Category: Video Games

EA Sports Edited Colin Kaepernick’s Name Out of a Song on the Madden 2019 Soundtrack

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Yahoo – EA Sports apologized on Thursday night for the editing out of Colin Kaepernick’s name in the soundtrack of its “Madden 19” video game , calling it “an unfortunate mistake.” The gaming company also said that it will provide an update for the game that will add Kaepernick’s name back into the song. “We made an unfortunate mistake with our Madden NFL soundtrack,” EA Sports said in the statement. “Members of our team misunderstood the fact that while we don’t have rights to include Colin Kaepernick in the game, this doesn’t affect soundtracks. We messed up, and the edit should never have happened.

Morons. Absolute morons that just cannot get out of their own way. I honestly don’t think anyone inside the NFL offices can walk and chew gum at the same time.

Yes, I’m 100% pulling out my Jump to Conclusions mat on this one…

but, I’m sure the NFL heavily influenced this situation by EA Sports to censor the song. Even if they didn’t its just a bad look for everyone involved. Not to mention, it’s excellent fodder for Colin Kaepernick’s lawyer in their collusion lawsuit against the NFL.

Nothing screams that you’re blackballing a guy like going so far as to censor the mere mention of his name from appearing in your video game IP.

Unintentionally hilarious explanation of the lyrics that were censored too:

“The song, “Big Bank” by YG featuring 2 Chainz, Big Sean and Nicki Minaj, is one of several songs featured on “Madden 19.” In the song, Big Sean raps the following lyrics:

Feed me to the wolves now I lead the pack and s***
You boys all cap, I’m more Colin Kaepernick

In these words, Big Sean expresses his admiration for Kaepernick as someone who is focused on being true to himself instead of playing up his accomplishments, as explained by genius.com.“

“As explained by genius.com.” We’ve all been there. Listen, I love rap, its my favorite genre of music, but even I don’t know what the hell guys are talking about half the time.

Would it have been easier to just, ya know, not include the song? Sure, but that would be too easy. Theres too many lawyers in those closed door meetings looking for the most convoluted solutions to every problem. Occam’s razor, boys. The easiest solution is usually the best solution. Instead they had to overthink it and created national headlines about Colin Kaepernick once again.

Keep messing up like this and ESPN NFL2K is gonna rise from the dead to come for that ass.

IT’S OFFICIAL! The 300s Will Be at Boston Comic Con Next Saturday!

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We’ve been talking about going to one of the northeast Comic Cons for years now, but its always either a tough date, the lineup is terrible, or we all just flake and bail on doing it. Not this year. The 300s will be headed to Boston Comic Con on Saturday, August 11th with Red and Papa G to nerd out, shoot some video, and hopefully get a wave from Amy Jo Johnson.

We’ll be looking for the best, worst, and weirdest cosplayers, interviewing anyone moderately funny, and hopefully getting a reaction out of the celebrity guests by bringing up their most obscure roles.

If there’s anything you think we need to do or see or you just wanna get in on the video tweet it at @The300sBoston and let us know!

 

Boston Celtics NBA 2K19 Ratings Predictions

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For two days in a row, the folks at 2K have given us a super early sneak peek at some of its player ratings for the 2018-19 NBA season – and one of the Green’s young guys in particular is already receiving quite a bit of love!

Though “NBA 2K19” isn’t set to hit stores until September 11 (September 7 if you pre-order), we already know that LeBron James will presumably be the game’s highest-rated player. The first renderings of the King in purple and gold were released on Monday along with the news that his overall rating would be a 98, one point higher than where he sat at the beginning of last season. (Wouldn’t it be great if Harden or Durant came in at a 99, though? Oh MAN, that would chap LeBron’s ass!)

Most expected that 2K would follow that up with some of the game’s other premier talents – a la the aforementioned Harden, Durant, or maybe even someone like Steph – but instead they chose to focus on one of the league’s future superstars by going with Celtics second-year stud Jayson Tatum!

I could sit here and wax poetic about Tatum for hours. (Seriously, ask my girlfriend about my incessant “TATUM IS GONNA WIN IT FOR US TONIGHT” ramblings in the hours leading up to Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Sure, the Memorial Day Weekend beers may have had something to do with it that day, but, COME ON, the kid is nasty!)

