I have to give Joe Manganiello credit because he’s come a long way from playing the affable bro you got brunch with back on How I Met Your Mother.
Dude climbed the ladder from dumb jock (he was Flash Thompson in the original Spider-Man) to juiced up eye candy in Magic Mike, to locking down Sofia Vergara and eventually action movie star. Although, he did kinda get screwed after his portrayal of Deathstroke was teased at the very end of Justice League only for the entire DC Universe to collapse on itself before he had a chance to shine.
Anyways, “Archenemy” is an interesting idea that sort of seems like a cross between Will Smith’s homeless man turned superhero “Hancock” and a spin on when Superman loses his powers on Krypton due to the Red Sun. Here’s the official synopsis from IMDB.
Max Fist, who claims to be a hero from another dimension who fell through time and space to earth, where he has no powers.No one believes his stories except for a local teen named Hamster.
Okay, now that we got that out of the way we can get to the real star of “Archenemy,” which is easily Dennis Reynolds AKA Glenn Howerton in a role that he seems to have been lusting after for years. It basically looks like Dennis Reynolds’ peak insanity playing out in the form of a violent gangster of sorts.
What do we have here??
Becoming more and more unhinged over the years in Always Sunny, Howerton turned Dennis from a self absorbed narcissist into a legitimate sociopath.
Hell they even did a Making a Murderer mockumentary where they implied he killed his ex-wife. Only Always Sunny could make something as dark as that legitimately hilarious.
My point being, this movie looked fine, something I would catch on HBO or Netflix at some point and be sufficiently entertained. That is until I saw a bleach blonde Glenn Howerton unleashing his rage. As Rob McElhenney has pointed out in podcasts over the years, Howerton is a legitimately classically trained actor, which is why he kills it every time he gets a wild storyline in Always Sunny.
I was flipping back and forth between playoff baseball and the Bucs Bears game last night before settling in for the last few minutes of Thursday Night Football when I saw it was a one score game late in the 4th. The Bears were down and they were driving and after a couple boneheaded plays and a back breaking sack it looked like the Bears were cooked. Except I forgot Nick Foles is a mediocre quarterback who has made a deal with the goddamn devil. BDN dialed up a halfback wheel route rub play and lofted a perfect pass, while backpedaling, right into David Montgomery’s basket, anticipating exactly where the RB would be before he was even past the line of scrimmage.
Facing a key 2nd & 11, #Bears QB Nick Foles identified man coverage and yelled "Rub! Rub!" to Allen Robinson, scheming David Montgomery wide open against a blitz.
That sealed the deal for the Bears right? Nope! Because half the coaches in this league are morons, rather than running three straight downs, forcing the Bucs to burn all their timeouts, and then kicking the Field Goal to win it with no time left, the Bears instead opted to throw the ball and stop the clock! That left more than a minute on the clock for Tom Brady to do Tom Brady things.
Brady came out of the gates firing and rifled a 12 yard completion to Mike Evans who easily got out of bounds to stop the clock. Now the Bucs only needed like 30 yards to get into FB range and get out of there with a win.
Incompletion. Four yard completion. Clock still running. Incompletion off the hands of Gronk. Now if you’re keeping track at home, those three plays put the Bucs at 4th and 6 with a do or die play. Brady throws an incompletion to Brate over the middle. Game over.
Except you then hear Troy Aikman and Joe Buck saying Brady is still on the field looking confused…and then we get this damning shot.
Brady apparently thought it was only now 4th down. What the hell has happened down in Tampa Bay? Never in all my years of lovingly gazing at my TV watching TB12 have I ever seen him make a mental mistake like that. Sure everyone makes physical mistakes, makes bad plays, throws bad passes, but this was different. This was a pure mental error that you just do not see from guys like Brady. The internet was quick to roast him for the gaffe.
It just goes to show what happens when you go from the, as Julian Edelman would say, “Happily Miserable” structure of the Patriots under Bill Belichick to the loosey goosey, deep ball loving, win or lose we still booze head coach in Bruce Arians.
All aboard the Joey B Express because this train is leaving the station and to be honest with you I am not sure where it’s heading.
