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A Festivus Airing of Fantasy Football Grievances
With Festivus coming up and after narrowly avoiding my first Sacko last night, I just wanted to take the time out for a proper Airing of Grievances for my once promising fantasy football team that went straight to hell. Below is the original team that took the field on Week 1; til death do us part.
QB1: Jameis Winston: The 13th scoring QB in fantasy this year. Look I’ve won titles with Donovan McNabb and Tim Tebow. QB was not the problem here.
QB2: Philip Rivers: Traded him for a 2017 3rd round pick once my season was cooked. Draft board flexibility like you read about.
WR1: Alshon Jeffery: Decent stats, but was ultimately at the mercy of shithead Smokin Jay Cutler. Oh and ya know got popped for PEDs and missed 4 weeks down the stretch.
WR2: Michael Floyd: – Shout out to my number 2 WR who can hold his booze just about as well as he can hold a football. On the verge of a breakout season in a top offense and he ends up with just as many drops as touchdowns (4) before being cut for getting a DUI. This was after cops found him piss drunk passed out at the wheel of his car in an intersection. Not to mention just 33 catches on 70(!) targets. Now, that is what I call Return. On. Investment.
RB1 and KEEPER: Thomas Rawls: Coming off a beast finish to 2015 with 830 yards on just 147 carries for 5.6 YPC, Rawls was a sneaky steal with a 16th round pick as a keeper. Dude did break his leg though, which made it risky, but sometimes ya gotta race.
All the reports and draft experts pointed towards Rawls being ready for Week 1 and naturally he ran for a combined 25 yards in the first two games before ultimately missing EIGHT MOTHERFUCKING WEEKS. The guy didn’t put in a good game until Week 13. SAD.
RB2: Ezekiel Elliot: We good.
TE: Zach Ertz: Solid first game. Dislocated a rib. Didn’t have a good game until Week 9. God damnit.
Flex: Allen Hurns: 
Flex: Willie Snead: Some weeks I score 30 points. Other weeks I put up a goose egg. Enjoy the ride.
6 Bench Spots:
(IR) Danny Woodhead: BEAST. But got hurt again and submarined any solid PPR flex options for me.
Jeremy Langford: Oh just a *total* asshole. A starting RB with potential solely because of workload volume alone. So what’s he do? Suck, get hurt and lose his job. Another draft pick nailed.
(IR) Shane Vereen: Hurt and missed most of the season.
(IR) Josh Doctson: I *also* drafted Breshad Perriman last year who *also* missed his entire rookie season.
(IR) Braxton Miller: A dart throw who had exactly one game with more than 4 pts and ultimately wound up on IR. Brock Osweiler is radioactive to offense.
Kickers and defenses do not matter so I will not address them.
Final Record: 4-9 for an 11th place finish
Bye, Felicia
NESN – Clay Buchholz’s 10-year career with the Boston Red Sox reportedly has come to an end. The Red Sox traded the right-handed pitcher to the Philadelphia Phillies on Tuesday, according to multiple reports. Matt Gelb of the Philadelphia Inquirer was the first to report the news, with FanRag Sports’ Jon Heyman and FOX Sports’ Ken Rosenthal confirming. According to Gelb, Boston will acquire minor leaguer Josh Tobias in the deal.
Just like that, the Clay Buchholz Era in Boston has ended. Fittingly, it ended with a whimper and not with a bang. The dude threw a no-hitter in his second career start in 2007, but could never live up to his potential.
Buchholz showed flashes at times, no doubt. An All-Star in 2010, he finished 6th in Cy Young Award voting that season. He was named to the All-Star team again in 2013 after starting the season 9-0 with a 1.71 ERA. But injuries put him on the shelf from June 8 – to September 10 in 2013, and he ultimately did not make much of mark the rest of that season or during the World Series title run.
Ultimately, those flashes were just flashes and only served to extend his time in Boston. His reasonable salaries didn’t hurt his case either. Why not take a flier on your own guy instead of bringing in someone else? (See Miley, Wade.)