Apparently, the developers at 2K agree with me, as they gave the 20-year-old an 87 overall rating, the rating he actually finished with by season’s end in “NBA 2K18” after roster updates.

At least he’s getting the respect he deserves after getting robbed of last season’s Rookie of the Year award – which ultimately went to Philadelphia’s Ben Simmons (who finished last season with an 85 rating, mind you) – and I have no doubt that Tatum will continue to ascend the rankings and improve upon the already impressive 13.9 points and 5.0 boards he averaged last season.

2K is expected to continue releasing ratings in similar fashion, but we’re not likely to receive a glimpse at another Celtics player for at least a few weeks. So, while you wait, here’s a look at where we think some of the other guys on the team might land in this year’s rankings.

Kyrie Irving

After starting off last season as a 90, Kyrie actually finished higher in the rankings by season’s end with a 93, even though he missed the final month and entire postseason due to injury.

Based upon his talent, a 93 is certainly not unmerited – in fact, it should probably be higher – but durability concerns could lower him a bit heading into the fall. Last season marked the second time in three years in which Kyrie failed to play more than 60 games, and the fourth time in seven career seasons that he failed to play 70 games.

Except for a minor dip in points per game and free-throw percentage, Kyrie remained pretty consistent across the board from a performance standpoint when he was on the floor last season. And even with all the talent brimming throughout the Celtics roster, Kyrie is still THE guy on this team.

(NBA 2K19 ratings prediction: 92)

Al Horford

Setting aside the fact that Al Horford’s salary this season may be a bit high (seriously, $30 MILLION for this guy?), the 86 rating he finished with at the end of last season seems about right.

I might be a little harder on Al than others, but even though his overall numbers don’t pop off the stat sheet (12.9 points and 7.4 rebounds per game in 2017-18), he was a Second Team All-NBA defender last year and is a key facilitator in the team’s offense due to his elite passing ability and high basketball IQ. The guy never seems to be out of position and does the little things that make it easier on the more skilled guys around him.

Prone to complete disappearing acts every now and then (i.e. Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals), Horford is about as reliable and consistent, albeit unspectacular, as they come. Therefore, I doubt his ranking changes very much at all and may even get a boost from the team’s success last season.

(NBA 2K19 ratings prediction: 88)

Gordon Hayward

Hayward started and finished last season with an 88 rating, as it’s a bit difficult for one’s score to change very much after playing a total of five minutes all season.

Before last season’s gruesome opening-night injury, however, Hayward had continued to improve in pretty much every single offensive category, every single year, since he came into the league eight years ago – including four-percent and five-percent increases, respectively, in field-goal percentage and three-point percentage between his last two years in Utah.

Hayward is a true all-around talent who is still only 28 years old and ever-improving, and I am GIDDY to see him in action this year. While I truly believe he’ll be worthy of a low-90s rating by season’s end, I predict he’ll stay put right where he’s been, as the 2K crew will give him time to prove his worth before making any changes.

(NBA 2K19 ratings prediction: 88)

Jaylen Brown

It may be surprising to hear that Jaylen Brown finished with just an 81 rating at the end of last season. But outside of an April in which he averaged over 20 points per game, he didn’t really take off until the postseason, after ratings stopped being updated on the game’s online servers.

Besides a mediocre performance in the Conference Semifinals against the Sixers, Brown dominated throughout the playoffs for the Celtics, playing well beyond his years and shouldering the load for the C’s along with Tatum. (Brown averaged a few ticks under 20 points per game in the Conference Finals, including notching four 20-plus-point performances.)

Furthermore, Brown continued to play dominant defense all year while also taking a HUGE leap in a lot of other areas of his game, improving his three-point shot by almost six percent and displaying confidence not often seen from most second-year players.

Now about to enter his third year in the league, the only thing that could hinder Brown’s further development is a dip in playing time with Hayward back in the fold. But for now, the guy deserves a little bump.

