatever you’re told, its time to go.
I have grown so emotionally attached to Tom Brady and Bill Belichick I don’t know what I’m going to do when (if) they ever retire. It was similar with David Ortiz; I grew up with these guys. Sure I remember watching the Pats get their teeth kicked in by Brett Favre and the Packers in Super Bowl XXXI when I was a youngling, but I wasn’t really a fully functioning human being until a few years later. We’ve experienced the highest of highs together like 2001 when they pulled off the greatest upset in SB history, going back to back in 2003-04 with the addition of veterans like Rodney Harrison and Corey Dillon to an already stacked team. Of course the Malcolm Butler interception and the 28-3 comeback against the Falcons. And I’ll never forget the lowest of lows. As they say, losing hurts more than winning feels good. The 2007 Super Bowl and David goddamn Tyree who probably sells car insurance now. Mario Manningham and that ridiculous catch in the 2011 Super Bowl. Sigh.
And then of course all the teams in between: the 2006 AFC Championship game collapse against Peyton Manning and the Colts, the 2010 home loss to Ray Rice and the Ravens, the AFC Championship game loss to Peyton Manning and the Broncos in the 2015 season.
I think thats why I literally have found myself becoming emotional these past couple of weeks. Last year it was Tom Brady nearly breaking down at Media Day before the Super Bowl when a little kid asked him who his hero was.
This year its Belichick wearing his dad’s hat to Minneapolis.
The other night I witnessed Tom fighting back tears in his Tom vs Time series when Mr. Kraft gave Tom’s mother a Super Bowl ring as she’s been kicking cancer’s ass. So much dust in my living room.
Its crazy because I’ve never met these guys, but I feel like they’re a part of my family and THAT is why all of this will never get old. People say oh you’ve won enough let someone else have a shot. Not a chance. As the infamous Don Draper once said. I’m not happy with 50% I want all of it.
Its almost here. Its the last day of cube life before Super Bowl LII. We’ve had boots on the ground to bring you into the Super Bowl Experience, we’ve provided you with Patriots porn, we’ve got you ready to run through a wall for this team, now its time to really analyze this. What are the stakes? What are the Patriots really playing for here?
I for one will be leaving the office at 5:00 pm on the dot like one of the iron mill workers in the Simpsons.
Its officially Super Bowl weekend. Here are the stakes.
Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and Robert Kraft are going for their 6th ring together.
Tom Brady is already the all-time winningest QB, he’s already stuffed Joe Montana in a locker. Now he’s looking to take the all-time GOAT title from Michael Jordan. And despite what that walking hot take Doug Gotleib says,
Bill Belichick is playing for a fresh paint job on his boat.
Historic radio calls. If the Patriots win Sunday, they HAVE to play the Gil Santos audio right? Like Bob Socci and Zolak have to just turn off their mics and play Gil’s call don’t they? “BACK TO BACK, THREE OUT OF FOUR!”
Tom vs Time will win a goddamn Emmy if it ends with 40 year old Tom Brady winning the league MVP and his 6th Super Bowl ring.
Similar to 2004, the Pats are expected to lose both their offensive and defensive coordinators this offseason, so winning back to back Super Bowls would be a hell of a way to go out for Patricia and McDaniels a la Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis before them.
Do people realize that if the Patriots win it sets up an opportunity to conquer yet another NFL legendary record? No team in the history of the league has ever won 3 Super Bowls in a row? 19-0 will likely never happen and that absolutely breaks my heart, but winning back-to-back-to-back Super Bowls would likely never be matched.
Brady, Belichick and RKK getting up on that podium, accepting the Vince Lombardi Trophy and telling Seth Wickersham, Max Kellerman, Bart Scott, Dan Shaugnessy, and every other click-baiting miserable hater 4 beautiful words:
Its difficult to see, hear, and read everything going on this week leading up to the Super Bowl, but this Colin Cowherd video below is an excellent use of your time. Cowherd goes into what makes the Patriots so damn successful; they’re a business operation.
“When you watch a Patriots game there is a trust between the fans and the team; they’ll get it right.” [after bad losses] “They immediately fix it because thats what the academics do in life.”
“The Patriots are the billionaires of the NFL. They have created a system that is reliable, consistent, without emotion. They are capable of avoiding cultural issues, rule changes, and injuries. They’re not beholden to any one employee. And what they did yesterday is what they’ve been doing for years. A systematic consistent dependable product.”
“They don’t lead the NFL in penalties, they don’t fumble, they don’t get emotionally crazy, they adapt constantly and they drive you crazy. And I never grew up as a Patriots fan, but the Patriots aren’t a football operation, they are a business operation.”
“Look at their Super Bowls, they are a David Tyree helmet catch from 6-1. They don’t blow anybody out. They never have. I’d argue in all seven Super Bowls they’ve been the least talented team, but they’re always the smartest, most reliable, most consistent, most prepared.”
“They are not a football team, they’re a business operation. They are boring. So is wealth.”
Whats the biggest size Fathead makes? Okay, double it and overnight that to me asap. Need this draping the entire side of my house before Super Bowl Sunday.
The 300s 