Category: NFL

I Am Offended at the Lack of Patriots Fans That Want to Go for 19-0

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It seems like the topic du jour around the local sports media is whether the Patriots can realistically (or should even attempt it) go a perfect 19-0. Except there seems to be less people talking about if they can do it and more people just straight up refusing to talk about it and saying its stupid to do so. USA Today thinks its doable. But basically every other media personality wants no part of it.

As a Patriots fan, the lack of people that want to go for 19-0 personally offends me.

Guys, I know it brings up bad memories. We almost had it in 2007. It was in the palms of our hands, less than 2 minutes to go and the 07 Patriots would be crowned the greatest team of all time.

If Asante Samuel makes that interception. If David Tyree plays like the insurance salesman he really is, if Rodney Harrison somehow jars that ball lose from his fucking helmet, if the refs actually called holding on the Giants offensive line on that play. The list goes on and on.

That shit used to kill me. Used to. But I noticed something recently. The 07 Super Bowl highlights come on….and I watch them. It doesn’t make me physically ill anymore. I can watch those clips and say ah man that sucked, without smashing a pint glass off my wall like I would have done a few years ago. Winning two Super Bowls since then goes a looong way in healing that pain. Brady’s 5-2 in the SB for christ’s sake. That will always be the most painful loss of my life. I was a freshman in college and my direct roommate was a Giants fan, not to mention half my hallway. So losing in that fashion, surrounded by that many Giants fans in neutral territory as a young, inebriated boyish man, that was a tough pill to swallow.

But like I said, one of the greatest Super Bowls EVER against Seattle with the Malcolm Butler pick to seal the W was cathartic; the greatest comeback of all time against the Falcons in 2016 gave us all our swagger back. You can’t say shit to us. You can’t hurt us.

The Patriots have 5 Super Bowl rings, Tom Brady is a 2x MVP, a 4x Super Bowl MVP, he had one of his greatest seasons ever during the Deflategate saga, and then was suspended the following year only to come back, tear it up and win another fucking Super Bowl. Belichick and Brady are the. Greatest. Of. All. Time. So…what do you get the men who have everything? The only thing left. Perfection

Its the ultimate. Its the only thing left that the Patriots don’t have. And there will always be the Felgers of the world saying we as Patriots fans all have a persecution complex (is it paranoid if its true though?) and theres nothing left to prove. But, tell someone they can’t do something or don’t need something and what do they want? Exactly. We’ve conquered the AFC East, we’ve conquered fan bases in St. Louis, Carolina, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Atlanta, we’ve taken on the league and the commissioner himself and come out with one for the thumb. TB12 is 40 years old and playing better than anyone has ever played the position. Minneaposix™ is the goal, but 19-0 will always be the ultimate.

PS – Plus if the Pats do go 19-0 I can get my fucking t-shirts back stateside.

Jaylon Smith Is Going To Play With One Fully Functioning Foot?

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Cowboys will use caution with Jaylon Smith in his return

So for those who don’t know Dallas Cowboys and former Notre Dame linebacker Jaylon Smith suffered a DEVASTATING knee injury to end his college career. Pretty much tore everything and anything in his knee and suffered nerve damage to boot. What makes it worse is he was doing the “team first” thing and strapping on the gold dome one last time to help his team win a bowl game rather than sitting it out and prepping for the draft.

After a year and a half or so of rehab Smith can now run, cut etc. and wants to try and play and it looks like the Cowboys are willing to give it a shot as well. His knee seems to be able to do and take enough. The kicker, no pun intended, is that the goddam nerve in his knee hasn’t recovered, or regenerated to be more accurate, fully if at at all. Think about that. My rotator cuff was bothering me so I took a week off from the gym. Jaylon Smith doesn’t have a fully functioning nerve and thus doesn’t have full feeling or activity in his knee and he’s gonna try and play pro football. He even suffers from a condition called drop foot. What’s that? Well, dangle your leg off something but keep your foot at a 90 degree angle, such as if you were to jump down you’d land flat on your flat feet. Ya he can’t that, foot just falls all flimsy. Every step he takes his foot just drops and flops. Absolutel debacle. It can be somewhat mitigated by a verrrry special kind of brace but even then it’s barely putting a band-aid on the problem.

It sucks for a kid that talented and hard working to have it all taken away like that, but it is as inspiring as all holy hell to see him try and make his dreams come true anyway. Here’s to hoping he can get it done.