(NBA 2K19 ratings prediction: 86)

Terry Rozier

While many are still riding high from “Scary Terry’s” performance in the first two rounds of the playoffs, they may be overlooking some of the clunkers he produced against LeBron and Crew in the Conference Finals.

Besides an epic 28-point affair in Game 6 – during which he made six three-pointers and shot an ABSOLUTELY SILLY 62 percent from the field – Rozier shot less than 40 percent overall in the series. Besides continuing his hard work on the glass, he truly may have been more of a detriment than he was a help. (He shot 20 percent on 15 shots in Game 5. Woof!)

Rozier was also a bit inconsistent throughout the regular season as well; after breaking out in February and March, increasing his scoring average by over five points per game from previous months, Terry saw his points per game plummet by over 10 points in April (which, to be fair, consisted of only six games, but he still shot below 30 percent from the field over that stretch).

Now before you all think I’m the president of the “Terry Really Ain’t So Scary Fan Club,” you’d have to be blind to not see a lot of positive improvement in his overall game last year. Especially if Marcus Smart does end up going elsewhere – along with the fact that there are really no other point guards to compete with on the roster besides Kyrie – we could see Rozier completely take over the second unit in 2018-19.

For now, though, I think we see him take a slight hit in the rankings until we see a bit more consistency.

(NBA 2K19 ratings prediction: 77)

And while I certainly don’t want to disrespect any of the other guys on the roster (especially my boy Aaron Baynes!), here are my quick-hitter ratings predictions for some of the other important rotation pieces:

  • Marcus Morris: 79
  • Aaron Baynes: 77
  • Semi Ojeleye: 69
  • Daniel Theis: 68

Regardless of how 2K ranks everyone this year, this team is locked and loaded for another serious run in 2018-19.

All previous “NBA 2K18” rating information courtesy of 2kratings.com.

Nintendo Brought the Heat at E3. Lets Break it Down.

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If you’re reading this then I assume you already know, but for those who don’t, E3 is the annual video game convention, Electronic Entertainment Expo, and its where publishers showcase new and upcoming games. Its where new consoles get announced, new titles are revealed, but most of all its where all the blazing hot trailers are released for upcoming video games. And Nintendo brought the heat this year.

To be honest, this is the first year I’ve been excited for Nintendo’s E3 announcements, probably ever. The Switch is the first Nintendo system I’ve owned since N64. As I’ve joked about before I have absolutely zero brand loyalty, so good luck marketing to me. I went from the original Nintendo to Sega to N64 to Dreamcast to PS2 to Xbox 360 back to PS4 to Nintendo Switch. So yea, not a lot of continuity in there. With so few console exclusives that are actually worth it theres little reason to stay loyal to just one system.

But I am back on the Nintendo bandwagon and they’ve crushed it out of the gate with phenomenal games like Super Mario Odyssey and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Outside of that though theres been a lack of great games on the new system. Nintendo gets accused of going to the well too often rehashing the same franchises over and over again like Mario and Zelda, but when the games are this good then who cares?

The most glaring absence had come from one of Nintendo’s most popular properties ever; Pokemon. Whats unique about Pokemon is that its never made the jump to home consoles for a standalone game. They’ve always developed core games for mobile devices like the Game Boy and the 3Ds. There have been random games like Pokemon Stadium and Pokemon Snap to name a couple on home consoles, but no core games where you gotta catch em all.

That is until now.

Naturally, the news of Pokemon: Let’s Go, Pikachu! and Pokemon: Let’s Go, Evee! leaked a few weeks ago so it wasn’t a huge reveal, but it was awesome to see the old Kanto region I grew up in as a fully realized 3D world. I am going to buy the absolute shit out of this game on Day 1.

Its essentially a remake of Pokemon Yellow, which dropped on Game Boy in 1998 and earned a 10/10 from IGN. But it won’t just be a port since they had to build this 3D world from scratch and it will also introduce new elements to the series such as adopting some gameplay features from the massively popular Pokemon Go iOS game. Then of course there’s this little guy.

Its a Pokeball controller that you throw to catch new Pokemon. Lets be honest, it doesn’t really matter what this costs because I am 100% going to buy it.

