Sam Bradford Demands Trade, Underachievers Everywhere Sigh in Disgust

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ESPN – The Philadelphia Eagles have been informed that quarterback Sam Bradford wants to be traded and will not be showing up for their offseason program any longer, a source told ESPN’s Adam Schefter. Bradford is upset at the Eagles’ trade last week for the No. 2 overall pick to draft a quarterback.

What an absolute slap in the face to underachievers everywhere. First Sam Bradford snakes $78 million out of the (former) St. Louis Rams for a grand total of 59 TD passes. Now obviously he was hurt most of the time he was in STL, but those are the stats he got PAID for. Then after a highly mediocre year in Philadelphia he somehow parlays that into ANOTHER big pay day with a 2 year $35 million deal. And the Eagles had the gall to trade up in the draft to likely take a QB after Bradford gave them 3,700 yards, 19 TDs and 14 INTs. Unbelievable. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame him for wanting to go somewhere where he’ll be the unquestioned starter, but Bradford has played terribly (and sunk my fantasy team in the process) so if it were me I’d tell Sam to have a coke and a smile and shut up.

Tom Brady 4 Game Suspension Reinstated: Batman vs Superman vs Brady vs Goodell

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“That’s how it starts, sir. The fever, the rage, the feeling of powerlessness that turns good men… cruel.”


More or less a live reaction from my brain. I think Alfred speaks for us all. Pissed off, powerless with nothing you can do about it. People were afraid to play Bill Belichick and Tom Brady before? Wait until TB12 comes back from the ultimate bag job of the century. I mean Ben Affleck was out there branding guys with the Bat symbol, what do you think the greatest QB of all time is gonna do? If this Deflategate suspension holds I can just picture Brady standing in front of his locker staring at his uniform for the next 5 months. Batman vs Superman vs Brady vs Goodell indeed.

Alfred: You’re going to go to war?

Batfleck: He brought the war to us.

Nerd correlations over.

“Yoan Moncada is Going to Be a Freaking Superstar”

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Courtesy of NESN

Courtesy of NESN

NESN – “There was plenty of fanfare surrounding Moncada when he defected form Cuba in 2014, and the Red Sox went all out to get him, inking the switch-hitting second baseman to a $31.5 million contract in 2015. And in his short time in the states, Moncada is turning heads.”

I feel like Costanza after he ate one of Kramer’s mangoes from Joe’s fruit shop. You want to talk about excited? How about having a player waiting in the wings that many scouts say projects to be most similar to Mike Trout.
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Whether he sticks at 2B remains to be seen, Pedroia is signed through 2021 so that could be a logjam issue, but Moncada is also built like an absolute brickhouse so he may be better suited for the outfield in the long run. Of course I try and temper my expectations because it seems like the Red Sox are always overrating their prospects, but these reports are coming from national scouts. How soon is too soon to pre-order my Moncada jersey? Because I’ll never forget seeing this guy on Landsdowne with a stitched Craig Hansen jersey right after he got called up and we all know how that worked out. Let me just stick a copy of Baseball Prospectus under my pillow until then.

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GameSpot Absolutely Roasts Xbox 360 With Subliminal Messaging

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So apparently Tyler Durden works for GameSpot now. GameSpot put out a video yesterday to honor the Xbox 360 since they are officially halting production of the system. Then, like Brad Pitt splicing porn into family flicks in Fight Club, for a split second GameSpot absolutely roasts Microsoft with a shot of the one thing that pissed more people off than the Water Temple; The Red Ring of Death. Blink and you miss it. I had to rewind the video a couple of times just to get the screenshot it was so quick. Savage move, but 100% true. Halo, Gears of War, Mass Effect all incredible games. Doesn’t change the fact my 360 died more deaths than a cat and finally got sent to the great Xbox farm in the sky before I defected back to PlayStation. Sorry Bill Gates.

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Machine Gun Joe Kelly Goes 0.2 IP, Immediately Goes on DL

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Courtesy of ESPN

Courtesy of ESPN

I tweeted this last night from the game, but having a mound visit with one out in the first inning is a microcosm of the 2016 Red Sox season. Just slow, sloppy, poorly executed baseball. A couple batters later, Kelly pauses, another mound visit, Kelly reaches for his shoulder and even Hanley knows something’s off, immediately waving to the dugout for the trainer. Placed on the DL a couple of hours later. Hey, at least it was Mookie bobblehead night.

I will say the bullpen pitched admirably, Heath Hembree in particular, with 9+ innings of shutout ball, but for Barnes to then give up 3 in the top of the 10th is absolutely brutal. At that point you’re onto your 5th option coming out of the pen because of Kelly’s disastrous outing.

Can’t win without hitting the ball though and the Sox managed all of ONE hit. They went down 1-2-3 in 9 out of 10 innings. Zero baserunners after the 3rd inning. That is absurd and absolutely cannot happen for a team with this kind of payroll. The worst part is that this taxes the bullpen for the rest of the series since Machine Gun’s start required 10 IP from the pen. With Eduardo Rodriguez still a couple of weeks away from returning, the Sox will fire up the I-95 Express to poach someone, anyone from Pawtucket. Only a couple games out of first place still, but another poor week or two and they could easily be 5-10 games out by May. Again. Buckle up boys.