With His Job In Jeopardy, Jaguars’ Bust Dante Fowler Jr. Slaps Guy Around, Throws His Booze in a Lake

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PFT – Jaguars defensive end Dante Fowler spent some of his final hours before the start of training camp in police custody. Fowler was arrested on Tuesday night in St. Petersburg, Florida and booked into jail shortly after 9 p.m. Per a report from the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office, Fowler was charged with simple battery and criminal mischief. He was bonded out of jail early on Wednesday morning.

Coming out of Florida in 2015, Dante Fowler Jr. was expected to be an impact edge rusher in the mold of Demarcus Ware and James Harrison. He tore his ACL his rookie season, which of course is not his fault. Following the injury, it was noted he really worked his ass off to come back. Fowler’s real rookie season last year was ho hum, registering 32 tackles and 4 sacks as a situational pass rusher. Basically after two seasons not befitting a 3rd overall pick, he definitely was heading into the 2017 season with something prove in a major way.

Welllll, things haven’t gotten off to a great start. Apparently last night Fowler was driving around an apartment complex like kind of a dick. When a passerby told him to cut the shit, the 6’3 260lb Fowler knocked off and stomped the guy’s glasses, then took his bag of freshly purchased booze and tossed it in a nearby lake.

Now, why the hell there is a lake so close to an apartment building is beyond me. An entire complex must be riddled with all sorts of small children and more importantly dogs that could potentially fall in said lake. Also this is Florida we’re talking about. I’m pretty sure any and every lake in Florida is teeming with alligators and anacondas and piranhas and other vicious creatures that could eat people. Combine that with the average intelligence of a Floridian and I’m surprised there isn’t a weekly bloodbath at this quaint little village.

So basically there is no excuse for what Fowler did. Imagine coming home after a hard day’s work, and strolling to the nearby packy to pick up some refreshments to enjoy while watching the game, only to have some donut-spinning asshole smack your spectacles off your head and then hurl your day’s reward into deathmonster infested lake you’ve carefully avoided your whole life. Just soul crushing. The Jags should not only cut Fowler, but the league should suspend him until he dives in there and retrieves that booze.

PS: It’s now coming out that Fowler had a previously unreported arrest for assaulting a cop that got brushed under the rug. Not looking great for the kid.

Donte Stallworth Talking About How Tom Brady and Randy Moss Ran Improvised Plays in 2007 is Patriots Porn

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In case you missed it, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t bring this Donte Stallworth story about the 2007 Patriots team to your attention. The 2007 Patriots are the greatest, most dominant team I’ve ever seen and were the most fun I’ve ever had watching football. They were straight up dismantling the league, blowing everyone out as a response to the NFL hosing them with the overblown and hypocritical Spygate scandal.

This was also the first year Tom Brady had real weapons around him like Wes Welker, Stallworth and of course Randy Moss.  This season finally helped put to rest the Tom Brady vs Peyton Manning argument. Yes, when TB12 has Hall of Famers catching his passes he can put up 50 TDs too. Some of the plays these guys made were just outrageous though and it turns out some of them were legitimate accidents. Just Brady and Moss out there improvising and freestyling like only two first ballot Hall of Famers can.

PS – If you want to watch every single one of Tom Brady’s 50 TD passes, @fearthe_beard11 is doing Gods work on twitter and tweeted each one out.

NFL and CFL Legend Doug Flutie Named to Toronto All-Time Team

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Toronto Argonauts – The Toronto Argonauts Football Club and the Toronto Argonauts Alumni Association are proud to announce that quarterback Doug Flutie has been named an All-Time Argo. Flutie played in Toronto for two seasons and was named the league’s Most Outstanding Player in both, leading the Argos to back-to-back Grey Cup Championships in 1996 and 1997. He was also named the Grey Cup MVP in both games. The product of Boston College holds the Argos’ single season record for most passing yards (5,720 – 1996), most pass completions (434 – 1996) and most passing touchdowns (47 – 1997).

First off, what a distinction. Rarefied air. Good for Doug Flutie. Now I readily admit I cant name a single other former Toronto Argonaut aside from Ricky Williams, but I recognize greatness. And holy hell did Doug Flutie put up some numbers in the CFL. He was (Canadian) Tom Brady before Tom Brady.

Have you ever actually looked at Flutie’s career CFL stats?