What started out as an aberation in this era (the past 15 years or so) of Boston sports, an anomaly, has turned overnight into what economists, stylists, and actually, human fucking beings in general call a “trend”.
One could say this startling reminder of athletic mortality began last December, well before we knew Corona was anything other than a Mexican beer brewed in Kentucky, when the Patriots decided to simply not show up against the Tennessee Titans in the wild-card game, allowing Derrick Henry to run roughshod without even considering stacking the box and, I don’t know, asking Ryan fucking Tannehill to beat us . We all sat there rather calmly all game, thinking “any second now”. Any second now McDaniels would wake up, figure things out, and the offense would cook a quick 21 point cake to get us the dub. Any second now the Mayo/S.Belichick brain trust on defense would unleash the Boogeymen and, fucking I don’t know, spy the aging QB who was running all over us, all the whole being known to throw more picks than a blinded Nathan Peterman. None of that happened though and we lost. To the Titans. In the playoffs.
Things seemed to get back to normal after that befuddling end to 2019. The Bruins played just about up to expectations this season, especially when considering they had to stop their season then restart inside a bubble. The Bs also had to deal with their starting goalie going out to fetch some milk, or in his case probably wings, and never coming back. The Sox sucked this year but at this point I’m pretty sure we’re all just about rooting for that given how hateable their ownership is.
Then our sports world got weird again in the form of the Bubble Celtics. King Marcus Smart, First of His Name, The J’s, and company started a little sluggish but really hit their stride at the end of the bubble season. They proceeded to thrash the 6ers in four. But then they had to go to fucking war with the Raptors, a war which they won. It was entertaining as hell, absolutely captivating, but at the same time, a bit discouraging. On paper, with Toronto having lost Kawhi, our squad should have beaten Toronto a little more handily. no offense to the other 6. Fred van Fleet just shouldn’t be able to lead a team to a seventh game against the young guns from Boston, in my opinion. So I was a little wary heading into our series with Miami.
Now, I don’t hold Jimmy Butler in as high regard as say, the prostitutes in Rio de Janeiro or, more relevantly, other basketball fans. I’ve just never seen “it”. But all the same going up against him and a good supporting cast did not excite me all that much. So I was pretty shocked watching the series play out. Not in the final score of the games themselves or watching the basketball actually go in the hoop or not, just everything else. We simply looked better. We played better. We were more athletic. We were a more cohesive team. But we just didn’t win. We didn’t execute. We didn’t actually score. We didn’t….beat a not as good team. It made zero sense. It must have been how the USSR felt watching the 1980 Olympics. I don’t know how to say. “How the fuck is this happening?” in Russian but I gained some empathy for Sergei and Pavel out in Moscow that series.
I carried that series in my gut with me. I figured it’d be there for awhile. It turns out I was wrong as I carried it around with me until just last night. With Cam Newton having tested positive for the big C19, the Pats trotted out journeyman not-extrordinaire Brian Hoyer against the defending champion Kansas City Chiefs. And by the 5:00 minute mark (or thereabouts) of the 3rd Quarter, guess what? We should have been winning. But we weren’t. How? Down a respectable 6-3 with the clocking ticking away at the half, Hoyer decided to take a sack rather than throw the ball away, costing us a field goal attempt that not even Nick Folk would have (probably) missed. then, with the score still 6-3, Patrick Mahomes laid an egg on his first drive on the second half. HUGE stop for the D. Hoyer then led an excellent, strategic, balanced drive down the field to get us to the 13. When Josh Mc could advance us no further on the ground, Hoyer dropped back to pass, held on to the ball too long AGAIN, and got stripped. Kansas City ball. Now instead of being 9-3 New England AT A MINIMUM it was Chiefs ball going the other way. Momentum had swung way to far the other way to ever come back to us. We lost 26-10 on a day where our receivers were showing up a little, our D was playing out of their minds, and weird-voice-having Patrick Mahomes was playing like shit.
That leaves us with THREE (3) instances of us just not winning games our eyes have told us we should since last December. In the time it takes to conceive and have a child (I’ve been told) that child would have born to a family that was absolutely bewildered by its sports franchises inability to win games against opponents they should have beaten, sometimes soundly. Instead their birth certificates would have beared names like “FUCKING FRANK CLARK” and “Tyler Herro Looks Like The Third Fucking Chainsmoker.” What a world.
