Category: NFL

The Falcons Just Cucked Jerry Jones and the Cowboys With Their New Halo Scoreboard


Tweeted about this the other day, but I’d be remiss to not at least give it a quick shout out on the blog. Yes the Patriots destroyed the hopes and spirits of every Falcons fan there ever was and ever will be, but MY GAWD this is a stadium. The Atlanta Falcons just cucked Jerry Jones with this absolute dynamite Halo scoreboard.

Jerry’s World was famous for its absurdly “everything is bigger in Texas” 50 yard long scoreboard. That was top notch when it came out. Now compared to the Atlanta Halo scoreboard? Trash. Total garbage, might as well shut the place down like the old AstroDome.

NFL stadiums are like goddamn iPhones. They are shiny and amazing and cutting edge technology for like 12 months then the next version comes out and everyone is scrambling to sell their old piece of shit on ebay for pennies on the dollar. The Falcons may never recover from SuperBowl XLI, but they sure as shit are gonna have a baller ass stadium this year.

That is at least until the Rams open their new stadium in LA.

ESPN Asks Who Are the Best QBs in Patriots History? Hmm

ESPN asked the question of who are the 5 greatest Patriots QBs of all time? Let me stop you right there ESPN.

Tom Brady.  Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Because I spit hot fire.

But, seriously why is this even a list? The best 5 quarterbacks in Patriots history? Tom Brady is No. 1 and then Alex Guerrero is No. 2 for providing Brady with all of his (completely legal) TB12 voodoo magic to play at an MVP level at the age of 40. Then I guess maybe Drew Bledsoe at 3. That’s it.

In case you’re curious how the world-wide leader ranked the top QB’s in Patriots history:

  1. Tom Brady
  2. Drew Bledsoe
  3. Steve Grogan
  4. Babe Parilli
  5. Jim Plunkett
  6. Tony Eason

Adrian Peterson Risking His Life to Cultivate Mass

Yahoo – Adrian Peterson makes his living crashing into defensive linemen and linebackers, so he probably has a good grasp on what is good or bad for his health. Still, the admission that he’s ate so much seafood after signing with the New Orleans Saints that his body fat has gone from 7-8 percent to 9-10 percent in two weeks was a bit crazy. See, it’s not that Peterson is the first to go on a food bender in New Orleans. That’s happened to just about anyone who has visited. It’s that Peterson is allergic to shellfish..The New Orleans Times-Picayune’s Josh Katzenstein chronicled how Peterson is sampling the city’s seafood restaurants, including charbroiled oysters (“I’ve been tearing them up,” he said), and how he carries an EpiPen with him as he does it.

Gotta respect AP embracing that washed life. The guy is a running back over 30 coming off multiple knee surgeries and just got cut by the only team he’s ever played for. So is it any surprise that the guy moves to a warm, entertaining, party city known for its celebrations and its food and is now (reportedly) cultivating mass?

It happens to the best of us. You have a rough day, you get canned from your job, whatever it is. You just roll right up to that Burger King drive through window, crush a couple Whoppers and eat right past those tears. So a little cap tip to AP for hitting the buffet instead of his kids this time around.

Not to mention Peterson is apparently crushing seafood, all while being allergic to shellfish. Foods so good the guy’s risking his fucking LIFE to eat more of it. Can’t blame the guy for enjoying some good old southern food. Unless of course you’re a Saints fan, then you can blame the fuck out of him.

Gronk Goes On An All-Time Bender, Rings Up $100K Bar Tab

I feel like the word “epic” is thrown around a little too cavalierly these days. Getting black out in Faneuil Hall and then getting drunk pizza is not epic, Jimmy. BUT, ringing up a tab that tops SIX FIGURES definitely qualifies for that. Hell Gronk almost equaled what the entire Bruins team spent drinking at Foxwoods after winning the goddamn Stanley Cup in 2011. To rack up $102K at the bar, I’m gonna assume there wasn’t a lot of Miller Lites floating around.

