Hanley Ramirez is Store Brand Manny Ramirez

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ESPN – [Hanley Ramirez] was told he’s 5-for-35 with eight strikeouts in 45 plate appearances against lefties, a far cry from his .346 mark last season or his .300 career average against southpaws. “You’re kidding me,” Ramirez said. “It took you long enough to tell me that. I didn’t know that, for real. So OK, after this conversation, let’s see what’s going to happen now. I’ll say it: Bring it, OK? I didn’t know. I swear. Interesting. Thank you.”

What a shitshow this guy is. I gotta tell you, I’m souring on Hanley Ramirez pretty quickly this season. Ever since David Ortiz retired, without the benefit of someone telling him to get his shit together, Hanley has increasingly become more and more like Manny Ramirez. Just doing Manny Being Manny shit.

Like laughing off how abysmal he’s hitting lefties this year. Or legitimately refusing to play First Base. Or sitting out with sore shoulders, while his much less heralded teammate Mitch Moreland is mashing home runs and playing First Base with a broken fucking foot.

Hanley Ramirez has become store brand Manny Ramirez. He acts like Manny, he gets babied like Manny, he is a general pain in the ass like Manny. Except he doesn’t hit the goddamn ball like Manny. If you wanna be treated like a superstar then you better be hitting moonshots onto Landsdowne. If you wanna sit out games and laugh about how shitty you’re playing, then the Manny treatment is over.

Even for one of the greatest righthanded hitters of my generation, eventually that act wore thin in Boston. And LA. And Tampa Bay. Imagine how much quicker that shit happens if you’re hitting .241/.341/.406 with 10 home runs, 29 RBIs and a WAR of 0.1. Let me repeat that, Hanley Ramirez has a WAR of 0.1, which means he is BARELY better than an average guy out there at first. Thats essentially what Mitch Moreland is and the Red Sox have fared far  better with him playing than Hanley.

The Butthurt Is Strong With Manager John

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I don’t like it any more when Bill Belichick spars with reporters and the media. Tom Brady always finds a way to say nothing without coming off like a prick. It annoys me to no end to see Belichick talk to reporters like they’re children. But at least Belichick has earned it.

Bill Belichick is unquestionably the best head coach in the NFL today. He’s arguably the best head coach of all time. Manager John has managed 1049 games and is 23 games over .500 (536-513, .511). And for whatever reason that includes the 49 games Torey Lovullo managed while John Farrell was out at the end of 2015. Take out those 49 games Louvullo managed (28-21), and Farrell’s managerial record is 508-492 (.508). Suffice to say, Sparky Anderson Manager John is not.

Regardless, I don’t understand what he got so hot and bothered about. In between Dale Arnold softballs, Rich Keefe asked why they (seem to) run into so many outs and why his use of Craig Kimbrel has apparently changed. Easy answers:

“We like to be aggressive, and we think we more than make up for the outs we run into by scoring more runs.”

“It’s a long season. Kimbrel’s been great, but we can’t use him for four outs every time we’re ahead in the eighth.”

BOOM. I should be the Red Sox PR director. Crisis averted.

Instead, Manager John came across as a petty asshole. And if this is how to reacts to Rich Keefe grilling him, imagine how he’d react to Dan Shaughnessy grilling him if John Henry didn’t own the Globe.

And if the Red Sox were really scuffling, I could maybe better understand this episode and his meltdown Saturday night. But this team is in/near first place with all sorts of injuries. This team is not circling the drain. Manager John needs to project an image of success and lead. Instead, he chose to act like David Price and pick a fight with a guy making $32,000 a year. Not a great look.

The NBA Offseason is the Offseason We Deserve

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The NBA Offseason is a goddamn rollercoaster of emotions and its the only thing keeping me entertained until football starts up again. We got Chris Paul to the Rockets, Paul George and Gordon Hayward possibly to the Celtics, Carmelo Anthony trying to get a buyout from the Knicks, the Porzingis trade rumors, the Celtics trading the No. 1 overall pick, the Lavar Big Baller Brand bullshit, and not to mention Phil Jackson getting shitcanned by the Knicks.

The NBA offseason is literally overflowing with storylines and gives us the juice we need. It beats the hell out of every other sport’s offseason where big moves are few and far between.

I don’t really care to get into every team in the NBA’s salary cap situation because that is a goddamn rabbit hole. So I know half these teams either don’t have the cap space or the assets to bring in max guys, but now we got teams like the Rockets reportedly trying to bring in Paul George. Ya know, the same Paul George that the Celtics are trying to trade for and pair with Hayward, IT, and Horford.

