LiAngelo Ball is Already Fighting Off Female Fans in Lithuania

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USA Today – LiAngelo Ball didn’t say much during his introductory press conference with Prienu Vytautas on Friday. He did, however, manage to make news while sandwiched between LaMelo and LaVar Ball. At the end of the presser, a Lithuanian reporter asked Gelo if he had a girlfriend and if he’d like to go out with her. “I just came here to play,” LiAngelo said sheepishly. When pressed for a “yes” or “no” answer on her offer, Gelo replied simply, “No comment.”

GET IT, Gelo! Barely in Lithuania a week and you already got local female reporters risking it all to take a shot. I suppose being a public access sports reporter in Lithuania probably ain’t paying Katie Nolan money, but still impressive nonetheless.

LiAngelo may end up meeting a nice Lithuanian girl and settling down in Kiev to start a family. Just can that whole NBA dream after he averages 4 points a game for Prienu Vytautas. Who knows?

PS – I know a hot topic recently has been NBA coaches saying how “disgusted” they are with ESPN reporting everything LaVar Ball says, but the guy is popular and gets clicks. Thems the rules. How about USA Today though? They created a goddamnit subdomain called “Lonzo Wire.”

Rick Carlisle literally just puked seeing that. Get them clicks, USA Today. As the wise Missy Elliott once said:

The Raiders Just Gave Jon Gruden a 10 Year $100 Million Contract to Become Their New Head Coach

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ESPN.com – The Oakland Raiders will sign Jon Gruden to the longest coaching deal in NFL history — a 10-year contract likely approaching $100 million — when it is made official Tuesday, sources told ESPN’s Adam Schefter on Friday.

10 years and $100 MILLION DOLLARS for Jon Gruden to become the new coach of the Oakland Raiders!

I love Gruden, he is awesome in the booth and I look forward to seeing him back on the sidelines, but $100 Million for a guy that hasn’t coached since 2008? That is insane. I forget who tweeted it so I can’t give the proper credit, but I saw someone on Twitter mention that by the end of this deal Raiders team owner Mark Davis will have paid Gruden 1/5th of Mark Davis’ net worth. Because as far as NFL team owners go, Mark Davis is a broke bitch. He’s worth only $500 Million.

So unless there is some sneaky ownership stake in the team included (which Gruden has denied), then Davis is betting BIG on the move to Las Vegas being a rousing success. He has every reason to believe it will be too, especially since he snaked a deal that had him put up almost none of his own money.

Is anyone better suited to bring this team to Las Vegas than Jon Gruden? Well, maybe The Rock.

But this guy is going to be electric as the Raiders move to Sin City, both on the sidelines and in his press conferences. Now is being out of coaching for 10 years going to hurt? I would say probably, but all the ESPN (lackeys) are saying its actually good for him as he’s had a chance to study the evolution of offense in the NFL. Not to mention he’s been in practices and production meetings with just about every other team in the league over the past few years so that can’t hurt.

But it is always surprising to see a guy come back after being away from the game for so long. Just look at Bill Cowher.

He was another guy everyone thought would take a couple of years off and return to coaching, but after a few years of making beaucoup bucks to work 1/100th of the hours in a cushy TV job, its easy to understand why so many don’t go back to the grind of being an NFL head coach.

Good for Gruden, but goddamnit am I gonna miss his crazy ass in the booth. The guy was legit must watch TV in a spot where the league and the networks typically lean towards the mundane. Remember Jaws and Tony Kornheiser? Woof. For a guy that made football jargon like Spider 2 Y Banana a national catchphrase and starred in Hooters and Corona commercials in his off time, it will be hard to replace him.

No matter how much fame or money a person acquires though, we’re all the same at the end of the day and Jon Gruden reminded me of that on Saturday’s playoff broadcast. The guy has absolutely. checked. out.

You earned it my man.

Taking a Look at the 2018 Baseball Hall of Fame Ballot

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While I don’t have a ballot to cast, for the second straight year I have taken a look at all of the players on the Baseball Writers’ Association of America Hall of Fame Ballot. I figured if I’m going to gripe about the Hall of Fame selection process I might as well fill out a mock ballot myself to get a better handle on the process.