And this is how you party…#shrine #foxwoods #gronkfam

A post shared by Erik Lorch || ⒻⒾⓃⓀ (@finkshotit) on Jun 18, 2017 at 1:32am PDT

 

To be honest though, Shrine should be paying Gronk for this kind of free promotion.

@kberg210 gettin that twerk angle with @gronk 🎥👌

A post shared by Erik Lorch || ⒻⒾⓃⓀ (@finkshotit) on Jun 19, 2017 at 9:42am PDT

 

Kylie Jenner makes like $300K for a promoted Instagram post for christ’s sake. So, when you think about it, its criminal to even let Gronk open his wallet for this one. Sure, take a few grand to fix the holes in the dry wall and steam clean the carpets and couches. But other than that you just thank Gronk for coming to fucking Connecticut to party and call it even.

About last night… 🎉🍾🎤 @gronk @official_flo @shrinefoxwoods #FOXSTAR

A post shared by Foxwoods Resort Casino (@foxwoods) on Jun 18, 2017 at 7:01pm PDT

Vince Young Cut from CFL Team Probably Ends Football Career

Yahoo – Vince Young deserved credit for doing whatever it took to get back into football. In his case, it was a trip to the Canadian Football League. However, Young’s body betrayed him. According to the Houston Chronicle, Young’s agent Leigh Steinberg said Young tore his hamstring during training camp and was cut by the Saskatchewan Roughriders. He was due to be out four-to-six weeks.

Well this is probably curtains on Vince Young’s football playing career and its a sad day for me. Was always a huge Vinsanity guy, mainly because he was unstoppable in Madden 08 running the shotgun.

But the guy was also insanely fun to watch at Texas and for a short time in Tennessee before that train went off the rails. Looking back, Jeff Fisher coupled with VY was a disaster waiting to happen. The king of 8-8 probably wanted nothing to do with Vince scrambling around making shit happen. He wanted to run it out of the I-formation and just miss the playoffs as he’s done his whole career.

I can’t help but get my antenna up though with Vince’s agent announcing the injury at the same time he’s getting cut. Maybe, its to spare Vince the embarrassment of getting cut by a team in Canada or maybe he actually did destroy his hamstring, but either way its the end of an era.

I know he had a role with the University of Texas in the past so hopefully he gets a gig with the football team there if he’s truly done playing. Because if anyone watched that NFL Films doc with him and Matt Leinart “The 2006 Rose Bowl: A Football Life” he did not look great. Especially compared to Leinart who benefits from truly not giving a shit that he also bombed in the NFL. You were a college football legend in motherfucking TEXAS. Own that shit, Vince.

Texas Forever.

I’m Ready for some Football

ABC News – Hank Williams Jr. will be bringing his rowdy friends back to ESPN on Monday nights this fall.

Williams will debut a new version of “All My Rowdy Friends,” featuring its “Are you ready for some football?” catchphrase, before the first Monday night game of the season, between the New Orleans Saints and Minnesota Vikings in Minneapolis on Sept. 11.

ESPN pulled the song midseason in 2011, following controversial comments made by Williams on Fox News…

Cynics will say that ESPN is too liberal, and that this is just a ploy to placate conservatives. They may be right, but I don’t care. This a solid move by TWWL.

“All My Rowdy Friends” “Are You Ready for some Football” is the best sports theme song of its generation. It started in 1989 and originally ran until 2011. I still watch Monday Night Football every week but I couldn’t tell you what songs they’ve used since 2011. I’m no country music fan, but it’s hard to top this classic. Honorable mention from this generation of sports theme songs goes to the NBA on NBC and MLB on Fox.

The song by itself won’t stop the NFL’s ratings slide, but it should evoke some feelings of nostalgia and generate some buzz. Not bad for a 90 second song.

Tom Brady to Grace the Cover of Madden 2018 at 40 Years Old

Alright now…how to react to this news?

A younger version of myself would freak out at the prospect of my franchise quarterback appearing on the cover of Madden because dudes used to routinely get injured after landing the cover. But TB12 put that to rest real quick with a few simple demonstrations.

