Can’t have it. You want the power? The one ring to rule them all? Then you host the draft party and don’t you dare take any money out of the fantasy pot to do so.
Patriots Are Going to Roll the Saints This Sunday
No shot the Pats lose back to back games. Not gonna happen. Pats by 10.
If You Pay $1,000 for an iPhone X You are a Sheep
TechCrunch – Ten years ago, the world got much bigger and much smaller, all in one fell swoop. Steve Jobs introduced the iPhone, the first internet-connected smartphone that put user experience above all, finally executing on the idea of a full touchscreen handset. This ushered in the rise of constant social networking, an application economy, and a complete dependence on our smartphones for just about everything. Today, Apple has introduced the iPhone 8 and iPhone 8 Plus. But in true Apple fashion, Tim Cook promised us “one more thing.” Today, ten years later, Apple is introducing the iPhone X. And, by the way, it’s pronounced “Ten.”…The iPhone X starts at $999 for the 64GB model, with a larger 256GB option. Pre-orders begin on October 27 and regular sales begin November 3, just in time for the Holidays.
$999 for a cell phone? Are you out of your fucking mind? Let me say this loud and clear. If you pay $1,000 for the new iPhone then you my friend are a sheep.
They even created an annual subscription model for sheep like you with the option to upgrade EVERY TIME a new iPhone comes out. I got my first iPhone in 2013 and have had all of one other iPhone since then. Two phones in nearly 5 years. Now mine weren’t exactly free, but come the fuck on.
I guess Apple released the iPhone 8 and the iPhone 8 Plus today too? Then immediately kicked the legs out on their own product and introduced the iPhone X.
And, by the way, it’s pronounced “Ten.”
Of course it is.
But its got facial recognition! Don’t care. No home button! Don’t care. Wireless charging? Apple can’t even get wired charging to work half the time. You know how many times I wake up and my phone thats been plugged into the wall all night is at 20% battery?
I’m just about ready to go back to my Razr flip phone. (That was THE hottest phone on the streets in 7th grade) If I weren’t so goddamn addicted to checking Twitter every 5 minutes I would go straight up nuclear winter. Send me a page and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m by a payphone.
But since these phones don’t really make dramatic improvements with every iteration here is my advice: Buy an otterbox so you can just beat the shit out of your current overpriced pocket computer and hold onto it for a bit. Save your money for more sensible purchases, like Yeezys.
Clemson’s $55 Million Football Facility Has Its Very Own Nap Room
Yahoo – “[Dabo Swinney] celebrated the school’s first national title in 35 years by moving his team into a palatial football facility that’s both the envy of college football and a grandiose shrine to its excesses. The 142,500-square-foot expanse includes a nine-hole mini-golf course, turf Wiffle Ball field and every kind of pool imaginable. There’s a 30-yard cold tub, a lap pool, pool tables, pools with underwater treadmills and even an outdoor wading pool.. Clemson’s facility is a $55 million homage to extravagance, as impressive in recruiting circles as it is divisive in academic circles. Amid the Tiger Paw carpet, second-floor slide and barber shop – credit cards accepted! – is one nuance that can’t be written off as a superfluous overindulgence. Clemson’s nap room is the single best asset of its new facility, a common-sense addition to DaboLand that even the fussy pants at the Knight Commission couldn’t twist their britches about. Clemson hails the Nap/Recovery room as “first of its kind” in an athletic facility, but the reality is that it’s long overdue.”
I literally can’t imagine a better life than to be a 19-year old college football player on a top tier program. In between playing in pressure packed games on national TV you get to live your days in Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory.
Clemson won its first National Championship in 35 years, which no doubt brought in absurd sums of money for the school, so they celebrate by building a $55 million football mega-complex. Its got pools, pool tables, a whiffle ball field, underwater treadmills, basketball courts, mini golf, and even a barbershop.
Not to mention a 30-yard long icing pool in case the whole team wants to get a soak in at the same exact time.
But the icing on the cake has got to be the NAP ROOM. That is so gloriously excessive that you have to respect it.
Full disclosure, I think paying student athletes a stipend for the semester is a great idea to put a little coin in their pockets and then let the really good players make money off their own likeness. But I am absolutely not going to shed any tears for these teenagers who get to work out in world class facilities, are treated like rock stars, and play mini golf, then curl up in their very own nap room. Nothing like crushing a good nap.