It’s not rocket science but there are some tough decision to be made. Voters may vote for up to 10 of the 33 players on the ballot. I selected eight on my mock ballot. They are:

Barry Bonds
Roger Clemens
Vladimir Guerrero
Chipper Jones
Curt Schilling
Sammy Sosa
Jim Thome
Billy Wagner

Obviously I’m not opposed to voting for suspected steroids users. I voted for Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens because, whether or not they used steroids, Bonds was indisputably the best hitter in the game for much of his career and Clemens was indisputably the best pitcher in the game for much of his career. The same cannot be said for Manny Ramirez.

Bonds won seven MVP awards, including FOUR in a row 2001-2004. Clemens won seven Cy Young Awards and won the award back-to-back on two occasions, a decade apart. Ramirez never won an MVP award and quit on his team more times than I care to remember. He was also popped for PEDs twice. While strong cases could be made against Bonds and Clemens, those guys never failed drug tests. Testing didn’t start until 2003, but I have a hard time giving guys grief for doing business as business was being done at the time.

Maybe numbers were inflated, and careers extended, but Bonds and Clemens were far and away better than the rest of their contemporaries. Again, the same cannot be said of Ramirez.

Regarding Sammy Sosa, he won the 1998 NL MVP award and is the only man in history with three 60+ home run seasons. Sosa played in the same era as Bonds so he is not the best player of his era, but few players ever were as dominant as Sosa was for six straight seasons, 1998-2003.

Vladimir Guerrero made nine all-star games in 12 seasons between 1999 and 2010. He was a great offensive player and had one hell of an arm in the outfield. He didn’t compile huge numbers over a lengthy career, but he was one of the best players of the 2000s and he gets my vote for that reason.

Jim Thome was never the best player at his position, never mind the best player in the game. But he did compile huge numbers over a lengthy career. Mammoth numbers. He’s not in the 500 Home Run Club. He’s in the 600 Home Run Club. He’s eighth on the all-time home run list with 612. He also drove in nearly 1700 runs. He never won an MVP award, but it’s hard to not vote for a guy with those numbers on his resume. Guy just went to work and mashed for 22 years.

Chipper Jones was consistently very good for more than 15 years and was a big part of Atlanta’s run of division titles. The 1995 NL MVP made eight all-star teams, and I was pleasantly surprised by his 468 home runs and 1623 RBI.

As I said last year, Curt Schilling gets my vote because he was the best big-game pitcher of his era. He was 11-2 with a 2.23 ERA in 19 postseason appearances and won a ring in Arizona before winning two with the Sox. Now a noted meme curator, it’s been sad to see him self destruct in recent years but he’s a Hall of Famer nonetheless.

And in a flip from last year, I voted for Billy Wagner this year instead of Trevor Hoffman. Hoffman appeared on 74% of ballots last year and Wagner only appeared on 10% of ballots but Wagner was the better relief pitcher. The only number Hoffman has on Wagner is saves. Hoffman saved 601 games in 18 years and Wagner saved 422 in 16 years. But Wagner had a better win-loss percentage, a substantially lower ERA, he struck out more batters in almost 200 fewer innings, had a lower WHIP and a better strikeout-to-walk ratio. I know that Hoffman is getting in and Wagner probably won’t sniff even 20% but I’m taking a principled stand here. Wagner was better than Hoffman.

Regarding some notable candidates left off my ballot…

Edgar Martinez was a very good player for a long period of time but he wasn’t even the best player on his own team for most of his career (Griffey, A-Rod, Ichiro). There’s just not enough offensive production on his resume to separate him from the rest of the pack for me. It has nothing to do with being a DH, though.

Mike Mussina pitched very well in an era of inflated offense but he was never the most feared pitcher in the game, and he never won a Cy Young award.

Gary Sheffield posted very good offensive numbers for a long period of time, but it’s hard to think he would’ve bounced around as much as he did if he were truly one of the all-time greats. (Editor’s note: Dougie did his capstone project in a college Baseball Stats class arguing Sheffield should make the HOF. The most comparable HOFer? Jim Rice)

Larry Walker posted very good offensive numbers, but a lot of that production came in Colorado in the late 1990s. To give you an idea of what was going on in that era, he hit .379 with 37 HRs and 115 RBI in 127 games in 1999 and finished 10th in the MVP voting that season. He was a very good player in his era, but not head and shoulders above everybody else.

 

That’s all I got. Hit me up with your thoughts on Twitter @The300sBigZ

Dunkin’s Menu Goes on a Diet

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boston.com – Regulars at Dunkin’ Donuts may begin noticing parts of the menu disappear this week.

