Category: Patriots

Rebuttal: I Could Give A Fuck About the Patriots Going 19-0

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Not going to try and make this a PhD thesis about the New England Patriots and their upcoming season, I am going to simply state I strongly disagree with my editor’s opinion (although I respect his right to it cause we’re buds 🙂 ) and give a few reasons why.

A 19-0 season is like an awesome upcoming party that you have to throw. I’m guessing it’s like planning your wedding. That night things are probably going to go great and it’s going to be best night of your life blahblahblah but putting it altogether and paying for it sucks, from what I’ve heard. Sure, it would be great to go undefeated. It’d be cool. But as a fan the stress and strain of winning week in and week out in the National Football League for 16 weeks is a grind. I honestly hate it. I feel like a lot of people, and this does not include Dougie, don’t get that just because the Pats make it look easy sometimes doesn’t mean it is. They are still playing highly trained super-athletes every single week.  Every early season loss for me comes with 5 minutes of despair followed by the epiphany of “thank God we got that out of the way”.

I also think that in the grand scheme of things 19-0 is a bit arbitrary. It would be awesome, sure. However there is a reason no one talks about the team we put together in 07′ that was only the second team to ever go undefeated in the regular season and the first to go 16-0: we lost the big one. In other words, The Super Bowl is all that really matters. We’ve won that going 11-5. We’ve lost that going 14-2. Let’s just get there and then let’s win it.

So that’s really it, my rebuttal. I guess I’m not about the glitz and the glam. I don’t care about superfluous records. I’m looking for more hardware.

I Am Offended at the Lack of Patriots Fans That Want to Go for 19-0

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It seems like the topic du jour around the local sports media is whether the Patriots can realistically (or should even attempt it) go a perfect 19-0. Except there seems to be less people talking about if they can do it and more people just straight up refusing to talk about it and saying its stupid to do so. USA Today thinks its doable. But basically every other media personality wants no part of it.

As a Patriots fan, the lack of people that want to go for 19-0 personally offends me.

Guys, I know it brings up bad memories. We almost had it in 2007. It was in the palms of our hands, less than 2 minutes to go and the 07 Patriots would be crowned the greatest team of all time.

If Asante Samuel makes that interception. If David Tyree plays like the insurance salesman he really is, if Rodney Harrison somehow jars that ball lose from his fucking helmet, if the refs actually called holding on the Giants offensive line on that play. The list goes on and on.

That shit used to kill me. Used to. But I noticed something recently. The 07 Super Bowl highlights come on….and I watch them. It doesn’t make me physically ill anymore. I can watch those clips and say ah man that sucked, without smashing a pint glass off my wall like I would have done a few years ago. Winning two Super Bowls since then goes a looong way in healing that pain. Brady’s 5-2 in the SB for christ’s sake. That will always be the most painful loss of my life. I was a freshman in college and my direct roommate was a Giants fan, not to mention half my hallway. So losing in that fashion, surrounded by that many Giants fans in neutral territory as a young, inebriated boyish man, that was a tough pill to swallow.

But like I said, one of the greatest Super Bowls EVER against Seattle with the Malcolm Butler pick to seal the W was cathartic; the greatest comeback of all time against the Falcons in 2016 gave us all our swagger back. You can’t say shit to us. You can’t hurt us.

The Patriots have 5 Super Bowl rings, Tom Brady is a 2x MVP, a 4x Super Bowl MVP, he had one of his greatest seasons ever during the Deflategate saga, and then was suspended the following year only to come back, tear it up and win another fucking Super Bowl. Belichick and Brady are the. Greatest. Of. All. Time. So…what do you get the men who have everything? The only thing left. Perfection

Its the ultimate. Its the only thing left that the Patriots don’t have. And there will always be the Felgers of the world saying we as Patriots fans all have a persecution complex (is it paranoid if its true though?) and theres nothing left to prove. But, tell someone they can’t do something or don’t need something and what do they want? Exactly. We’ve conquered the AFC East, we’ve conquered fan bases in St. Louis, Carolina, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Atlanta, we’ve taken on the league and the commissioner himself and come out with one for the thumb. TB12 is 40 years old and playing better than anyone has ever played the position. Minneaposix™ is the goal, but 19-0 will always be the ultimate.

PS – Plus if the Pats do go 19-0 I can get my fucking t-shirts back stateside.