And this, sadly, ladies and gents, is what sports fandom really feels like. I remember it. I’m not so young that I don’t remember asking no one in particular, with tears almost in my eyes, “Why can’t we just win?” I hope this isn’t just it, for the record. I hope I haven’t seen my last championship until I’m too old to care. I hope Cam Newton comes back, Brian Hoyer is locked in the abandoned Showcase Cinema at Patriots Place, and we catch fire with the rest of what looks like an excellent team. I hope the Bruins and Celtics come back next year refreshed, energized by having some (hopefully) semblance of consistency in their lives. I hope, and I can’t stress this enough, John Henry and the rest of the Sox ownership gets Epsteined and are forced to sell.
I am not a silver linings type of guy, as I said yesterday there are no moral victories in the National Football League. Yes, the Patriots lost 26-10 to the Chiefs last night, BUT there are some things to build on here for a team that was not playing with a full deck.
Defense Delights The Patriots defense was masterful for much of the night (except for 2 dropped picks) holding the Chiefs to their lowest offensive yards total all season, just a week after they dropped 517 yards and 34 points on the Ravens. Patrick Mahomes was held to 236 yards and 2 TDs (both of which were about 2 foot tosses). The Pats also stifled Clyde Edwards-Helaire and the Chiefs running game all day, holding CEH to just 64 yards on 20 carries. Travis Kelce only had 3 catches for 70 yards on the night, but killed the Pats on a 45 yard reception late in the game.
RIP to the Brian Hoyer Era The Brian Hoyer era lasted a grand total of 44 minutes.
Hoyer killed the Patriots with rookie mistakes all night long before mercifully getting benched by Belichick. I am normally a pretty calm guy watching the game and scrolling twitter in between plays, but I literally YELLED at my TV when Hoyer took that sack to end the first half and cost the Pats a field goal.
With no timeouts left and in FG position, Brian Hoyer takes a sack. That’s how the first half ends. Yikes.
You can argue that the team was too cavalier with their timeouts, but thats because they had a guy in his 12th year in the NFL under center. He should know better so that was infuriating to watch. Hoyer only made it worse later in the game when a pass rusher blew by him and instead of immediately getting the ball out, he patted the ball somehow thinking the defender was gone. Nope, that guy immediately peeled back and forced the fumble on Hoyer who for some god forsaken reason still had the ball in his hands. Hoyer’s Awareness rating in Madden must have taken a nosedive after this performance.
In came Jarret Stidham, who the Pats finally reached their breaking point and relented on letting him play after Stid had the gall to go to a wedding over the summer. All it took was less than 3 quarters of watching Brian Hoyer playing for Belichick to pull the plug on that experiment. Physically Stidham looked pretty good as he chucked the ball around with ease. He made the typical mistakes of a young QB, but he also had some alarmingly bad throws with 3 picks (1 of which was called back). I don’t know if thats an accuracy issue or a decision making issue, but one of his interceptions was on an underthrown ball in the face of pressure. If he just steps up in the pocket to avoid the rush, this is a TD.
Three interceptions for this defense today 👏 @_sleepp
He did hit N’Keal Harry with a pretty touch pass in the back of the end zone for a touchdown on his first career completion though so that was nice to see.
Harry was a huge disappointment last year for various reasons, but it seems the experience of being in Year 2 combined with the power of positive reinforcement from Cam Newton hyping him up has paid huge dividends. Ironic, considering one of Tom Brady’s best friends is Tony Robbins, the de facto king of positive thinking, but it takes Cam Newton to bring it out of Harry.
Turnovers Galore The Pats were uncharacteristcally sloppy, turning the ball over four times compared to just once by the Chiefs. You’re rarely going to win a game when you lose the turnover battle, you are never going to win a game against the Chiefs when you spot them points.
Young Guys Shine Chase Winovich has officially arrived this season and particularly in this game as he was wrecking havoc and hurrying Mahomes all night long. Very encouraging to see for a team that is desperate for some pass rushers after all the players that either left via free agency or opted out this season.