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Smashed mirror? No problem? Walk under a ladder? Get that shit out of my face.

Lets get scientific about it though and break it down year by year, going back an arbitrary number of years because Madden 03 was the first Madden I actually had. On the PC no less. You ever try running go routes on a 12 inch computer screen? Holy hell, but I digress. Onto the list, with some help from Digital Trends.

  • 2003: Marshall Faulk has one of his worst years ever and its the beginning of the end of his career.
    • CURSE: In full effect
  • 2004: Michael Vick fractures his fibula and misses the first 11 games of the season
    • CURSE: 100%
  • 2005: Ray Lewis has a down year, but nothing curse worthy…he did tear his hamstring the following year though.
    • CURSE: Meh
  • 2006: Donovan McNabb was plagued by a groin injury before tearing his ACL later in the year.
    • CURSE: You bet
  • 2007: Shaun Alexander broke his foot in Week 3 that season.
    • CURSE: Prevails once again
  • 2008: Vince Young was plagued by quad injuries all year before being replaced by KERRY COLLINS.
    • CURSE: Continues to cruise
  • 2009: Brett Favre played pretty well actually before injuring his shoulder down the stretch and tanking his (and the Jets) effectiveness.
    • CURSE: Yea, not even including Brett’s cell phone pic troubles
  • 2010: Larry Fitzgerald/Troy Polamalu – Fitz actually had a career year, but Polamalu injured his MCL, missed a month and then eventually injured his PCL as well.
    • CURSE: 50/50 split but still yes
  • 2011: Drew Brees stayed healthy but threw twice as many picks as the year prior and the Saints lost to the first team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record in Seattle that year.
    • CURSE: Not reallyyy
  • 2012: Peyton Hillis came out of nowhere to have a huge year to land the cover of Madden only to battle illness and hamstring issues all season. Rushed for under 600 yards, the Browns let him walk after the season and that was a wrap on Hillis’ career.
    • CURSE: Yup, you sunk my battleship
  • 2013: Calvin Johnson set the single season record for receiving yards soo he did alright.
    • CURSE: Nope, Megatron shatters it
  • 2014: Adrian Peterson battled through a foot injury all year long and the Vikings only won 10 games.
    • CURSE: Yessir
  • 2015: Richard Sherman had a great season and stayed healthy…but they did lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
    • CURSE: Nah, but we did get this legendary GIF out of Sherman’s season 

  • 2016: Odell Beckham Jr. has 1,400+ receiving yards and 13 TDs and is named to this second consecutive Pro Bowl.
    • CURSE: No shot
  • 2017: Rob Gronkowski played only 8 games last season as missed the first game of the year with a hamstring injury, then got on a roll, but ultimately hurt his back in Week 7 against Seattle and missed the rest of the season.
    • CURSE: Put the smackdown on Gronk

So by my scientific count, that makes 10 instances of the Madden Curse wrecking a guy’s season since Madden 2003.

But, hey this is Tom Brady we’re talking about. The 5 time Super Bowl champ who continues to get better like a goddamn fine wine. As long as he’s go his avocado ice cream and his shady health guru Alex Guerrero and his TB12 voodoo magic, I think Brady will continue to roll. You think the Madden Curse and mother nature can stop this specimen?

I think not.

PS – If something does happen to Tom this year I am going to go full Brian Mills on everyone that has ever worked at EA Sports.

Happy Prince Day

KARE 11 – Gov. Mark Dayton has declared Friday as “Prince Day” across Minnesota to honor the legacy of the homegrown music legend, who died April 21st of last year of an accidental painkiller overdose.

I won’t lie, I was never a big Prince fan. In fact, I remember deliberately avoiding his halftime show at Super Bowl XLI. I was still a little upset over the Patriots’ choke job in the AFC Championship game I guess. And that was my loss.