Dabo Swinney is like the Chip Kelly of the south. An elite college coach, who’s obsessed with the minutia of football and is absolutely maniacal about nutrition and mental health. Chip had guys pissing in cups to test and rank each player’s hydration levels. Dabo’s calling guys out for not sleeping enough.
Man college really is fake life. I had to peel my ass outta bed to get to work on time today after staying up past midnight to watch the Pats last night. In college I would’ve rolled over and said man fuck that class with zero repercussions. Do that shit in your late 20’s and you’ll be working at McDonalds before the end of the month. If I could say one thing to these Clemson athletes, it’d be this:
The Celtics Just Back Doored Their Way into an NBA2K Cover
One of the funnier things to come out of the Kyrie -Isaiah trade is the fact that NBA2K18 was locked, cocked and ready to go with Kyrie on the cover…in his Cavs jersey.
Introducing this year’s #NBA2K18 cover athlete @KyrieIrving in his new @cavs uniform! #2KFirstLook pic.twitter.com/WUE9uasQGA
— NBA 2K 2K18 (@NBA2K) August 7, 2017
A little bit of an issue to say the least with Kyrie now on the Boston Celtics and with the game set to drop on Sept. 19th. So not exactly a ton of time to stop the presses.
The latest 2K tweet says the new Celtics Kyrie cover is “to be released at a later date.” So does that mean I’m gonna have to print it out and slip it into the PS4 game sleeve like I used to do printing out Nomar Garciaparra covers for MVP Baseball?
Introducing the NEW #NBA2K18 cover ft. @KyrieIrving in a Boston Celtics uniform, to be released at a later date! https://t.co/9fcRLMh02k pic.twitter.com/vmdFQkv1vh
— NBA 2K 2K18 (@NBA2K) September 7, 2017
Welp either way the Celtics just back doored their way into a major video game cover. This marks the 3rd video game cover for a Boston athlete in the last 12 months (Gronk Madden 17, Brady Madden 18). The last one I can recall before that was Patrice Bergeron on NHL 15. Sure, Mookie Betts was on the cover of RBI Baseball 16, but thats a garbage game so that doesn’t count.
Red Sox Admit to Stealing Signs Against the Yankees Using an Apple Watch
NY Times – For decades, spying on another team has been as much a part of the gamesmanship of baseball as brushback pitches and hard slides. The Red Sox have apparently added a modern — and illicit — twist: They used an Apple Watch to gain an advantage against the Yankees and other teams..The commissioner’s office then confronted the Red Sox, who admitted that their trainers had received signals from video replay personnel and then relayed that information to some players — an operation that had been in place for at least several weeks.
Oh for christ’s sake. Steve Jobs would be rolling over in his goddamn grave. Now for the record I do not think stealing signs in baseball is a big deal, I believe every team is doing it in some form or another. But leave it to the Red Sox to get caught up in another big embarrassing storyline to make the whole organization look bad.
As retarded as this whole scenario is, I do respect the Red Sox for just getting petty with it.
“The Red Sox responded in kind on Tuesday, filing a complaint against the Yankees, claiming that the team uses a camera from its television network, YES, exclusively to steal signs during games.”
Basically responding to the allegations by saying “well, yea..but fuck you” and filing a complaint of their own.
Also, I want to call bullshit on John Farrell not being aware of this whole thing, but the guy is a goddamn space case so I actually don’t doubt it. Not exactly a players manager either so I doubt Pedroia, the guy who threw his whole team under the bus with the Manny Machado incident, is casually chatting with Manager John over stuff like this.
I did hear Curt Schilling on WEEI this morning though and when asked about the situation he said you’re a moron if you think this isn’t going on everywhere. Basically said it happened in every game of his career, on both sides, all the way from A-ball to the major leagues.
“I never looked at it as cheating. I looked at it as I throw harder than you and if I catch you I’ll hurt you way worse than you can hurt me.”
According to Schilling the Yankees are far from innocent of doing this shit too.
“Alex [Rodriguez] used to do it in New York at second base. And he wasn’t good at it.”
Fucking A-Rod man. Guy can’t even steal signs without getting made fun of by his peers. In full transparency though, Schilling said his teams did the same thing.