Damiere Byrd looked like a legit NFL receiver yet again with five catches for 80 yards, but he also saw 10 targets so the QBs (not just Cam Newton) seem to trust him to make plays.
Damien Harris FINALLY stepped onto the field and he did not disappoint, racking up 100 yards in his first significant NFL game action. Harris only had 4 touches all of last season and was a scratch most weeks so I have been dying to see the former Alabama back get some significant work. With Sony Michel back on IR this is Harris’ time to shine and I think he probably takes the RB1 job for good. Granted the Pats routinely roll out multiple runningbacks on any given week, but I think Harris is the locked in bellcow back moving forward if he stays healthy.
Kyle Dugger looked great and his athleticism was apparent as he made some touch tackles, which impressed me the most considering the Patriots’ top pick was essentially playing Division II football last year.
Get Well Soon Cam The Patriots showed they can hang with the class of the league if they play their best football, which they did for large shares of the night. Their QB play is what ultimately sunk them, but if these two teams meet again later this season it would be with Newton under center who obviously turns the Patriots offense into a completely different beast.
Edelman Drops Jules had the dropsies last night, including a pass deflected off his hands that turned into a walk-in pick six for the Chiefs.
Julian Edelman led the NFL in drops last season. This is now his fifth this season, and the most costly one… pic.twitter.com/dT3B2WtuW1
It’s tough to see Edelman drop more and more balls as he gets up there because he has been so money for so long for this Patriots team. It’s something to keep an eye on. He is far from washed, as we saw in the Seattle matchup when Edelman had one of the best games of his entire career with Newton slinging him the ball. But it makes sense for the Pats to not have their entire offense depend on a 34-year-old receiver.
Although Edelman’s potential heir to the New England Slot only had one catch last night, Gunner Olszewski sure as shit made it count with this one.
Give Me a Break Looot of breaks went the Chiefs way last night and the Pats were still hanging around for most of the game. By far the worst was the fumble return that was whistled dead WAY too quickly and ultimately ruled a sack.
Very quick whistle for the Chiefs. Play ruled a sack. Should have been a fumble recovery or INT for the Patriots. pic.twitter.com/6hhQkM8UOY
The clear strip and fumble return was blown dead by the refs who said they thought Mahomes was “in the grasp” of defenders.
Patriots had a tough call go against them when a would-be INT was ruled a sack by referee Tony Corrente. The call was explained by Corrente after the game (https://t.co/hFVYPZZW1k). Before moving on, I wanted to follow up with a few thoughts: pic.twitter.com/qXy5n6RW8h
Now I understand the irony of a Patriots fan complaining about a quarterback sack not being called a fumble, but that call was horrific. Total hose job.
There was also the Chiefs punt returner somehow not touching that bouncing ball a la Edelman in the AFC Championship, and the brutal roughing the passer call on Mahomes who should have won an Oscar on the play.
Overall this team looked pretty good playing the defending SB champs with their 2nd and 3rd string quarterback after commuting to Kansas City the day of the game. They showed they can hang with the best of them so I look forward to seeing this team back at full strength. The Pats are now 2-2 and 2 games back in the AFC East though trailing the Bills who look legit behind sudden MVP candidate Josh Allen. I knew the Bills would be good this year, but I did not expect this type of jump from Allen so kudos to them. The race for the AFC East crown is on now.
Spin cycle activated. Yes, Brian Hoyer hype videos do indeed exist.
Now that Cam Newton is out for at least this game if not multiple games after testing positive for COVID, we get a peak at what the Patriots would have looked like had they never signed Cam in the first place since Hoyer was QB1 earlier this summer.
If that highlight video doesn’t make you feel any better, well let’s take a look at Hoyer’s career stats. Hoyer’s teams are 16-22 when he is the starter and he has a career 59.1 completion percentage, 7 yards per attempt career avg, 52 touchdowns and 32 picks, with an 82.5 career QBR.
Time to test the theory that Belichick can win with anybody under center, but this is his biggest test since Matt Cassel was taking snaps in 2008.