Donte Stallworth Talking About How Tom Brady and Randy Moss Ran Improvised Plays in 2007 is Patriots Porn

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In case you missed it, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t bring this Donte Stallworth story about the 2007 Patriots team to your attention. The 2007 Patriots are the greatest, most dominant team I’ve ever seen and were the most fun I’ve ever had watching football. They were straight up dismantling the league, blowing everyone out as a response to the NFL hosing them with the overblown and hypocritical Spygate scandal.

This was also the first year Tom Brady had real weapons around him like Wes Welker, Stallworth and of course Randy Moss.  This season finally helped put to rest the Tom Brady vs Peyton Manning argument. Yes, when TB12 has Hall of Famers catching his passes he can put up 50 TDs too. Some of the plays these guys made were just outrageous though and it turns out some of them were legitimate accidents. Just Brady and Moss out there improvising and freestyling like only two first ballot Hall of Famers can.

PS – If you want to watch every single one of Tom Brady’s 50 TD passes, @fearthe_beard11 is doing Gods work on twitter and tweeted each one out.

NFL and CFL Legend Doug Flutie Named to Toronto All-Time Team

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Toronto Argonauts – The Toronto Argonauts Football Club and the Toronto Argonauts Alumni Association are proud to announce that quarterback Doug Flutie has been named an All-Time Argo. Flutie played in Toronto for two seasons and was named the league’s Most Outstanding Player in both, leading the Argos to back-to-back Grey Cup Championships in 1996 and 1997. He was also named the Grey Cup MVP in both games. The product of Boston College holds the Argos’ single season record for most passing yards (5,720 – 1996), most pass completions (434 – 1996) and most passing touchdowns (47 – 1997).

First off, what a distinction. Rarefied air. Good for Doug Flutie. Now I readily admit I cant name a single other former Toronto Argonaut aside from Ricky Williams, but I recognize greatness. And holy hell did Doug Flutie put up some numbers in the CFL. He was (Canadian) Tom Brady before Tom Brady.

Have you ever actually looked at Flutie’s career CFL stats?

  • His career CFL statistics include 41,355 passing yards and 270 touchdowns.
  • He holds the professional football record of 6,619 yards passing in a single season. He led the league in passing five times in only eight seasons.
  • He once held four of the CFL’s top five highest single-season completion marks, including a record 466 in 1991 which was surpassed by Ricky Ray in 2005.
  • His 48 touchdown passes in 1994 remains a CFL record.
  • He earned three Grey Cup MVP awards, and was named the CFL’s Most Outstanding Player a record six times (1991–1994, and 1996–1997).
  • He passed for 5,000+ yards six times in his career and remains the only player in pro football history to pass for 6,000+ yards in a season twice in his career.

Those are legit Madden on Easy mode numbers, just a disgusting level of dominance of the CFL and their goofy wider field with goalposts in the endzone. Canada WORSHIPS this guy. Like I love Doug Flutie, but he’s a goddamn legend in the great white north. They voted him the greatest CFL player of all-time and then made him the first non-Canadian EVER inducted into Canada’s Sports Hall of Fame.

And how am I only just now hearing about Doug Flutie bobblehead night? I’ve been talking about seriously getting into the CFL this year. I think this is a sign. I think I have to drive up to Toronto for this right? I could expense this to The 300s (read: my credit card) right?

I need a Doug Flutie CFL jersey so bad. Its like acid in my mouth.

ESPN Asks Who Are the Best QBs in Patriots History? Hmm

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ESPN asked the question of who are the 5 greatest Patriots QBs of all time? Let me stop you right there ESPN.

Tom Brady.  Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Because I spit hot fire.

But, seriously why is this even a list? The best 5 quarterbacks in Patriots history? Tom Brady is No. 1 and then Alex Guerrero is No. 2 for providing Brady with all of his (completely legal) TB12 voodoo magic to play at an MVP level at the age of 40. Then I guess maybe Drew Bledsoe at 3. That’s it.

In case you’re curious how the world-wide leader ranked the top QB’s in Patriots history:

  1. Tom Brady
  2. Drew Bledsoe
  3. Steve Grogan
  4. Babe Parilli
  5. Jim Plunkett
  6. Tony Eason

Gronk Goes On An All-Time Bender, Rings Up $100K Bar Tab

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I feel like the word “epic” is thrown around a little too cavalierly these days. Getting black out in Faneuil Hall and then getting drunk pizza is not epic, Jimmy. BUT, ringing up a tab that tops SIX FIGURES definitely qualifies for that. Hell Gronk almost equaled what the entire Bruins team spent drinking at Foxwoods after winning the goddamn Stanley Cup in 2011. To rack up $102K at the bar, I’m gonna assume there wasn’t a lot of Miller Lites floating around.