The Canton-based company began testing a “simplified menu” in a number of markets last summer, eventually expanding the pared-down offerings to roughly 11 percent of their stores.

Now, beginning this Monday in New England and upstate New York, the reduced menu will be rolled out nationwide. The company expects all stores will feature the new menu by the end of March…

Dunkin’ Donuts says that the reduced menu will result in “faster, more accurate service and a more consistent consumer experience from store to store.”

The Dunkin’ Donuts menu is going on a diet and I don’t hate it. Here’s the full list of items getting the ax (for now):

The only item on that list that I’ve ordered more than once is the Steak & Egg Breakfast Sandwich. Not filet mignon, but a nice change of pace from the usual breakfast meats. Other than that I can’t say that I’ll miss anything that’s getting the ax. If you want a smoothie, don’t go to Dunkin’ Donuts. If you want a turkey, ham or tuna sandwich for lunch there are literally dozens of better places to go to.

I love the move to drop some flavor shots. What maniac is ordering peach coffee? Also, any move to reduce the number of flavor shots/swirls on the menu is a good move. In fact, I’m in favor of dropping all flavor swirls other than mocha. Try ordering a hazelnut iced coffee outside of New England with cream and sugar. You won’t even be able to taste the coffee if they put that sugary sweet hazelnut flavor swirl in there, which they will. If you ask for the standard, original flavor shot you will have to ask them to make it at least twice. I speak from experience.

Dunkin’s attempt to provide “faster, more accurate service and a more consistent consumer experience from store to store” will be appreciated outside of New England. Again, try ordering a flavored iced coffee at a Dunkin’ that hasn’t been around for 20 years and you’ll see what I mean. I’m firmly on Team Dunkin’, but I’ve never had to explain my order more than once at Starbucks.

Of course we’ll have to wait and see how long this menu diet lasts. McDonald’s made news about three years ago as it trimmed its menu, but it’s been beefed back up lately with the new $1-$2-$3 menu. It’s a step in the right direction for Dunkin’, though. As long as we don’t see pizza back on their menu in six months.

UCF is Claiming to Have Won the National Championship Despite Not Making the Playoffs and Finishing the Year Ranked 12th in the Country

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ESPN – UCF athletic director Danny White said Wednesday that the program has decided to claim a national championship and will place a championship banner inside Spectrum Stadium to recognize its undefeated 2017 season. The Knights beat Auburn 34-27 in the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl to cap a 13-0 season, finishing as the only undefeated team in college football. But because UCF doesn’t play in a Power 5 conference, it entered the bowl game ranked No. 12 by the College Football Playoff selection committee and was not given an opportunity to play for the national championship. Since the victory on New Year’s Day, UCF football has changed its Twitter display name to “2017 National Champions” with a logo designed to match.

I love this move. Undefeated Season? Check. Big bowl game win? Check. Opportunity to compete for a championship in the College Football Playoffs? Nope. “Welp, fuck this then we’ll just declare ourselves National Champs.”

This is the problem you inevitably run into with College Football. Sure, is the current 4 team playoff format better than the BCS computer ranking system of the AP Polls? Of course. But there will still be teams like this in the top 10, 15, 20 that feel like they got shafted. And going undefeated but not being given a chance to play against the big boys like Bama and Clemson is tough to swallow.

The NCAA commissioner smacked UCF down real quick though basically saying they’re schedule was too soft to rank them in the Top 4 despite their undefeated season. He’s not wrong. You wanna make the playoffs? Play a harder schedule and don’t beat up on teams like Eastern Carolina, Austin Peay, UConn, and Temple. You cannot sit here with a straight face and tell me you could even find AUSTIN PEAY on a map. Murderers Row that is not.

But UCF knew all of this and still said “nope we are the champions.” That is the ultimate George Costanza move and you have to respect it. Its like the time the Jerk Store bombed and it wasn’t until he was driving home later that a killer comeback hit him.

Respect the utter refusal to accept things as they are. Keep doing you, UCF.

*According to ESPN Stats & Information, UCF is the 10th team in the BCS era (since 1998) to finish the season undefeated and not win the national title.