There’s also Jarrett Stidham on the bench, but if you believe what you hear on talk radio, which I take with a gigantic grain of salt, the team apparently buried him on the depth chart after he took a road trip to Texas for a wedding during the offseason. I always found that, if true, to be an over the top punishment, even for Belichick. But hey when the greatest quarterback of all time leaves town creating a wide open, glowing opportunity for you to become a starter in the NFL, you probably don’t want your boss to think you’re doing anything other than playing, practicing, studying, and dreaming about football.
With on again, off again Patriots QB Hoyer most likely getting the start tonight the Pats have gone from -7 point underdogs to -11, which would be the third largest spread in the league this week. So Vegas is not feeling it.
I think the Pats are probably going to get dusted tonight if we’re being honest. They were already big underdogs to begin with, now they’re starting their backup QB on the road, on short notice, and are straight up commuting to Kansas City on game day to play the defending Super Bowl champs.
Theres no moral victories in the NFL, but hey if you want a silver lining, maybeeee this helps the Patriots if they end up playing the Chiefs again in the playoffs since KC won’t have any game tape of Cam vs the Chiefs. I don’t want to come off like an In Belichick We Trust goon so I’m going to leave it at that, but hey you asked for a silver lining.
The real problem is what if Cam misses multiple games? The Patriots play the Broncos next week, who they should be able to beat without Newton and then thankfully Week 6 is their bye. So that would give Newton three weeks before hopefully returning for Week 7 vs the 49ers, who would presumably have Jimmy G back by then. But you never know, Eduardo Rodriguez came down with COVID and missed the rest of the season due to complications.
Also considering not a single other Patriots player tested positive, for a guy who is renting a place, who intentionally did not move his family to New England because it’s a “business trip,” and orders vegan takeout food rather than going out — how the hell did he even get coronavirus?
Welp, hopefully Newton, as we hope for anyone that has contracted COVID, recovers and is back to full strength quickly. Until then, enjoy the Brian Hoyer Experience.
In welcome news, Saturday Night Live will make its return tomorrow night with its first live broadcast from Studio 8H since March 7. The return of SNL will hopefully give at least a small sense of normalcy back to the country tomorrow night, and help lift the spirits of a beleaguered city.
Even before the pandemic and the shutdown, it wasn’t too often that I found myself out past midnight on a Saturday night (though, unlike Red, I refuse to use the term “washed”). Speaking for myself, I need this and am ready for this. Considering that in many parts of the country you still need to order a full meal of food in order to drink in public, there should be lots of people home tomorrow night and this episode should do monster ratings.
While I don’t like to make any comparisons to 9/11, this episode could have a similar vibe to the show’s first episode back after the terrorist attacks in 2001. With all that has happened over the last seven months, over the last week, and in the last 24 hours, I’m sure the cast and writers are still trying to figure out what to lead with and what tone to strike. But I’m certain that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will still be front and center…
It doesn’t hurt to have a former cast member, and one of the best stand-up comics of all time, Chris Rock as host this week. Whatever tone the episode strikes, I’m confident that Chris Rock will hit it out of the park. It also looks like the show will have at least a limited studio audience based on tickets being made available. Free tickets AND a COVID test? If I lived in New York City I would sign up for that deal in a second. Probably still easier than getting a test at CVS.
Based on tickets possibly being made available, it looks like there could be episodes each of the five Saturdays this month, leading up the election the first Tuesday of November. While SNL usually doesn’t do that many new episodes in a row, and the fact that no other hosts or musical guests have been named for this month, it could be a chance to strike while the iron is hot. Maybe they’ll see how things go this week?
The path to reopening the country, getting back to work, and regaining some sense of normalcy is going to be long and challenging. We could all use a few laughs to relieve some anxiety along the way. So practice social distancing, wear a mask, and stay home and tune in Saturday night. That’s what I’ll be doing, and rooting for SNL to help bring back even just a little bit of normalcy to my weekend routine.
If you’re a fan of comedy even in the slightest then you know The Comedy Store is an institution; it is the mecca for standup comics. Walking in under those red lights and passing all the framed pictures in the hallway immortalizing dozens of Hall of Fame comedians that have performed there, it’s unlike any other club in the country.