“Game 6 of the 2001 World Series (Yankees lost 16-2) we knew every single pitch Andy Pettitte threw.”
It’s just part of the game. But, this is just what we need in Boston, another cheating scandal. Sure, every rational person will say eh its just stealing signs, legitimately every other team does it in some form or another. But fans aren’t rational. Most fans, especially dickhead New Yorkers, will tie it all neatly together with Spygate and just make me want to put a bullet in my brain as I’ll now have to debate this incident for the rest of my life too.
This team is fucked anyways, steal as many signs as you want. Won’t help Rick Porcello not serve up batting practice to last place teams.
Today is the 10 Year Anniversary of the Clay Buchholz No Hitter
Oh what could have been.
If you’re anything like me you’ll remember how AMPED you were that the Red Sox had this starting rotation signed and sealed for years:
- Josh Beckett
- Jon Lester
- John Lackey
- Clay Buchholz
Now obviously, like Clay’s career, things did not go as expected. Buchholz was going to be the next ace of the staff, throwing a no-hitter in his second career start, but his career was defined by maddening inconsistency and of course injuries. Clay currently has a 4.01 career ERA and is currently on the DL for the Phillies, which is a microcosm for him as a whole. The guy would routinely go on a 6-week run of dominance sporting a 2 ERA before going into the tank for the rest of the season. Like clockwork.
We’ll always have that no-hitter though, Clay.
Your Daily Dose of 90s Nostalgia
Beloit College Mindset List – This year’s entering college class of 2021 can’t remember when a “phone” wasn’t a video game and research library. Mostly born in 1999, they’ve always been searching for Pokemon. They’ve never read a Peanuts strip that wasn’t a repeat and they never had the privilege of a Montgomery Ward catalogue as a booster seat. They have persevered in a world without Joe Dimaggio and brightened by emojis. If you ask them about the whine of a dial-up modem, expect a blank stare.
These are among the items in this year’s Beloit College Mindset List, the 20th such release since the list was first compiled in 1998. The List’s current subjects are the last class to be born in the 1900s – the last of the Millennials.
I usually don’t pay too much attention to lists like this one. When I see them covered on evening newscasts for 45 seconds it seems like cheap, lazy, hackneyed journalism. The Mindset List seems like a BuzzFeed list that is more important only because it was written by college professors.
I’ll make an exception for this year’s Mindset List for two reasons. First, it’s hard to believe there are college students that remember the stuff that happened in 1999 the way I remember the Iran-Contra affair. Second, because 1999 really was a fire year: American Pie, Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, American Beauty, All the Small Things, Blockbuster Video, Y2K, N64, Clinton Acquitted, Britney and Christina.
Maybe I also remember 1999 as a fire year because I can vividly remember the best Red Sox season of my lifetime up until that point. Nomar’s three home runs, two grand slams and 10 RBI on May 10. The All-Star Game in Boston where Pedro stuck out five NL All-Stars. His one-hitter in New York in September. Troy O’Leary’s two home runs against Cleveland in Game 5 of the ALDS. Pedro’s heroics on the mound in Game 5. His 12 strikeouts against the Yankees in the ALCS as the Red Sox roughed up Clemens and won their only game of that series. Pedro winning the Cy Young.
Okay, maybe a lot of my good memories of 1999 have to do with Pedro’s dominance. I guess Terence Mann was right when he said that “baseball has marked the time.” I’m an optimist, so I’ll also agree that it “reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.”
AL East on the Line in the Bronx This Weekend
Good morning! ✈️
We’ve got a date in the Bronx tonight! pic.twitter.com/uz4XFzINjT— Red Sox (@RedSox) August 31, 2017
The Red Sox are in the Bronx this weekend with a chance to put the Yankees to bed in the AL East. It didn’t seem like that would be possible just 72 hours ago. As the Red Sox were getting swept by the Orioles last weekend, the Yankees were taking two out of three against the Mariners. On Monday morning, the Yankees were just 2 1/2 games behind the Red Sox.
Since Monday morning, though, the Red Sox got three solid starts from its pitching staff and won all three games against the Blue Jays in Toronto. Meanwhile in New York, the Yankees had their momentum come to a screeching halt as they got swept by the Cleveland Indians. Losing both ends of a doubleheader yesterday as the Red Sox won again in Toronto meant that the Yankees fell 1 1/2 games further behind the Red Sox in the AL East. The Red Sox now lead the Yankees by 5 1/2 games, their biggest lead in the division this season.