  • His career CFL statistics include 41,355 passing yards and 270 touchdowns.
  • He holds the professional football record of 6,619 yards passing in a single season. He led the league in passing five times in only eight seasons.
  • He once held four of the CFL’s top five highest single-season completion marks, including a record 466 in 1991 which was surpassed by Ricky Ray in 2005.
  • His 48 touchdown passes in 1994 remains a CFL record.
  • He earned three Grey Cup MVP awards, and was named the CFL’s Most Outstanding Player a record six times (1991–1994, and 1996–1997).
  • He passed for 5,000+ yards six times in his career and remains the only player in pro football history to pass for 6,000+ yards in a season twice in his career.

Those are legit Madden on Easy mode numbers, just a disgusting level of dominance of the CFL and their goofy wider field with goalposts in the endzone. Canada WORSHIPS this guy. Like I love Doug Flutie, but he’s a goddamn legend in the great white north. They voted him the greatest CFL player of all-time and then made him the first non-Canadian EVER inducted into Canada’s Sports Hall of Fame.

And how am I only just now hearing about Doug Flutie bobblehead night? I’ve been talking about seriously getting into the CFL this year. I think this is a sign. I think I have to drive up to Toronto for this right? I could expense this to The 300s (read: my credit card) right?

I need a Doug Flutie CFL jersey so bad. Its like acid in my mouth.

Johnny Manziel is Still on the NFL Comeback Trail

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ProFootball Talk – The odds of Johnny Manziel getting a second chance in the NFL remain long. Yet, despite having not played since 2015, the former Heisman Trophy winner apparently is drawing more interest then Colin Kaepernick. Manziel said Saturday he has had a couple of conversations with NFL teams about a comeback. NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport reported in March that Manziel had breakfast with Saints coach Sean Payton at the Super Bowl to discuss a return.

Right now doesn’t seem like a great time to be a comeback story in the NFL, especially as a QB. With guys like RGIII, Colin Kaepernick and Vince Young in the news for not being able to even get a training camp invite, you can’t be too optimistic for Johnny Football here. However, he was a first round pick, a Heisman winner, and is still only 24 years old somehow. That last sentence just made me feel old as hell.

So while I don’t anticipate it, if Manziel is finally done being a goddamn boozebag and is actually working out again, why not give him a shot? Of all the guys I mentioned above who can’t get a job, they all have some baggage. Kapernick obviously has been a lightning rod for anti-police protests, Vince Young is 34(!), and RGIII is a mobile QB with a surgically repaired knee (thank you Mike Shanahan). Manziel is undersized and has been a party animal, but he’s the youngest guy on this list and with all the egos in the NFL I would think someone would want to take a shot on this guy.

Ezekiel Elliott is Doing His Best to Destroy My Fantasy Football Season and its Not Even August

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ESPN – Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott was involved in a late-night incident at a Dallas bar Sunday, a source confirmed to ESPN’s Adam Schefter. According to the Dallas Police Department, officers were dispatched to the bar around 9:40 p.m. A 30-year-old man said he was physically assaulted but could not identify who assaulted him. The man was taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. A Dallas Police spokesperson said no arrests or suspects have been reported in connection with the incident, which was first reported by 105.3 FM The Fan in Dallas. The investigation is ongoing, according to police.

Before I get into this blog about Ezekiel Elliott yet again getting into trouble off the field, I have to get something off my chest.

Ok, I feel a little better. Part of me wants to write this latest incident off as a young guy getting into a scuffle at a bar like we’ve all done, but then I read this.

“According to the Dallas Police Department, officers were dispatched to the bar around 9:40 p.m.”

If you’re getting into brawls before its even fucking 10 pm, then you are the problem. It means you’ve either been boozing all day long and are legless by sundown or you’re just looking to pick fights like an asshole.

This concerns me not as a citizen of the world, but as a fantasy football owner that needs to have a bounce back season. After getting stuck in the mud with bad keepers the past few years; Marshawn Lynch in his final year before his *first* retirement and then his replacement Thomas Rawls who, despite every report otherwise, missed the first half of the season coming back from an injury. So Elliott’s my first great Keeper option in years.

As for his recent legal problems though. He’s already had a potential suspension hanging over his head for a 2016 domestic abuse allegation that the NFL still has yet to finish its investigation on. Not good. Then last August before his first preseason game he was spotted walking into a marijuana dispensary in Seattle. Before his first fucking game. My man, have a little self awareness. I do not care if you wanna smoke up, just send one of your guys out to get it. Don’t walk into a place where they sell a substance that is banned by the NFL. Especially don’t do this if you were a recent Top 5 pick in the NFL Draft.