The first time I visited LA a few years ago The Comedy Store was the No. 1 place I had to check out. Well that and In N’ Out.
But seriously this spot on Sunset Boulevard has been a launching pad for some of the funniest people to ever walk the planet. Name any famous comedian and it’s pretty much guaranteed they performed at The Comedy Store at some point. Just look at this murderer’s row of alumni:
This place is revered by comics to this day and is still frequented by huge names who do shows routinely just to work on material. Joe Rogan performs there pretty much every weekend and he just signed a $100 million contract with Spotify so it’s not like he needs the work.
I went to a show on a Saturday night that was stacked with huge names like Joe Rogan, Tom Green, Iliza Shlesinger, and Michael Rosenbaum. All that for a $20 ticket. So if you lived in the area you could go see some of the best comedians in the country every weekend for less than what I spend on a GrubHub order.
Now the first time I actually went to The Comedy Store was when I literally just stumbled in at like 1 AM on a weeknight. Whats great about this place is if theres not a big headline event, you can just walk in whenever, pay a small cover, and theres just comics working on material at all hours of the night. So we dropped in and just sat in the back with a couple of beers and laughed our asses off watching some guy I’d never even heard of. The talent there is just on another level.
So I am going to have to actually buy Showtime for the first time ever because this doc series is going to be must see TV.
David Letterman recalls his first appearance at the iconic Comedy Store in a new Showtime docuseries about the club. pic.twitter.com/rcHzmAc1dw
Robin Williams, in front of the Comedy Store which opened in April 1972 by comedians Sammy Shore (1927–2019), and Rudy De Luca.
The building was formerly the home of Ciro's, a popular Hollywood nightclub owned by William Wilkerson, where The Byrds were discovered in 1964. pic.twitter.com/MCOtZ0OApU
— RealJesusChrysler aka Captain Clorox (@ChryslerReal) September 24, 2020
On #RushHourRap we try and mix it up with throwback tracks from the big guns as well as some artists you’ve never heard of to give you a stacked playlist.
Meet Henry AZ, the 20-year-old up and coming rapper raised right in our own backyard down Cape Cod. Remember that name because this ain’t just some scrub YouTube rapper, Henry AZ’s signed to Juicy J’s Mo Faces label and already has features from heavy hitters like Wiz Khalifa on his most recent mixtape.
Henry AZ has said some of his inspirations range from Eminem, to Andre 3000, Mac Miller, Drake, and NF; all artists we’ve featured on #RushHourRap over the years so if you like what we put up here, then AZ should slide right in.
So Robert Griffin III unveiled a gigantic tattoo immortalizing Goku and the Hulk with the ink covering his entire leg. The tattoo artist Nic Westfall told TMZ that RGIII sat for 10 hours to knock out the Goku/Hulk leg sleeve.
It’s crazy how many gigantic, badass NFL players are diehard Dragon Ball Z fans like the nerd thats writing this blog.
NFL: RT AtlantaFalcons: If you're a fan of Mo_12_Sanu AND Dragon Ball Z, you're going to love these cleats! pic.twitter.com/shJKr0PN6K
I mean the examples go on and on, Adidas even did a DBZ sneaker collaboration a couple of years ago. So if anyone ever tells you something you like is dumb, just remember that some of the greatest, toughest athletes in the world are just big nerds at heart.
Now back to Griffin himself. It’s easy to forget how big RGIII was back in 2012-13 when he was the most exciting mobile quarterback since Michael Vick. He was a legitimate track star at Baylor and ran a 4.4 40 yard dash at the combine. RGIII was one of the guys leading the wave of mobile QBs coming into the NFL at the time and succeeding, ultimately paving the way for team’s to build around guys like Lamar Jackson, Patrick Mahomes, Deshaun Watson, Kyler Murray etc. Guys that would have been looked down upon for being mobile QBs only a decade ago. Griffin, Cam Newton, Russell Wilson all came into the league within a year of each other and permanently changed the way people viewed mobile QBs. No longer were they viewed as “rushing” QBs who had to rely on their legs. They were the new hybrid that was here to stay. RGIII was the Rookie of the Year and a Pro Bowler in his first season, unfortunately for him he had that horrible ACL injury and was never the same.