All Of This Brady/Belichick/Kraft Bullshit Has Me Questioning Who I’ve Been Loyal To All These Years

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So unless your New Years resolution for 2018 was to turn off all devices, ignore the internet, and in general avoid humanity you know that ESPN published a nuclear bomb (topical metaphor) of an article regarding the three-headed relationship between Belichick, Brady, and Mr. Kraft. The TL:DR of it is that “sources” say Brady is calling a lot more shots and Kraft made Belichick trade Saint Jimmy, among other uncomfortable decisions made and actions taken by various parties involved, and now Belichick is generally unhappy with his situation in New England, as is Brady with Belichick.

Honestly there is probably a lot of truth in the whole thing. I’m sure Brady and Belichick butt heads. I’m sure Belichick is never truly satisfied with his position. I’m sure they’ve never been best buds. I’m sure the Coach, whether on the surface or deep down, didn’t want to trade Jimmy G, but had to, under orders or by virtue of winning football games/good football strategy. With all that said, the writer Seth Wickersham, has been churning out attack pieces on the Pats since GodKnowsWhen and definitely put as ominous of a slant on it as possible. If nothing else, the Big 3 of the Patriots are completely dedicated to winning, and to some end I’m sure all 3 know New England is the best place to do it.

It did get me thinking though. I actually kind of had an existential moment and, in a way, I suppose this is a bit of a confession. As I read sentences that openly pondered whether or not Brady or Belichick, or both, were on their way out, I actually asked myself if I would still give as much of a shit about the Patriots without them. DO NOT GET ME WRONG I did not become a Pats fan upon the team’s success or the arrival of the two  aforementioned current pillars. Patriot fans around my age are always getting shit for being too young to be able to appreciate their success but they won their first title when I was about to turn 12. Over a decade without a sniff of success is a good chunk of time. I got my start pretty early in sports so I remember some putrid Bledsoe years. I remember no name running backs. I remember going to the Super Bowl in 1997 knowing we were going to get smoooooked by Brett Favre. So ya, I’ve been a fan for awhile.

This dynasty though, man. Belichick, Brady, Mr. Kraft becoming “Mr. Kraft”. This has been special. This has been a contingent of people, personalities, and philosophies all of its own, existing inside the history of a ~60 year old football franchise. And there have been other players we’ve gotten attached to that have come and gone as well. Mike Vrabel. College wrestler Stephen Neal. Ben Watson. Tully Banta-Cain. Would we have the fond memories and continued affection for those players if they didn’t come to us during these 18 years? Do I give as much of a shit about Vrabel, for instance, if he caught those 8 TDs as a goal line tight end from 5 other quarterbacks who aren’t Tom Brady while being coached by a coach who isn’t Bill Belichick? Probably not.

So let’s say Belichick thinks he has outstayed his welcome and bounces after this year. Next season we have someone else underneath the headset. Brady, Kraft’s guy, jogs out onto the field. Devin McCourty stretches on the sidelines. They score and on the ensuing kick Matt Slater pins the opposing team at their own 2. Does it feel as special? Are we still living the same dream? Do I really give as much of a fuck? Or is it The Office without Michael Scott? I’m a huge fan of those episodes. You have a dump in your pants if you say they weren’t funny. But a certain spark was missing. A special element. No one could deny that.

So I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ve become the obsessive, psychotic, my-girlfriend-doesn’t-watch-football-with-me-anymore guy because of a growing love of football and the Pats or because of the characters involved. It’s almost an impossible question to answer. The chicken or the egg, the coach and QB or adolescence. I’ll watch the Pats until I die because there isn’t anything else to do on Sundays, I love football, and my happiness is in their hands whether I like it or not. But whether wins and losses, picks and touchdowns, sacks and missed opportunities keep me up at night or not without Belichick, or Brady, is a huge question. One that so far has taken 18 years and three of the best football minds to answer. I just hope they still haven’t come to their conclusion.

Friday Morning Randomness – Bombogenesis Edition

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I know a lot of people who could use the services of Mr. Plow today. The same people that told me what a moron I was to rent an apartment in the city. I don’t hear from them on days like this, though.

While I’m writing this they’re breaking their backs shoveling snow. When they finish clearing out their driveways I’ll be sipping on an Irish coffee during the first Showcase Showdown, enjoying my snow day. Renting isn’t perfect, but not having to lift a shovel on days like this is a major perk.

Tom’s Terrific on Saturdays

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When the Patriots open the playoffs on January 13, it will be their fifth straight Saturday night playoff opener. Since 2001, the Patriots have always opened the playoffs at home and are 9-0 when opening the playoffs on a Saturday.