Basically all the reports are saying that the Celtics need to wait until the start of free agency to sign Gordon Hayward before they can (or would even want to) trade for George. So I guess I’ll just sit here with my dick in my hand until July 1st.

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Phil Jackson Shown the Door Before Being Able to Burn the Place Down

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BASKET-US-KNICKSNew York Times – A little more than three years after being brought in as the savior of the Knicks, Phil Jackson is out as team president. Jackson was informed of the team’s decision on Tuesday.

Jackson, 71, who won 11 N.B.A. championships as coach of the Chicago Bulls and the Los Angeles Lakers, never came close to even approaching that type of success with the Knicks. In fact, in their three full seasons under Jackson, the Knicks had a combined record of 80-166, which was among the worst in the league for that period.

Jackson had two years and $24 million remaining on his contract.

Let me get this straight. A 71-year-old man who already has Eleven Rings™, and who attempted to trade the Knicks’ best player purely out of spite, doesn’t have the patience for a complete and total rebuild?

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If the Knicks were a bar on Bar Rescue, Jon Taffer would have walked out by now. The boss is living in the past, has no real strategy going forward and only comes in to work to annoy and harass his employees. Not a winning formula.

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There’s a lot of talk in baseball about free agents getting paid for past performance. That’s why Albert Pujols will be making $30 million in 2021 and why Pablo Sandoval might get paid more than $40 million from the Red Sox just to GTFO. Past performance is exactly why Phil Jackson got a five-year, $60 million deal from the Knicks in 2014.

While some coaches make bad teams good (see Brown, Larry), Jackson was never one of them. Jackson made good teams great. You can’t argue with Eleven Rings™, but don’t tell me he wasn’t in the right places at the right times, with three of the twenty best players of all time as center pieces of his championship teams. The Knicks team Jackson took over might not have had three of the top twenty players in the league at that time, never mind all time. Everyone should have seen this train wreck coming from miles away.

So take your money, Phil, and go home and play with your triangles. Maybe LeBron will give you a call the next time he fires a coach.

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Red Sox Win, Moreland Homers Again and Farrell Takes a Dig at Hanley

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After topping the Angels with Chris Sale picking up win No. 10, Craig Kimbrel going 1-2-3 in the 9th for the save and Mitch Moreland homering in his 3rd straight game, John Farrell praised his guys for persevering. But mostly he took a pretty subtle (read: blatant) dig at guys like Hanley Ramirez for being soft.

Last night Hanley sat out because he had a sore knee. Before that he had a sore shoulder. Then of course there’s the whole debacle of Hanley not being able (read: willing) to play first base because all the throwing hurts his shoulder. Meanwhile Mitch Moreland is balling out, hitting bombs and playing the field with a broken fucking toe. So it would seem like Farrell’s over it. Especially with bums like Pablo Sandoval in and out of the lineup, its time to start cutting the dead weight.

I like this new Farrell. Blowing up on umpires and calling out guys for being assholes. Lets get more of this Farrell and less of the robot Farrell.

If the Red Sox want to go anywhere come October they’re gonna need guys like Hanley and David Price to get their sit together. Otherwise this is gonna be a reaaally expensive team to get knocked out in the first round. Not to mention, the more the team struggles the more Dave Dombrowski’s collar gets a little tighter. This guy has traded just about all of the Red Sox top prospects in a concerted effort to win now. Except most of the guys he’s traded for have either gotten hurt (Tyler Thornburg, Carson Smith) or just straight up sucked (David Price). Obviously guys like Kimbrel and Sale have been lights out this year, but that was another half dozen prospects to acquire those two. So if this team doesn’t pick it up soon then thats another wasted year for a veteran team with a more narrow win-now mindset.

Lets Officially Clear Up What Makes a Super Team in the NBA

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I am tired of everyone pointing out the other Super Teams around the NBA just to make LeBron feel better. They had multiple great players, see they’re a Super Team too. LeBron “I’ve never been on a Super Team” James can cut the shit.

People pointing to the 2008 Celtics as an example of one is what really drives me nuts. Listen, in my mind a Super Team is a team created when the AAU super friends get together, whether its at the Olympics, offseason events, or riding banana boats together with your besties, and decide hey lets all work together to put ourselves on the same team. Which is exactly what LeBron, D Wade and Bosh did with the Heat. They constructed that shit themselves intentionally.

You ever play Madden with a Fantasy Draft team and just ROLL through the league? Yea while it sounds fun going 19-0 with some fake team, you don’t really feel the same accomplishment than when you scrap by as a Wild Card team and win the SB on All-Madden with your auto-generated backup QB because Tom Brady broke his fucking wrist in Week 4.

The 08 Celtics were a team put together by the GM through trades. Danny was shaking hands and kissing babies to put together that team.