And this is how you party…#shrine #foxwoods #gronkfam

A post shared by Erik Lorch || ⒻⒾⓃⓀ (@finkshotit) on Jun 18, 2017 at 1:32am PDT

 

To be honest though, Shrine should be paying Gronk for this kind of free promotion.

@kberg210 gettin that twerk angle with @gronk 🎥👌

A post shared by Erik Lorch || ⒻⒾⓃⓀ (@finkshotit) on Jun 19, 2017 at 9:42am PDT

 

Kylie Jenner makes like $300K for a promoted Instagram post for christ’s sake. So, when you think about it, its criminal to even let Gronk open his wallet for this one. Sure, take a few grand to fix the holes in the dry wall and steam clean the carpets and couches. But other than that you just thank Gronk for coming to fucking Connecticut to party and call it even.

About last night… 🎉🍾🎤 @gronk @official_flo @shrinefoxwoods #FOXSTAR

A post shared by Foxwoods Resort Casino (@foxwoods) on Jun 18, 2017 at 7:01pm PDT

Tom Brady to Grace the Cover of Madden 2018 at 40 Years Old

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Alright now…how to react to this news?

A younger version of myself would freak out at the prospect of my franchise quarterback appearing on the cover of Madden because dudes used to routinely get injured after landing the cover. But TB12 put that to rest real quick with a few simple demonstrations.

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FTomBrady%2Fvideos%2F1560009470706864%2F&show_text=0&width=560

Smashed mirror? No problem? Walk under a ladder? Get that shit out of my face.

Lets get scientific about it though and break it down year by year, going back an arbitrary number of years because Madden 03 was the first Madden I actually had. On the PC no less. You ever try running go routes on a 12 inch computer screen? Holy hell, but I digress. Onto the list, with some help from Digital Trends.

  • 2003: Marshall Faulk has one of his worst years ever and its the beginning of the end of his career.
    • CURSE: In full effect
  • 2004: Michael Vick fractures his fibula and misses the first 11 games of the season
    • CURSE: 100%
  • 2005: Ray Lewis has a down year, but nothing curse worthy…he did tear his hamstring the following year though.
    • CURSE: Meh
  • 2006: Donovan McNabb was plagued by a groin injury before tearing his ACL later in the year.
    • CURSE: You bet
  • 2007: Shaun Alexander broke his foot in Week 3 that season.
    • CURSE: Prevails once again
  • 2008: Vince Young was plagued by quad injuries all year before being replaced by KERRY COLLINS.
    • CURSE: Continues to cruise
  • 2009: Brett Favre played pretty well actually before injuring his shoulder down the stretch and tanking his (and the Jets) effectiveness.
    • CURSE: Yea, not even including Brett’s cell phone pic troubles
  • 2010: Larry Fitzgerald/Troy Polamalu – Fitz actually had a career year, but Polamalu injured his MCL, missed a month and then eventually injured his PCL as well.
    • CURSE: 50/50 split but still yes
  • 2011: Drew Brees stayed healthy but threw twice as many picks as the year prior and the Saints lost to the first team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record in Seattle that year.
    • CURSE: Not reallyyy
  • 2012: Peyton Hillis came out of nowhere to have a huge year to land the cover of Madden only to battle illness and hamstring issues all season. Rushed for under 600 yards, the Browns let him walk after the season and that was a wrap on Hillis’ career.
    • CURSE: Yup, you sunk my battleship
  • 2013: Calvin Johnson set the single season record for receiving yards soo he did alright.
    • CURSE: Nope, Megatron shatters it
  • 2014: Adrian Peterson battled through a foot injury all year long and the Vikings only won 10 games.
    • CURSE: Yessir
  • 2015: Richard Sherman had a great season and stayed healthy…but they did lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
    • CURSE: Nah, but we did get this legendary GIF out of Sherman’s season 

  • 2016: Odell Beckham Jr. has 1,400+ receiving yards and 13 TDs and is named to this second consecutive Pro Bowl.
    • CURSE: No shot
  • 2017: Rob Gronkowski played only 8 games last season as missed the first game of the year with a hamstring injury, then got on a roll, but ultimately hurt his back in Week 7 against Seattle and missed the rest of the season.
    • CURSE: Put the smackdown on Gronk

So by my scientific count, that makes 10 instances of the Madden Curse wrecking a guy’s season since Madden 2003.