Pokemon: Let’s Go, Pikachu! and Pokemon: Let’s Go, Evee! will both be released on November 16th so get your pre-orders in asap.

Super Mario Party was also announced, which will be the first game to really encourage playing the Switch with friends. You could say Mario Kart already did that, but that was a port of an old Mario Kart game rather than a brand new game so I’m giving the edge to Mario Party here. Plus this is the first game to really take advantage of the Switch technology, just check out the trailer below.  This one drops on October 5th.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate was announced and it looks glorious. They really pulled out all the stops for this one by including every single character thats ever appeared in a Smash game. Ever. The roster is gigantic. We got all the originals plus we got Sonic, we got Charizard, hell we got Solid Snake himself. This is going to be the best drinking game since Mario Kart 64.  This one drops on December 7th.

Still no appearances by Fox McCloud though which is a goddamn shame because Star Fox 64 is one of my favorite games of all time and any Star Fox I’ve played since (Gamecube) was hot garbage.

For any Fortnite fans out there, the massively popular free title is now available on Switch too. So you can jump off the flying bus while literally riding the bus.

A couple of other freebies now available on the Switch include Pokemon Quest and Fallout Shelter. Quest is definitely a freemium type of game meaning you’ll likely have to put some money into the game to progress quickly, but I know Fallout Shelter has been out for a while to decent reviews. Both probably aren’t enough to be a great standalone game that you’d pay for, but as a free title you can play on the go? I’ll take that.

So if you were on the fence about buying yet another system, now is a pretty good time to jump into the Switch. Just make sure you get the Pokeball.

 

What is the Greatest NBA Jam Lineup of All-Time?

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Apparently one of the greatest video games of my generation is nearing its 25th Anniversary, which is insane because Big Z and I will still fire up a Best of 7 Series every holiday weekend. This almost always results in a clicker fired into the wall, but thankfully SEGA’s clickers were built to withstand a goddamn earthquake.

So with such a big milestone nearing for the most influential basketball game of our time we had to have the debate: What is the Greatest NBA Jam Lineup of All-Time?

Big Z: Um, I think we are forgetting about Reggie Miller and Derrick McKey from the original. Or, Miller, McKey and Rik Smits in the Tournament Edition. Miller was great for throwing up shots from downtown, especially with hot spots in play.

Stockton and Malone was always a strong lineup, too. Don’t sleep on Patrick Ewing and John Starks from the Knicks, or Isiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer from Detroit. Not much for dunking, but Thomas and Laimbeer had speed, could shoot the 3, and play some D. Dunks made the game fun, but the game was won from downtown.

Joey B: First off as I navigated to Yahoo to answer this my eye caught a headline that read “Could Von Miller go to jail for catching a huge shark?” so needless to say I am writing this a bit distracted. That said my answer is Sean Elliot and David Robinson.

It may go against gameplay wisdom to have a guy like Elliot, but the basketball side of my brain always got nervous not having someone who maybe could shoot. The Admiral speaks for himself. Just an absolute savage who ate double teams for all three meals.

Red:  Personally, I HAVE to go Reggie Miller and Rik Smits.

Unbeatable. I once scored 80 points with Reggie Miller in NBA Jam TE and those games are like 8 minutes long. He had a 9/10 rating from the 3 point line for christ’s sake. Rik Smits’ job was to basically stand in the corner so Reggie wouldn’t get double teamed. I would legitimately be furious when the computer took it upon itself to score and Smits somehow snuck in a 2 point game. Just get Reggie the ball and we’ll be good, Rik.

PS – NBA Jam is Tournament Edition or bust. I’m not running up and down the court doing the weave drill to score 35 points a game. Nope, I want Stomp blocks, Turbo charges, and of course an 8-point buzzer beater shot to win the game and really ruin someone’s day.

Grand Theft Auto 6 Rumored to Be a Return to Vice City

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Techspot – According to new rumors, we’re going to be waiting a few more years for GTA 6, which will be set in Vice City and feature a female protagonist. Citing an “inside source,” YouTube channel The Know says the next GTA will be released within the next three to four years. The game is being called ‘Project Americas’ internally by Rockstar and will be set in either Florida or GTA’s version of the sunshine state–Vice City. It will also see players fly to South America for some missions, suggesting a drug smuggling link. These few details bring to mind 2002’s GTA Vice City, and GTA 6 may even see the action return to 1980s. As with GTA V, the sequel is said to feature multiple protagonists, including the first female character.