RGIII really did help usher in a new age of quarterbacks though. It used to be a joke between my friends and I playing Madden in college because I would pick whatever team had a mobile guy as the backup QB and shred people. I would go out of my way to play with Troy Smith or Tyrod Taylor. But seriously, just look at how many mobile quarterbacks are starters in the NFL today. I count 8-11. Jackson, Mahomes, Newton, Russell, Murray, Watson, Gardner Minshew, Josh Allen. And if you wanted to you could throw in Dak Prescott, Baker Mayfield, Teddy Bridgewater, and Tyrod Taylor (who would be starting if not for the medical malpractice that happened on the sidelines in Week 1). Thats a third of the league!
So this is apropos of nothing, but the RGIII DBZ headline caught my attention so I had to give Griffin some love and reflect back on how big of an impact he had on the game in a relatively short period of time.
In a weird, pandemic interrupted season that stretched 11 months and 27 days the Celtics went from an unmitigated disaster last summer watching two max contract players leave for nothing to landing Kemba Walker and going on a run to the Eastern Conference Finals. Despite all the missed opportunities that arose once the NBA season resumed, the Celtics accomplished what so few teams ever can; rebuilding on the fly. As Kemba said in his post-game press conference last night, “This is our first year together, we are going to have some time to grow.” He’s not wrong.
Now that the back patting is over, lets take a look at the epic choke job the Celtics completed last night. For whatever reason this team struggled mightily when it came to neck stepping time. Whether they’re too young, lack a killer instinct, or just don’t have a defined closer on the team, whatever it was, this team struggled to finish games. We saw it in the Raptors series that they were lucky to escape in 7 and it carried over to the Eastern Conference Finals where the Celtics blew late leads in Games 1 and 2. The latter of which led to an all-time dysfunctional locker room blowout before winning Game 3, dropping Game 4, and winning Game 5 to force a 6th and decisive game. It looked like Boston’s talent was going to do what it had in the previous round, overwhelm their gritty opponent. They even forced the Heat to go away from their vaunted zone defense as the Celtics finally figured out a consistent way to penetrate and disrupt.
However, when it came to crunch time the Celtics once again WITHERED. The Celtics defense imploded as the Heat scored at will.
The Celtics closed out Game 6 with a 159.1 defensive rating over the final nine minutes, allowing the Heat to score on 10(!) consecutive possessions in one stretch. On one last crunch-time collapse: https://t.co/SltOwilYtp
BRobb also tweeted out the Celtics’ clutch stats (idk ask BRobb for the definition of that one) and they’re just as bad as you’d expect.
Celtics final clutch stats against Heat over five games (19 minutes of clutch play) Offensive rating: 85.3 Defensive rating: 150 Net rating -64.7 https://t.co/SltOwilYtp
With 9 minutes to go in the game and Boston up by six, the Heat went on a 26-6 run to officially stomp them out. Even worse was their absolutely moronic, panic stricken shot selection down the stretch.
Jayson Tatum makes a two point shot to make it 102-103 with 5:40 left. Next possessions
Kemba missed three Tatum turnover Kemba missed three Tatum missed three Smart missed three Tatum missed tech FT Jaylen missed three Smart missed layup Kemba turnover
Where the hell is Brad Stevens during all that? The Heat went on something like a 19-6 run before he decided to call a timeout with 4:30 remaining. By that point though it was too late and too big of a hole and then the C’s really were forced to start jacking up 3’s.
One of my biggest complaints, but it’s probably more about the league in general than the Celtics specifically, is there insistence on chucking threes even when they’re clearly not falling. Boston went 15-46 (32.6%) from 3 for the game, 4-22 from 3 in the 2nd half, and an atrocious 2-14 in the 4th. In the 4th the Celtics shot 37% from the field including 14.3% from 3. Meanwhile the Heat shot 66.7% from the field while only taking 3 three pointers in the 4th and nailing them all. For the game the Heat went 13-27 from 3 for a 48.1% clip, nearly 16% better than the C’s.