While his 81-61 record puts his winning percentage at .570 and his 3.96 ERA puts his ERA+ at 109, it’s hard not to characterize the Buchholz Era as a disappointment in the end. The ups and downs, the injuries, disappointments (see 2008) and frustrations ultimately became too much for the Red Sox. Buchholz has now been swapped for a 24 year-old infielder with no professional experience higher than A-ball.
If the Phillies take on all of the $13.5 million due to Buchholz, that’s a win for Trader Dave. But even if not, this is is addition by subtraction for the Red Sox. I know that you can never have too much pitching (see Arroyo, Bronson), but Buchholz was never an innings eater. It’s just one less moving part John Farrell needs to be concerned with. With David Price, Rick Porcello and now Chris Sale headlining next year’s staff, hopefully the Red Sox can move away from the revolving door that has been (at least the back of) their rotation for the last few years.
Andy Reid Continues to Be a Master of Clock Management
Andy Reid’s latest bungling of clock management and overall basic common sense once again fucked his team good. Guy just doesn’t ever, ever learn. Tried to ice a kicker in freezing temperatures on a 53 yard Field Goal. WHY? What are the odds he actually makes that kick on the first try? I don’t know the answer to that, I’m not a mathematician. But, I’ll tell you, those odds sure as shit double when you give him TWO TRIES. Moron. (The NFL kindly avoided any references to Andy Reid’s terrible coaching decisions in their game recap though.)
This just further proves my point of how incestual the NFL really is. There’s no other explanation for how guys like him and Jeff Fisher keep getting head coaching jobs. They’ve proven they are not good coaches, but are somehow revered as so without ever having won anything.
Maybe, I’m spoiled being a Patriots fan, but why settle for a guy you know is going to mismanage the clock and lose you a game in crunch time when you could try and hit on a young coach? And don’t tell me consistency because thats how the Rams were consistently 7-9 for the last 5 years.
Did I Just Fix NCAA College Football?
I think we can all agree that NCAA football players are getting screwed, especially when it comes to Bowl season and the schools are making BANK. Pay the players. Don’t pay the players. They already get free school. They can’t afford lunch. I’ve heard all the arguments. Well, I think I just solved the issue and fixed college football.
NCAA football players should get their scholarship, a stipend for the year and the ability to sell & market themselves. Boom problem solved.
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
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Negates players crying poor, keeps it fair for all and gives the big stars the ability to make some real cash with their name and likeness.
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
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There’s no way to fairly compensate players. Reggie Bush was probably woth $20 million for USC back in the day. So lets open it up.
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
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Takes out the seediness of NCAA football and gives the stars the ability to earn top dollar like in any other industry.
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
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Ending the NCAA’s reign of bullshit arbitrary rules and punishments.
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
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Now dudes don’t need to trade game worn pants and cleats for tattoos and shit.
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
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And for christ’s sake, give @ReggieBush his Heisman back.
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
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Did I just fix NCAA college football?
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 20, 2016
College Enrollment is Falling as People Start to Wise Up
Yahoo – “Despite aggressive efforts nationwide to boost the number of people who attend college, enrollments declined this fall for the fifth straight year as better job prospects for older potential students and a stalled pipeline of new high-school graduates were compounded by continued woes in the for-profit college sector.”
Good. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. College is the biggest scam going and is 1,000% the next bubble to burst. Now don’t get me wrong, I think college is extremely valuable if for nothing else than life skills: learning to live on your own, dealing with issues w/o your parents help and even making some money on the side to supplement your hobbies (drinking).
But that is not a skill set that is worth 200k+ (cue the kids chirping who went to trade schools). And the costs keep rising as if the colleges don’t even seem to realize this is a problem that will ultimately kill their racket. From when I was a freshman in college years ago to now, the yearly tuition at my school has gone up at least 12K. So you’re now paying 50k+ a year at some schools for degrees in fields that don’t have the supply to meet the demand. Which is why you have millennials living in their parents basements until their 30 and no one buying a house until their 40.
“The trend of prices continuing to rise faster than inflation is beginning to have more and more of an impact” on enrollments, especially among low-income and first-generation students, says Jamie Merisotis, president and CEO of Lumina Foundation, a nonprofit aiming to increase college attainment. He says affordability concerns are outweighing projections about the economic benefits of a college education.