So you’re telling me that one of the best video games of my generation may be making a comeback in the form of Grand Theft Auto 6?

Similar to the 2007 Red Sox, GTA Vice City proved that GTA 3 (i.e. 2004 Sox) was not a fluke and that GTA was an absolute powerhouse franchise that was here to stay.

Despite the sheer scope of GTA V and the humorous characters of GTA: San Andreas, the best Grand Theft Auto is hands down Vice City. If you think otherwise, you’re wrong. It had the best setting with 1980s Miami, the best storyline, and the best characters. In case people forget, Vice City featured a voice acting Hall of Fame cast that we had never seen in a video game before: Ray Liotta, Dennis Hopper, Burt Reynolds, Luis Guzman, William Fichtner, Tom Sizemore, Danny Trejo, Gary Busey, Jenna Jameson, Lawrence Taylor, AND Lee Majors.

In the course of looking these names up on IMDB my mind was just blown when I realized that Lance Vance:

was actually voiced by Philip Michael Thomas, who as we all know originally played Detective Rico Tubbs from Miami Vice.

Its little nods to pop culture like this that always made Grand Theft Auto games feel so ingrained with society. It felt like you were reliving a classic movie while exploring a wide open sandbox style video game world for the first time.

Also, apparently Cam Neely voiced a thug in the game as he gets an acting credit too. Seabass, guy just never takes a day off, god love him.

Released back in 2002 (holy shit) Vice City was given an average rating of 95 by Metacritic at the time. Not to mention the soundtrack was A+ and to this day remains the only video game soundtrack I have used my hard earned Schrute Bucks to physically purchase.

PS – I saw this going around the interwebs yesterday and its just not okay.

Breaking Down Polygon’s Top 500 Video Games of All-Time

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So the VOX Media gaming site Polygon just released its Top 500 Games of All-Time. I’ll save you the scrolling, but I guarantee you’ll be disappointed with No. 1. You’ve been warned. With so many classics making the list though you’re sure to have some serious nostalgia dopamine dumps here. So take a look at the list highlights and then dive into what I think are some of the most glaring omissions from the Top 100. Throwing a pity ranking in the 200’s doesn’t count. If these games aren’t in the Top 100 then someone is asleep at the wheel.

  • No. 70 – Final Fantasy 7 – Never played it myself, but considered by many to be the best game ever.
  • No. 66 -Madden NFL 2005 – EA changed the game forever with the introduction of the Hit Stick. No more needs to be said.
  • No 60 – Goldeneye 007 – The first first-person-shooter that everyone got together and played for hours on end.
  • No. 50 – Mass Effect 2 – One of my personal favorites. Mass Effect was one of the first games to master the concept of making choices and having those choices affect the game’s story and eventual ending.
  • No. 43 – The Sims – Everyone built a pool without a ladder so your character would drown. Man, kids are sick.
  • No. 42 – Halo: Combat Evolved – If you were like me and didn’t have an Xbox when Halo dropped, you soon became best friends with a kid who had an Xbox.
  • No. 39 – The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time – Epona is my spirit animal.
  • No. 26 – NBA Jam – Still play this game to this day when back home for the holidays with my brother. Nothing like a Best of 7 series over an 18 pack of Rolling Rocks.
  • No. 25 – Metal Gear Solid – Incredible franchise with the best storytelling of any game ever made.
  • No. 21 – Super Mario Brothers – Its what got us all into video games. Should probably be No. 1 itself.
  • No. 16 – Super Mario 64 – This is when I realized I wouldn’t just be playing video games as a kid. This is when I first understood that video games could be something special.
  • No. 12 – Grand Theft Auto 3 – And this is when I understood how games would keep me entertained at any age; open worlds where you could do whatever you wanted, incredible story telling, and a great way to blow off steam by racking up a 5-star rating.
  • No. 7 – World of Warcraft – Not for me, but hey you gotta respect the legends.
  • No. 6 – Ms. Pacman – Get the FUCK out of here with this. The 6th greatest game of all-time is Pacman’s wife?
  • No. 5 – Pokemon Red/Blue – The first game I played non-stop. I still have my cinder block game boy with scotch tape and cardboard on the back to keep the batteries from falling out. Realistically I must have logged 80 hours in this game over the years. I even have Pokemon Red stashed away in my drawer so no one accidentally deletes my file because I have all 151. Thats right, I got that sonofabitch Mew at a South Shore Plaza giveaway when I was like 11.
  • No. 2 – Super Mario Brothers 3 – Mario dominating this list for good reason.
  • No. 1 – Tetris – Really? Reeeallly?