The Celtics never had an answer for Bam Adebayo all night. Daniel Theis fouled out again while getting worked by the “point center” and rookie Grant Williams probably did the best job covering the big man, but Bam was just on another level dropping 32 and 14.
I also want to point out that while I respect Jimmy Butler’s MJ-esque toxic competitive streak, I also would have been fully on board with Jaylen Brown getting ejected for knocking him out after that dirty play under the hoop.
No foul was called because the NBA officiating is hilariously inconsistent, but don’t let that fool you. This was a dirty, dangerous play and could have seriously injured Brown. Don’t be surprised if these two get into a scuffle down the line because I guarantee Brown will not forget about that play.
So where do the Celtics go from here? This is definitely a team at a crossroads with no clear path to improvement. Bench scoring is obviously a need, they need more defined roles, but more than anything the Celtics need to add some veteran grit and balls. Every great team has veteran players and character guys that can consistently get buckets and/or act as a mentor to younger teammates. Think Eddie House, James Posey, Sam Cassell, and PJ Brown on the ’08 Celtics. They need to add some grit to their bench rather than filling it with all their mediocre draft picks from the last 3 years who can’t create offense. Danny Ainge has created the greatest G League team ever assembled with all those draft picks, but that has not translated to consistent productive NBA players outside of Smart, Tatum, and Brown. Three core players no doubt, but the C’s have failed to develop much in the way of bench talent. That is only made more glaring when the C’s are getting lit up by rookies like Tyler Herro in Miami, who the C’s apparently loved pre-draft.
Grit seems to be the main thing they lacked this postseason as the Celtics routinely blew late leads only to get bailed out by the skin of their teeth on talent alone. Well that string of luck came to a swift end last night as the Heat showed them what a team with a lead is supposed to do. It steps on your neck and closes it out.
So do the Celtics looks to reconfigure their roster or just hope the deep playoff run provides valuable experience? Felger and Mazz producer Jimmy Stewart was floating rumors of a potential Marcus Smart trade last week if the C’s got bounced.
"I get the feeling that Marcus Smart might not be here next year." – @IAmJamesStewart after hearing from his mysterious sources.
Getting a W on Saturday night would help with a lot of this, but it sounds like a #Celtics power struggle is occurring between Smart, Brown, & Tatum. pic.twitter.com/UMpgsxpRFq
I think Tatum is completely untouchable at this point as he should be. He definitely needs some more seasoning to his game (stop routinely settling for fadeaway threes) and generally has some maturing to do, but you don’t trade elite talent for no reason.
Other than that they could move Jaylen Brown but I just cannot get on board with trading him or Smart. That would be a MASSIVE “addition by subtraction” gamble that I would not be willing to take and I dont think Danny Ainge would either.
There was speculation that the team lacked clearly defined roles and too many guys thought it was their team. Theres only one basketball and if everyone wants to play hero ball and take the last shot then you’re going to run into trouble.
It’s not a hot take but I think their best bet is to hope yet another brutal postseason exit helps their young core build the testicular fortitude required to make the jump next year. I keep thinking of that scene from “The Last Dance” documentary where Michael Jordan details how he got his brains beat in by the Celtics and Pistons for years before finally getting over the hump. Even with 6 rings on his fingers, Jordan admitted those early struggles were necessary to give him the experience and the drive to finally break through.
The most unfortunate part though is this was the easiest path to the Finals the Celtics were going to have any time soon with a depleted/dysfunctional Philly team, Giannis getting knocked out early, no Kawhi or LeBron in the East, oh ya and the Nets will be rolling out Kyrie and Kevin Fucking Durant next season. So while I want to preach patience, I can understand if Celtics brass doesn’t feel the same way.
We don’t even know when the next NBA season will begin thanks to the COVID interruption. Training camps for next season would have normally started around now, but Adam Silver has hinted at a Christmas or even January start for the 2020-21 season. Until then we’ll have plenty of missed opportunities to regret as we watch LeBron James inevitably win another title. Hopefully this Celtics team uses that as motivation and comes back ready to take over the East and finally, legitimately threaten for the Larry O’Brien trophy next year.
The 300s 