Despite the blip against the Orioles, August has been the best month of the season for the Red Sox. The Sox are 18-8 this month and 19-8 since stumbling out of the gate 7-10 after the All-Star break. That works out to 26-18 overall since the break, which is a higher winning percentage (.591) than the team posted in the first half (.562).
The Yankees have been trending in the opposite direction, as their best month was April. After going 30-20 in April and May, they got out to a 4 game lead in the division by June 12. But since the beginning of June the team is 40-42.
The Yankees really need to take at least three games this weekend to have any shot in the division race. [They could also use three wins to get some breathing room in the Wild Card race. They are just one game up on the second Wild Card team, the Twins, and just two games up on the third-place team in the Wild Card race, the Angels.] A split of this series would mean the Yankees would have only 26 games to make up 5 1/2 games on the Red Sox.
Clearly, it wouldn’t be impossible for the Yankees to catch the Red Sox if they were 5 1/2 games back on Labor Day but they would need to have their best month of the season. There have been no signs that the Yankees are ready to rip off six in a row, or 12 out of 15. And the Red Sox can only be caught if they stumble.
The Red Sox have a favorable schedule after Labor Day. Of their final 25 games, 16 will be at Fenway Park. The farthest the Red Sox will travel in September is to Cincinnati, and the Red Sox are 13-4 in interleague play this season. They’ll close out the season at home with four games against the Houston Astros who might have the top spot in their division, and the league, wrapped at that point.
The panic button is out, but it’s now in the hands of Yankees fans.
Dice-K 2.0 Watch is ON as the Red Sox are in on Japanese Phenom Prospect Shohei Otani
NESN – It appears the Boston Red Sox want a seat at the table of the Shohei Otani sweepstakes. The Red Sox are one of many MLB teams to express interest in the highly-touted Japanese pitcher/outfielder, according to multiple reports. The Sox and New York Yankees have the most international allotment money in the majors — $8 million apiece — and thus are in the best position to pursue a player like Otani, per Jon Heyman of FanRag Sports. And according to Ken Rosenthal of FOX Sports and The Athletic, Boston and New York are among 13 teams who have requested to scout Otani in person.
Tomato/to-mah-toh. While some may see Dice-K 2.0 others may see a pitcher/outfielder who excels at both and think of the immortal Casey Kelley! Another can’t miss prospect who was so good at pitching and playing the field that he ended up being good at neither as a pro.
The Sox have been gearing up for a move like this though as they are tied for the most international allotment money in the majors at $8M. Tied with the goddamn Yankees to boot.
So you know the Red Sox are just itching to throw some money at a sexy foreign prospect because they have such a great track record with expensive international players like Dice-K and colossal bust Rusney Castillo. Boston tends to fare better with smaller deals when dipping its toe into the international pool with guys like Junichi Tazawa and Hideki Okajima. We did also get guys like Xander Bogaerts and Yoan Moncada (top prospect in MLB despite his early career struggles).
Obviously the Sox aren’t going to shun the international market, nor should they, because of a few (HUGE) swings and misses, but I am a little reluctant to give another gigantic payday to an unknown player because he’s mowing down 140 pound Japanese guys halfway across the world.
Either way Shohei Otani played in the WBC for Japan and currently plays in the Nippon Pro Baseball League (just like ya boy Dice-K) and is straight up DOMINATING.
“He started 20 games on the mound for the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters in 2016, tallying a 10-4 record and a 1.86 ERA. He also has thrown the fastest recorded pitch in NPB history, at 102 mph. Otani excelled as a hitter last season, as well, posting a .322 batting average with 22 home runs and 67 RBIs in 2014 games played.”
So definitely someone to keep an eye on, especially if David Price continues to circle the drain amidst his $217 DL stint. Shohei Otani watch is ON!
PS – Fun fact. A few years ago I made the pilgrimage to Queens to check out Citi Field as the Mets were playing the Red Sox. And who was on the mound? Yup, Dice-K. Didn’t even realize he was still in the league. How’d he do you ask? Left the game due to injury of course. What a career.
The 300s 