Not surprisingly a lot of Mario in the Top 100, the most popular gaming franchise of all-time. But you got duds like Ms. Pacman and Tetris dominating the Top 10? Wrong.

Omissions from the Top 100:

        • Mario Kart 64 (#197) – In fairness, the SNES version of Mario Kart made the Top 100, but the N64 version is the GOAT. Probably the only old game I still routinely play with friends. Its evolved over the years to a pre-game staple while drinking with buddies before going out. Not many games can say that after 25 years.
        • Sonic the Hedgehog (#191) – One of my favorites growing up, Sonic is what kept SEGA in business. The fast as lightning blue hedgehog is one of the most iconic characters in gaming history. Its the reason the opening is forever etched into my brain….”SEEEGAAAA”
        • Mortal Kombat 2 (#146) – How Mortal Kombat didn’t make this list is outrageous. The single greatest fighting game of all-time. Terrible oversight here.
        • Fallout 4 (#430) – As you get into your twenties and start having to work a real, adult job for 40+ hours a week, you naturally have less time to devote to massive open world games. Which is why Fallout 4 was such a pleasant surprise for me. It was my first entry into the series, but the trailer sold me. Some 40 hours later I had traveled across the post apocalyptic world, made alliances, friends, and enemies all while building up my arsenal to go from just some guy who woke up from a cryogenic freeze like Austin Powers to becoming the most powerful being in the world. Pretty cool trip. Not to mention reviving that absolute banger “The Wanderer” after all these years.
        • Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask (#331) – Zelda had 3 other entries make the Top 100 so its hard to be too upset, but Majora’s Mask is what made that franchise legendary in my opinion. One of the few games to adopt the concept of time travel effectively without just confusing everyone.
        • GTA Vice City (#105) – Incredibly this franchise had 4 entries in the Top 100, but I routinely go back and forth which is the best GTA of all time. Is it 3 or is it Vice City? Can’t go wrong with either, but both are better than San Andreas. Vice City is only one of a handful of video games that I actually bought the soundtrack too.
        • Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 (#102) – Revolutionary game that the industry has been unable to replicate to this day. It made skateboarding and big air for everyone, not just the kids ripping cigs outside your high school. Another game with an all-time classic soundtrack that whenever I hear any of the songs from it like “The Impression That I Get” by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, it instantly transports me back to my parents basement and that old Playstation.
        • Star Fox 64 (#484) – Used to play this game so much growing up that it got to the point that I would wake up, blow through it, and smoke Andross from the back entrance all before leaving for school. Way too low on this list.
    • Sonic Adventure (unranked) – Another game that gets virtually no love because it was on the Dreamcast, which was a very underrated system. It was the first to incorporate interactive memory cards. For whatever reason (probably the immense competition with Playstation, SEGA, and Nintendo) it never took off. Which is a shame because Sonic Adventure is one of the best Sonic games of all times. It was the first one to really tell a coherent story and you got to play multiple characters across a huge world.
  • Shenmue (unranked) – This is one of those games that most of my friends never actually played. In fact I accidentally stumbled into it as a byproduct of Dreamcast never really having a huge library of games, but it was one of the first open world games with incredible, cinematic storytelling. In fact the game was so beloved, that the originally cancelled third and final game in the series is set to be released in 2018 after being entirely crowdfunded by fans on Kickstarter. Polygon dropped the ball on this one for sure.