Not to mention another run-in with cops at a bar in February (no charges or accusations) and of course the infamous pulling a titty out at a St. Patricks Day parade earlier this year. For the sake of my fantasy title aspirations, get your shit together man.

This is why I hate Keeper Leagues. The rest of my team last year was garbage, so I’m basically banking on Elliott, who was lights out last year. But now I may have to burn a first round pick on a guy who could miss a handful of games. Welp, I guess I’ll be turning on my Google Alerts for every Ezekiel Elliott update as I nervously await bad news.

God damnit.

Atlanta Falcons to Sell Beers for $5. What Are You Up to Arthur Blank?

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Yahoo – In a world of constant inflation and outrageous stadium food prices, the Atlanta Falcons could emerge as one of the most fan-friendly teams in all of sports. Atlanta’s new home turf, Mercedes-Benz Stadium, is set to open its doors on August 26, and once it does, Falcons fans will be able to buy concessions at prices most fans can only dream of.

$5 beers? $2 refillable cokes? $2 hot dogs? In this day and age of greedy asshole billionaire owners pinching every penny out of their franchises though I have to ask….what are you up to Arthur Blank? What’s the catch? Do I have to wear my 1994 Starter jacket to redeem these throwback prices?

I’m suspicious. Its like when the Red Sox did $5 beer night a couple of years ago. It was for April games only and the beers were the size of cough syrup cups.

Absurdly low prices? I feel like that guy from the Burger King commercial.

Then again if your team just blew the biggest lead in Super Bowl history and lost in absolutely agonizing fashion to give Tom Brady his 5th ring you’d probably wanna do something to make sure the fans actually showed up the following season. Smart. Arthur Blank didn’t build all those Home Depots by accident.

Todd Marinovich is Back in Football!

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USA Today – It’s hard not to root for a successful Todd Marinovich turnaround. The former USC and Los Angeles Raiders quarterback prodigy, whose football career and life has famously been derailed by substance abuse on multiple occasions, was in Indian Wells on Friday for a news conference to announce that he is returning to competitive football. The former NFL and college star who just turned 48 on July 4, has joined the desert’s developmental football team the SoCal Coyotes after serving as an assistant coach last season.

Remember the kid you grew up with who played sports year round then went to camps and played travel ball all summer long without any time to be a kid because his dad was a psycho living variously through his kid? Yea thats Todd Marinovich times 1,000.

For anyone who’s not familiar Marinovich was basically bred to be a quarterback by his insane father. Marinovich’s dad is essentially Tim McGraw from Friday Night Lights, an absolute maniac who couldn’t let go of the glory days and drilled his kid into the ground to try and make him a better football player.

Seriously, look at this description of the dad from Wikipedia:

“His father, Marv Marinovich, an openly abusive parent, had been a lineman and a captain for the University of Southern California Trojans during the 1962 national championship season, and played in the 1963 Rose Bowl…After harming his own National Football League lineman career by overtraining and focusing too much on weight and bulk, Marv studied Eastern Bloc training methods and was hired by Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis as the NFL’s first strength-and-conditioning coach. Marv later opened his own athletic research center and applied the techniques to his young son, introducing athletic training before Marinovich could leave the crib and continuing it throughout his childhood and adolescence.”

The dad even had the mother in on it, basically feeding the kid like an olympic athlete.

“During her pregnancy, Trudi used no salt, sugar, alcohol, or tobacco; as a baby, Marinovich was fed only fresh vegetables, fruits, and raw milk…The question I asked myself was, How well could a kid develop if you provided him with the perfect environment?”

That shit is child abuse. This is how serial killers are born, let the kid have a McChicken every once in a while. So no wonder Marinovich is a little loopy himself. Now hopefully he’s getting back into football at the age of 48 because he loves the game and wants to play and not because he wants some side cash to buy some dope. But for anyone who saw his 30 for 30, Marinovich did NOT look like a guy who missed two-a-days.

But ya know thats why the Sandlot is one of the most popular sports movies of all time. Because organized sports and practice and conditioning camp and coaches yelling in your face is not fun. It sucks actually. The fun part is playing ball with your boys. So maybe getting on the High School field and slinging the ball around will be good for the guy. Who knows maybe even Brett Favre will make an appearance in his Wranglers, NOBODY likes backyard ball more than that guy.