Sure they had 3 Hall of Famers on the same team, but one of them didn’t even want to come here in KG. Thats a great, championship winning team built through trades and the draft (who do you think Danny traded to get Ray and KG?).

Rather than 3 assholes sitting on a boat saying you know what forget this team and this city, lets all join up and play together! And as much as I’ll always be like a disappointed parent in Durant going to the Warriors, even that team was built primarily through the draft. Super Team is the new buzzword of the NBA, but however you define it LeBron you sure as shit were on a few of them. End rant.

ESPN Asks Who Are the Best QBs in Patriots History? Hmm

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ESPN asked the question of who are the 5 greatest Patriots QBs of all time? Let me stop you right there ESPN.

Tom Brady.  Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Because I spit hot fire.

But, seriously why is this even a list? The best 5 quarterbacks in Patriots history? Tom Brady is No. 1 and then Alex Guerrero is No. 2 for providing Brady with all of his (completely legal) TB12 voodoo magic to play at an MVP level at the age of 40. Then I guess maybe Drew Bledsoe at 3. That’s it.

In case you’re curious how the world-wide leader ranked the top QB’s in Patriots history:

  1. Tom Brady
  2. Drew Bledsoe
  3. Steve Grogan
  4. Babe Parilli
  5. Jim Plunkett
  6. Tony Eason

Uber Will Now Deliver a Big Mac to Your Front Door

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Uber, you sly sonofabitch! Look I knew UberEats was a thing because they email me about it reminding me its a thing, but I’ve got GrubHub to handle that. I don’t really want the modern day cab driver handling my food delivery. Stay in your lane, Uber. But, today I get this Woj Bomb about UberEats??

“Prepare your tastebuds! McDonald’s is now at your fingertips with UberEATS. In just a few taps you can have the McDonald’s you love, delivered to you at Uber speed, whenever you’re craving it.”

They’re going to deliver McDonalds? To my house? And I don’t have to take the 10 minutes to hit the drive through? Sign me the fuck up.

GrubHub, you have officially been put on notice. Uber already put the cab industry out of business and they’re shedding dead weight left and right (read: they fired their CEO) so who’s next? Oh GrubHub, you’re a business that relies solely on people’s laziness and other people driving for them? Welp, as Jon Taffer would say, shut it the fuck down. We’re coming for that ass. The fact that I can order a Big Mac from my couch and I don’t even have to put the PS4 sticks down is a gamechanger. Bulking season can’t start back up soon enough.

Tonight the Red Sox Will Retire #34 for David Ortiz

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David Ortiz will be the last Red Sox player to ever wear #34 as it will go up on the right field deck tonight. It’s a weird feeling seeing the players you grew up with, the players who won titles for your favorite team, the guys who became legends in front of your eyes, its a weird feeling seeing their number get retired.

The first one was obviously Pedro Martinez as he got his #45 retired by the Sox in 2015. Now Pedro had one of the greatest runs a pitcher has ever had in the history of the game, but he was only on the team from 98-04 and won one title with the Sox. Even then he was the c0-ace on the team behind Schilling. But, Ortiz was on the Sox for 14 fucking years and was THE guy on 3 World Series winning teams. Walkoff hits became so routine with him that people legit expected it when he stepped to the plate.

Of all the huge home runs David Ortiz hit, the one I’ll never forget was his grand slam against the Tigers in the 2013 ALCS.

The Sox were down 1-0 in the series, were getting smoked in Game 2 and staring down the barrel at Detroit’s daunting starting rotation. It seemed like a Game 2 loss probably would have killed any chance at winning the series. In steps Ortiz, who hits a motherfucking grand slam to tie the game. I was sitting in the bleachers that game and I’ve never heard Fenway louder than it was right then. And it of course made a goddamn celebrity out of bullpen cop Steve Horgan for his famous celebration.

Obviously the Sox went on to win the World Series where David Ortiz batted .688. The guy hit just under fucking .700 in the World Series. That is unbelievable. That is legendary.

2013 was an emotional season after the Boston Marathon bombing in April so that whole season and especially that playoff run was something the city needed. David Ortiz wasn’t just an iconic player, he was the face of the franchise, a folk hero and someone people genuinely liked. So it was particularly fitting when he took the mic on April 20th, 2013 and gave the entire city a rallying cry that will forever be synonymous with Ortiz.

David Ortiz will likely be the first DH to go into the Hall of Fame and rightfully so. He’s already got a bridge and a street named after him. One day the guy will have a statue outside of Fenway and we can tell our kids how we saw him become the most feared hitter in the game, how he became the biggest star in the toughest market in all of sports, how he became Big Papi.