Prior to this season, the Patriots received first-round byes in 11 of their 14 playoff appearances since 2001. They have opened the playoffs at home after a bye week on a Saturday in eight out those 11 playoff runs. The Patriots won all eight of those Saturday night games. With an extra day of rest, they also went on to win the AFC Championship in six of those eight seasons. The Patriots are just 1-2 in the Brady Era AFC Championship games that came after a Sunday victory in the divisional round.

The only Saturday night playoff loss for the Patriots in the Brady Era came after the 2005 season, a divisional round game at Denver. The only one-and-dones of the Brady Era – 2009 and 2010 – came when the Patriots opened the playoffs on a Sunday.

Despite Brady’s late-season struggles, it’s hard to look at these stats and not like New England’s chances to repeat. While Minnesota in February might not sound as appealing as Miami, the forecast inside U.S. Bank Stadium for February 4 should be 72 and clear.

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Johnny Manziel Has Been Cleared to Play Football!! Has My Long Standing Boycott of the CFL Come to an End?

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NFL.com – Johnny Manziel’s return to professional football is close to getting a green light from north of the border. Canadian Football League Commissioner Randy Ambrosie announced Thursday the league is prepared to approve a contract for Manziel to play for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats if he continues to meet certain conditions tied to his eligibility. The Tiger-Cats own Manziel’s CFL rights.

Everybody, REMAIN CALM. JOHNNY MANZIEL HAS BEEN CLEARED TO PLAY FOOTBALL. I said back in September that I would be boycotting the CFL after Johnny Manziel was barred from signing a contract with the Hamilton TigerCats. I even mocked up this very appropriate quote from “Blow” in my rage.

I vowed that I would not watch a single CFL snap until one Johnny Football was allowed the opportunity to dominate that 110 yards long 65 yards wide Canadian Football field. It seems like that day is near.

We’ve been close to this before though and I’ve written about Johnny Manziel comeback rumors ad nauseam so I’ll believe it when I see him on the field tossing TDs against the Toronto Argonauts.

The NFL is probably a long shot for Johnny these days, which is a shame since he was *electric* at Texas A&M. His only shot at making a comeback is to DOMINATE in the Canadian Football League a la Doug Flutie and Warren Moon. Even if he doesn’t win 5 Grey Cups like the #1 Rated CFL Player of All-Time in Doug Flutie…

…he will still be fun as all hell to watch. I need Money Manziel back in my life and the CFL is legit built for him to thrive. CFL fields are just under 12 yards *wider* than NFL fields so that will make it that much more difficult for linebackers to chase him down, stack the box, or QB spy him. The wider fields give him tons of room to scramble around and make things happen with his feet.

And ya know, maybe take less massive hits from gigantic linebackers. Manziel is listed as 6’0″ 209 lbs on Google, which is like me claiming to be 6’2″ on my driver’s license. A bold faced lie. So a little extra room to scramble around will do Johnny good. Although, maybe he is 209 these days.

Thicc Money Manziel.

So while I don’t exactly know if the CFL Sunday Ticket is a package thats available on DirecTV in Boston, you can bet your ass I will illegally stream pay to watch any and every Johnny Manziel game I can find.

LeBron James Snuck in the Most Absurd Quote of of the Year Just Before New Years Eve

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ESPN – “LeBron James will spend his 33rd birthday on Saturday playing on the road against the Utah Jazz — a place where his teams have lost their past six games. “I need a win here. I suck here,” James said before the Cleveland Cavaliers’ morning shootaround Saturday. “I personally don’t suck, but my team sucks when we come here. We cannot win a game. So hopefully we can change that.”

Sigh. I really want to like LeBron, I really do. He’s one of, if not the best player, of our generation and will probably finish his career behind only Michael Jordan in terms of GOAT status. But then he says just the most cringeworthy shit. Like even if you’re the biggest LeBron fan in the world, how do you defend a quote like that? Its just a microcosm of his entire career. The guy is completely and utterly tone deaf. Whether its The Decision or the blatant subtweeting or the Arthur memes or the constant throwing of teammates under the bus, he is just always saying things that make it impossible to like him. Which is a goddamn shame because aside from that he seems like a genuinely good guy. He donates to charity, he builds schools, he speaks out on issues he’s passionate about, he’s never been involved in ANY type of scandal or been arrested, and he is amazing to watch play. But then he drops a quote like that and I just feel like Sweet Dee.