Prince sold more albums than any other artist in 2016, and that includes the one that I bought. Prince is definitely an acquired taste, but the man has an impressive list of hits. It definitely surprised me, and I wish I had paid more attention while he was alive. Just an incredible musician and performer.

I have always firmly believed that U2’s halftime show at Super Bowl XXXVI was the best of all time. After watching Prince, though, it’s close. That should mean a lot coming from a Patriots fan.

So pour one out for Prince tonight, and enjoy the Purple Rain.

A Lot of Good Things Have Happened on April 16

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We can’t go without mentioning that today is the 17th anniversary of the Patriots drafting Tom Brady. Only two other players drafted in 2000 remain active in the NFL – kicker Sebastian Janikowski and punter Shane Lechler.

The day Tom Brady was drafted was also Bill Belichick’s 48th birthday. That means BB turns 65 today.

And let’s not forget the great pizza toss of 2007. Here is the full “Here comes the pizza” incident a decade later.

Sports Arenas Just Don’t Last as Long as They Used To

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Big news out of Detroit this past weekend where the Red Wings closed Joe Louis Arena on Sunday and the Pistons closed The Palace of Auburn Hills on Monday. The Red Wings began playing at Joe Louis Arena in 1979 and the Pistons began playing at the Palace in 1988. After missing the playoffs, both teams will move into the new Little Caesars Arena in downtown Detroit this fall.

Joe Louis Arena lasted 38 years while The Palace lasted just 29 years. The Atlanta Braves will open SunTrust Park on Friday night after just 20 seasons at Turner Field, and the Texas Rangers are looking to get out of the Ballpark in Arlington, which opened in 1994, as soon as 2020.

The fact that sports arenas don’t last as long as they used to is especially obvious to Boston sports fans. Fenway Park has been going strong for more than a hundred years and the Boston Garden lasted 67 years.

Even Foxboro Stadium, a true dump built on a shoestring $7 million budget, lasted 31 years. Compare that to serviceable, if not lavish, football stadiums like the Silverdome, the Metrodome and the Georgia Dome. None of these stadiums lasted more than 32 years and have either been demolished or await the wrecking ball. At least Foxboro Stadium was cheap.

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This is quite the turnaround for the city of Detroit. Tiger Stadium opened the same day Fenway Park opened, and the Tigers played there for the remainder of the 20th century. Their new home, Comerica Park, opened in 2000. With the Lions moving to Ford Field in 2002, and now the Red Wings and Pistons moving to Little Caesars Arena this fall, all four Detroit professional sports teams will play in buildings opened this century. All within walking distance of each other! What recession?

detroit

While The Palace only last 29 years, it did outlast a lot of other venues built in that era. The Miami Heat lasted only 11 seasons in Miami Arena, which opened in 1988, and the Charlotte Hornets/Bobcats only got a combined 13 seasons out of the Charlotte Coliseum, which opened in 1986.

Maybe Boston is lucky they didn’t get a new Garden sooner. Arenas from the late ’80s and early ’90s have not aged well. The new Garden, which opened in 1995, still looks pretty good more than 20 years later. The United Center in Chicago and Verizon Center in D.C., which also opened in the mid ’90s, have aged similarly well.

Meanwhile in Minnesota, the Timberwolves play in the Target Center in Minneapolis while the Wild plays in the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul. The Target Center, which opened in 1990, looks like the Worcester Civic Center compared to the Xcel Energy Center. The Xcel Energy Center opened in 2000, and still looks like it opened yesterday. The Target Center, just 10 years older, is in the midst of a $130 million upgrade.

It’s been said that Camden Yards changed baseball when it opened in 1992. Twenty-five years later, it is still one of the top venues in the sport. Maybe its impact was not limited just to baseball stadiums, though.

With the influx of concerts and hockey games at baseball stadiums, and shopping centers and NCAA Tournament games at football stadiums, teams (and in some instances, cities and states) are trying to get people to their venues as many days a year as possible. They are no longer game-day only operations. Hopefully that will allow (and encourage) the stadiums of this era to last a little bit longer than their predecessors.