Phil Jackson Snaps When Called Out for Shitty Triangle Offense

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ESPN – “The Knicks, though, have struggled the past two seasons, losing a total of 115 games. Some have attributed those struggles to the complexity of the offense; others have pointed to a lack of talent. Asked about the critics of the offense, Jackson said, “Who are these people? Why would they even say that? Do they have 11 championships to show you when they talk about that? They got a lot of excuses. That’s the way it is.”

Pretty legitimate question after losing 115 games in two years if you ask me. Don’t get me wrong no one expected Phil to walk in Year 1 and have the Knicks knocking off the Cavs and going to the NBA Finals. But another year missing the playoffs and the (legitimate) grumblings of Carmelo start becoming more vocal…and I think Phil is starting to feel the heat a little bit. Not in the sense that he actually cares if the NYC media rips him, but the fact that his end all-be all Triangle Offense isn’t getting it done. This is regarded by some as the holy grail of NBA offenses and the fact is that either A. Phil can’t get the right personnel to run it or B. the NBA has just evolved past it. Complicated, confusing, I don’t know, I certainly don’t understand it.

For Jackson to snap on this reporter though with the Big Time response about how many rings he’s won is hilarious. Yea you won a bunch of titles running the Triangle Offense….featuring Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Kobe and Shaq. No shit, you guys were pretty good? I probably could have won a few titles with that crew just standing next to the bench in a cheap suit.

How Disrespectful is it for the Bruins to Try and Sell Me Celtics Playoff Gear?

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celtics_superstar

Just got this email in my inbox and I had to do a double take…

Screenshot 2016-04-15 at 1.06.36 PM

I know the Bruins and the Celtics operate in the same building, but after the embarrassment of choking away another playoff berth, the Bruins should not be in the business of hawking playoff gear for another team. The only time the word “playoffs” should be coming out of their mouths is when talking about what changes will be made to make sure they get there next year. Not being a pop-up shop for the Celtics to sell t-shirts.

PS – Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love the way the Celtics play all out, all-for-one type ball, but that One Superstar t-shirt was asking for it.

NBA to Allow Ads on Jerseys. RIP Jersey Guys

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ESPN – NBA owners are scheduled to vote this week on putting ads on jerseys for the 2017-18 season, multiple sources told ESPN. The measure is expected to pass, according to sources. Several teams have begun testing the market to sell the potentially lucrative ads, which would be placed in a 2.5-by-2.5-inch patch on the left shoulder.

*Hate* this move. You knew it was coming, there were whispers in the dark corners of the NBA rumor mill and there was no way the NBA was going to let the profit orange remain unsqueezed. But seriously, RIP to the Jersey Guys like myself. I never thought anything would legitimately make me grow up and stop wearing jerseys in public. Maybe turning 30? Probably not. But slap a Hot Pocket patch on my Isaiah Thomas jersey? See ya later. This is what ruins most soccer jerseys, which all have the potential to be really cool. Starts with one small ad, then you get a Manchester United jersey with a giant goddamn Chevy logo in the middle and you look like a NASCAR driver. I am out on this move. Brace yourselves Jersey Guys.

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Courtesy of NESN

Courtesy of NESN

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Red Sox Easily Could Have Josh Donaldson at 3B Right Now Over Pablo Sandoval

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Courtesy of ESPN

Courtesy of ESPN

God I wish Dave Dombrowski got to Boston a year earlier. A guy who gets aroused trading unproven prospects full of potential for legit major league talent. The Blue Jays gave up their top prospect and a few other players to land Donaldson, but in his first season in Toronto all he did was hit .297 with 41 HR and 123 RBI en route to winning the AL MVP. OK I guess. Meanwhile the Sox spent $95 million on the abomination that is the Pablo Sandoval contract. Not to mention Donaldson isn’t arbitration eligible until 2018! He made about $4 mil in his MVP year, which bumped up to $11 mil this year whereas Pablo’s making a cool $18 mil to ride the pine. (*Fun little note – Baseball Reference’s Top 10 most similar players to Pablo include Corey Koskie, Shea Hillenbrand and Aaron Boone. Gross). At the time of the trade Donaldson’s WAR was a ridiculous 15.4 the past two seasons, trailing only Mike Trout in the majors.

The Blue Jays gave up third baseman Brett Lawrie (injury prone career .262 hitter), right-hander Kendall Graveman (Oakland’s No. 7 prospect after 2014), left-hander Sean Nolin (Oakland’s No. 8 prospect after 2014/No. 14 after 2015) and top shortstop prospect Franklin Barreto (Oakland’s No. 2 prospect after 2014/No. 1 after 2015, No. 86 ranked prospect by Baseball America after 2014).

Ohh what could have been..

This.

Credit: Peter Llewellyn-USA TODAY Sports

Credit: Peter Llewellyn-USA TODAY Sports

VS

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