But, hey this is Tom Brady we’re talking about. The 5 time Super Bowl champ who continues to get better like a goddamn fine wine. As long as he’s go his avocado ice cream and his shady health guru Alex Guerrero and his TB12 voodoo magic, I think Brady will continue to roll. You think the Madden Curse and mother nature can stop this specimen?

I think not.

PS – If something does happen to Tom this year I am going to go full Brian Mills on everyone that has ever worked at EA Sports.

Patriots Now Involved in Marshawn Lynch Rumors. Introducing the Not Fucking Around Crew

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I didn’t really buy into Marshawn Lynch coming out of retirement to play in Oakland. Guy legit seems to be enjoying retirement and not dealing with smashing into 300 pound men all day. But now I hear that Marshawn Lynch is interested in joining the Patriots? I am officially woke. I am back on Marshawn Lynch Watch because the Patriots are looking to build something special. They are turning over every rock to build the best team in the NFL. So whats to say the Pats don’t swoop in and get a deal done? This is the Not Fucking Around Crew.

Sure Lynch saying he’s interested in a team is not exactly the same thing as a team offering a guy a contract, but this is a wild rumor if nothing else. Blount still hasn’t resigned with the team and they didn’t offer Adrian Peterson a contract. They also don’t have a pick in the NFL Draft until No. 72 overall, but the Pats don’t typically draft runningbacks high anyways. With all that being said, there is a gaping void for a power back just waiting to be filled.

Am I a little hesitant about bringing on a guy who last played in 2015 when he rushed for 417 yards? Yup. Did he also destroy my fantasy football season that year? Yup. But if its Marshawn Lynch or LeGarrette Blount, Lynch is a clear upgrade. Lynch will be 31 by the time next season starts so this would clearly be a short term engagement.

Now all you need to do is convince Pete Carroll to trade Beast Mode to the exact team that had every person in the world clowning him after the Super Bowl a couple years ago. Simple enough task, I suppose.

Jeff Howe, who reported the rumor, calls it a long shot if anything, but it would definitely be fun to have Lynch on this Pats team. And for people saying he might not get along with the Patriot Way? Uhh, does anyone remember this dude’s press conferences?

Pretty sure he’d do just fine not saying shit to the media. Now for the obligatory highlight video of Marshawn Lynch dominating people with a football in his hands. Boss.

Conspiracy Theory Alert: Did the Patriots Host Adrian Peterson to Grease the Wheels on a Richard Sherman Trade?

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CBS Sports – The Patriots’ whirlwind of big offseason moves may not be over yet. After being mentioned in recent trade rumors involving Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, it appears that the team’s interest in his services is still alive. The Boston Herald’s Jeff Howe tweeted on Wednesday that the Patriots still have “some” interest in trading for Sherman. Howe was following up on candid comments made by Seahawks GM John Schneider regarding Seattle’s own interest in moving the super-talented (three-time All-Pro) but expensive ($11 million base salary) 29-year-old cornerback.

As everyone knows, there have been rumors floating around that the Patriots are interested in acquiring the Seahawks shutdown corner Richard Sherman. I would love to have a guy like Sherman on this Pats team, especially if they are debating dealing Malcolm Butler. Now lets unpack this conspiracy theory with everything else thats been happening the past week.

The Patriots hosted free agent Adrian Peterson on Monday, which was Peterson’s FIRST free agent visit of the offseason. Peterson obviously has his own baggage after abusing his toddler and getting suspended by the Vikings. So not surprisingly the free agent market has been a bit slow for a 32 year old RB coming off knee surgery with that kind of shit going on.

When news broke of Peterson’s visit to the Patriots pretty much everyone asked why? Runningback isn’t exactly at the top of the Pats list of needs, especially not one embroiled in a case like his. Even more so after Jonathan Kraft ripped the dude on the radio. So what could it be? As some have speculated, were the Patriots maybe doing his agent Ben Dogra a solid? Bring in AP for a visit to get the ball rolling and drum up some interest in the RB around the rest of the league? Sure, maybe, but still doesn’t quite explain it.

Then the Sherman rumors come out that he might be available via trade and the Patriots were one of the teams inquiring. And as Scott Zolack mentioned on the air today; who is Richard Sherman’s agent? Ben Dogra. Yes, the same Dogra that represents Adrian Peterson.

So sure its still an NFL trade for a superstar and the Pats would need to give up something to get something, but maybe Dogra helps steer a potential Sherman trade to the Pats after Belichick helped drum up interest on Peterson.

Its called quid pro quo guys.