Now obviously its a sliding scale. If you’re becoming a doctor or a lawyer, then yes clearly you need a college degree. And yes, of course I know a college degree has given me and my peers opportunities we just wouldn’t have been able to get without a degree. But for an English Lit major, going 200k in debt is a terrible, terrible idea. And not to be a blameless millennial, but letting a 17 year old make the decision to take on that debt for the rest of their life is an unbelievable lack of judgement on everyone’s part.
So I’m glad college enrollment is falling. Maybe when it starts to fall at 10% per year colleges will start to realize, oh shit maybe they can’t charge 65k a year for a Communications degree so I can work at the Gap.
But probably not. Higher Ed will push prices higher and higher until it explodes and no one can afford it OR everyone defaults on their loans. Should be a fun decade to watch the world burn. My kid is gonna be a plumber no doubt.
Bill O’Brien is a SAVAGE
Absolutely SAVAGE move by Billy O’Brien here. https://t.co/LAFlomqTL5
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) December 19, 2016
DeflateGate 2 Doesn’t Look Like Anything to Me: Is Roger Goodell a Westworld Host?
“Doesn’t look like anything to me. – Bernard” – Roger Goodell
Is Roger Goodell actually a Host straight out of Westworld? Show him something that should make his brain freak out, like another team deflating footballs, and he DOESN’T EVEN REACT.
Deflategate 2 is the exact same situation as the original Deflategate. One team playing another in cold weather complains to the league that the other team’s footballs may be a little under-inflated. In the original situation, the NFL lets speculation run rampant as the alleged offending team is immediately swallowed up by accusations, false reports and misinformation. The NFL eventually decides to fund a multi-million dollar investigation that doesn’t ultimately prove anything, yet the commissioner of the league says its all about the integrity of the league. Nothing is more important than the integrity of the shield. Said offending team is tried under the assumption of guilt (“more likely than not” was the term) and one of the greatest players in league history is suspended a quarter of the season and the team is fined multiple draft picks.
Flash forward to 2016 and nearly the same situation occurs. The integrity of the league is in peril! The NFL must, at the very least, conduct an investigation to *appear* to be concerned and looking into the issue.
Nope.
Same situation and the league immediately sweeps it under the rug in under an hour. No investigation. No silence while the critics pile on the accused team with incorrect information. The NFL immediately squashes it this time around. And its the same situation, which leads me to believe Goodell is actually a Host.
He’s been programmed to not even see the issue this time around. Brain wiped. Until there are some reveries, where Goodell may have an absolute meltdown a la Dolores’s father.
These violent delights have violent ends.
Michigan Lady Wins Christmas With Sarcastic Lights Display
AP – “The 34-year-old says her family started doing its own light display, but realized that the creation couldn’t compare. She says: “Nothing measures up…”Kelly’s neighbors have an elaborate display, including reindeer, a large snow globe and a huge bear on the roof.”
Everybody has that one asshole neighbor. The guy that just has to go above and beyond at Christmas time and make his house look like the goddamn Home Lighting aisle in Home Depot.
Well bravo to this crafty gal. Minimalists everywhere rejoice. A little dry humor goes a long way, especially when it saves you the hassle of hours and hours spent hanging all these lights. Only to have to take them all down in like 2 weeks. This lady wins Christmas.
Kanye Getting Roasted for Meeting with Donald Trump. Huh?
Kanye West is getting absolutely roasted on Twitter for meeting with President-elect Donald Trump today. One of the most famous (and influential) people in the world wanted to have a convo with the next President of the United States and he gets shit on for it. Kanye is a wildly successful musician, extremely eccentric personality and probably a little nuts, but I think he’s genuine when he says things like this:
For all the wild things Kanye has said and done over the years, he’s usually pretty blunt about what he means. Now I’m under no illusions; Kanye and Trump are obviously two guys that nobody is really in any kind of grey area with how they feel about them. Hate em both, but its hard for me to fault a celebrity looking to work said celebrity status to get an audience with the next leader of the free world. Even more so when its to discuss issues that are especially prominent in his hometown of Chicago.
Or maybe they’re just playing rich guy grab ass in Trump’s penthouse. Who knows.
PS – Kanye, where is Waves?
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