Obviously everybody will have their own personal favorites based on what they grew up playing so what do you think? What games did they miss? What should have been ranked higher?

FIFA 2018’s Worst Rated Soccer Player Isn’t Actually a Soccer Player

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Kotaku – The lowest possible rating a FIFA 18 player can have is 46, and there are ten players plumbing these depths. Nine of them, like Grimsby Town’s Max Wright and Scunthorpe United’s Leslie Sackey, are professional athletes. The tenth is a former youth goalkeeper roped in to get around an administrative loophole. Tommy Käßemodel, listed in the game as a player for the German club FC Erzgebirge Aue, has a defensive rating of 36, while his pace is a comedic 23. For reference, most players in the game find their ratings nestled somewhere between 60-90. Those would be mortifying stats for someone paid to play football, but the weird thing here is that Käßemodel isn’t paid to play football: he’s Erzgebirge’s kit man , the guy responsible for looking after everyone’s shirts and shorts.

I guess this bottom of the barrel rating would sting if you actually, ya know, played soccer. But as the “kit man?” Well thats just gravy man.  Do you think Lionel Messi cares what rating they give him for his ability to file taxes properly? Come on, this guy’s job is to make sure the team walks out wearing the right shorts with their jerseys. The guy is probably stoked to even be in a video game.

I remember my borderline D-1 college was in the NCAA Basketball video game back before the NCAA basically cancelled all their games because nameless athletes got sick of selling video games without seeing any cash themselves. And let me tell you, these kids that were all destined to either sell insurance or maybe play in Italy were STOKED to be in a video game. No one gave a shit they had a 42 rating. Nobody was ever gonna cut down the virtual nets with this team, but it did make for some entertaining drunk video game betting on games with final scores of 32-38.

Although EA probably fucked ya boy Tommy on this one, exposing the loophole that had him likely collecting a second paycheck as a rostered player, despite not actually being a player. Woops.

Madden Pro Going Nuts Reminds Me of The GOAT Madden Meltdown I Saw in College

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Look we’ve all been there. I’ve smashed more clickers than I care to admit and so have all of you. Glass houses guys.

But, this dude flipping the fuck out reminded me of the GOAT Madden meltdown I witnessed in college. I was playing my roommate and I was feeling myself so I picked a shittier team, knowing it would drive this kid up a wall if I took it to him with the 2008 Raiders.

You know the unbeatable 2008 Raiders that went 4-12 behind stud No. 1 overall pick, and my boy, JaMarcus Russell. If there ever was a guy built for a fucking video game it was this dude. Absolutely awful in real life, but in a video game he had an absolute cannon and he could run his balls off. Thats all I need boys.

So in case you forget just how truly shitty this team really was back in 08, here was the starting skill position players:

QB: JaMarcus Russell
RB: Darren “Run DMC” McFadden
WR: Javon Walker, Chaz Schilens, Ashley Lelie, Johnnie Lee Higgins, Ronald Curry
TE: Zach Miller

Not exactlyyy Murderers Row, but the Raiders did also have Nnamdi Asomugha before he fell off a cliff and DeAngelo Hall patrolling the secondary. (Thats called foreshadowing guys)

So anyways, I am scoring *at will* on QB scrambles out of the shotgun, HB screens, and 70 yard bombs in the air. If JaMarcus Russell saw how much better he was in Madden than in real life I think he might actually kill himself. But to top it all off the Oakland defense is smothering my roommate with interception after interception after interception. My roommate is fucking BOILING and I’m not a huge trash talker so I’m just waiting for the straw to break the camel’s back.

Well that would come in the form of my SEVENTH interception of the day, which also happened to be a pick-six that put me at 70+ points on the afternoon…in the 3rd quarter.

“FUCK THIS GAME!”

Roommate stands up and absolutely Gronk spikes the $50 PS2 clicker into the fucking floor. Let me tell you, I have never seen a piece of hardware fly into so many pieces as that Playstation clicker did. We had to have a closed casket funeral for that PS2 clicker.

And that my friends is why you don’t stream yourself playing a game of Madden because we are all one bullshit play away from rifling a clicker through the goddamn window.